Telling others about my addiction

[AndyPandy]

Hi everyone. My name is andrea. Im a 27 year old female. I've been doing adderall for about 6 years, up until about two months ago. It was never prescribed to me. I've been through the same battle that everyone on this site has fought. The last time i did adderall was on July 1st. I can't believe I've made it this far. Nearly two months. I've finally decided that it's my time to quit. I am fucking determined to never do this drug again. The past two months have been absolutely terrible. I just feel depressed and anxious. I do see that as progress though. From the people on this site, I've learned it takes a long time to fully feel recovered. Im bound and determined to keep on going. When I decided to quit adderall, I new it was necessary to change my entire life if I were to succeed. I've been in grad school for four years so far, with the intention of getting a PhD in organic chemistry. This life style is too hard, and I knew that I would have to quit grad school in order to quit adderall. At that time, I decided to tell my boss my plans to leave with a masters degree instead, which most people in my field view as giving up. I really don't care what they think. The few people whos opinion's I care about and are aware of my addiction support me because they care about me and know that quitting means that I will give up this terrible fucking roller coaster aspect of my life. I have been hesitant to share the fact that my decision to leave grad school is all because of my addiction to adderall. I have told very few people, but some that I have told have acted awkward towards me, even though I felt like we were close. I feel like some people are going to change how they treat me. I'm not trying to tell everyone, but I do want to tell some people. I'm not sure if its a good move to make or not. I'm just curious who you have told and how that went over for you?

[Frank B]

I've told a few fact is people who have never been on it simply have no clue it's really frustrating. People give up alcohol or cocaine everybody wants to throw them a fucking party. You quit adderall people just wonder why you can't be productive. It's a very depressing situation at times. I'm just glad this site is here but it's pretty hit or miss wish more people participated on a regular basis.

[Traceme]

True Frank-alcohol...cocaine...heroin...I had heard all those names before thanks to D.A.R.E. and mainstream television.  I had NO idea what adderall was until I looked around and there were orange Rx bottles everywhere and not a pill to be found in any of them.  Then I started asking questions and poof-my life would never be the same.  This should be in the same quitting party-throwing category as all the other mentioned-but it doesn't get the same notorious spotlight.  My view is tell who ever you want.  Your real friends are still going to be there when the dust and confusion settles-plus you get an added bonus (necessary bonus in my opinion only) of accountability.  Nothing in your life is worth suffering for this drug and what it takes from you-right down to your bare soul.  At 27 years old-I commend you.  Discovering what you DONT want-or what ISNT working for you-Is success at it's finest.  Welcome.

[Doge]

I told my best friend (or so i thought at the time) about my problem and he seemd to be very understanding and supporting.  Then he faded away over the course of a couple months and then stopped talking to me completely.

 

I now consider him a fake friend and tell myself its no loss but it still hurts.  I don't know the answer.

 

I'm careful who I tell but it is somewhat of a relief to tell someone in real life if possible to have some support.

[quit-once]

I believe that talking about your addiction is one of the greatest tools of recovery.  That is why this site exists, so we can work through the causes and effects of our addiction to stimulants.  Even  though you don't "know" the people who might read your posts, it is nevertheless very therapeutic to sound off in a safe place like this. 

 

Telling people whom you know, in person, has even greater impacts.  It offers a higher level of accountability.  But it requires a special kind of friendship - almost a best friend requirement.  It really helped me to discuss the stupid things I did on adderall and the challenges of recovery with my best friend.  He was also my addy buddy and we have done a lot of drugs together throughout our lifetimes.  He was almost two years off of adderall until he relapsed, and after that we have hardly spoken.  Despite my attempts to keep in touch, we rarely communicate.  I feel that loss, but it was beyond my control and I am leaving the door open to reconnect at some point.  I also told at least five other friends, all of whom I have known for many years and shared many drugs (and drinks) with.  Not only does it feel good to have someone I know who understands me and my addiction, but it also puts them on notice that doing any kind of stimulant drug with me, ever again, is absolutely not an option, although most of those friends have grown out of hard drug use with middle age.

 

I would never discuss my stimulant addiction with somebody who does not understand drugs, has an anti-drug prejudice, or especially anybody with whom I work.

[bluemoon]

I agree that talking about your addiction is instrumental in recovery, so thank God for this site because I don't have anyone else in my life who could actually understand. 

 

I definitely would never tell anyone I work with.

 

I have told very few people about my addiction. It took me a couple months after quitting to tell my boyfriend at the time. And I have told only three of my best friends that I have known for 25 years. I come from a group of friends where none of them have touched hard drugs, I was the only one of the bunch who ever did. I haven't really gone into too much detail with them, because they don't really understand. 

 

I had a friend I used to party with and do drugs with that I cut out of my life just before I quit. I knew I could never stay clean with her in my life. Even when I was trying to quit and had managed to stay clean a couple of months, she would always somehow justify why it was ok to take drugs "just this time". So I would end up back in the same cycle again. She was my best friend but very toxic and a bad influence in my life, and I wanted my life to change, so I had to let her go. I still miss her every day and have some of the best memories of my life with her, but she's continued down the path of alcoholism and drug use and she doesn't think she has a problem. 

 

Anyway, some people say tell EVERYONE, that way there is a bit more accountability. But personally, I feel like not everyone needs to know, and I don't want to be judged or viewed as an addict. Most people could never really understand unless they've been in your shoes. But in the end, it's all up to you and what works for your life. 

[Doge]

 

 

I would never discuss my stimulant addiction with somebody who does not understand drugs, has an anti-drug prejudice, or especially anybody with whom I work.

I think this is key right here.  Especially if you really got out of control.  Most people just completely don't understand how that could ever happen (just like most of us didn't before it happened to us).