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I'm just so tired of this. I feel so defeated.


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Hang in there. One day you’ll be able to quit for good. I went back and forth for yrs trying to get off. This is the toughest addiction on the planet. I’m 3.5 yrs clean…, but I literally walked into my family members house the other day to two new adderall bottles on the counter. All I’ve been thinking about are those damn pills for days. I didn’t take any or ask for any thank god. It’s just crazy how it still has a hold on my mind. Be proud of yourself for trying again! It is not easy! 

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On 5/9/2022 at 8:23 PM, eric said:

I'm so sorry Delaney....I'm right there with you about feeling defeated. I haven't posted in 2 years and to be honest the last 2 years have been some of the craziest of my addiction and life..I did quit for over 2 months from all substances (amphetamine, alcohol, tramadol) back in January but then a wedding the first weekend of April threw my whole world into a tailspin again. 

Whats funny is I was gonna post on something back when I hit day 60 about already feeling like a completely different soul (I worked on my health and fasted and felt seriously like a different person, for the better) but I didn't because I was scared I would look like an idiot by relapsing for the thousandth time.  Sure enough I did....so for the last 5+ weeks i've been going hard and its been the worst 5 weeks of my life. It's time to kick this shit for good.

Weddings always fuck with my mind!!!

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On 5/9/2022 at 8:23 PM, eric said:

I'm so sorry Delaney....I'm right there with you about feeling defeated. I haven't posted in 2 years and to be honest the last 2 years have been some of the craziest of my addiction and life..I did quit for over 2 months from all substances (amphetamine, alcohol, tramadol) back in January but then a wedding the first weekend of April threw my whole world into a tailspin again. 

Whats funny is I was gonna post on something back when I hit day 60 about already feeling like a completely different soul (I worked on my health and fasted and felt seriously like a different person, for the better) but I didn't because I was scared I would look like an idiot by relapsing for the thousandth time.  Sure enough I did....so for the last 5+ weeks i've been going hard and its been the worst 5 weeks of my life. It's time to kick this shit for good.

Reading this makes me feel better

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On 5/9/2022 at 7:30 PM, DelaneyJuliette said:

I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1.  I'm just so defeated.

 

Well I did NOT make today day 1.  So tomorrow will be day 1.  I need to post here daily.  Thursday gonna be hardest.  I need to get off everything.  Pattern.  Give up adderall, still want to feel different,  slightly misuse klinapin or ambien which I don't like.  Then I go ammeter what I really want.  A d the. I make it be like 4 days cuz I promise myself I won't be doing it again.  Can I be more predictable?  I need a PLAN for when the cravings come.  They are like ripping my skin from the inside out.  But that's dramatic.   I just do need a plan and I'm scared I don't have one.  What I k ow is no adderall tomorrow. 

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On 5/9/2022 at 4:30 PM, DelaneyJuliette said:

I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1.  I'm just so defeated.

 

me too. been using every day for 6 months after a year and a half clean. day 1. im so done and starting to feel hopeless. you arent alone :/

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