Sebastian05

Hey guys. Have any of you taken any antidepressant after quitting adderall? This depression im going thru really really sucks. I cant seem to garner any happiness or positivity or hope. Its been about 3 weeks since i weened off of 10mg a day. Ive heard wellbutrin has helped some. Can anyone provide some insight or advice in this regard and if antidepressants have helped in this new adderall free life? thanks

workingthroughit. I am also an attorney and i was diagnosed with ADHD while i was in law school. Now i seriously question the validity of that diagnosis. I was taking this garbage for 4 years and change at 10-20mg a day instant release. it was usually 10mg in the morning and then 10mg in the afternoon. For the past year or two i went down to 10mg a day. Just one in the morning. I feel like while i was in law school it DEFINITELY helped me. I always felt energized by it and felt confident and safe. The damn stuff would make me feel safe, and like i was on the right track and just going about life in the right way. I'm pretty sure without it, I wouldn't have been able to focus as hard as I needed to for the bar exam. It has also helped tremendously during the working day for me as well. A few weeks ago, I just decided I was sick of this stuff being a crutch and figured i couldnt be on it for the rest of my life, so i cold turkey'd it and went through some awful withdrawal. Terrible anxiety, awful insomnia, night sweats, chills throughout the day and awful depression. I then decided to ween myself off so i went back on at 5mg a day for about a week. Now its been about 2+ weeks since i've had any. I still have a really hard time sleeping. The insomnia really sucks. The awful anxiety has gone away for the most part, but I've been feeling really depressed and hopeless. I dunno what the hell is going on, but I certainly hope i havent melted my brain with this BS that i was prescribed. I hope that this goes away and that i get my confidence and energy back. I've always been one to eat healthy and work out, and that hasn't changed. I dont feel the same general enthusiasm, though...for anything. I just feel like i've been wiped out. This is a very scary journey for me so far, and i feel like its just the beginning and im scared to death.

NSN, this is really great news! (just sent you a PM) CONGRATS!

Sirpumpkin: Thanks so much for your detailed reply. I really do appreciate it. You give me a lot of hope. Right now I'm just very concerned that this stuff has caused me some sort of brain damage. But your words give me hope that they have not. I know many people on this site probably think im being ridiculous and that a 10-20mg dosage a day for 4+ years isnt a big deal, but I tell you what. I really did get the HELL of the withdrawal when i stopped taking it. I couldn't even cold turkey it. I tried....and the withdrawal was DREADFUL. it wasn't like "oh i feel a bit dizzy" or something innocuous like that. It was hell. The anxiety and panic....the insomnia and total lack of appetite.....it was mortifying and I thought for sure I had melted my brain by going cold turkey. I took 5mg a day for about a week and then just stopped. The horrible thing is, if i wanted...i could go to my shrink...and he would just write me a script for more adderall if i wanted. I certainly don't want it. The thought of something re-programming your brain and re-wiring the way you think and your overall mentality is very very scary. Did you (or are you) experiencing any sort of depression. My depression has been pretty bad as a result of quitting this damn "medicine". It comes and goes. Today started off kinda crappy but now i feel alright. I'm telling you man. I think back to the days of college and law school when I was the class clown. Even the profs thought i was hilarious. Then adderall came and i was just lazer focused on everything. I would still crack jokes in class and be super friendly. I never feel like it turned me into a monster. I did have some crashes, but that was nothing crazy or out of the ordinary. I think over time though...being on it....and also being in a profession that i think sucks ass.....it has taken a toll on me emotionally....i'm already a very hypersensitive dude (wish i wasn't. ive always cared too much for everyone and everything. put it this way....if i see someone in a wheel chair....or a homeless person...it breaks my heart and i can't stop thinking about it). So being hypersensitive and quitting this damn drug is a rough combo to battle because the withdrawal really toys with your emotions. I know deep down im a really good guy and i've never been one to not be able to sympathize or empathize. I'm not selfish. If there's one positive thing i can say about myself for sure, its that I'm most certainly not selfish. Would i have made it through law school without this effing medicine? Would I have passed the bar? I have no clue. Maybe not. Good chance I wouldnt have. But now i've crossed the finish line and I'm licensed to practice law....and if i cant be the kind of lawyer who directly impacts the well being of people....then i don't need to be a lawyer....and unfortunately, the job i have now.....it doesnt really do jack to help people out....but from what i can tell...most lawyers hate their jobs anyways......i hope one day i will figure out what i wanna be when i grow up.

quit-once, I got into law because I wanted to help people. It was the most altruistic of all reasons. I wanted to make a difference and help those who couldn't otherwise help themselves. I made it through 3/4 of law school without adderall, but it was SO SO hard for me to focus and stay motivated and keep my interest. This happens to EVERY law student, but I was having a particularly hard time because I couldn't digest the material in a way I needed to in order to be successful. Once I was diagnosed with ADHD and started adderall, the material just started to connect and make more sense to me. Trust me, lawyers are all a bunch of ego-maniacs and huge jerks. When people meet me they say "man. i can't believe you're a lawyer." and when i say "why?" they respond "because you're so nice!" And herein lies the problem. It may not be the ultimate career path for me, but its a distinguished title and I worked really hard to earn it and then to earn my license. I'm just furious with myself because of the damn adderall. Maybe I don't have ADD? I don't know anymore. I'm really starting to question if my diagnosis was BS. But i do know that once i started taking the meds, my performance in school really improved and my ability to believe in myself and focus was tremendous. I feel like without the adderall in my system, everything is a huge struggle. I'm battling that now. But im doing the best i can. I still have motivation to go to the gym and I'd never reveal this to anyone because I don't want anyone to worry about me. I have to fight this fight. I have to believe that im going to be okay. Its all i got at this point. This is the big problem with big Pharma. They will crank out drugs, make TONS of money...and leave everyone in the wake of incomplete and uncertain clinical trials which could potentially be catastrophic....but nooo...they say "here. you got a problem? we have your solution. pop this pill. or that pill...or the next pill." I dont know. I still have a full bottle of the stuff. But its not like i sit here and think about popping one. I dont give a SH*T that i have a full bottle. I have no desire to take one because the initial withdrawal i went through was like torture. I remember thinking to myself "if there's really a HELL....i can't imagine it being worse than this." I just wanna be okay. Just like im sure the rest of everyone else here. I have no problem with not taking the damn meds. I'm just sad that my drive and happiness are gone. I hope my cognitive abilities are still intact and that im not like a certifiable mentally retarded person now because of this piece of S "medicine"

M_F_A, I'm all about anything that will help me. I'm all about anything that will bring me peace. I'm all about anything that will help me feel like I didn't ruin my life. Please feel free to recommend any books to me at all. You know, I should be really thankful that I have a job, and I am to a degree. I just have a really hard time dealing with the fact that I get ZERO satisfaction out of what I do for a living. I don't really care about money or material things. I don't need them to be happy. I need good people around me all the time. I need my family. I need my health. I hope my health is still OK even post adderall. I need to be able to workout and run and be confident. I'm sitting here working at a job i just totally LOATHE. But I thank God every day for my job because at least I have an income right now. I think to myself sometimes "is this life? is this really how it goes? do i just follow this same pattern day in day out until im dead? This is such a miserable existence. How can i ever expect to be a good partner or a good daddy when I'm just so unsatisfied with who I am?" I need to fix myself because I can't go on feeling like this. Maybe this whole lawyer thing was never meant for me. Or maybe it was, but the right opportunities never came my way for me to be able to build my experience and confidence in a way that I could feel strong and secure. Wanna know something interesting? When I was a kid, i was really really overweight. I used to get bullied and harassed non-stop. It broke my heart all the time. I used to cry a lot because of it. It was really tough, but I picked myself up. I started eating really healthy and working out and after some time, i was in amazing shape. I miss that feeling of being powerful. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and success. I feel like adderall helped push me to success in academics and such, but i also feel that the winds have been taken from my sails now that I stopped taking it. I truly believe that i suffer from ADD, but I don't think adderall is the answer, especially when its certainly not something that you can take forever. I went from having great confidence to having none. I went from being really positive and optimistic to being the total opposite. This is what scares me the most. I know the old saying goes "life's a journey. not a destination." I really hate cliches, but maybe there's truth to that. Maybe I'm not on the wrong path. Maybe I'm on the right path and I just don't have the confidence or faith to see that. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time hoping that I'm not some sort of hopeless person.

Cassie & InRecovery: Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate it. I feel like its very difficult to focus now and very difficult to get things done. I'm hoping that this will all change slowly but surely. I'm so disappointed about this crossroads that i've come to and I'm scared to death that I won't be able to function or be as smart without the adderall. I hope this is just my mind playing tricks on me. My reason for quitting is because I don't want to have to lean on any sort of medication to get me through life and my intense responsibilities. Also, i have a very strong inclination to believe that there's NO WAY this stuff can be good for you in the long term and there's NO WAY i'd want to be on this for the rest of my life. I've worked so hard my whole life to get to where I am today. Granted, I'm still not where I wanna be, but I've made lots of positive progress for a 32 year old. I've conquored obesity. It was so so hard. I've conquored always struggling through school and I did it all on my own. But High School, College, and Law School were all really really hard for me. And its when I was in law school that I was really struggling with academics and was diagnosed with ADHD. Maybe I would never have made it through if it weren't for the stupid drug. But all i know now is that i need to make it through the rest of my life without it. Right now, where I want to be is HAPPY. I just want to be able to be happy on a day to day basis and not feel like im a huge failure. Has anyone out there been able to regain their drive and focus and continue to live a successful and happy life? From what i've been reading it looks like its possible. I just would really like to hear more stories of successful and happy life after quitting adderall. Thanks again guys. I'm doing the best i can to get by and i'm doing the best i can to not hate myself.

QuitOnce. Thanks for the reply, man. Im hoping the fact that i was RX'd the stuff for 4 years or so coupled with the fact that i was on a relatively low dose will help make the recover time faster. Did your happiness come back ? Had u ever fallen into depression after going off? Did u taper or cold turkey?

Occasional, how long have you been on adderall and at what dosage? i saw your post that you quit yesterday? Congrats! Have u quit before? I would be inclined to think you have based on your input about 5htp and l-tyrosine. I pray to God im going to be ok. I just wish i knew when things will start to turn around

Occasional. I sure hope you are right and that I will balance out and be able to be happy again. MOTIVATION F.A. , thanks so much for remembering me and caring to ask how i am. Ive been on the forum everyday just reading everyone's posts, but i dont have much to contribute since this is all new to me. My insomnia is starting to go away and im sleeping better every night. I havent had a xanax in a while becausr i think my anxiety is getting better. I just hope im not perpetually depressed now. I stay as motivated as i can. Go to work. Go to the gym after. Come home, eat dinner. But im just so BLAH. I miss feeling happy and excited and motivated and focused. Will those things come back? Im just so scared that this damn drug that was prescribed to me has permanently messed up my brain. I never took more than 20mg a day as perscribed. My job is so hard and so stressful and i deal with so many jerks it makes it rough for a hypersensitive guy like me to get by. But im trying. Does L-tyrosine and 5HTP really help? I couldnt find them at the supermarket. For those of you who have been off of adderall for a while, is there hope? Will my happiness come back? Will my energy and drive and motivation return? Im very scared still but doing the best i can to get by. Ive been spending a lot of time with friends and family trying to boost my mood. Im just not where i used to be. I was always the silly energetic goofball who made everyone laugh. Now i just feel like mush and im either sad or just blasé. Years ago i was in a long term relationship. My gf and i lived together. I would wake up every morning and make us our breakfast and pack her lunch for her. We would both go to work and go to the gym together after and spend the evenings together eating dinner and vegging out and being in love and happy. Things just didnt work out in the end. It happens i guess. Now i feel like a lone grumpy old man and im only 32. Its breaking my own heart so bad and pulling me to shreds thread by thread. I hope my brain is ok and that im going to one day go back to being happy person. Right now i dont want to be in a relationship because i feel like im not the real me. I feel like a shell. When will things get better?

Motivation Follows Action, thanks for ur kind words. Much appreciated. I was totally honest about my usage and how i never exceeded my prescribed dose of 10-20mg a day. Im just worried that maybe i was misdiagnosed? Maybe i never had ADHD? Maybe as a result ive messed up my brain and caused irreversible damage? I know it helps me so much at work because my job is super high stress and requires great attention to detail. But im trying to live my life without it. I hope I will be okay. I tend to be a massive worry wort which makes my life worse all the time. I question all my decisions and overthink everything all the time. i wish i could just calm the hell down and just appreciate my life instead of constantly worrying. For example. Im a single 32 yr old dude. I decided for a change in my life and moved from NJ to the burbs of Philly where i bought a small townhouse and took a new job out here. Now all i do is miss NJ and worry that ive ruined my life by making these decisions that seemed like a fantastic idea, but now seem catastrophic ughhhh

Hey Ashley, (and everyone). I have a few questions. I have been prescribed 10-20mg IR a day (one morning and one afternoon) for the past 4.5 years or so. When i take my meds i feel really engaged and awake and focused and alert and aware and happy. Just like an all around better performer and i have a job that requires intense focus and attention to detail. Ive been off for a couple weeks now and i feel really hazy and unmotivated and depressed. Ive been having crazy insomnia and night sweats and very intense panic attacks. Will I eventually get my energy levels and happiness back? Im feeling so defeated and sad about this. I wanted to get off the meds because i want to be able to do everything on my own without feeling like i was using crutches. Im just so worried that ive caused irrepairable brain damage. Is that possible? I need some words of hope and a reality check please :/

Thanks for all the kind words guys. The anxiety gets better at night, but after i fall asleep I wake back up in a couple hours and the anxiety is back in full effect and i cant sleep at all. Its been debilitating. is it true that the anxiety and depression wont go away? Is it true that my brain wont be producing any more dopamine on its own? I know my dosage wasnt high (10-20mg a day) but it was pretty steady for about 4.5 years. So im very worried that my brain is permanently fried and that im only now realizing it since i recently decided to try and just live life without the stuff in my system. Thats when all this withdrawal came about. How can this be from such a low dose? All day ive had about 3 gallons of water and a tiny piece of chocolate. Looks like my appetite is dunzo as well

Hi everyone. I hope everybody is doing better than I'm doing at this very moment. Right now I'm extremely petrified after all of the things I've been reading about all the detrimental effects Adderall has on the brain and I have no idea what to do. I hope I have not ruined my life. I'm bawling as I type this. Here's my story.... (sorry if its long. I need you to understand where I'm coming from so you can hopefully help me. right now, i feel absolutely doomed and worthless) I'm 32 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD about a little over 4 years ago when I was in law school. I failed a class and got a D in another and as a result I was thrown into a crazy depression. I've always been a type-A kinda guy. Always worried about something. Always trying to do my absolute very best, but I've also just been very on edge all the time and the anxiety used to just kill me so bad. My doctor put me on Xanax (.25 mg) to try to alleviate my anxiety at that time so that I could better focus on my studies. The Xanax didn't help. We thought it would because of the fact that I've always suffered from high anxiety and always got the worst test anxiety ever. Its always been terrible. When the Xanax didn't work we tried 50mg of Effexor. I didn't really feel like the Effexor did anything for me either, but i stayed on it for a while just for the hope that it may do something. After I weened off of Effexor, my psychologist and I talked for a while about everything and the history of my life. We discussed how much pressure I put on myself all the time. How I'm always so negative and expect the worst thing to happen. We discussed how I've always had such a hard time studying and performing on exams. At that point, we decided to give Adderall 10mg IR a go. It worked wonders for me. It calmed me down and pumped me up at the same time. It gave me confidence. It helped me stay chilled out but also made me euphoric and able to study and process information. I turned the F and the D that I got in two classes in law school into a C+ and a B+. It was great. It was really helping me at work too. I finally felt like my problems were solved. We eventually upped my dose to 10mg IR in the morning and then 10mg IR after lunch. Even better! I never ever went over my dosages and never ran out early. I was diligent with sticking to my schedule. I took days off here and there but I still took it on the weekends too because I felt like it just kept me focused and going with all the stuff that I always had to do. Also I'm convinced that if i didn't have the Adderall, I'd never have been able to pass the bar exam. Fast forward 4+ years. For about a year now, I've dropped my dose to only 10mg a day in the morning. Here and there I'd take the double dose, but mostly it was just 10mg in the morning. I would still have the "Crash" feeling and whatever, but I didnt let it get to me. I never went over 20mg a day. 6 months ago I moved to a new State and started a new Job and I was just SO happy! Things were going so well that I decided to just stop taking the adderall all together and to just take my life over from here. I've been wanting to do it for a while so I decided to finally do it. I was running 6 miles a day and feeling pretty great but my job got really stressful and after a few weeks I started doing my 10mg a day in the morning. Soon after I decided to buy a small townhouse and enjoy my life finally. Again, I decided to go off the adderall. Stopped taking it. Everything with work got crazy and the stress of buying a home really got to me. I developed severe anxiety and started getting really depressed. I bought my home, but wasn't even excited about it! i was more overcome with anxiety and panic about everything. i went to a psychiatrist and she put me back on the adderall and a low dose of xanax and also lexapro. I didn't fill the lexapro script because i was just too scared to have this massive cocktail of meds running through me. I take the Xanax as needed to calm me down, but it doesnt really do much. I started my adderall again, and things leveled out a bit. The anxiety went away a bit, but the depression was still there. For the past couple weeks I've been off of the adderall again and my anxiety has been through the roof. I have feelings of total worthlessness. I get really sad. I'm a grown and built man but I find myself crying all the time (even at work). I have a really really hard time focusing at work on my tasks and being off the adderall + total lack of sleep is KILLING ME!!!!! I just constantly want to be surrounded by my family and do the best I can to see them all the time. My behavior is starting to worry EVERYONE especially me. I cant sleep at night AT ALL!!!!!!! i fall asleep for maybe 2-3 hours TOPS and then the rest of the night I'm just sitting in bed on the internet reading about how I've probably melted my brain with adderall. I'm beyond sad you cant imagine. I've worked so hard my whole life to try and be somebody and now i feel like ZERO. I'm the son of first generation immigrants who came to this country with 200 dollars in their pockets and they were able to build a wonderful life for me and my brother. All i can think about now is that I'm a failure and a huge disgrace because I cant stop thinking that I have brain damage and that I'm going through some crazy withdrawal. So many people on this site have said the anxiety doesnt ever go away and the depression won't go away and that my brain won't ever make its own dopamine again. I cant believe I've done this to myself. Honestly, I feel so terrible right now that if I didn't have such a loving family who cherished me (mom, dad and brother and aunts and uncles) I'd probably take a dive off of a bridge. While i may have been type A and anxious all the time, I was always the class clown and always joked with people and always wanted to have a good time. I have plans to go out tonight and i just wanna sit at home and pray to God that I'm going to be okay. Can someone please tell me what to do? Can someone help? Was I abusing the adderall? Do I even have ADHD? IM GOING MAD! Sorry for being so dramatic, but I had to get this out and be real and be raw about whats going on with me right now. please help. please.