DelaneyJuliette Posted May 9, 2022 Report Share Posted May 9, 2022 I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1. I'm just so defeated. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric Posted May 10, 2022 Report Share Posted May 10, 2022 I'm so sorry Delaney....I'm right there with you about feeling defeated. I haven't posted in 2 years and to be honest the last 2 years have been some of the craziest of my addiction and life..I did quit for over 2 months from all substances (amphetamine, alcohol, tramadol) back in January but then a wedding the first weekend of April threw my whole world into a tailspin again. Whats funny is I was gonna post on something back when I hit day 60 about already feeling like a completely different soul (I worked on my health and fasted and felt seriously like a different person, for the better) but I didn't because I was scared I would look like an idiot by relapsing for the thousandth time. Sure enough I did....so for the last 5+ weeks i've been going hard and its been the worst 5 weeks of my life. It's time to kick this shit for good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m34 Posted May 10, 2022 Report Share Posted May 10, 2022 Hang in there. One day you’ll be able to quit for good. I went back and forth for yrs trying to get off. This is the toughest addiction on the planet. I’m 3.5 yrs clean…, but I literally walked into my family members house the other day to two new adderall bottles on the counter. All I’ve been thinking about are those damn pills for days. I didn’t take any or ask for any thank god. It’s just crazy how it still has a hold on my mind. Be proud of yourself for trying again! It is not easy! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 5/9/2022 at 8:23 PM, eric said: I'm so sorry Delaney....I'm right there with you about feeling defeated. I haven't posted in 2 years and to be honest the last 2 years have been some of the craziest of my addiction and life..I did quit for over 2 months from all substances (amphetamine, alcohol, tramadol) back in January but then a wedding the first weekend of April threw my whole world into a tailspin again. Whats funny is I was gonna post on something back when I hit day 60 about already feeling like a completely different soul (I worked on my health and fasted and felt seriously like a different person, for the better) but I didn't because I was scared I would look like an idiot by relapsing for the thousandth time. Sure enough I did....so for the last 5+ weeks i've been going hard and its been the worst 5 weeks of my life. It's time to kick this shit for good. Weddings always fuck with my mind!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 5/9/2022 at 8:23 PM, eric said: I'm so sorry Delaney....I'm right there with you about feeling defeated. I haven't posted in 2 years and to be honest the last 2 years have been some of the craziest of my addiction and life..I did quit for over 2 months from all substances (amphetamine, alcohol, tramadol) back in January but then a wedding the first weekend of April threw my whole world into a tailspin again. Whats funny is I was gonna post on something back when I hit day 60 about already feeling like a completely different soul (I worked on my health and fasted and felt seriously like a different person, for the better) but I didn't because I was scared I would look like an idiot by relapsing for the thousandth time. Sure enough I did....so for the last 5+ weeks i've been going hard and its been the worst 5 weeks of my life. It's time to kick this shit for good. Reading this makes me feel better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted May 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 On 5/9/2022 at 7:30 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1. I'm just so defeated. Well I did NOT make today day 1. So tomorrow will be day 1. I need to post here daily. Thursday gonna be hardest. I need to get off everything. Pattern. Give up adderall, still want to feel different, slightly misuse klinapin or ambien which I don't like. Then I go ammeter what I really want. A d the. I make it be like 4 days cuz I promise myself I won't be doing it again. Can I be more predictable? I need a PLAN for when the cravings come. They are like ripping my skin from the inside out. But that's dramatic. I just do need a plan and I'm scared I don't have one. What I k ow is no adderall tomorrow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric Posted May 11, 2022 Report Share Posted May 11, 2022 Whats crazy is during that 67 day clean period I went to many events and ceremonies that I didn't drink at and I was perfectly content and probably happier and more in the moment then in times past... However, I was in the wedding party with alot of my former party friends and I told myself "okay only one tramadol and thats it"...that led me to drinking more than a few beers which led me to saying "f it" and I took A's to get that boost. I told myself "okay only for this weekend and back to the grind monday". That didn't happen either. Makes me sad because I can't get that same quit feeling like I did back in January even tho I know that life can be drastically better...So FRUSTRATING!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dolssa Posted June 6, 2022 Report Share Posted June 6, 2022 On 5/9/2022 at 4:30 PM, DelaneyJuliette said: I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1. I'm just so defeated. me too. been using every day for 6 months after a year and a half clean. day 1. im so done and starting to feel hopeless. you arent alone :/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric Posted August 3, 2022 Report Share Posted August 3, 2022 Still struggling to get this demon off my back. It's so wild how my brain can forget about all the negatives within such a short amount of time being off this crap. I also remember how much better I can feel after being clean of this stuff within 40 days, along with a cleaner diet. However, the drug is able to take over critical thinking part of my brain and give in to the pleasure part. Just ridiculous... Day 1 tomorrow... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted August 3, 2022 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2022 Eric, i feel your post soooo hard right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric Posted August 7, 2022 Report Share Posted August 7, 2022 Day 5 today...back in the fight and doing good. Getting solid sleep, eating like a maniac, being a present parent and husband, and not feeling like a zombie. On Friday (Day 3) I successfully fought the addiction when it told me that taking tramadol wouldn't be a big deal since its not adderall. I've gone down this road so many times and I had to remind myself that one thing leads to another and before I know it I'd be getting my hands on adderall. So I talked myself out of it very quickly and it felt great realizing its just the way my brain has been wired over the last 8 years and I can overcome these urges by knowing what the outcome will be. Sooooo...I'll be checking in again with more updates..I probably need to start a new post instead of taking over this one lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted August 7, 2022 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2022 You can do this! I'm not back yet to zero but I'm heading the right direction. Please check back frequently. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eric Posted August 9, 2022 Report Share Posted August 9, 2022 Day 6 today. No urges to take anything today...well maybe a few cravings but just quick shooting thoughts about it, just lethargic and ready for school to start so theres more normalcy in the household lol. Happy that I'm day 7 tomorrow and going to get some bloodwork done to see how my body is on that front. I've been neglecting my health over the years so it would be nice to get a baseline again on where I'm at. Best of luck everyone!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted August 9, 2022 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2022 U can do this!! Keep posting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DelaneyJuliette Posted November 2, 2022 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2022 I'm at 47 days right now! I'm beyond grateful. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirod9 Posted November 3, 2022 Report Share Posted November 3, 2022 5 hours ago, DelaneyJuliette said: I'm at 47 days right now! I'm beyond grateful. KEEP GOING! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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