Frank B Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Had a pretty good day ive sort of keep telling myself lately "fuck stress" worrying about shit does nothing at all if something bad happens it fucking happens 100 years after I'm gone does that shit matter? Anyways part of less stress is I just had one of my most profitable months in years if I think back to life on adderal I almost got pissed when I got a lot of calls had too many "important obsessive projects" to work on at home needed at least a day or two off to complete them during the week! Please see this as motivation although I'm still sort of blind from how much better things have gotten numbers don't lie in profit and loss chart. Sure things at home have been put off but if I keep making good money like I have then I'll just hire the help vs doing every damn thing myself. Soon as get my finances back in shape I will higher a house cleaning service for sure since I run a business from home I can write it off lol. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted July 12, 2016 Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Way to go Frank! I'm trying to look at stress the same way. Doesn't do any damn good to worry about stuff going wrong. Keep on kicking ass, you're a true inspiration. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted July 13, 2016 Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 That's awesome, Frank!!!! Good job!! Glad to hear it's getting better. You're making amazing progress!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 Today was odd almost felt like I was happy and not really tired all day. These days will come and go I understand but haven't felt like this in a long time! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 " if something bad happens it fucking happens 100 years after I'm gone does that shit matter?"this is gonna get added to my favorite quote list! haha you rule Frank so happy you are having some good days. you deserve them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted July 14, 2016 Report Share Posted July 14, 2016 Frank those days seem to come and go indeed. Great to hear you caught a kind day that reminds you of life pre-adderall. I seem to catch those stretches in hours, not a full day. I think I'm a couple months behind your quit date though, so maybe I'll have that breakthrough too some day soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 William yes it will come just stick with it! Doge thanks for enjoying my unfiltered thoughts nice to have a place to let it all go. So tonight for the first time tackling a daunting task put out of the way for months. In a place I used to call home for countless hours working like a mad scientist for sleepless nights. Cleaning up and trying to semi organizing my garage where mounds of capacitors, diodes, and resistors rest. Looking at my desk where I broke my adderall pills in half all night along with my oxy for those work binges is scary. It's surreal looking at the past where I was so obsessed with electronics, addy , pain pills and alcohol odd combo I know. It's amazing I never overdosed it's a miracle I'm alive and a blessing that I have overcame my demons and a pill that consumed my every move. It's been hard but well worth it I'm slowly able to do things I use to do overkill while on those drugs. Now any little side project is at my pace and by no means any sort of priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Side note I saw Jake Arrieta (Cubs pitcher) have a shirt on that says "All me PED free" thinking I'd like a shirt that says "All me adderall free" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted July 15, 2016 Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Thanks for the encouragement Frank. Your garage story is scary close to mine. I used to get blasted on addy and beer and rebuild mono-block amps. Desoldering leaky electrolytic caps from input boards is where it started. Then I became obsessed with finding all the best and "matched" board components. Needless to say I now have a heap of unfinished crap everywhere. Who the heck can do that work clear headed man, what a tedious time consuming endeavor. I'm experiencing one of those rare easy-feeling moments. How cool it was to see your post about vintage stereo gear! Also, love your rants brother, keep the good stuff coming! Peace 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Thanks for the encouragement Frank. Your garage story is scary close to mine. I used to get blasted on addy and beer and rebuild mono-block amps. Desoldering leaky electrolytic caps from input boards is where it started. Then I became obsessed with finding all the best and "matched" board components. Needless to say I now have a heap of unfinished crap everywhere. Who the heck can do that work clear headed man, what a tedious time consuming endeavor. I'm experiencing one of those rare easy-feeling moments. How cool it was to see your post about vintage stereo gear! Also, love your rants brother, keep the good stuff coming! Peace That's cool never did amps but always thought about doing it. My obsession was pinball games now have a basement full and wonder how the fuck did I do all this in 3-4 years? I have like 18 games earliest goes back to 1950 restored all of them top to bottom cleaning stacks upon stacks of contact switches for days and that was fun strung out on addy. It was all about accomplishing something not many can do then show it off buy another start over. No rationalization of hey I should maybe back of this hobby find paying jobs spending more time with family that was never in my mind. Actually that's a lie I did always have that voice in back of my head saying "this is not normal what the hell are you doing? " Then thought hey maybe I could make money off this but reality is very few can and my regular job pays better a lot easier "most often" and usually in high demand. I guess if I was not self employeed getting out of control would have not been so easy but when you think "hell I stay up all night blow off any real work tomorrow to get this project complete" but one night turns into two days then I'm ready to crash for a day. So three days I should be working making money was spent trying to complete something that could wait. That's what adderall does it makes you a obsessed perfectionist trying to complete a certain task and nothing else in life matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted July 15, 2016 Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 So true. Amazing how many times I rationalized how important some task was, that in reality didn't mean a damn thing! On the up side I did do some remodeling projects around the house that I would of probably otherwise have put off indefinitely. For most of the past 15 years I've made a living as a carpenter. Transitioned into supervision for a spell which I liked, but I made a train wreck out of it all tweeked out on addy... Couldn't keep myself from going all "hands on" so I lost track of the bigger picture as the saying goes. Addy makes you so hyper focused and hyper vigilant that nothing's ever good enough. I was something of a perfectionist b4 addy, after, I was never finished with anything because I always thought I could do even better. Making 1 hour jobs last all damn day! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danquit Posted July 15, 2016 Report Share Posted July 15, 2016 Wow, I think I had a decent day today. I always wake up feeling shitty but as the day progresses it gets a little better. Yesterday was the worst I have ever felt in my life though, so any day where I'm not completely depressed and filled with anxiety is a good day in early withdrawal. I totally agree with the "fuck stress" and worry mentality. It totally makes sense when you think about the big picture. I've always battled anxiety because it runs in my family. That's why adderall was so friggin' great in the beginning, it made me completely care-free. But that is also it's biggest problem, it makes you not care at all about how you affect others or how you affect yourself in the long run. I used to obsess about the most random task for hours and days on adderall, now I can't even focus on a work task for 5 minutes. I guess the pendulum needs to swing back and forth before it comes into balance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 So true. Amazing how many times I rationalized how important some task was, that in reality didn't mean a damn thing! On the up side I did do some remodeling projects around the house that I would of probably otherwise have put off indefinitely. For most of the past 15 years I've made a living as a carpenter. Transitioned into supervision for a spell which I liked, but I made a train wreck out of it all tweeked out on addy... Couldn't keep myself from going all "hands on" so I lost track of the bigger picture as the saying goes. Addy makes you so hyper focused and hyper vigilant that nothing's ever good enough. I was something of a perfectionist b4 addy, after, I was never finished with anything because I always thought I could do even better. Making 1 hour jobs last all damn day! Funny I did some remodeling myself. I do have to thank addy for giving me basically a new house totally all remodeled on addy lol. But I went overboard and all the stuff I did priced my house way out of market value for the area I live in. What's worse I bought a foreclosed house up the street remodeled it to perfection sold it before the big house boom maybe made couple a grand. But all my labor it's time lost beyond calculations would have made way more money focusing on my Hvac but I got to a point I hated working with people had no patience rather have jobs where I'm on my own . You know I don't look at all the time on addy like it was all a big waste and regret but defiantly knew for me it was time to stop and will never be a option again. Quitting has been by far the hardest thing to do in my life. Just know your new obsession in life and goal is to never go back to those pills if u do they won. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted July 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 Wow, I think I had a decent day today. I always wake up feeling shitty but as the day progresses it gets a little better. Yesterday was the worst I have ever felt in my life though, so any day where I'm not completely depressed and filled with anxiety is a good day in early withdrawal. I totally agree with the "fuck stress" and worry mentality. It totally makes sense when you think about the big picture. I've always battled anxiety because it runs in my family. That's why adderall was so friggin' great in the beginning, it made me completely care-free. But that is also it's biggest problem, it makes you not care at all about how you affect others or how you affect yourself in the long run. I used to obsess about the most random task for hours and days on adderall, now I can't even focus on a work task for 5 minutes. I guess the pendulum needs to swing back and forth before it comes into balance. It's weird I never had much anxiety but maybe two months ago it hit me like a freight train. Its gotten better still get overwhelmed but its all situational not fiction made up in my mind. I can fix those problems that are real and sometimes I can't they run me over but it is what it is. The false anxiety I believe was solely from this drugs side effect that's the stress I won't let myself tolerate anymore it's nonsense. I looked towards SSRI's at first omg that shit made me realize how much stress I did not have just plain horrible and I feel for anyone who suffers that way if it's possible off that drug but I was just out of my mind for days on it . Thank god I stopped only after two weeks from taking it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted July 16, 2016 Report Share Posted July 16, 2016 I never had much anxiety either Frank before addy life. And like you didn't experience it as a noticeable withdrawal symptom until about month 5 when I was brought to my knees then hit over the head with a bat with crushing anxiety. I'd like to think I'm getting closer to just having situational anxiety. But even when everything is basically in order financially, family and otherwise, I'm still waking up at about 4:30-5:30am just overcome with feeling like total crap. It's like a combination of nausea, fatigue, racing thoughts, etc... The whole thing is non-escapable and all consuming. Thankfully after a few hours of total hell it subsides ever so gradually. There I go again rambling about the same thing.. Ugh. Thanks for all the great posts Frank. Your straight talk and insight is priceless 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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