Flashback

[LILTEX41]

All,

 

So I discovered something truly awesome this weekend in my recovery.  So back when I was in the heights of my addiction, one of my favorite things to do used to be going to IKEA and decorating my apartment.  It was back when I first moved to Houston and like the 2nd time I'd ever been there.  I remember the first episode in IKEA lasted literally like 6 or more hours.  Now, granted I didn't know how the whole store worked exactly and it was my first time there shopping, I just remember being obsessive compulsive about EVERYTHING.  I would go back and forth a thousand times over what I was going to buy and just totally OCD about the whole experience.  Then I'd get home and realize stuff didn't match or whatever.  I remember assembling furniture and being absolutely EXHAUSTED.  Probably because I'd been up for 48 hours obsessing about decorating, chain smoking, and going a million miles a minute.  I loved it, but it wore me the F out.

 

So this weekend I had my first SOBER experience at IKEA.  I CANNOT believe how easy it was.  I planned out what I wanted ahead of time.  I looked online and got ideas for what I needed for my condo.  I took pictures of my condo.  Anyhow, I got my stuff home and my place looks freaking ridiculous.  I can't believe how amazing it looks and how EASY it was to drive 2 hours, shop, get crap home, unpack it, hang it up, and go to bed.  It was NOT exhausting and I did not get OBSESSED with EVERYTHING.  

 

More than anything this entire experience just goes to show me how I never needed adderall.  It made me a basket case and I do better work when I am well rested, healthy, make a game plan of what I want/need to get done, and then execute it.  It's really not that hard.  Life is so easy without this drug.  I know that seems bizarre and crazy to hear when you are in the depths of addiction to speed, but I'm telling you.  That shit is whack and will destroy your life if you let it.  It is terrible for you in every way possible.  Don't believe the lies your addicted brain feeds you that you need it to be successful i this lifetime.  You don't.  I am living proof.

 

Thanks for letting me share.

 

LT

[Doge]

mmm.. IKEA  love it there.  the food there is so cheap and good too.  1.99 breakfast!

 

I've thought lots about the triggering situations, or steps of the rituals that I created for myself.  And I've often wondered if you can ever "reclaim" these experiences so they won't be triggering anymore, but you can just freely enjoy them without thinking about drugs?

 

One time my dealer picked me up and I got him to drop me off afterwards at Wendy's and I remember exactly what I ordered.

 

After that, quite a few binges began with exactly that same meal, whether I was hungry or not.  Once you learn how dopamine works, it all makes sense.

 

I still can't go into Wendy's without getting at least somewhat of a craving.  Other things are worse, like walking through the neighborhood he lives in.

 

I know it's been almost 6 years for you, but did you experience any sort of craving? or was it all positive and you've been clean for so long that your brain just knows how to shut those thoughts down now before they fester?

[Frank B]

Everyday I work is a trigger lol. Sucks I used to love busting my ass working non stop why this has been so hard. I did cocaine a few times when I was younger and hitting a bar was a trigger so is completely different. I was a very conservative addict if that makes sense on addy and even pain pills rarely ran out until the last few months then shit got out of control knew it was time to get my life together 9 months clean and I don't feel my life is together sure I'm more level headed but my work ambition is pathetic I hate this drug really fucked me up.

[LILTEX41]

mmm.. IKEA  love it there.  the food there is so cheap and good too.  1.99 breakfast!

 

I know it's been almost 6 years for you, but did you experience any sort of craving? or was it all positive and you've been clean for so long that your brain just knows how to shut those thoughts down now before they fester?

LOL, the food was quite surprisingly great!  Healthy and delicious!

 

So yeah, to answer your question about the craving for adderall - no, I didn't even want it.  SO WEIRD.  But I did have that euphoric memory of being high as balls racing around that store.  It was kind of like, "Wow, that sounds good." But that feeling lasted for like a split second.  I was thinking about how awful I used to feel all the time.  Just thinking about my armpits drenched in sweat, having to go outside and take smoke breaks, and that constant agitation/paranoia that people were watching me.  For the first time ever it sounded terrible.  I was just so stoked that I was having just as much fun and excitement stoned sober.  And it was weird when I think back to my first year clean now and I thought I would NEVER be the same again.  I just felt like I couldn't do anything without adderall and I'd never be successful in my life again without it.  It tricked me.  I can do just as good of work now without...actually WAY BETTER and it's not stressful. I just remember second guessing every decision I would make on adderall and things taking 10 times longer because I would be obsessed with making it perfect.  I could slave for hours on a spreadsheet or rearranging furniture and now it's like you just do the task and it's done and you move on.  

 

SO WEIRD.  I guess more than anything it's crazy to think I overcame this drug.  I NEVER thought I'd be off of it for this long or be able to do it. It's exciting to realize I never needed that shit!!!

[LILTEX41]

Everyday I work is a trigger lol. Sucks I used to love busting my ass working non stop why this has been so hard. I did cocaine a few times when I was younger and hitting a bar was a trigger so is completely different. I was a very conservative addict if that makes sense on addy and even pain pills rarely ran out until the last few months then shit got out of control knew it was time to get my life together 9 months clean and I don't feel my life is together sure I'm more level headed but my work ambition is pathetic I hate this drug really fucked me up.

I hear you Frank.  But remember you're not even at a year yet!  I think I started to get past it more at 2 years.   It screwed all of us up.  You're doing great though.  Proud of you.

[Frank B]

http://countercurrentnews.com/2015/11/big-pharmas-adderall-is-basically/

Saw this today think it's nothing suprising to any of us on here.

Liltex thanks for the boost I just feel like a lazy turd half the time I hate that want to get things going get a better future for my business kids etc this sucks just wish I could stop being such a drag ass all day and looking forward to sitting around doing nothing I should be doing more!

[Frank B]

Btw ikea is totally OCD the displays and all it's very odd. They put one in KC not too long ago I spent a few hours myself even after stopping addy. Took me two days putting a damn bed frame together had drawers etc and I consider myself pretty handy but I will never by furniture from them again the semi low cost does not warrant it coming in a million pieces!