Spiritual Awakening or Psychosis?

[Danquit]

I was wondering if anyone else had a kind of spiritual awakening when they abused Adderall. When I went through Adderall induced psychosis, I believed that I was communicating with a being from another dimension that told me some pretty crazy shit. I used to be a pretty devout Christian until this happened. I don't knock any religions because I think that it does help some people and I respect that, but for me, going through this made me rethink everything I thought I knew. 

I'm just now at a point in recovery where I can examine the events that led up to my two stays in the mental hospital because of Adderall and I am still in shock at some of the shit that I experienced. I feel like I used to be asleep in the matrix, going to work so I could earn money so I could buy stuff that I didn't need. I used to go to church every week and some of those days I was totally on Adderall which was hypocritical but hey, it was legal right? Anyway, when I went through psychosis, the Adderall opened a gateway in my brain so that I could understand the universe. I even had a spirit guide in the form of a 5th dimensional being! I know that it was all hallucinations and delusions brought on by Adderall abuse but damn it was so real! 

It's as if Adderall was needed to wake me up from the Matrix and show me the truth about this world. I don't believe in religion anymore. I enjoy science and learning about our universe now. I am obsessed with physics, astronomy, evolution, quantum mechanics, artificial intelligence, and even geology. Stuff that never interested me before is now all I can think about. 

I also used to be a Republican but now I can't stand them! I hate the banking industry and the big greedy corporations now and I am all about protecting the environment. My beliefs are completely different now and I am thankful for this but at the same time, I am finding it difficult to assimilate back to my old life. My Christian friends think that I was possessed by demons! Ha.

I think that Adderall psychosis expanded my mind the way LSD or Ayahuasca does and it completely changed my core beliefs and it taught me that life is precious and we should care about each other. Anyway, just wondering if anyone on here had a similar experience or if you think I was just crazy.

[duffman]

Interesting insights and yes I can say I've had a similar experience through my Adderall years that still impacts my thinking to this day. I can't say I've ever been a very religious person at any point in my life, but taking Adderall really opened my mind to philosophy surrounding morality and scientific understanding. I remember listening to the book "A Short History of Nearly Everything" and it absolutely blew my mind. It really served to open to floodgates to my desire to understand the universe, our planet, people and societies, science, and moral values. I listened to the book again off my meds and still found it profoundly entertaining to listen to. In fact, I feel I truly understand things more accurately off Adderall, as I realized about 10 minutes into the book that I didn't absorb very much on my first go-round under the influence. There's a term popularized by (or perhaps created by) Richard Dawkins called "Consciousness Raising", which implies a process by which people are exposed to information or ways of thinking that expand their own thinking, very often permanently. I believe this term Consciousness Raising is what you and I went through when we took Adderall. 

[Frank B]

Well someone else claimed he talked to voices from other dimensions and pretty much every bit of technology you use everyday can be linked back to this man, Nikola Tesla. His inventions and understanding of electricity etc were light years ahead of his time so who knows maybe he did. Btw before addy I have videos of fucking ufos in front of my house. In the middle of the night looked outside saw to things just floating 'before anyone had drones and these were way to high regardless" they were crazy looking then they both shot up were gone. I didn't send it to anyone did not want to look like your typical UFO weirdo. Anyways you can still enjoy science space etc off addy for sure maybe you won't hear voices so maybe chalk that up to the pills. Far as religion man I grew up catholic even send my kids now I think overall they do a good job teaching kids to do the right thing. But with so many facts on how many times the Bible was translated re-written to suite whatever ruler was in charge it's hard to beleive everything for the truth. The new pope I kind of dig and hard core Christians are not fans of him at all. He is way to liberal and does not tell them to hate and judge other religions. Sort of like that Jesus guy but again religion is whatever the people who preach say it Is. Hell around here a religious group protest soldiers funerals saying Jesus hates fags and that's why soldiers will die and deserve too long as we accept gay people as human beings, pretty fucked up how people use religion. 

[Pajamasoverpeople]

WOW this is like reading my story. I had never been spiritual just floating along in life. My father was seventh day Adventist and him and the church really turned me off to religion. I know I have adhd and decided two years ago to try adderall and see if it really helped anything. Right away I noticed it didn’t ‘calm’ me down it felt like it turned up my emotions and senses and I felt this urgency to seek out truth the truth in my beliefs and in what spirituality was to me and just in literally everything. Etymology in words, synchronizations that I had NEVER experienced before quantum sciences, esoteric studies, meditation, symbolism, Greek and Norse mythology, philosophy, phycology the symbolism and deeper message woven within music and media movies it was soooo overwhelming at first but also a new kind of high I wanted more if I don’t know knowledge on all things-NOT LIKE ME AT ALL . About a year into taking it I hadn’t slept in 24hrs (nothing new for me I have terrible insomnia even without adderall) and I had a I don’t know what to call it. I was talking to my daughter and then it’s like I blacked out but I was aware and talking but time was weird everything was weird and I wasn’t me I can’t really explain it but I thought I was talking to God maybe - a really chill possibly stoned God I kept hearing that I was supposed to learn how to listen - I saw or heard or both all these biblical references flashing through my thoughts - Salt and birds so many images of birds - and then so many stories depicted through movies I had watched but somehow it showed me that I had lived so so many lives - and how I always tried to do everything on my own and the hard way and I NEEDED TO LISTEN. And then my love for consuming all little facts - as much as I can find - it has grown. I don’t believe in organized religion either I believe we have been turned away from the truth - like it’s been muddied - it’s been a year since that ‘event’ and I still am trying to understand what happened and who I am now my friends I’ve learned are not ok with this new me so I keep most to myself after everyone I knew said they were worried about my mental well being - I’ve learned how to take breaks so I don’t overwhelm myself and I sleep now - marijuana helps - again didn’t use before. I don’t know what it means I keep getting pulled to messages but I don’t know what that means or why this happened now it’s sooooooo nice to read that I’m not alone - that’s the hardest part of this I’ve never felt so alone but so excited to learn it’s odd. 

[m34]

This happened to me and I've been on a constant search to figure out why.  I'm over 2.5 yrs clean off Adderall... I've come to the conclusion that although the experience may have been very real, its a combination of not sleeping and being in a hyper stimulated state.

I'm still very spiritual. However, I've never had the same "GOD like" experiences, and visions  I did while on Adderall. It's two things (in my opinion).  It's either real experiences brought on by dopamine increase in the brain/ sleep deprivation (possible DMT like)

 

or its just flat out hallucinations brought on by stimulant psychosis. I wrestle with coming to terms with this daily... even the first yr after quitting Adderall I still had vivid dreams/ paranoia and "spiritual experiences. "

Now fast forward its pretty much all subsided.

I still have  synchronicities, intuition, dreams and a spiritual practice, meditate etc. NOTHING comes close to the intensity of the experiences at all. Also, I had my spiritual awakening so to speak in 2012 while still taking Adderall. I'm still pretty lost if it was real or Adderall induced. 

 IDK. Ive also had lights in my back yard on film in 2016 btw. So I know it happened. It can't all be hallucinations. Thoughts? I really struggle with this.

 

 I would take weeks off Adderall back then and these experiences would still happen. I think we don't really know how long Adderall stays in our system or the effects of synthetically increasing dopamine may last longer than we are told... I know from researching meth addicts they can have these experiences for yrs after,  seeing shadow people etc. I've never tried meth,  but we all know Adderall is one molecule away from meth and there are similarities in its effect on our system... 

[SleepyStupid]

this is such an interesting topic! I've never been religious, so my own experiences are more in line with the intense curiosities. "synchornicities" is the perfect word for the experience!

On 7/9/2021 at 8:44 PM, Pajamasoverpeople said:

Etymology in words, synchronizations that I had NEVER experienced before quantum sciences, esoteric studies, meditation, symbolism, Greek and Norse mythology, philosophy, phycology the symbolism and deeper message woven within music and media movies it was soooo overwhelming at first but also a new kind of high I wanted more if I don’t know knowledge on all things

it's like that feeling you sometimes get when waking from a dream where you feel like you've figured out the mystery to life, or the universe. IMO the most interesting part about such an experience is that it is an emotion - you feel like you've unlocked some potential or made some connection no one else has. more often than not, there isn't actually any connection there, but the emotional response is so strong it can't be ignored. I imagine that adding a spiritual or religious context to this experience results in "God like experiences". believe in extraterrestrials? perhaps this results in a visitation or abduction experience. as you say @m34, a potentially "DMT" like experience.

bringing this back to stimulants, this to me sounds a lot like dopaminergic effect. Adderall gives you reward juice (dopamine) regardless of the activity at hand. this is why we suddenly enjoy boring tasks (cleaning) or studying subjects we never cared about before. IMO, when we get obsessed with things on stimulants, we're not chasing "knowledge" or "interest" - we're chasing a feeling. it doesn't matter what that feeling leads to, total nonsense will do! now, that's not to say all things we end up learning or chasing down a rabbit hole are nonsense or invaluable, but perhaps that intense emotion (whether chemical or natural) was needed to jumpstart the journey?

PS. I LOVE your username @Pajamasoverpeople  welcome to the forums!

 

 

 

[m34]

Thats so true about chasing the feeling. Every experience is more intense emotionally whether its spiritual or just cleaning lol. I think you are right @SleepyStupid

Whatever we do on or off Adderall expands. On Adderall certain things (for me)would become an obsession. These days  I may be researching spirituality for an hour  and move on. On Adderall Id be doing a 7 hour deep dive into the universe and its meaning. Therefore expanding my awareness in what "felt" like an out of this world spiritual experience. Really it was just the endurance aspect and "feeling" attached. Maybe I should attempt to sit for a day and see if I can get back to that state of awareness just by sheer length or duration time spent. I mean I haven't tried to go that deep for that long. Mostly because I blamed the Adderall. hmmmmm...Kind of like how this whole time I never thought I could run 5 miles off Adderall, but now 2.5 yrs later I've discovered I run 5miles just fine w/out. ITs all perception. I really gave Adderall a lot of power.