Frank B Posted April 17, 2016 Report Share Posted April 17, 2016 no point of constantly putting my craziness on here I'm not benefiting myself or anyone else trying to quit. Sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 18, 2016 Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 Frank, What is going on? Are you okay? Just being on this site and trying to quit is remarkable. So many people don't even have the courage or strength to try and actually stop. We have all been in your shoes. If you stop opening up about what's going on then I think it would only put you closer to moving in the wrong direction. What you have to say is important and everyone needs to be heard. Get it out and don't worry about what anyone thinks. None of this is easy or anything. I mean dang, it took me a long time of stopping and starting to get to a good place. And I don't know if you've noticed, but the beginning of quitting is hard as shit and most people are in the same boat as far as not being thrilled about any of it. Its sucks for a good amount of time so don't worry if you aren't where you want to be yet. Just don't disappear on us! We got you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 Just frustrated with myself I see so many people overcoming major surgery , illness and cancer etc and I'm perfectly healthy crying on here about my pathetic little problems. The thought of loosing everything isn't even driving me to get my shit going like it should. I'm coming up to my 5th month April 20th from what I gather on here towards the 6 month I slowly see changes sure hope so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 18, 2016 Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 You’re being awfully hard on yourself. The good news is that’s something within your control that you can change starting today. Focus on every single positive change you’ve made and start building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down. Don’t let your inner critic control your thoughts. Dispute that asshole and focus on all your victories. You have almost 5 months clean!! That is AMAZING!!! Also, stop comparing yourself to others. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. The only person you need to worry about comparing yourself to is you! Just focus on the progress that you have made and be kind to yourself and know that you are doing the best you can right now. One thing that has helped me a great deal is to rebuild my life full of things I enjoy. In my addictions, I was void and empty because my life revolved mainly upon going to bars and partying. There wasn’t much else going in my life back then outside of that realm. So when I quit everything, I had all this time and energy and a giant hole to fill. It’s been really kind of fun for me to keep adding new stuff to my life and just being constantly busy doing all different kinds of fun things. The more activities and stuff I’ve gotten involved with the more I’ve been able to turn my attention to cool stuff and less time away from focusing on missing drugs/alcohol. Plan a sweet trip somewhere or make a bucket list and do that shit. You can finally do all this cool stuff now because you are now longer trapped in addiction. Another thing I learned as a helpful tool was to question the benefits I was getting from drugs/alcohol - for example social connection and find ways to fill those needs in other ways. Another benefit for me is euphoria so finding things like racing downhill on my road bike at 35 miles an hour I find fun as shit, etc. Maybe you’ve already starting doing these things, I can’t remember, but I just thought I’d throw it out there since you seem kinda down lately. Just be kind to yourself and don’t lose hope. You already got this and now it’s just a matter of moving on to the next stage and slowly keep making changes along the way. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renascido Posted April 18, 2016 Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 Don't compare apples to oranges. You want some motivation? I've been there. I've been one of those people that has suffered through cancer. Growing up, I battled a bone cancer in my neck that ultimately took three years and two surgeries to defeat. That same year that I overcame cancer, my mother, father, and uncle all struggled with cancer as well. My Uncle wasn't lucky enough to see another day, but we're stronger for what we went through. Here's the thing though: I'm no hero for overcoming what I went through. Without a doubt that was hard, but as I've mentioned before in a previous post, I have never struggled with anything more in my life than what I am currently struggling with, and that is finding myself after quitting adderall. So don't belittle your struggles. This is not some walk in the park. Sure, it may seem like something "little" when you compare it to other major life events, but none of those life events physically alter your brain's ability to handle life like adderall does. Cut yourself some slack because 5 months is a huge deal. So many other people would have gotten caught back into the vicious cycle of using again by this point. It will get better; you have to believe that. The most important thing to do in this fight is be kind to yourself. Because in life, no matter the obstacle, if you've forgotten how to love yourself, you're fighting a losing battle. Press forward, it's the only direction you have to go. Good luck to you, brother 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted April 18, 2016 Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 It's ok Frank, I like your "crazy" posts . They let me know I'm not alone! I feel your pain. I complain all day every day. We've come so far and we just gotta keep on pushing. We're past the worst part, I think a change is coming soon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 "I was void and empty because my life revolved mainly upon going to bars and partying." I was quiet the opposites on weekends I hated going to dinner meeting friends out at a bar was a thing of the past. My weekend planned out like this score some pain pills save up extra doses of adderal then work my fucking ass off. That worked well for awhile building websites , remodeling my house, restoring a old project, cleaning better then June Cleaver. But towards the end I would zone out on the impossible something I could wait a few days order the part online I hand fabricated parts from scratch. It wasn't even saving but $10-$20 it was all about getting it done so I'd spend 9 hrs fabricating a piece that I could buy online if I was willing to wait a few days. Many issues like that kept coming up then was pushing off paying jobs for bs restoration projects that don't really pay the bills. But now sober I hate doing office work hate doing anything that requires setting still and concentrating which in my days of pill popping that was my party and my escape. I guess not screwed up on pain pills and addy I should be twice as good but I can't get started so many times. I'll tell you this it's simply amazing I never cut off my hand. I mean I'd go 48 hrs straight weekends sometimes of bust your ass work and usually a few beers or vodka while OJ still using power tools on heavy amounts of pain pills and addy. I must have been chosen to live for some reason I should have died scariest part I could only go to sleep on Xanax after those binges now I think how many actors died doing that shit. Here's my pros so far way more time with kids and family. I'm way more healthier gained a few pounds but stronger also. I sleep more guess that's good but still never feel that rested. I'm not at risk of a overdose daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 "Because in life, no matter the obstacle, if you've forgotten how to love yourself, you're fighting a losing battle." Sound advise especially coming from someone who has been through a lot. I probably need to work on that Ive always been extremely hard on myself why addy really felt so great. No task was to big I could conquer anything. Again that was until about the last year of using then my body simply said enough of this and I was getting very little done then. I knew along with my other bad habits it was time to stop for good. Just really scared Im gonna have to give up my business of 12 yrs . I did run it before addy for about 4 years but forgot how I did it way back then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 18, 2016 Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 "I was void and empty because my life revolved mainly upon going to bars and partying." I was quiet the opposites on weekends I hated going to dinner meeting friends out at a bar was a thing of the past. My weekend planned out like this score some pain pills save up extra doses of adderal then work my fucking ass off. That worked well for awhile building websites , remodeling my house, restoring a old project, cleaning better then June Cleaver. But towards the end I would zone out on the impossible something I could wait a few days order the part online I hand fabricated parts from scratch. It wasn't even saving but $10-$20 it was all about getting it done so I'd spend 9 hrs fabricating a piece that I could buy online if I was willing to wait a few days. Many issues like that kept coming up then was pushing off paying jobs for bs restoration projects that don't really pay the bills. But now sober I hate doing office work hate doing anything that requires setting still and concentrating which in my days of pill popping that was my party and my escape. I guess not screwed up on pain pills and addy I should be twice as good but I can't get started so many times. I'll tell you this it's simply amazing I never cut off my hand. I mean I'd go 48 hrs straight weekends sometimes of bust your ass work and usually a few beers or vodka while OJ still using power tools on heavy amounts of pain pills and addy. I must have been chosen to live for some reason I should have died scariest part I could only go to sleep on Xanax after those binges now I think how many actors died doing that shit. Here's my pros so far way more time with kids and family. I'm way more healthier gained a few pounds but stronger also. I sleep more guess that's good but still never feel that rested. I'm not at risk of a overdose daily. Let me rephrase that. I did a thousand projects just like you in the day time. I was always finding something new to obsessively tackle from cleaning my apartment, to being OCD with my job, took some classes for a semester, got obsessed with making blankets and sewing, lol, organizing every tiny room of my apartment, spent 2 months obsessively buying furniture and decorations for the new apartment, on and on. The partying I did was at night and then all the adderall activities in the day. The point is I was void and empty inside because I was drugged up on speed all the time and alone attending to my adderall activities. When out with people, I was high and drinking. Anyhow, it was just the fact that there was this emptiness inside of me with those pills. I just felt very alone, isolated, depressed, but yet euphoric when on those things. There was a sense of doom and gloom that I knew what I was doing to myself was not healthy and I was trying to hide it from everyone. God, I do not miss it!! I can't wait till you feel this way someday. Just even thinking about that time period in my life makes me feel sad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2016 I feel the more I can start achieving goals off addy the more Ill look towards the times on addy for how crazy and unproductive they really were. Thanks to everyone for sharing it keeps me motivated! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2016 Btw anyone know the band or song my headline is referring too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 19, 2016 Report Share Posted April 19, 2016 just looked it up. watching their videos now, haha. never heard of this band Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2016 just looked it up. watching their videos now, haha. never heard of this band Yep old school Suicidal Tendencies I grew up on them and Henry Rollins among others. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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