listful Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 I'm back again. It's been quite awhile. Guess you can read my history for my backstory. I've been on Adderall on and off (for the past 2 years, on) for the better part of 15 years?! Weird to add that up. I quit a bunch. Never identified this to anyone as a problem IRL, including dr. In a nutshell: Broke down. Told my mom. She came in town, stayed a few days. We ripped up my remaining script. I called the dr and cut off the source in front of her. Self-imposed, no going back. closing the door with no way to go back is scary. All the times I "quit" I never did that. And now I have. Not scary, that's not accurate. Mourning. I'm in mourning. It's like a death. It feels just like how you feel when someone dies. How weird is that. Going through the motions. The lethargy, the can't-peel=myself-off-the couch phase, which I know will pass, I've done all this before. The part I can't BEAR is the lack of pleasure in ANYTHING I found interesting. The extreme motivation. The lack of ALL motivation, which I know I will experience for months and months and months. Lots happened. If you read my history, you'll see this shit put me through some really bad stuff. Well. Doest hold a candle to what went down over the past 1.5 years after I went AWOL from this site. I'm not ready to get into all that right now. Right now I just feel super tired, listless, sad, and PISSED AS HELL. Everyone pisses me off. I also have kids, who I am NOT taking this out on. I am exercising extreme self restraint in that dept. I'm so angry. I didn't come back for lectures. I came back for support. It's over and I know it. And 'Im so mad and sad because I know in my heart of hearts it's gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 Good job i feel your pain but that was a big step and one you won't regret. I wish we could all take a magic pill to make this shit easier and faster but truth is we were on magic pills for years and now we gotta face life without them and it absolutely sucks!! But we do get our soul back in return so something worth fighting for. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
listful Posted September 25, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 Good job i feel your pain but that was a big step and one you won't regret. I wish we could all take a magic pill to make this shit easier and faster but truth is we were on magic pills for years and now we gotta face life without them and it absolutely sucks!! But we do get our soul back in return so something worth fighting for. You know what? I needed to hear that. That's probably the source of my anger. Now I'm just like everyone else and things - challenges - before me that seemed fun to tackle now seem like "tasks" again, the way everyone else sees them. My kids are happier. More carefree, less guarded around me. They're so young but they can (could always?) sense it, I can tell. That, in itself, is motivation to push on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted September 25, 2016 Report Share Posted September 25, 2016 It's so refreshing to see a post where someone is actually taking serious steps in making their quit successful!! I went back and read some of your posts from before. Seems like the hardest part of quitting for you, was not being able to find pleasure in anything. Not a fun way to live. I can definitely relate. I often wonder if I've done some permanent damage myself... But I guess only time will tell. Anyway, it sounds like you know what you're in for for the next while. It won't be easy, but we are here for you!! I think, a lot of times, it takes a few unsuccessful attempts at quitting, and really hitting rock bottom to be ready to quit, once and for all. I and many others around here can attest to the fact that if you don't cut off your source, your quit will NOT be successful!! But you've gone ahead and done that without us even having to badger you about it, and I couldn't be more proud!! You've got this!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted September 28, 2016 Report Share Posted September 28, 2016 you did it! this is such an awesome post. i'm so happy for you of course there are going to be hard times ahead but we're all here for eachother. and no matter how bad cravings get, they will pass so long as you don't have access. congratulations on taking the scariest but most important action of your life. I echo bluemoon's sentiments 100% Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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