Someone please help

[idkanymore]

I can’t do this anymore. I relapsed and feel so disgusting, ashamed, awful, idk how to explain it. I can’t tell my boyfriend, he tells me I can tell him if I slip up but he always threatens to kick me and my daughter out. I am so sad, I am so alone and I can’t do it much longer. How am I supposed to do normal every day stuff? I feel like a freak. Normal people can do simple tasks without a pill but I can’t, and I’m trying so hard to be able to stay sober but I can’t. Fucking. Do it. 
I hate who I am on this drug. I love who I am sober, why can’t I just stay sober? I’ve been sober on and off for years but I always come back to it. I was doing so good last year. I just need a friend dude. I’m so tired of being strong for everyone around me, but none of them have any clue how hard it is for me to be strong enough to stay away from this shit. 
i know I’m rambling, it’s late and I’m emotional but I just thought writing my feelings would help. I just want to feel normal again. I just want to be the mom I know I am. Idk..

if you read all of this thank you. I know it sounds like a cry for attention but I’m just desperate for help. 

 

[dolssa]

Hello @idkanymore.. I also signed on here to say that I have relapsed this past weekend. I also feel like i can never be normal without this drug but also taking it is HELL. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I just want you to know you are not alone. kicking this drug is HARD. Do not beat yourself up over this relapse. Just start again tomorrow. You can do this. 

[idkanymore]

Thank you for reading and replying to my post. I really feel like a failure, and I’m so ashamed of myself. It’s hard for me to get past the feeling of guilt after relapsing. I don’t understand why I fucked everything up. I just wish my brain wasn’t like this. I hope that you are ok, and know you aren’t alone either. Reach out if you need a friend any time 

[SleepyStupid]

hi @idkanymore

so sorry to hear about your struggles - i think you need to give yourself a break, or as we say around here "be kind to yourself". it sounds like you're fighting this tremendous battle as a single mom without the luxury of a stable support system and a boyfriend threatening to throw you out.

if you're willing to share a bit more, we can help you work out a strategy or plan - are you financially independent? in the unfortunate case that your boyfriend throws you out, do you have somewhere to go? it's possible that he genuinely wants to help but is trying to hold you accountable with consequences. perhaps if you have an open conversation about this and show that you can hold yourself accountable, he wouldn't feel as pressured to do so.

keep us posted - we're happy to help (: