FALCON Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 Sky My brother come on man get up and do that thing you have had some very good days so far. Your jest in a little slump right now it will pass soon look how far you came hay come bro 3 mounts clean man that is a mil stone bro don’t you give up your drive tomorrow is a new day you will feel better when I am down you lift me back up I am doing the same for now so get up and do that thing bro. Your friend FALCON 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 thank you my friend Falcon, you're right... that movie Happy talks about how truly happy people are happy within, their happiness does not come from external sources- fast cars, fast women, money, fame, fortune, but instead comes from a place where they are content to live peacefully with friends and family, community, they are happy with what they have, and health, love, and the time to enjoy it is perfection. I am trying to get to a place like that, where I am happy with what I have and what I have is a lot. true enough my friend, things will pick up, we just have to keep on doing the right things and thinking the right things and soon enough a bright new dawn will break... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 ya what is it about anhedonia and television? A couple weeks ago I watched the first 4 seasons of Sons of Anarchy on netflix over a weekend. Really good question Krax. I have thought about that a lot lately. Last year, i had a favorite TV show just about every night of the week and I probably spent 2-4 hours per day watching television. This year, the only program I watch daily is the daily show and maybe a little bit of news. I bet I spend less than an hour per day watching television nowadays because I am busy doing other things that interest me. amazing what a year of recovery will do for ya. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 Sky all right brother now you got the spirit bro you will be better tomorrow get a good night sleep and stop thinking so much try to keep your mind calm it will help when I get fucked up I try not to think to much I try to blank my mind of negative thoughts you cant salve all your problems over night its like gutting adderall you know we need to put our time in so we can recover no fast way around it .Its the same with calming your mind it takes practice and patients I call it cultivation of a calm mind its a life long practice you need to work it every day and one day after your mind is cultivated to become calm it will come natural with out much effort its a old TAI CHI practice for a calm and gives you that inner well being we all seek out. Your friend FALCON 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 17, 2013 Report Share Posted January 17, 2013 right on brother man, I like that.... I made the mistake of checking my credit card balance last night before bed, up around 9k, had me worried all night, think that's weighing heavily on me, but I'm gonna push that aside and my goal is to pay off my credit card by the end of the year, and stop spending money on shit.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 Hey sky, if it makes you feel better I have been feeling pretty shitty the last few days as well. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 ya what is it about anhedonia and television? A couple weeks ago I watched the first 4 seasons of Sons of Anarchy on netflix over a weekend. i think lots of tv and quitting adderall are the perfect combination. Getting into a tv series gets your mind of withdrawal. I went through all seasons of several series and that helped me so much get through the pain of withdrawal (alias, Lost, 24)...i would get absorbed into the characters and storylines and that would kind of take my mind off of how miserable i was feeling. cody . same here. there are some things i had such a passion for and completely lost interest in after stopping the adderall. but ive definitely picked up new interests that i didnt care for as much on adderall. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Posted January 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 i think lots of tv and quitting adderall are the perfect combination. Getting into a tv series gets your mind of withdrawal. I went through all seasons of several series and that helped me so much get through the pain of withdrawal (alias, Lost, 24)...i would get absorbed into the characters and storylines and that would kind of take my mind off of how miserable i was feeling. cody . same here. there are some things i had such a passion for and completely lost interest in after stopping the adderall. but ive definitely picked up new interests that i didnt care for as much on adderall. Man it is crazy to see how it all did the same thing to people, just in different ways. I mean from people like me with needing to accomplish finite tasks and achievements in video games, to people who felt like it made them shop more or even practice music more. We all got sucked into our own little fantasy lands. It's like it took our passions and burned them up in a fire..it was a rush and felt great but now they are almost damaged beyond repair. Quit-once: It's great to hear that in the longer stages of recovery you have developed new passions. Thanks for sharing. Falcon you are on to something there...peaceful minds are the opposite of what Adderall did to us. I miss the rush and the fire and the passion and pleasure of feeling so amazing...but I know it was fake. There was zero peace in that. It was a half-life. Everyone: Thanks for posting your thoughts! It really helps. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 cody, i also totally agree with what you said about adderall making us only do the things we feel like doing not so much the things that need to get done.. and often what we want to do is totally different then what we need to be doing. as an addict, i always justified whatever i was doing as something productive.but i was really not doing anything productive. i spent a lot of time smokimg cigarettes and living inside my head ruminating over this and that and Pacing around room to room. i had a lot of ambition and dreams on adderall, but not actual results/ i was too all over the place to focus on any one thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 I know a few of you are around the three month sober mark right now and that point in recovery totally sucks. I mentioned this in a post a long time ago but I thought I'd share it again: When I was three months in, I felt like absolute shit and one night I cried to my husband that I had been off Adderall for 90 days and still felt horrible. He started laughing and said, "Well, yeah! Three months isn't a long time to quit something." I said "Oh, yeah" really somberly and then we both started laughing. It was kind of a turning point for me, realizing that it was okay that I didn't feel better yet, and that no one expected me to. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 thanks Cassie, that's good to know/hear... I guess I thought that things would start to come around as soon as I (we all) started making the right decisions and doing things to better ourselves and lives. But yeah, I guess it happens on its own time. I think it's frustrating is all. Like I want some indication of a thumbs up from the universe to keep on keepin on.... maybe I'm missing it and it's actually there, I dunno. maybe it's a sort of test to see if when the going gets (very minorly) tough whether I'll stay the course or break cuz I'm just a big dumb pussy... fortunately the frustration isn't making me want to break in that regard, just kinda bumming me out a little... but good to know that it takes a bit more time for things to start to come around and look up, and yeah, probably it's allllll in my head cuz I'm feeling a little ho hum.... thanks for the words of wisdom... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 Yes, it's frustrating because it's natural for humans to want to control their environments, and in amphetamine recovery there are many elements that are simply beyond control. Reading books about recovery, taking supplements, praying - these things may give us the illusion of control but I think we all have to know and accept deep down that the only real cure is time, and lots of it. That sense of control and mastery over life comes back only after a significant amount of time has passed and invisible internal repairs have been made. I'm sure that lack of 'sign from the universe' is the source of many an adderallic's relapse. Maybe the sign is that there is no sign because this is a test of your own willpower and conscience, exempt from external sources. I posted this quote awhile back too: "We gain the maximum amount of control when we relinquish the fantasy of total control." - Gordon Livingston. Big fan of that author ('Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart'). Hang in there. Maybe our TBA Vegas convention can be your reward? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 My favorite Cassie quote: "Recovery is not a linear process" I wish I could find that post and link it up to this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 cassie has tons of awesome quotes. But recovery is not a linear process is definitely #1. i think books about recovery wont speed up recovery but are great to gain understanding and clarity of what is going on to you, especially during early stages of recovery because you feel so miserable and are like wtf is going on inside my head to make me like this?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 I specifically remember my post entitled "90 days and feeling depressed." There is definitely something about that mark. You expect to feel better, but unfortunately it doesn't happen like that. Recovery not being a linear process has been one of the most useful tools for me in that I don't expect too much, and I have to let it take it's course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted January 18, 2013 Report Share Posted January 18, 2013 Aw, thanks guys! And yes, books about recovery are great and I read a ton of 'em. I didn't mean to imply that these things aren't useful, only that we should view them more as helpful distractions than as a means to speeding recovery, so we aren't disappointing ourselves by setting unrealistic expectations. I think any non-harmful distraction is beneficial in recovery. I can think of about 10 TV series that I am grateful for distracting me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Cody and ski Cody hope your withdrawal is not to bad hang strong my brother it does get easier if this old fuck can do it so can you your blood is young and you will probably recover faster then me. I had a good day today I cant fucken believe that’s 3 days in a row. I still have my depression but I know its something I need to deal with the rest of my life it will never leave me alone . SKI Hey my brother I hope you took my advice and got a good night sleep forget the fucken credit cards they will never give you piece of mind thy hang over your head for a long time. Don’t wast your energy thinking about them its only material shit. I know I was there at point of my life big tine like 100 grand it took me 8 fucken years to pay the cards off . I will tell you the adderall did not help your credit cared use it made spending money like I don’t give a shit I will pay them off some day your head is clear now so make a battle plain on how your going to pay them down and stick to your plain jest like quitting adderall you stuck with the plan now you got 90 days under your belt .One more thing brother ski cut the fucken credit cards in half they are poison jest keep one card for emergency hotels car rentals because you do need at least one cared to get these services 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 Hahaha...addies at some point seem to help us do retarded shit.....just faster. I've lived in 3 different homes throughout my adderall career...but I'd gravitate to a little area of the kitchen counter and be there every day for hours on end......CRAFTING!!! Felt food became my obsession!!! Fortune cookies!!! So damn cute But I'd gather all these ideas and obsessed over details...planning was ore fun than doing. I also colored ridiculous amounts of pictures in my kids coloring books ...masterpieces. LOL. The shit rendered me stupid really! !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FALCON Posted January 19, 2013 Report Share Posted January 19, 2013 No sister you are doing what calms your mind right now hay you do what you need to so you can recover wher all in the same boat what are you doing home on a Friday night. I jest got home 11:15 ct I made it a early night I’m a little tiered tonight keep up your good spirets up your doing great. Your Friend FSALCON Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 20, 2013 Report Share Posted January 20, 2013 Just re-reading this thread and there is a LOT of wisdom here. Thank you, everyone, for going with the flow of the winding conversation throughout this forum and posting gems here and there. There are echoes of, "Really?! Me TOO!!" to "yeah, I know it sucks" to "I feel your pain" and then real gems of insight. You guys and gals rock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 20, 2013 Report Share Posted January 20, 2013 PS Hey Cody, it's 7 days since your first post in this thread. How are you feeling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 PS Hey Cody, it's 7 days since your first post in this thread. How are you feeling? Thank you Motivation. This is actually a real turning point for me and i'd love some more input. I went from 185 pounds and somewhat healthy, and 240 pounds after adderall. I went to the doctor and didn't mention my Amphetamine problem and am going to start trying something new called phentermine in about a week. Guys I know i might take some flak for it but i know it's not as strong as adderall. My withdrawal has been a thing outta heck and i have really not made any progress. I want adderall back very badly so i'm trying to choose the lesser of two evil's here. Keep in mind i'd rather have phentermine..and even adderall as opposed to struggling with alchohol which will kill you a lot faster. Any wisdom? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 11, 2013 Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 Have you ever heard of the slippry slope arguement? Sounds like you have resigned yourself to live with an addiction. that's too bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 Have you ever heard of the slippry slope arguement? Sounds like you have resigned yourself to live with an addiction. that's too bad. I can put myself down thanks, i don't need other people to do that for me. I was looking for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Posted February 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 Have you ever heard of the slippry slope arguement? Sounds like you have resigned yourself to live with an addiction. that's too bad. Not to mention you didn't quite tell me how i was "resigning" myself there so please do elaborate if you are going to condemn me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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