Sebastian05

i stopped taking it about 5 months ago and that was that. i started up on some supplements, but nothing else. It has been so so so so so hard. I was only on 10-20mg a day (for about four and a half years). Lots of kind people on this site have encouraged me to start my script of Wellbutrin. i got a 7 day supply of 150mg XL and then i'm supposed to boost to 300mg XL after that. But here's the thing. Every day i battle and battle and just hope the depression will eventually lift. I'm just so scared of getting on another medication that could cause me to get hooked. The Docs always say "yeah sure. just start taking it and once you feel better, you can ween off." Is that the truth though? They said the same about adderall, and it wasnt very true there. I just want to be medication free and not take anything....the scary part about that is that the best i'd ever felt in my life was when I was on adderall, but I just don't think its something that can be taken forever......so thats why i get worried about the wellbutrin. what has your doc told you about wellbutrin? i'm surprised you're on such a high dose (600mg). i thought the highest recommended dose was 450mg. Anyways, i'm very conflicted and don't know what to do. My shrink is kinda a jerk and a drug pusher and i dont really trust her and i'm scheduled to see a really good primary doc in about a month's time. i have no idea where to go from here and just hope I'm eventually going to be okay.

Congrats on quitting! Its not a fun or easy road. What anti-depressant were you put on? Are you still on it? Did you fall into any depression after you had quit adderall? Im curious to know because I'm on my 5th month of being done with damned adderall, but still fighting through some depression.

The video was amusing, but you have a history of saying really upsetting things. You think its funny when children get hurt? We al come here to lean on one another. These types of comments that you make are counter productive and very upsetting to me. Many of us are suffering in our quitting process. It certainly hasn't been easy for me and I was on a super low dose, but I'm dealing with the aftermath of depression. Reading things like that that you write are just plain awful. Please be mindful of this.

Great story. How long were u taking adderall for? How exactly did u go about quitting? Cold turkey? Taper? Did u use any supplements or other meds to help?

You were on adderall for 5 years...were abusing it....quit cold turkey and had absolutely no withdrawals or depression or anxiety after you quit?...how is that even possible? Are u taking any supplements or anti-depressants? I find this fascinating and kinda hard to believe. Wow.

i feel 100% the same way. i absolutely hate my job. im so unmotivated by it and i dont feel like i make a difference on earth with my current position. I also want to quit, but i can't. I have bills and a mortgage. I suppose i could always put my home up for rent. I dunno. I'm right there with you. Law School was the biggest mistake of my life. So it seems that way at this point, anyhow. I spend my days alone. Alone all day in a cubicle....alone at night after work......day in...day out.....i guess this is why solitary confinement is such a severe punishment in prisons.....thats my life right now....solitary confinement......physically...professionally...emotionally....it sucks. I dont think i'm cut out to sit behind a desk churning paper all day. It is killing me. sometimes i watch shows on Discovery or National Geographic where dudes are in the wilderness chopping trees or catching crab for a living. often times i wonder if there's a greater sense of gratification in a job like that. probably not. the worst part about this bullshit for me is that i was about to join the peace corps before i took my awful awful job. if it makes you feel any better, im right there with you and at the same time very very depressed. I'm still trying to figure out if my depression/anhedonia is from not taking adderall anymore of if its situational because i hate where i live and i hate my job. if anything, take comfort in knowing you're not the only one going through this. i see my life as a living hell. i know there are other people on earth suffering. legitimately suffering......and that i should not be complaining about my life....but alas...here i am....complaining.

hey quit-once. thanks for the message. i'm not so sure how the l-tyrosine is working. i take 1000mg every morning along with 5htp and vitamin b complex and vitamin D and multi vitamin and fish oil. i think you're right about my situation poisoning me. I've managed to isolate myself and for someone with my personality...thats very toxic. people tell me "oh go out and make friends" blah blah blah...when you're 33 years old...its not so easy.....it gets harder getting out there...especially where i live... i'm going to give my job some more time. i should stay there at least a year. but in the meantime im looking for other alternatives. I need to live somewhere where there's a sense of community. where i can immerse myself in the people there and have fun artistic and creative things to do. I grew up in the Princeton area of NJ. I wanted a change....didn't think it would impact me the way it did because i normally adapt to change quite well....i figured "sure! lets give philly a shot. the suburbs are beautiful..the city is great. it will be great change in my life!" For the first few months it was fantastic. I remember going for long runs and just shouting with joy. I was so happy with my decision to move and my decision to take the job i took. Well, after a few months, the honeymoon period of my job hit the f'n fan. The true colors of the industry i had immersed myself into started to shine through and i'm just so sick of it and it hasnt even been a year yet. I'm going to have to figure this all out, but the first step will be finding a new job. If i found something back to where my roots are in NJ i would take it. The market is just still pretty bad, so i don't want to take any big chances or be to hasty in my decision making process. There's something to be said about the familiarity of "home". I miss being able to hop on the train and be in the heart of manhattan. Philly and the surrounding suburbs just doesn't compare. I miss going to all the outdoor festivals in Princeton and just being part of that community. People shit talk new jersey all the time, but so many people just dont know what a beautiful state it is. and at the end of the day, home is home. I've let this decision infect my mind. I tried to make a change for the better. Variety is the spice of life, right? why not try something new? at the end of the day it backfired. It left me as a homeowner in a place i dont wanna be, working a job that is so f'ing awful that i can feel my brain just rotting there. I'm grateful for everything i have in my life. I'd be ultimately the most grateful with some peace of mind in knowing that my brain is going to heal from 4 years of adderall use. I would have never touched this shit if I knew how unhealthy it is for you. I just hope I come back out on the other end with the ability to be happy and passionate about the things i used to adore and love to do. As for a dog...i'd love nothing more than to get one....I can't get one until I know I'll have all the time in the world to dedicate to him/her. With the nature of my job and the fucking awful state my mind has been in, it would be selfish of me to get a dog. When i do get one, he/she will be part of my family and be loved 24/7. Until i know i can give 100% to a dog, I wont get one. In the meantime, I've been dating, but just have absolutely no desire to. So i've been out here and there, but i just can't seem to get into it or get excited about dating. Thats why this anhedonia shit is scaring the hell outta me.

Krax: I didn't feel great before adderall. Adderall helped me stay focused and positive with my studies and with my working life. Before the adderall, it always took me forever to ever accomplish anything or to finish assignments and to stay organized and positive. The adderall truly helped me with my day to day unlike anything ever had before. At the end of 2012, a friend of mine sent me an article about someone who had gone psychotic from years of heavy adderall abuse and ended up killing himself. It freaked me out bigtime. I started doing research and thats when i decided it was more likely than not going to be IMPOSSIBLE to be on this drug for the rest of my life (as i legitimately thought that was going to be the case). I figured there would never be a good time to quit and that i just had to pull the trigger right away and end the 10-20mg a day. I was mostly only taking 10mg a day, but still, going off of it has impacted me for sure. I've always lived a very healthy lifestyle with intense workouts and intense runs. The adderall never changed any of that. sure, it curbed my appetite a bit, but i still ate a tremendous amount of food because i was working out so much. Now that i'm off of it, its so hard just to get moving to do anything. Its a beautiful sunny day outside and im just sipping coffee watching tv, but im about to go for a long run. I'm waiting for my blood tests to come back on tuesday. I've been exhibiting symptoms of pre-diabetes or hypothyroid. There's lots of cancer in my family, so i'm hoping its not that. Maybe this is all just the intense depression and anhedonia after quitting adderall. The bottom line is i have no idea WTF is wrong with me and when/if it is going to get better....thats the scary part.

Its been almost 4 months since I've stopped taking adderall. Its 10:30am and I'm laying in bed. Couldnt fall asleep till 330am and woke up at 8. I can never seem to sleep well. Ive just been laying in bed since 8am desperately hoping for a little more sleep. Got a full blood test drawn on tuesday. I go back this tuesday to discuss the results and for a full physical. Im scared to death of whats become of me. The anhedonia is hitting hard. I cant seem to care about anything or have motivation or any bit of happiness. I feel pretty dead inside and totally hopeless. I used to love sleeping. Can hardly sleep anymore. Can hardly eat. I still go running to stay active but have a severe lack of motivation and energy so my runs are normally not longer than 45 minutes. I used to derive so much pleasure from life. From my passions for photography and food and travel and lifting wrights. After i quit adderall everything has come crashing down. On top of all of this, my quitting adderall came at the same time i took a new job, moved, bought a home for myself. I wish i had a time machine. I'd go back and would never have taken this new job (but hindsight is 20/20) an i would have never even considered planting roots here in the philly area. I miss NJ so much and i cry about my life pretty often. I just feel like my world has come to an end and that i never have anything that im happy about or look forward to. Will the anhedonia lift or am I brain damaged and doomed to a life of misery and depression? I was invited to a potluck lunch/dinner get together yesterday. I went, but i wore a fake smile the whole time. I used to LOVE being social and now i dont even really care. I had a few cocktails and some food and just mingled and bullshitted. I figured at 4 months things would be getting better. its so so hard to stay on top of things at work and i just hope i havent become some sort of moron. I used to work out like a beast. I used to run like the wind. I used to be passionate and happy and filled with positive hope. I used to love dating and thinking positively about a future with marriage and kids and having a healthy and positive lifre. Now im just alone. I sit alone at work in my cube all day long...i come home and im alone...or i go to the gym when i can and im alone there...im in a new area unfamiliar to me...and i dont even have it in me to meet new people or go out and do things. This is no way to live. I hope i pull out of this and pull through. How long for the anhedonia to go away? Will it ever? Im still not taking any anti-depressants. Just 5htp and l-tyrosine, vit b, d,c, mulit vit. and fish oil. Im just at my wits end with this awful shell of a miserable bastard that ive become. -S

Hey MFA. I didnt start the wellbutrin yet. So scared about fucking with my brain more than the adderall already has. Im gonna go to gnc today and pick up some L-Tyrosine. Plus my shrink is such a drug pushing jerk. She wont return CVS's calls for over a week now. She rx'd me 150mg xl for one week and then boosted it to 300mg from there. When i noticed that, she just said to have the pharmacy call her and if 150 is working out that i can just stay on that, but she seemed pissed off that i didnt want to raise my dose immediately after a week. I have an appointment with my primary doc on tuesday. Gonna get a full physical and blood work. Ä° wanna make sure my adrenal glands and thyroid are ok. Beyond that,ile i said....the wellbutrin scares me.:::i know that probably sounds ridiculous and weak of me but im really scared of psychotropic drugs now...but i very well may just start them if things dont get better....i fell asleep at 1030 last night....slept till 5:45 which is amazing for me, but i woke with dreadful anxiety so i had no choice but to pop a .25 xanax to relax me...i was then able to sleep till 9:45.....god damn this drug adderall... Its the poisonous apple for those with great ambitions.

hey man. at the end of the day, at least you're in B-school and not law school. This goes for all of you out there....if you know of anyone who says "i think i wanna be a lawyer"...punch them in the mouth. SOMETHING TO PONDER: George Carlin's wife died early in 2008 and George followed her, dying in July 2008. It is ironic George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent and so very appropriate. An observation by George Carlin: The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away. George Carlin

Oh great. now im even more anxious. Diabetes?!?! Im not overweight. Im not in THE BEST shape of my life, but im certainly not in bad shape. Diabetes does run in the fam, but no one in immediate fam has it. Ughhhhhhh. What have i done to deserve all this? im so heart broken and discouraged now

Ashley, have u had any insomia issues post-quit? How has your mood/depression been lately? Im hesitant to start my wellbutrin script. It really scares me. Going thru what im going thru now post-adderall im so frightened to do anything that could potentially make things worse. My level of fear right now is really high. I feel like i threw my life in the garbage. Ive been nothing but depressed and very anxious with periodic glimpses of relaxation and happiness. This is no way for a life to be lived. Im trying really hard to ride this out. Sometimes i wish i could just curl up in a ball and disappear.

Thanks for the reply Kyle. Im totally freaking out because most people here complain about sleeping too much and being really tired, ravenously hungry and depressed after quitting adderall. I, on the other hand, am tired and full of anxiety, have zero appetite, tend to get really cold a lot (and that was never ever a characteristic of mine), and im pretty consistently VERY thirsty. The insomnia is killing me. I must have been a real piece of trash in my former life to be dragged through the mental and physical anguish im being dragged through right now. I miss the old me so much.

Hey Guys: I've been having a terrible time trying to sleep ever since i quit. Yesterday marks 13 weeks off of 10-20mg a day and I don't really think im doing much better. I fall asleep without issue, but i surely wake up a few hours later and cant fall asleep. I lay there alone in bed and in absolute horror. I can't stop thinking about what could be catastrophically wrong with me. I've been having serious anxiety and depression lately. The anxiety is just crazy though. Its been worse....lately its not as bad as it once was, but its still pretty awful. I'm always really thirsty, especially at night after i fall asleep and wake up a few hours later, i could easily go through 1-2 liters of water. My eyes are feeling really dry lately too, and I dunno if thats just from a constant lack of sleep or something else. Naturally, I googled these symptoms and they all tie into Hypothyroidism....depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, just an overall slowed feeling, etc etc. I've found some posts online too where people are convinced that adderall has totally screwed with their thyroid and now they suffer from hypothyroid. I'm calling my doctor today because i really think i need to get blood work done. I can't keep living life like this. I feel like my life is in ruins and it all started after I quit taking adderall. It takes all of my might to go outside for a run and it takes great great effort just to go to work. There's no way I could possibly live the rest of my life like this. If there is a hell, I feel like im in it right now because I feel so tortured. When i come home from work, im generally so happy to not be at work, that i'll just get in a quick workout or run and then just sit on the couch and relax and watch tv. its like the only time of the day where i'm somewhat happy. I used to derive such pleasure from working out. I used to be a gym rat where I was in the gym for 1-2 hours a day 5 days a week. I feel like im totally falling apart. If anyone has any input on the thyroid issue, i would immensely appreciate it. I gotta grab a shower and head out the door and go to work and just pray to god that today isnt another misery and exhaustion filled day

I really have no idea what is going on right now, but I'm not going to question it because this is one of the first times in a long long long long time that i've actually felt calm and at peace. The funny thing about that is from the moment I woke up (3AM...wonderful insomnia) until the end of the business day, i was a wreck....filled to the brim with anxiety and having shifting moods going from completely depressed to over the top anxious. I'm hoping that this will last, because I'm so grateful to just feel normal for once. I'm not so sure that cold turkey'ing the adderall (for me at least) was the best idea. Every single other psychotropic drug is a drug you have to ween off of. Why would adderall be different. What forced me into a cold turkey quit was reading about how toxic adderall truly is....but maybe it would have still been physiologically the best to just ween off...perhaps the withdrawals wouldn't have been as bad.... The fact that i can feel as I feel right now is very confidence inspiring because I'm watching one of my all time favorite movies and having a glass of wine and I'm truly just enjoying it. I was never one to abuse adderall...i took my low 10-20mg dose a day for the better part of 4.5 years...but i think thats enough to make it a terrible poison. These little glimpses of peace and happiness give me hope that I didnt cause any sort of brain damage or neurotoxicity. I'm so grateful for this site and for all of you who have supported and continue to support me. I hope to one day give back to people on this site as much as some of you have given me, but right now, I'm still very emotional and very vulnerable and I feel like I can't be anyone's beacon of hope until I completely come out of the other end. I'd like to think I'm getting there, though. I can see how this drug can drive people to suicide and to psychosis and the fact that there's always a national shortage of it in pharmacies just goes to show how careless these doctors are with prescribing this piece of shit drug. They may as well be handing out russian roulette revolvers. I can't believe doctors would have the never to put kids on this drug. Absolutely disgusting. I keep a bottle of adderall on my desk. its the majority of my last script that i'd filled about 4 months ago....i know im strong enough to never open that bottle again....right next to that is my bottle of wellbutrin that i filled last week, but didn't take a single pill yet....i look at the both of them and cant help to think how both drugs act on the same neurotransmitters.....i'm gonna try to not take the wellbutrin if i can help it...but if shit hits the fan, i'll have to start cautiously taking them i suppose....i just cant help but think withdrawals from wellbutrin would be the same as adderall...but you get the cherry on top of the possible side effect of seizures. awesome. I've started to wonder if i've developed some sort of thyroid problem. I'm gonna have to go get blood work done because i wake up every night with insane and insatiable thirst. i fill my water bottle up time and time again and just keep slugging water. today, i must have drank 2-3 gallons at work. I couldnt even stomach any food until about 4pm. Also my eyes are always feeling dry. That could be from the awful insomnia brought about by the withdrawals...but these are also symptoms of hypothyroid...i've read a bunch of places online that amphs can cause hypothyroid......last f'n thing i need. I dont know where this winding road is going, but for once i feel at peace. This feeling has come and gone a bunch of times throughout this quitting process, and every time it comes, i hope it is here to stay. i gotta believe that one of these days it will stay for good. Ashley, MFA, Cassie, and Quit Once, and in recent days, LiL Tex & Lea....i just want to say thank you guys so much for all your support. Ever since i've quit, i've never had a desire to go back and im not scared that i will.....my fear only lies in being able to get over all this depression and anxiety....and maybe i'm getting there......nights like tonight i feel like i just may be....because this is not who i am....i just have to keep pushing through. and there's my rant. -S-

hey everyone. I'm 3 months off of 10-20mg a day after about 4.5 years use of adderall. while i'm happy i'm off of it...i'm still really suffering with depression. the depression kicked in pretty hard after i stopped taking adderall. i feel like it may SLIGHTLY be getting better but im nowhere near happy. im just so sad all the time. sad and miserable. my anxiety had gone away for a while, but now it comes and goes. sometimes its just so so bad. i fall asleep at nights and then crash hard and deep for a few hours and it feels so good, but then im just awoken with anxiety. so i'm sitting here with a bottle of a week's worth of wellbutrin (doc wants to start me off at 150mg a day and then boost me to 300mg after that). Thats the reason i only have a week's worth filled because i told my doc that if 150mg works, then i should just stick with that instead of getting my body used to a heavier dose. I guess we'll see how it goes. Right now, after adderall, im just so scared to take any meds. I've read a lot on the internet about how wellbutrin is almost like a methadone for amphetamines and that it has really helped people pull out of depresssion. Here's the thing. I'm so sick and tired of feeling depressed and unmotivated about everything. At the same time I'm also just dying to feel happy again. I'm just petrified at the notion of going on another med and then really struggling with withdrawals. im open to all your opinions. i think im going to start the wellbutrin, but im just really scared to. i just want you guys to know that i visit this site multiple times a day. I really wish there was a section where people have posted about complete recoveries....where people have gone back to being normal happy people. i really need to see that to have hope that i will one day be okay again. that i will one day be happy again. i was getting in my car yesterday to go to work and there was a cold chill to the air and i couldnt help but think how much i used to love that brisk feeling of cold air in the mornings. how i would slightly crack my windows as i drove to work with a steady cold stream waking me up and making me happy. i'm just drained. im dying to feel good again. i hope to god every single day that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

thanks lea. good to hear that you are staying strong. which antidepressant are you on? what dosage? how long have you been on it? i hope you don't mind my asking. are you taking any other supplements or anything? i just got back from my new therapist and he's really great. he's a sweet older gentleman who curses a lot and laughs a lot. he's a real person and i feel like he gets me and i feel like he's gonna help me reframe the way i look at life. i hope so at least. Thats my biggest problem. I see everything as a huge catastrophe. Anyways, im pretty sure an antidepressant would benefit me, but i wanna see how far along i can chug without one. Thats probably really dumb, but i wanna order some L-Tyrosine and see how that helps. ((SIGH))

Hey guys. I'm approaching 10 weeks of being off of 10-20mg a day. I know for many of you, it doesn't seem like much, but for me, it was enough to make me feel like I could accomplish anything and it was really helping me get through my day to day. I was just reading through the post that STANFORD LAW put up and it really hit home. As you all know, I'm a lawyer. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my last year of law school, but it did really help me get through the last leg of it all and then ultimately get through the bar exam. I've not been at ease ever since I quit. I have good days. I have bad days. But I've been pretty melancholy all around and to me, that is so saddening. Luckily I'm single, so I don't have a gf or a spouse or kids to upset with my bullshit sad mood im always in. I've been heavily considering anti-depressants, but those also scare the hell outta me. I have a new therapist who im going to start seeing today, so maybe that will help. I only want to go on anti-depressants as a last and final resort (especially after reading everything from QUIT ONCE and from CASSIE...i know they are both very much against subbing one drug out for another...i do feel the same way....but i just miss being happy). I didn't want you guys to think i fell to the wind or went back to taking adderall again, because i noticed that at the end of the string started by STANFORD, there was a lot of talk about people coming and going and not sticking around. I've been on the sidelines. I eagerly sign on every day in the hopes of reading success stories. Stories where people have pulled out of this awful depression and anxiety that comes with quitting. I just miss so so so so so much like feeling like everything's gonna be alright. I listen to a lot of classical music....a lot of jazz and bob marley and just try to calm the hell down and feel happy. I hope to God one day i pull out of this sadness....because im breaking my own heart day after day after day.

kyle are you still taking the wellbutrin or no? i remember you saying it put you into fits of rage

i only went back for a week to 5mg a day. i've been totally off now for almost 6 weeks. Its not easy. I have a script for wellbutrin, but im scared to death to fill it. i was so much happier in my life when i was taking 10mg-20mg of adderall a day. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Life has done a wonderful job at scaring the piss outta me. I was depressed before I started taking adderall, and the adderall not only helped me with finishing law school and the bar exam and helped me at work, but it just kept me going all day and i would feel positive and great. I dunno why, but I'm just SO scared to take an anti-depressant out of fear that i'll have to jump from one to the other to find what will actually work if one will work at all. I've always been a very stressed out and negative person deep down. For 4.5 years, the adderall calmed me down, gave me confidence, kept me way alert and gave me the boost i needed. It was great. And i would stay the hell ON IT if i could, and i can, but i choose not to for the only reason that I'm damn sure that this isnt something that you can stay on for extended periods of time. UGH. If this drug is only legal in Canada and the United States it tells you something. It tells you that the rest of the world is way more cautious regarding what they are allowing people to consume as medicine. The anxiety and depression that i've experienced as withdrawal from quitting adderall has been the worst i've ever felt in my entire life. The anxiety was so bad in the beginning that I'd fall asleep at like 11pm...wake up at 2am and not be able to fall back asleep again from the intense butterflies in my stomach. I had to go on xanax for a bit to fight off the anxiety and that helped and i've been off the xanax now for quite a while. That is yet another drug i dont trust. I'm trying to go herbal. I don't know if that is stupid or not. I've been researching lexapro, pristiq, and wellbutrin trying to figure out what may be the right anti-depressant for me (But I'm not so sure if I should even take one). There was a time when pharmaceutical companies didn't rule the earth. There was a time when people had problems, but they would push through them and survive because there was no other choice. I can't seem to figure out if the root of my depression is because I've been off of the adderall, or if its because I moved to a new area, bought a house, and now this place doesn't feel like "Home"....coupled with the fact that I have a VERY high stress job in a demanding environment. I wish I wasn't as emotionally weak as I am, and I think that is part of the problem. Everyone always says I'm like a big teddy bear. I'm a 230 pound fairly built dude, but i cry at the drop of a hat. I think about how much I love my family, and I cry. I think of fond past memories when I felt free and happy and I cry. i'm also starting to think that part of my depression is from this new job of mine that I don't really like very much. It pays well. But thats about it. Its so emotionally taxing for me. I'm already an eggshell when it comes to emotions and depression and it is just compounded by how much i hate my job. What an emotional gauntlet i've been through in the last few months. My god.

Ashley, Quit Once, & MFA: thanks for your replies as well. i always appreciate it. when i first went to go see her, i had lost a ton of weight. at that point in time i had been off adderall for about a month. Cold turkey. She's the one who put me back on it. I was taking it at 10mg a day. She takes the mind frame where "if it helps. take it." She thinks adderall is totally harmless if it helps you. And thats where I get confused and lost. I feel as though it had been helping me and keeping me motivated and focused. I dont think I could have passed the bar exam or gotten through law school without it. But I just dont think its something a person can be on forever? Right? i mean, i would stay on it forever if i felt like it was okay for my brain. But it just cant be. So, maybe the depression has just always been a part of my life and the adderall masked it and covered it up and made me happy. Now that the adderall is gone, perhaps i've just reverted back to depression and anxiety? Shit man, i wish i had this stuff figured out. im sure we all do, right? Anyways, i think im gonna go forward and fill the script for the Wellbutrin tomorrow morning and see how it goes. Thanks so much for all your comments guys. I know that KyleChaos started Wellbutrin, but now I think he's trying to get off? The MOST important things in life are to be happy and healthy. I got a taste of a drug that made me happy. adderall. and now i'm trying to figure out if my hypothesis is right. If this is indeed something that is super bad for you and something you can't be on forever. My Shrink today told me I could stay on it forever if I wanted to be. I just cant believe that that is true.

Sky & Lea: Thanks for your replies. I'm not averse to taking the anti-depressants. I just don't want to get myself in another bind like I did with the adderall. Quite frankly, if someone were to say to me "Hey. You can take adderall at your prescribed doses as you've been doing for the rest of your life" I'd do it. Adderall really helped me so much. I felt so motivated and on top of the world the whole time. But I just couldnt see myself taking such a chemical for the rest of my life. Even if it made me feel like I could accomplish anything. Also, whats interesting is that I was on 50mg/day of effexor for a few years prior to the adderall. But i Just couldnt focus on ANYTHING i didnt care about without the adderall. I was depressed and bummed out quite frequently, but then got put on the adderall and it was like a magic pill that just made everything better. Now that I quit adderall and I'm stuck in this fucked up depression, I'm just worried about going on another drug. I would like to try Wellbutrin and I think I'm just going to fill it and try it. I hear it gives a bit of pep which is what I need along with help focusing on the most boring things in the world. I just wanna get happy again. The adderall made me happy. Thats where I need to be. But I sincerely dont believe this is the kind of drug that someone can be on forever. ugh. oh well.

Hey Guys: So it was finally time to go see my shrink today to follow up on how I've been doing. I hadn't seen her for months because things had just gotten to be too busy with work and with life. Anyways, I've been pretty depressed after quitting adderall almost a month ago now. For those of you who dont know, I was taking 10 - 20 mg a day instant release for about 4.5 years or so. For the last year I was only taking 10mg a day. It helped me TONS to stay focused and positive and happy, but I really started to question how long I could really be on this kinda medicine. So naturally, I decided to quit. Anyways, the anxiety hasn't been so bad lately, but the depression has been horrible. The anxiety comes and goes, but im able to sleep a bit better at nights now. The depression is what really sucks. I'm just sad all the time and its been awful. Feeling worthless and hopeless. Feeling REALLY nostalgic for old times like when my brother and I were just kids growing up. I can think of anything from the past and it can bring me to tears and make me cry. The doc had previously written me a script for Lexapro, but I told her I never filled it because I dont wanna be pumped up with meds, but she really thinks I should be on an anti-depressant. She suggested PRISTIQ or WELLBUTRIN. She was offering to let me pick what I wanted to try. I found that to be really bizarre. So she wrote me a script for wellbutrin XL 150mg for one week and then up the dose to 300mg after the first week. I thought that was also really weird that she wanted me to raise the dose after the first week without seeing how the first week went. What if 150 is all i need? why would i bother raising the dosage? I think its so weird that she is also letting me pick my meds. I dunno. I think im going to get a 2nd opinion about whether to be on Pristiq or Wellbutrin. If any of you can chime in that would be great. Also, she doesnt think there's anything wrong with adderall and that if taken as prescribed (which i was doing) that there shouldnt be an issue and that quitting shouldnt be a problem. She made it sound like it was taking Flintstones vitamins. I'm just heart broken. I feel so sad all the time. I feel like such a fuckup and that I've made all the wrong decisions in life. Im a single guy. All i do is think about how much i love my family and how much I miss them and what a disgrace I am. As you guys know. I'm a lawyer. I have a good job. I have a home. But I'm just crushed and really sad and unhappy. I've always been a bit of a depressed person for sure. I think I've always just been able to cover it up. But I've also FOR SURE been a severely anxious person. Lately I just have no appetite and I'm just so super sad. I dunno what to do. Should I give wellbutrin a shot? Should i do Pristiq? i have no clue. I just wanna get better and be able to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and love my life like a normal fucking human being. I want to be able to control my sadness and control my depression and just be a normal person. Not some sad schmuck just wondering why his life sucks so much. IF anyone has wellbutrin stories, please chime in. -S

Hey guys. Its been a couple weeks since ive posted. I just read that entire article and im scared to death. For those who dont know, I was on 10-20mg IR a day for ~4.5 yrs. I quit cold turkey for about a month or so but my anxiety and depression went thru the roof. Went back on 10 mg a day for 2 months and then 5 mg a day for a week and now im 20 days off. Its been real hard and for the most part the anxiety is gone (today its actually bad) but i have some heavy depression and fatigue. I really dont wanna have to go back on. Im just constantly petrified about my general bill of health and hope to God that i can one day manage to be happy again. Im so very sad and wish someone would could just tell with 100 percent certainty that i'm going to recover and be a normal and happy person. I have a history o depression and anxiety. While on adderall this all went away but now that im off, im just really sad and anxious all the time. Sometimes i feel that its slowly getting better...but then days like today i just feel doom and gloom. Damn this fu*king 'medicine'. -S