Small Changes Adding Up

[girl_surrendered]

Writing this because I often feel like I'm making zero progress as I haven't given up my ADD meds entirely, but looking back from my original post I am realizing there's a lot of little changes and little wins that are important to realize.  Also the work starts far before that last "day 1". 

So... Hey Self - Things I want to remind you of when you feel like you're making no progress...

1. AWARENESS - I have become way more aware of my "triggers" - the environments, time of day, certain tasks/responsibilities, situations where I feel I need to be 100% on, emotions and wanting to avoid / escape them.

2. URGE SURFING - I used to give in immediately to a strong urge. Now when an urge hits I have more capacity to sit with my discomfort and observe it. The time I am able to wait between an urge and fulfilling that urge has become longer and longer. And sometimes even long enough to avoid it completely. The craving does eventually pass if I wait it out long enough - and the pride and satisfaction I have each time I escape using it at all is a pretty amazing feeling and should be celebrated. I am trying to remember this when the cravings hit. 

3. THINGS THAT FEEL IMPOSSIBLE TO DO UNMEDICATED ARE POSSIBLE - and won't feel torturous and impossible forever if I do it enough times unmedicated. I have learned how to do the hardest thing - going to work unmedicated. At first it felt like I was drowning and that everything was mentally grueling and zapped my brain of all energy. But after several medication breaks and stints of sobriety I am realizing I can do everything at my job without medicine, and it does get easier and less mentally exhausting the more I practice doing these things without a little pill. 

4. I HAVE GOTTEN BETTER AT THE SHAME CYCLE ( still working on it though) - I originally thought that I could beat myself into submission - that if I punished myself enough for falling off track then I would do better. But it's just the opposite. The more I hate on myself for slipping up the more I use to try to escape that feeling. The more forgiveness I give myself when I've messed up, the quicker I move on and get back on track. This mean little voice is still there in my head sometimes and it still comes up but I am getting better at identifying it and replacing it with love.

5. JUST. KEEP. GOING. / SCREW PERFECTION This thing takes time. I can not rush it. Being a perfectionist only leads me to an "all or nothing mentality" and I'm learning to embrace slow patient growth. I have gotten up time and time again when I felt like giving up. THIS WORK is just as important (and necessary) as quitting for good is. 

 

Curious to know if anyone else notices these "small changes" adding up too? 

 

[sweetupbaaby]

I love this, thank you for the reminders!

I definitely agree with all of them especially #3!

Things are definitely hard to get used to at first, but truly the more you push through and complete the hard stuff, the more it becomes second nature. I find that every day I'm learning how to do things which I thought would be impossible unless medicated. For example, I use to love cleaning while medicated and I thought I would never be able to do it sober. It has been tough the first few times cleaning my house, but now I find it even enjoyable to clean up and declutter my space. I find that I accumulated so much junk while on Adderall that I don't even need or use. I'm really excited to purge my house of clutter and live a more minimalized lifestyle. When we start to live regulated and sober, I think the need to regulate and keep order of other areas of our life comes into play. For example, I can no longer tolerate crappy food. I'm starting to clean up my diet. I think when we show discipline in something like quitting Adderall- a huge challenge but rewarding in the end, we start to become disciplined in other areas of our life. I'm starting to understand how important it is to be accountable for my actions.

Good luck and keep pushing!

[Brit]

On 5/17/2020 at 3:17 PM, sweetupbaaby said:

I'm really excited to purge my house of clutter and live a more minimalized lifestyle. When we start to live regulated and sober, I think the need to regulate and keep order of other areas of our life comes into play.

Totally this! I purged, organized, and cleaned for 8 hours on Friday. My apt had gotten pretty messy and things stopped having a place and I couldn’t get anything done. I finally setup an exercise space and decluttered everything. I’ve felt sooo much being in my apartment and way more productive overall too. Now I just need to use the workout space...