Sebastian05

IDMCNIEL, what happened? you seemed to be doing okay. now u seem really irate and pissed off....and whats with these felony charges? Are you working now? Please give us some more details.

InRecovery, are you sure the headaches are PAWS? Maybe its something unrelated? Can u go into more detail what you are experiencing?

LILTEX, u know i wont. Thanks Jon & Cassie. <3

Occasional, thanks for chiming in. honestly, i miss seeing you guys post on here all the time. I havent seen anything from you or ashley or quitonce, or MFA, or InRecovery in a while. I know i dont participate much in dialogue lately but I just don't feel like i have the world to offer right now. I'm trying desperately hard to believe everything is going to be okay and that im not like permanently screwed after having opened the door to adderall and seeing how energized and productive and happy and positive i was when i was on it. I keep telling myself to keep pushing forward. How have you been doing and feeling? How's your motivation and productivity? Any depression or anxiety? Let me know how things are going. Are you taking any sort of meds right now? anti-depressants or anything? if so which ones? i REALLY don't wanna go down that crap shoot of a rabbit hole. Thanks so much for responding so fast. Oh, by the way, Dec 31 will be 1 year for me. Please let me know how ur doing and how ur feeling. How far along are you now? A year? S

Hey Guys: I'm now 10 months off. It hasn't been easy, but everyday I just keep pushing. As many of u know, I started a new job, and that's been going okay so far. I still have tremendous trouble with motivation and focus and that is very upsetting. I have no idea when it is going to come back, but it has to otherwise im screwed. I miss being excited about life. I'm kinda just neutral now. This has to come back as well. Whats the point of life if you can't be happy and excited? I see lots of new people posting on this forum, but its really upsetting to me that more people who have been off of adderall for a long long time don't post more. So, if you're reading this and you've been off adderall for a while and have returned to normal and you're not even a member of this forum, please join and tell us your story because I feel like we all need as much motivation as possible....Motivation and hope to keep pushing forward and not go back on the meds. I'm also very shocked and disappointed that Mike, the creator of this site is very absent from posting or commenting on this forum. I feel like he has to have a ton of time under his belt, yet he never ever posts anything of encouragement or gives feedback. Anyways, just wanted to chime in to let everyone know that i've hit 10 months. My ability to sleep has improved but still not perfect. For example, last night i fell asleep at 11....slept like a rock until 5:45.....and then tossed and turned till about 7:30....then had to get going for work. That was a relatively good patch of sleep. Its definitely better than last year this time when i would fall asleep at 11 and wake up at 2 and be riddled with such severe anxiety that i couldnt even fall back asleep. I'm still a bit depressed and deal with on and off anxiety, but i'm def better than i was a year ago. I just hope and pray all the time that there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel. I keep wondering if i should get onto Wellbutrin or another anti-depressant, but im just trying to stay off all meds. Adderall was wonderful for me. I just knew I had to quit taking it after reading about what it really is and how it absolutely can't be good for you in the long term. MotivationFollowsAction, QuitOnce, InRecovery, Cassie...how are you guys all doing? Again, for God's sake if anyone out there is reading through this forum and has a lot of time under your belt with having quit, please join and tell us your story and how you're doing. S

not sure who can fix this, but it would be useful if someone attended to this.

how have you been feeling, kyle? are you on any other sort of anti-depressants or anything like that right now? haven't heard from you in a long time.

MFA & 1Bad: ((LONG RANT)) Thanks for the responses. I'm trying to hang in there as best as I can. I should be so happy and proud of myself that I got this new job. My last job really really made me hate the corporate world, and this new job is a better position for better pay, but it is still the corporate/legal world. I don't want to develop any bad karma, so I thank God everyday for all my blessings and know that I have a good life, but I just feel so lonely and empty inside. Some days I have really great days. For example, the past two days...I was in a really great mood. Today I'm really really down. I keep worrying about if im gonna fuck this new job up. Its totally different than what i was previously doing. Being able to focus is also something I'm really concerned about. I still feel pretty cloudy a lot of times. Anyone know if this is going to clear up with time? I'm trying to blast my body with vitamins and such. I went to the gym twice yesterday. Once in the afternoon for a 5 mile run and then at night to lift weights. I plan on going again tonight for a long workout. Oh, here's another thing about my new job. It is full time virtual. Meaning, I work from home full time now. So bear in mind that I moved to a new area for my last job and put so much faith in that new job that I bought a small home here. I'm single. Don't really know many people around here, and what is funny is that I don't really care to make new friends because my head just feels so mixed up. I can't stop thinking about how I feel like I made a huge mistake to move here and how my last job ruined my life. Its funny because when I started my last job and moved to this area, I had this big positive outlook on everything. I was still taking adderall at the time (only 10 mg a day) but still, I was feeling good about things. The old job wasn't anything that they said it would be and it was just so stressful and on top of that I had purchased a home and moved to a brand new area in a leap of faith that my life was finally taking direction. Two of the most stressful things you can go through (moving and a new job) I did at the same time WHILE at the same time deciding to quit adderall. Sometimes I feel like adderall really served as a mood balancer for me. That it made me happy and made me be positive and made me feel exactly how I would want to feel as a healthy person. I think I'm just going through a lot now. I went to law school to become a lawyer. To help people. PEOPLE not a corporation. Now I'm in the corporate world. I don't know. Maybe this whole being a grown up thing isnt all that we once thought it would be? Sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier in a small private law firm. But it seems that many of my peers who are in small private firms are also miserable. Maybe I just chose a miserable career path. Such a scary thought! I'm just so conflicted all the time wondering if I'm in the wrong career path. Wondering if there's something else out there that I would feel more natural doing. Wondering if something else out there would make me happy. Wondering if I'd be happier if i just put my house up for sale and moved back to New Jersey. But I can't be hasty with that decision. I have to give it more time here. I know ultimately this is not the place I want to live and start a family. It just doesnt feel right to me. But I've only owned my home here a bit over a year and feel like I have to at least give it more time and just try to focus on my new job and focus on adding month after month to the last date that i popped an adderall. Also, part of me feels like im being a huge baby and that i should just suck it up. People move all the time and they deal with it. Why can't I? I guess its just the awful feeling of loneliness in a place that I don't really like that much and the rude awakening that this move here didn't turn out at all as i'd expected. I make pretty good money (but that most CERTAINLY isn't everything). I'm pretty healthy (physically at least). But my zest for life has just seemed to go out the window. Sometimes I feel like all the stress may be commensurate to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I just feel very alone all the time. Very isolated. And now with this whole working from home thing, I just hope things don't get worse for me. I'm trying to be positive and look at this as an opportunity to rest more while at home. To work in peace. To buy some time. After all it has only been about 8.5 months since I quit, and not only is quitting tough, but then all these crazy life changes most certainly didn't make things easier. I just wish I didn't always feel like such a failure. I had these big ideas of what my life would be like. That I would be this young and happy professional with a small apartment or condo in a city working a job I loved and being close to family and being in a great relationship and maybe even having a dog. Now I'm single, I live in the suburbs, work a job that I'm just starting to learn and settle into (i'm told its going to take about a year to feel comfortable with it all)...my brother lives in DC (about 2.5 hours away)....my father had to take a job overseas....so he's thousands of miles away.....and my mother is now overseas as well....i do have some close family back in NJ and I find myself going to visit them all the time because it makes me feel comfortable and happy.... When I drive around my old town where we used to live in Princeton, I just feel at home and just feel better about life. And of course, without fail, I always slowly drive by our old family home (sometimes i park out front for a little and just stare at the house) and remember what life used to be like....Remember when my brother and I used to play catch in the front yard...remember when i used to shovel our really long driveway in the harsh winters.....remember when my mom, dad, brother and I would always have dinner together.....then i usually just start crying (as im doing now just thinking about all this)... I don't know what has become of me, but I'm trying so hard to just be happy and proud of myself and proud of who I've become. I just always feel like a failure. That I'm just some schmuck working jobs that aren't fullfilling.... and thats my life. I used to feel like anything was possible and that the world was my oyster....Now I just take it day by day and just hope and hope and pray that I balance out somehow...I look at some people, like my brother for example, who picked a path and stuck with it and just went full force and is now doing great....he looks at me and he always tells me he's so proud of me and that I'm doing really well and that I'm the first lawyer ever in the family....i just always feel like a train wreck....how sad is that?...Its almost like i got in my own way by trying so hard and now I've psychologically screwed myself up thinking that I'm a failure...I see so many people who just did undergrad and were always happy in undergrad and then just coasted into their first jobs and then grew from there and are now successful and doing really well with families and such....((sigh)) MFA, you mentioned an executive coach Maybe thats what I need. I feel like i need a life coach or someone to just help me figure myself out. You know, i have one friend who opened a restaurant. He's the head chef and its a really nice boutique type place. He works CRAZY hours all the time, but he's happy because he's doing what he loves. I have two other friends who opened up a bakery/pastry shop together and now they are working similarly crazy hours, but they are also happy because they are doing what they love. I just feel like a robot with my professional jobs all the time. Sometimes I wonder if a more creative and active job like being a restauranteur or opening a bakery would be more appropriate for me. I just have no idea what the fuck im supposed to do with my life. So thats why i just take it one day at a time. I just cant help to think that while I was prescribed and taking adderall, life just seemed fine. I was able to handle anything that came my way and i was happy. So thats the part of me that makes me feel like i need it. But I have no intention of going back. I've come too far. I'm just waiting to see if I somehow balance out. Now I just feel like scrambled eggs, but I'm trying so hard to push forward and be happy. Sorry for the rant. I just had to let all that out. Thanks guys. S

Hey Guys: So, I haven't been posting much on here lately as I've been so busy. But I wanted to drop by to give an update. I'm almost 9 months off Adderall, and I know that that has to be a good thing, right? It has not been easy at all and the ONLY reason I ever quit is because I just know it is not a medication that you can stay on indefinitely for the rest of your life. I take tons of supplements now. Enough to choke a horse. CDP-Choline, L-Tyrosine, B12, B6, Niacin, Fish Oil, Multi Vitamin, Vitamin C, Sam-E, an Amino Acid Pack from GNC, and Melatonin at night to help me sleep. For those of you who have been following me, you know this has not been an easy road for me at all. The depression and lack of motivation and dullness had really hit me hard. I noticed that I am able to sleep better at night, although its still not perfect. I'm still tired and depressed a lot and just really miss feeling on point and totally focused. I quit my job that was making me totally miserable and I've started a new job. I think its going to be a really intense position. It is definitely a big step up for me in terms of title and pay but the responsibility of this new position is also quite huge so naturally I'm very nervous about it all. I just hope I don't fuck it all up. My confidence is still pretty low and I still don't feel like my old self yet. I'm still either anxious or depressed or just flat, but I dunno...Sometimes I think it is getting better. It is just so frustrating at this point. Today I scoured the internet for such a long time reading about adderall and man.....sometimes i just wanna say screw it and start taking my prescribed dose again. I never exceeded my prescribed dose and adderall helped me through some really hard times in my life academically and also at my first serious legal position. I just put all my faith in the hope that I can move forward in my life without this shit. Sometimes I'll have dreams where in my dreams really good things are happening in my life and I feel ELATED during those dreams. They are just really positive and happy dreams and then I wake up and I'm blown away that I had those feelings because it has been such a long time since I've felt that way. I used to feel like anything in life is possible and now the only thing that keeps me going is thinking "i may not be exactly where i want to be yet, but i'm getting there and in time i'll get there". It has just been so freaking hard to stay positive and move forward and have confidence in myself. I figured by now I'd start feeling like a million bux, but I'm still not there yet and it breaks my heart. All I can do is hope and keep moving forward. I really hope I didn't bite off more than I can chew with this new job of mine, but all I can do is focus on trying to do the best I can. What scares me the most is that I'm just not passionate anymore. I used to be the biggest gym rat and now its a mission to just get me into the gym, but i still do force myself to get in there. My other hobbies and passions...I just dont have the same flare for them anymore. I hope this all comes back to me. My hobbies, passions in life, and the people in my life (especially my family) are the most important things to me. That is the foundation of a good life. I tried so hard to be successful in law school and in my career and I believe that adderall played a big part in keeping me calm and focused to hitting my goals. And thats the part that gets me. I've always had bad anxiety and my brain would always fire like crazy, but once I started taking adderall...that all went away. I would slip into deep focus and just crank work out and feel great and be really proud of myself. I hope I once again feel that way. I hope I once again will wake up in the mornings being really happy and absolutely loving life. Right now, thats all i can do...Hope and keep pushing forward and pray to God that I'm going to make it through. I hope everyone is doing alright. -S-

Hey Everyone: So, September 1, 2013 will mark 8 months off of adderall. Its almost here and I can't believe the emotional rollercoaster quitting this shit has put me through. I have almost 8 months under my belt, and i feel okay at best. I'm on vacation now on the Aegean Ocean in Europe and its been nice. I just feel flat though. I should be really fucking excited and happy but I just feel okay. I've been here a few days. Got to see a bunch of family here which has been wonderful. I took a two week vacation from work. When I return back to work, I'm putting in my two weeks and quitting. I'll be starting a new job with a new company and that change is also extremely stressful to me. My emotions in general have been all over the place, but I really don't want to go back to taking adderall at all simply because at the end of the day, I just don't think I can stay on it for the rest of my life....so i'm just trying to power through. It has been a long time since I've felt really happy. I'm either filled with anxiety or depressed or flat/neutral. I hope to God I swing back to the way I was before I started taking adderall. This fucking drug helped me get through law school and stay focused on everything I wanted to achieve. It helped me pass the bar exam and get into the swing of things with working. I never took more than prescribed. I did honestly feel like it helped me when I was taking it. It just seems like the wrong road to stay on. So thats why I'm not on it anymore. I just feel like a huge fuck-up in general and I'm so hard on myself. I can't seem to shake this total loss of confidence in myself. While I was on adderall, I was always confident and felt good about things. My mood and emotions were pretty stable and I got into the best shape of my life. Now I'm like a nervous wreck, or depressed or a cry baby. I'm really hoping to God I get better and that I start feeling hopeful about life and about my future again. My new job pays pretty well, but I know with that pay is going to come a lot of stress and responsibility. I used to have this burning desire to be in an awesome relationship (because I've been in great relationships before and they would really make me so so happy) and to one day settle down and have kids, and now I question if I'm emotionally stable enough to even be able to go down that route. Not just that, but its almost as if I'm just so flat about it all too. Like I just don't care. Its hard to explain. I have no idea who I've become and that is what is so hard to me. Again, maybe 8 months isnt that long of a time since i was on adderall for about 4-5 years at 10-20mg a day. Maybe things will get better and the skies will open up and I'll be a happy and cheerful and positive person again. I'm just hoping and praying that that happens. I'm really trying hard to get back into awesome shape and I'm trying REALLY hard to stay positive about everything in my life. I have a great family. I have good things in my life. I'm pretty healthy. I have a house and hopefully now a good job that doesnt make me want to blow my brains out ever single day. I really don't have anything to fucking complain about, but the only thing I don't have anymore is my happiness. Happiness and energy and positivity. I fucking want it back so bad that it brings me to tears pretty often. But I can do nothing but push forward and hope. And when I hear of positive outcomes on this site, it always gives me hope. I'm gonna go for a long swim in the ocean now and try to get some endorphins flowing. Please comment back. Let me know what you think about my road and where its gonna go. Thanks so much.

idmcniel, could you elaborate please? why did you lose your job? what happened? how's the quit going. how are doing emotionally etc? zerokewl, looks like ur new to this forum. all due respect, i think "sucks dude" is a little insensitive.

i dunno man, i'm a lawyer too. I'm right there with you. I was on 10-20mg a day for about 4.5-5 years. Sept 1 will be 8 months for me. Its a real struggle. I'm having a real hard time making sense of it all, but i've done SO MUCH research in the past 7+ months, that I truly don't believe that this is a drug you can take for the rest of your life. I think there's a point where you have to pull the plug with adderall and say goodbye. I dunno. Thats just my 2cents. I've been better than I was when I first quit, but man....its so hard to get anything done or have the motivation to do anything at all really. I'm battling through on and off depression and on and off SERIOUS anxiety. Do you deal with any of that at all? Honestly, if the world's best doctor told me i could go back on adderall and stay on it the rest of my life...i would. i was using it as prescribed and never abused it. It saved my ass in law school and on the bar exam and keeps me focused and interested in so much of the mundane and boring and uninteresting shit that comes with being a lawyer. I dunno man. I have such mixed feelings about it all. In fact, a week ago I went to GNC just looking around at stuff and found this pre-workout supplement called CRAZE. it was bodybuilding.com's best seller in 2012 so i thought i'd give it a shot. wouldnt you know....40 mins after taking it, i was AMPED.....it was a feeling all too familiar. with intense focus and motivation....i loved it so much that i went back and bought 2 more tubs of it. After the third day of using it at the gym...feeling like superman and being really amped up....i realized this shit felt just like adderall. So i did a ton of research and found out the company is getting sued for lacing this supplement with none other than....an Amphetamine analog. I was ENRAGED. I thought about keeping the supplements and finishing them...but then i thought...okay....i'm gonna get used to this amazing feeling and then 3 tubs later i'll run out...then what? i pray to god that all this suffering of withdrawal is going to pay off one day when i just stabilize and balance out. i've lost so much of my drive and passion for life...for food...for art....for music...for being with friends....its scaring the shit out of me to the point where i start thinking "hmm...maybe i should go back on the adderall" but again, i just dont think you can stay on adderall long term. im trying to battle through this withdrawal. LilTEX and cassie give me a lot of hope. I just hope quitting and all this suffering that came with quitting is worth this suffering. CHIME IN EVERYONE.

Cassie, next week i'll be at 7 months adderall free....but i'm also having some depression and anxiety but i dont think its as bad as when i first quit.....but its still not pleasant.....at all.....its just so hard having motivation and drive and focus.....confidence is low etc etc. I REALLY don't want to go on any other sort of psychotropic meds ever again....no antidepressants or anything like that....im trying to push thru naturally with diet and exercise... After you quit adderall, you never touched any other med, right? Your last sentence "If it's any consolation, now that I'm 1.6 years sober, I'm more social than I've ever been in my life. BUT, this was not the case for the first year." gives me a lot of hope. I used to be really social and really outgoing and chatty and happy both before and during the days i was taking adderall......that all seems to have gone down the tubes..... Could you give a little timeline of how things progressed for you and what you think i should be feeling/experiencing at this point and into the future? Thanks so much. S

i drink hardly any coffee ever anymore. my sleep is all screwed up no matter what. I'm using it as a little boost before i run. i'll go for a hard 1 hour cardio at the gym until im totally drenched thru and usually come home and sit in a really hot bath. i RARELY drink coffee late. the sleep disruptions happen with or without the coffee. I just do not sleep restfully at all anymore. I used to sleep like a damn log.

My diet is pretty clean. I don't eat junk and eat lots of fruits and vegetables. The problem is is that I used to get really excited about eating and cooking and that's gone. I've been a gym rat for about 15 years. My gym motivation has gone to hell, but I still force myself to go if only to do an hour of cardio. Everything has turned into a massive chore. I've definitely gained some bad weight too I just got home from work and changed into my gym clothes. I'm making some coffee now and will go to the gym to do cardio for an hour or so. Not in the mood for lifting. Overall, my positivity and happiness has gone down the drain and it seems to all point back to when I quit taking adderall. I hope to god every single damn day that i'll start feeling better soon. I'm trying so hard to be positive and I'm trying so hard to be happy. I think im doing better than 6 months ago, but its still so rough. :/

hey guys. today is 6 months since i took my last adderall. for those of you who don't know my story, i was taking 10-20mg a day for about 4 and a half years. Of course, not being on the medicine is something I'm happy about, because I know its not something that someone can be on forever. I just miss feeling happy and positive and i really hate being as depressed as i am. i'm still feeling pretty down and still not sleeping soundly. This was never an issue while i was taking adderall and I just have no idea when things are finally going to level off. I still have bad bouts of anxiety as well. That is something that is certainly messing with my sleep. I have some xanax that was prescribed to me a long time ago. I try not to take it, but sunday morning, i woke up at around 5 am and i just couldn't fall back asleep because im always so worried about work and life. I rolled over in bed and reached into my night stand and took .25 of xanax and just laid on my back and took deep breaths until i was actually able to fall back asleep till about 10:00am which i was so thankful for. Is 6 months off adderall still pretty early on? will things be getting better? Every day is such a mission to get through, but im doing the best i can. People say they felt like zombies on adderall. I don't really know what that means or how to relate because ever since i stopped taking it, i feel like i've turned into a zombie of sorts. I just feel really sad and down and even when im out with friends, i feel like i run out of things to say or talk about and then just end up kinda just sitting there and playing with my cell phone. The depression and anxiety that set in after quitting adderall have been terrible. I seriously don't remember the last time I was REALLY excited or happy about something and that just breaks my heart so much. I've really started to wonder if there is something severely wrong with me, and I really hope there isnt. Am i bi-polar? Am i schizo? i really hope not. Maybe I'm watching too many youtube videos. I don't know. But the one thing I do know is that I'm very down and I've lost interest in so much. All i look forward to every day when I wake up is coming home from work, going to the gym to do some cardio and sweat a ton and make myself physically tired so i can just go home and sit on the couch and watch some TV an fall asleep. This is no way to live. I still cry everyday and feel sad and I'm pretty worried about what to even do next. I really am not happy with my job and i've been interviewing for others and I may have a potentially good offer coming up soon. I'm just scared to death about being able to perform at a new place and scared to death that this depression won't lift. As I posted before, I tried wellbutrin for a few days and my ears started ringing pretty badly. I told my doctor and he told me to stop the meds immediateliy. It took 2-3 weeks for the ringing to go away, and its gone for the most part. I still have some remnants of it though. So now I don't even know if i should try another anti-depressant or keep on keepin on and waiting things out. My confidence levels have gone way down and that is part of the reason why I'm so scared about potentially taking a new job and quitting the one i'm currently at. So guys, is 6 months still early? Can i expect the depression and loss of self esteem and self confidence to get better? Just hoping that I start feeling better about my life. I know I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for...i just wish some happiness would set in already. Thanks guys. S

Im just at my witts end. For the amount of time i sleep (maybe 4-5 hrs) i sleep well, but i wake up with such anxiety and cant fall back asleep. 90% of the time my sleep is crappy. So i wake up tired and out of it. I started the wellbutrin because my new doc told me i cant keep letting myself suffer. Im sad all the time and never look forward to anything. It sucks. Im now scared to continue the wellbutrin due to the ear rimging it had caused. Im gonna talk with my doc about it today and maybe switch to lexapro. Im just heartbroken. The happiest and most productive ive ever been was on adderall, but even my doc said that adderall is good short term but not something he would advise for the long term. Thats how he feels about all meds. We'll see. I just hope i start to come around more. This is so saddening :/ I want so very badly to be happy and positive.i want to enjoy living instead of feeling so bummed.

Hey guys. Its 730am and I'm totally dreading getting out of bed to head to work. I seem to be sleeping slightly better. Went to bes at 12:30am and woke up at 5:00am and couldnt fall back asleep which really sucks. I started taking wellbutrin 150mg XL 5 days ago. I took it for 3 days and then noticed a slight ringing in my ears and didnt take it the past two days. The ringing in my ears is enough to scare me away from ever taking any more. Now i just hope it doesnt get worse and hope that it just goes away. Anyone know anything about this? For those of u who have been cheering me on, u know that ive been pretty depressed lately. Im about 5 months and one week off the adderall, and just feel so apathetic. Energy levels are low and i just have a total lack of interest all around. Dammit! Im so mad that i got this side effect from wellbutrin and all i can do now is pray that it goes away. Thank god its only a slight ringing. But still, it shouldnt be there at all. Oh well. Now i have one more f'n thing to worry about Any words of encouragement/hope? -S

um. what?

MFA: please chill....this is coming from the most anxious and type A person in the world.....but trust me....chill...i can relate with you because i've been SO drained of energy...i've had tons of external stressors in my life....and this all somehow happened to come about right when i decided to cut ties with adderall.....so im there with you....energy levels are total shit......i used to be in the gym with ferocity....5-6 days a week.....2 hours a session....it was the best feeling in the world.....now im lucky if i get 45 mins in....and if i get an hour in....i still try and consider that a victory.... i don't post much advice on this forum because I don't believe im in a position to give advice. I just rounded the corner on having taken my last adderall 5 months ago.....so im now starting month 6..... i think maybe things are getting better, but i cant really tell....all i do is think about the advice you've given me...along with the advice of others from this site......and i just try to push forward one day at a time.....i guess its all we can do.... keep pushing. start eating healthy. i know thats not been one of your forte's, but maybe start with blending.....one of my favorite things to make is water+ice+cucumber+strawberries+honey. blend the hell out of it and enjoy. definitely go with healthy alternatives in your diet. i think your husband is being a little harsh....this whole quitting adderall thing sucks so bad.....and this is coming from someone who never exceeded prescribed doses of 20mg a day....its so tough when you even take it as prescribed and try to quit....its gotta be even rougher for those who have taken higher doses. you're pretty tough. i think you'll be fine. i hardly ever worry about you. i have another doc's appointment tomorrow with an excellent doctor of internal medicine....i've been such a miserable bastard lately...you know my drill...im being sooooo stubborn with taking anti depressants....i still have the bottle of wellbutrin that i filled and never started taking..... anyways....you're doing really great. you've been a compadre for me since day one.....just stick with it....you're a pillar here.... again, i never feel like im one to give advice here....i cant wait till the day that im a shining and positive person once again....until then i'll keep battling through this horrible bullshit of sadness and self doubt....but im not gonna sit on the sidelines when i know you're sad......dont be....you're doing a great job....just keep it up.....go for the healthy alternatives in your diet....you live in BK for god's sake.....enjoy it!....summer's here....go for a nice walk in the evenings after work.....come on man.....if you lose hope....we'll lose hope.... -S-

Krax, i stopped taking it because I got seriously worried about having those chemicals course through my body for the rest of my life. i dunno. Sometimes i really wonder if i should go back on it. I NEVER took more than 20mg a day and it seriously helped me stay happy and focused and motivated and on point throughout the day. I got really freaked out seeing all the bad press on adderall and then came across this site and figured maybe its best to just stop. Since i quit, ive been pretty depressed and miserable and my anxiety is bonkers. I feel like im a TOTALLY different person now. Before and while on adderall i was bubbly and energetic and fun. Now ive turned into a miserable bump on a log. Starting in June i will be 5 months off and into my 6th month. I dunno what to do if i dont start feeling better and happier soon. Im either going to have to go on antidepressants or start back up on the adderall. Im at a total loss, but never in my life have i felt this sad and confused, lost and hopeless

Thanks Occasional. I never used to be this way before adderall or while on it. Im worried that im never going to have a restful night's sleep again. Can anyone else chime in here? Any advice at all?

when you relapsed how much did you take? how many days? i wouldn't worry about it. i'd keep running. thats what im doing. running is the only thing that makes me feel really good at this point. i thought you had reallly liked wellbutrin? you drank on it which was a bad idea. youre not supposed to. and then it sent you into a rage, didnt it? i'm still fighting off taking any sort of antidepressant, but right now, my anxiety is through the roof and my depression isn't TERRIBLE but its not good either.

hey guys: when June hits i'll be in my 6th month. i THINK things are getting better. its hard to say. its such a slow process. Pretty scary, considering i was only taking 10-20mg a day. i envy all of you who have said after you quit, all you could do was sleep. I'd give anything in the world for a good night's sleep. i dont really sleep well at all and its starting to really scare me. i fall asleep beautifully, but im constantly waking up throughout the night....i get SURGES of anxiety when I wake up and have lots of trouble falling back asleep. generally throughout the day my anxiety comes and goes. sometimes its really bad. sometimes its not that bad. its such a crapshoot. the depression is still there, but i'm thinking maybe things are getting better. I have an appointment with a really good doctor of internal medicine coming up. I'll discuss anti-depressants with him then. But i dunno. its still something i'm trying to stay off of. the happiest and most productive ive ever been in my life is when i had 10-20mg of adderall in my system on a regular basis for about 4.5 years. so many times, im so close to going back, but instead i try really hard to fight. i've been running a lot lately which helps me to feel good all around. i just feel like my zeal and creativity and pep has gone to total shit. that coupled with the distrupted sleep is just very upsetting to me all around. Can anyone speak to the anxiety and the disrupted sleep and constantly waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to fall asleep and such? thanks so much, as always. S

thanks CT and Ashley. CT, just so you know, Ashley is a really great supporter here on this site and has always been very helpful to everyone. Ash, i know that for a while now you've been an advocate of going on an anti-depressant. One of these days im just gonna crack and have to start taking it probably. I'm just really trying to hold off, but maybe this is foolish of me. What anti depressant were you on and how long were you on it and at what dose? was it hard for you to get off? Sorry if you've already answered this before. I'm really trying to figure out my next steps. I'm on my 5th month of not having taken any adderall and its just been so hard. I'm not sitting here craving it....I'm just pooped out and anxious and depressed.....I ran 6 miles on saturday and 6 on sunday...took yesterday off and i'll run another 6 today....but i'm just really missing the part of me that used to be positive and excited about life.