tiptoe
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Posts posted by tiptoe
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Thanks to all for taking the time to read my story and offer your thoughtful replies! I know this is mainly a forum for those addicted to and recovering from adderall, but your insight into your own behavior while on adderall are very helpful to me in trying to understand and help my wife.
Thank-you @SeanW Your compassion is sincere, thanks for your insight into how you felt while on adderall.... it helps me understand my wife more. I hope you are doing well now!
Thanks @Frank B! Yes, I have brought up the issue of the adderall to her, several times, and in never ends well. She replies that she's on a "baby dose" and that its prescribed by a doctor who diagnosed her with ADD. At this stage she really believes that everyone else is the problem, not her.
Thanks @DrewK15 I hope so as well.
@nic123 Thanks, yours was the first story that I read this morning and the one that compelled me to write mine. There are very many similarities between our stories and it is truly heart warming to know that someone else really understands the agony of dealing with an adderall addict. My wife has started many projects over the last few years only to abandon them my day two. She has many great plans as well, but they usually only include talking about them and perhaps buying some items, but never anymore than that. If I tried to insist on having a serious discussion with her about her behavior she would eventually break down crying and proclaim what a horrible life she had and that she wanted to slice her wrists.... when someone you loves starts talking that way you just back off, and you become hesitant to bring it up again. And yes, I was always to blame... I can't remember a time the last few years that she claimed responsibility for anything.
Thanks again.
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Let me start by saying that I am so glad I have found this forum! I have spent the last hour reading many posts dealing with Adderall and how it affects marriages. I thank God that I am not going crazy and that I am not just "over reacting" as my wife puts it.
My wife of 23 years started Adderall about 8 years ago. She had just started a new job and was going to be working for a very demanding boss, this boss sent her home with a manual titled " (bosses name) Bible" and she was to read it and follow it to the "T". It wasn't too much longer that she had diagnosed herself with ADD and even pulled me in to confirm her diagnosis, I simply replied that "yes, it does seem that you have some of these symptoms". She made a appointment with her family doctor and was sent home with a self diagnosis checklist that she was to fill out and one that I was to fill out as well. She took both back to her doctor and was diagnosed with ADD and given a prescription for Vyvance, which was soon changed to extended release Adderall and then finally to regular Adderall. The family doctor didn't want to be involved in monitoring the meds so she was referred to a psychiatrist, who has been prescribing ever since.
When my wife first took the meds I was really excited for her! She was on the go! The kitchen got cleaned and organized, pots got stacked, lids got hung, spices got alphabetized.... I could go on and on... she was on fire! Unfortunately this only lasted for about 2 weeks and since then it has been a slow decline to the other extreme.
Today my wife is unbearable, and before I found this forum this morning I was on google doing research on the divorce laws in my state.
Lets start with the anger. Her anger and the things that will say when angry are off the chart. I literally tip toe around the house on egg shells and try everything I possibly can to not set her off. I have come to realize that there is really nothing I can do not to set her off, my mere presence in the room is often enough. She is angry/spiteful first thing in the morning before I even speak to her. I really hope I can convey the constant stress that is always present in my home. I know when she has taken an Adderall... she will become talkative and semi-nice... she will have plans for dinner or for stuff she wants to accomplish for the weekend, but I know from experience that by the evening she will be unbearable again. These positive bumps in her mood used to excite me, but now I resent them because I know they are drug induced and short lived. I feel like she is setting me up to knock me down later. I now realize that there is nothing I can do to keep her in a good mood and that everything I do can potentially piss her off, but for the sake of peace and because of my children (19 &21) I still try to tip toe around her.
Everything is always someone else's fault! Its always the "F...tards at work" the "stupid ass cashier" to blame. She has not taken responsibility for anything in years. Just this morning, while backing out of the driveway (late of course), she cut to sharp and got her car up against our mailbox and the rear wheel stuck in the wet grass. I had to winch her out and the whole time she was freaking out telling me to hurry because she was already late and cussing the neighbor because if they hadn't parked in the street she would have had plenty of room to back out and wouldn't have got stuck. Just last week she backed out of the garage (late again) and backed at an angle straight into my daughters car... this time is was my daughters fault...why? I don't know, and she never explains. When she is pushed for an explanation as to why shes mad, or why its my fault she just changes the subject... or gets madder.
She always loses things, keys, phone, shoes, hairbrush....and it is always because someone moved them, not because she just dropped them somewhere random. I don't even help her look anymore. How many times have I heard her freak out about leaving her phone in Target (actually she did that once) or the cashier at Walmart kept her debit card, only for her to find the missing item a few minutes later, but only after she puts everyone around trough a living hell and gets infuriated when no one else will help her look.
I don't think she is abusing Adderall in the sense that she is only taking her prescribed dose. I do think that she is taking more of her Adderall during the week and skipping it on the weekends. She literally stays in bed all day on Saturday. She might get up around 2ish to start getting ready, but that process literally lasts until she goes to bed (or I go to bed, because I always go first). She never goes out anymore, she would rather me go and get take out for dinner, as she puts it all the time "I hate people". Sunday is the same thing, she will get ready all day and then around 5 or so she will visit her mom. After visiting her mom she will go to the grocery store and do the weekly shopping... texting me non stop from the store about what we need and what do we have and about all the stupid "f...tards" at Walmart etc.... The grocery shopping is the only thing that she does anymore for the good of the family. I have to force her to go every weekend or else that would be the last chore that would get shoveled onto me. I literally do everything else! Cooking, cleaning, fixing cars, cutting grass... basically everything else that can occur in life if my responsibility.
She is the victim! She is dying, one day she will be dead and we will all feel bad about how we treated her... she says this all the time. She has lupus and kidney stones... both self diagnosed...and she refuses to go to the doctor to have it confirmed and/or treated. I have offered to go with her, I have bought her supplements and offered all types of advice and encouragement, but she prefers to do nothing. She literally moans and groans all weekend long.
On a more personal note, our sex life is now gone. We used to have a great sex life and actually we could never understand how other couples could make it without sex at least a couple times a week. This happened really gradually and then escalated quickly over the last year. Now sex is maybe once a month and that is only if I really, really, really am careful not to piss her off during the day (which means I essentially have to leave the house) and if I fulfill all her wishes that day, then I might get lucky. Many times I have pandered to her all day only to get cut out at the end by a manufactured outrage, eg. "why did you roll your eyes"? I always feel anymore like she is doing me a favor...
I have read where others have referred to there significant other as being emotionally vacant, I can totally relate. I really feel as though my wife doesn't feel emotions anymore. She makes cold comments sometimes that make me feel uneasy. I honestly don't feel like she loves me anymore, and have told her so. I know a lot of this may sound like typical marital stress, and I'm sure some of it is, but prior to Adderall our marriage was much better. My wife has zero interest in anything anymore, she goes to work Monday-Friday, stays up most of the night, falls asleep on the couch and then on the weekends she does nothing but stay in bed and on Sunday evening she will go to the grocery store.
I am at my wits end and I know the stress of dealing with this is affecting me and my kids.
Anyhow, this is my story to date... thanks for letting me share...
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My story living with my adderall addicted wife
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@SeanW
Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts! This is exactly how my wife behaves and just reading your comment really helps me in maintaining my sanity! She has become very immature, to the point that I honestly cannot have an adult conversation with her. She definitely avoids all responsibility! I have had to separate our finances because her lack of control and inability to plan and be "responsible" kept putting us in bad situations. Now her bills are lying around unopened and she simply doesn't care, she doesn't care that now her mom, my parents and myself are all getting calls from bill collectors for her overdue bills. There was a time (pre-adderall) that the mere thought that anyone outside of our immediate family would know anything about our finances would have devastated her... now she doesn't care.
@OnSomething I have always believed that she has suffered from depression, even prior to her being on adderall, and she has actually been on SSRI's several times in the past and the results have been fantastic... but unfortunately she came off them after a short period of time. I keep a daily journal, so I can literally tell you the last two times she was on meds for depression (its been years now) and when I reread my journal about how great it was having a "normal wife" and a "normal marriage" it just breaks my heart. I told her at the time she was on the meds how much it changed her and how it made her nicer, but evidently that was not enough for her to stay on them. Her psychiatrist, the one who prescribes the adderall, also prescribes her Zoloft and actually even told my wife that she was prescribing the Adderall under the condition that she would also take the Zoloft...she has never taken the Zoloft, and I am assuming that she is telling her Dr. that she is.
@Socially awkward Thanks for your insight into Adderall addiction. You mentioned being isolated for the last two years and as time goes on my wife seems to become more and more isolated. She absolutely avoids being around anyone, especially me, at night and on the weekends... I believe that if someone would take food up to her room she would be perfectly content not leaving the bedroom all weekend.
@Lachesis Atropos Thank-you for taking the time to share your story with me, I am sorry for the situation you went through... sounds really tough! I honestly don't think my wife is cheating on me, but hind site is definitely always 20/20 and I won't be too terribly shocked if one day I discover that she had an affair... When I confide with my closest friend about my wife and the things I am dealing with I know that he is thinking that exact thing (that she is cheating) because her behavior mirrors typical cheating behavior, but I think the only thing she is cheating on me with is Adderall.