Alliee

oops, tex, sorry to steal your thunder. I definitely was disoriented about the way this thread was set up I guess. That sucks about your TMJ. I think all of these things should be a warning that comes in everyday writing from the manufacturer and is given at the dr's office. Shire might think that's unreasonable in the business world.. but it's so necessary. Adderall impacts everyone differently, negatively, and hugely. It sounds like it needs at least a 20 page alphabatized list of warnings to go a long with the first perscription written at the dr.s office. especially with primary care physicians. Here are what I think my consequences are for now..I think about these a lot.. it's beyond frustrating on a bad day. Consequences -Loss of relationship with sister (best friend) -Mean things said to father I never would have said without adderall comedown -ignored my older brother when he was going through a tough time -told everyone in my community i was studying the LSAT (didn't study with my normal brain on it, didn't do well... it was not like me...) -volunteered for anything and everything (too much at once) -delayed finding a career path by three years because there was no anxiety to push me in the direction of finding a job when I quit the job i got right after college -Now I'm behind all of my peers in the game of life (this is not like me) -had two rocky relationships... unlike the ones I had pre-adderall, I'm normally a sweet, mild mannered, easy going, loving girlfriend.. on adderall.. au contraire. I analyze everything, am snappy, am quiet and robotic... this is not me! I normally make the conversation flow.. and I'm very carring! -I got in a relationship I probably never would have gotten in if my life had been more stable and more normal for me and I hadn't been taking adderall at the time. -loss closeness with my friends from high school when i moved back home a few years ago (they wanted to hang out, I always said no.. I was studying for the LSAT and "figuring out what I wanted to do with a law degree" (tons of very excessive research that amounted to nothing), losing tons of weight, and got really pail all summer) -unusually suspicious of others (I didn't even know this was a side effect.. but I was.. I was paranoid and started calling people abusive and all this crazy stuff...?...) -all of my normal social skills were gone and i wasn't eloquent and couldn't make a conversation flow - i lost my character -began to not care about anything.. was late to work all the time... normally i would have been to anxious to do this every day. this isn't like me! -i lost my need for relationships.. didn't care about my boyfriend and it built a bad foundation for our relationship.. i stopped taking adderall over christmas break... everything was going smoothly with my bf... then the day I started taking adderall.. we started fighting. i noticed this always happened. We'd not get in a fight.. then the day i took it again, without fail we would start fighting. then i stopped taking at the beginning of a grad school semester and ended up not being able to do any work.. just starred at my book.. because I was used to adderall.. I was just lost. So I withdrew from classes and didn't go back to grad school. (this type of behavior is not like me either) Then I had to tell people about it.. Adderall just disrupted me getting started in my early 20's... I still have a chance but I never would have gotten in any of that.. and I know I would have had a lot more character. People used to always admire me a lot.. they don't now.. and I'm 25 and single.. I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be the case either.

Good. I'm happy for you. I know a girl that started taking adderall in jr high because she was getting into trouble too early for her age. She stopped getting into trouble.. but the girl is not happy as a 26 year old. She is snappy. She has had a bf for a long time.. they get in long drawn out arguments (sure sign of adderall). The poor unmedicated guy. Also, she "works" so hard.. but to no avail. I think life is all about relationships and being who you are and contributing that way. none of her co workers liked her.. and although she did a ton of work for the gym that was a start up company, she got nothing out of it and is now transferring jobs. She always said her boss was going to get her in the best business school ever, but that never happened. If your heart isn't in the work (which with adderall it isn't.. you will have problems). Yes, you will go through hard times without it.. but at least a business won't be built on fake, generic adderall work (which isn't the best quality and clearly lacks that something special that you have that probably contributed to the idea for the business anyway). Stick through the hard times on your own, without adderall. With the adderall you wouldn't build skills, and the medicine would inhibit you when you are making important, emotional decisions, by taking your emotions and making them numb, too aggressive, or too artificially confident for the situation. That's my opinion. That being said.. there is one girl on here who took adderall for ten years. only her bf of five years knew she took it. She said she moved up the ranks in the corporate world for those ten years (so it did work for her) but now she doesn't know what to do and feels trapped, because she knows she couldn't be respected by the higher ups without adderall. That situation isn't worth it, I think. Finally, with adderall, I often feel dead inside. I never had that feeling. I always felt love for my nearest friends and family... but with adderall I don't have as much emotion. I have inattentive adhd, and adderall made me feel antisocial. and not to mention, I got ticks, my skin isn't as glowing, and my hair thinned. I'm not as healthy as I was. there are a toon of other problems I had with this but I won't go on here.

I have a feeling you will... but I am not really experienced. I just have a few questions. What is something you are passionate about? Something you want to do all the time? Is there a book that you love, or anything you love to read? Also, what is your current situation? do you have a job that you will have to go to while you go through withdrawl? Also, how old were you before you started taking adderall and what were you like?

Sure.. it's about 14 pages long in a word doc.. I just copy and pasted it. Do you want me to send it to you?

whoops

triple post... sorry! My computer is playing tricks on me.

You know? your situation is easy. You need to call the dr. and tell him never to write you a script again. If you really are having this much trouble quitting on your own after two months... do you think you can do it? Just cancel the script. Tell everyone around you that you can't take it anymore and then never take it again. You have to be strong. You still have a lot of natural strength left.. the only thing you dont' have is the terrible experience from adderall that most of the longer using members have... that is going to make us quit. You don't have the huge nagging unnatural problems that we have yet. You have the same old problems that you have dealt with your whole life... and that the people who know you expect from you and love you anyway for. I wish I could have those normal, natural, familiar problems back. Just stop taking the medicine. You have it so easy, I'm honestly happy for you.

You have only been taking it for two months? You don't know how lucky you are. I'm assuming youre worried because you fear your business is about to crash and you need your old mind back and can't afford to stop taking adderall for a week? Are you sure you couldn't postpone something? I really think you need to just stop taking it. You are so close to having your old brain. Adderall, over long term, permanently fries dopamine transmitters, depletes skills you have built on for your entire life, and just ruins the coping strategies that you have taken years and years to develop without even knowing it. After two months... you still have all of that stuff. You are just so lucky. STOP taking it!! It is really bad. In a few years you will be nothing but frustrated and angry and pissed off and you will realize that all of the good things in your life that you worked so hard for dissappeared subtly without any warning. The things you got just by being you for your whole life, things you were admired for.. are not only gone.. but forgotten... you knwo that saying, it's not how you start, it's how you finish"? Well.. even my closest friends and my sister don't even remember how I used to be. When I am on adderall they treat me like crap. Adderall is so evil. It really is. It will do really good things, but something equally bad will result because of the same event. It effects the people close to you negatively. Your popping a pill prevents you from playing your role in their lives.. i've seen it happen in my life... I am a problem. People around me don't realize it but I know what i should be/could be doing for them.. and would normally be doing... and I see what they are doing because I am not there.

Mike, thank you. You took some of my pain away. how did you do that? I think Im going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for the comforting words. I feel like smiling. You're a blessing to the world.

someone please find me and set me apart

I am sitting here crying and listening to Coldplay, Fix you. Just sent these two texts. To my ex boyfriend: "Really am sorry things were so difficult when we were together. I promise I don't normally fight like that and I was a different person on meds. It seems like you've fond what you're looking for. Happy for you." To my sister: "Really sorry for the way I acted on Adderall" As sappy as I am right now... "Tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace." ^yes, that's a fact^ I'm just listening to it over and over. It hurts to much to not have music on. (I'm such a weak person right now)

Are there any other's out there with Innattentive ADD? I took Adderall for three years. It ruined my relationships. I'm so happy to have this place to vent. I am normally a great girlfriend, but I had two rocky relationships since I started Adderall (very unlike the ones I had before the pill). I constantly was worried or analyzing non-sense. It's a very long story. But, now that I'm sober, I realize how crazy I've been. I want the three years back. I would be doing much better. I'm supposed to pick up a refill of Adderall tomorrow... I might take it.... so that I can clean my room... do my laundry... etc.... (just one last day?) The reason I don't want to take Adderall is because my relationships suffered tremendously. My little sister was my BEST friend. I loved her with all my heart and vice versa. But now I sometimes don't like her. She treated me like a different person on Adderall because I was a different person. I did not deserve to have one of the most meaningful and important relationships in my life destroyed[ like that........ If you read this could you let me know? You don't have to respond. Sometimes I just feel ignored by others in my life. Does anyone have ADHD and depression? What if I'm going to an ADHD specialist in a week. What if he decides to put me on medicine again? I just want the old me back.... even though the old me needed a lot of work as well... things are just so uch worse I guess.

Fix you is a good one. But, it makes me cry. I was robbed of the opportunity to have a wonderful boy fall in love with me. I fought to much.. (i'm not a fighter though) but with adderall I made things awful for our relationship... and he tried so hard anyway. I eventually broke up with him. He is now dating an adorable, happy girl. And I'm here in shambles, devastated by what I've become in these last three years since starting medicine. My ex bf would have been there for me like the lyrics of "fix you" describe. I'm 25 now.. will anything that wonderful come my way again? I'm guessing no... I think that's the punishment I have to endure because I took adderall with hardly any breaks for three years... I know I missed out on so much. It's depressing. I'm so depressed now.

ugh, exactly me. I don't care anymore. I don't care about relationships. I don't want to hang out with anyone. I'm just a shell.

I feel so incredibly low. I want to die. I don’t ever want to take care of achild because I would cause them hurt and pain no matter hoow I tried to do this differently. if my child were troubled I would blame myself and i couldn’t take that on my own. i think adderall ruined my life for sure. i’ve never been suicidal. i do want to die but i can't do that to my family. i have done disgraceful things in the last three years. it is not fair. i’m sure the company knows this is not a good drug for some. people say it is evil. that’s the word for it when you’re talking about my life. i lost my character completely. completely. i feel nuts writing this. why can some take the drug and be ok? this is a “situational†problem and maybe a brain chemistry problem... that has been overblown majorly by adderall. I was ok before the drug, I was much, much, better off. now that i’m not taking it i look around and have damaged everything in my life. shambles, corruption, self destruction. on add forums there is a thread that says, “share your adderall success stories†this thread is misleading. The only reason to start a thread like that is because there have been complaints. these aren’’t minor complaints... my problems are devastating. i have caused so many terrible things to happen to people, just by being a part of their lives in the last few years. this is not me. Adderall was one of the worst mistakes i’ve ever made. I've ruined two relationships, the side effects were out of control, i didn't even know they were there or that they were possible sideeffects. i had a psychologically adverse reaction that was more extreme then I ever could have grasped on my own. help... i am supposed to pick up another bottle tomorrow. i am afraid to cancel a perscription... i'm supposed to start a teaching aide job in two months. should i take it? the whole world thinks im doing human resources.. i have switched a ton in the years while on adderall and everyone in my small town thinks differently of me. my character is gone. my reputation is ruined. people used to love me and want to be like me. now i'm a train wreck, three years later. what did this drug do to me,... it can't be fixed. please respond. please help.

I wrote this letter to Shire. I was on 20 mg XR for a two and a half years. This past month I discovered IR, and have been more of my normal self. I think I had some withdrawal symptoms on Friday. I found myself hysterical in the middle of the night and feeling really scared and upset after adderall had worn off for the day. This had to do with a scary man at work that I was not really phased by because of the Adderall "numbing" zombie like effect. It's important for people to have normal reactions, and adderall takes that away. Here is the letter I wrote in the middle of the night because I just realized that Adderall's manufacturer, Shire, funds the research done by all of the best doctors and researchers in our country. I'm talking, Yale, Harvard, Mayoclinic, everyone. No wonder the best treatment for ADHD includes "medicine" and not really any "skills" yet. Ugh. So wrong. Common sense tells me Adderall is not right. However, I do have the Innattentive type of Attention Deficit Disorder. So, maybe this is why I am not reacting well to Adderall (I just realized this yesterday). That all being said, I still take it. I want to get off of it and my parents are going to help me. I had a strange panic attack on Saturday in front of them. After the one I had on Friday night. I will tell all about this later, but here is the letter I wrote when I was hysterical friday night. This is not like me. I sent this to Medinfo.org... probably not even the right place, but I had just sent them in inquiry about the effects adderall has on my brain (not just the good stuff...i.e. frontal lobe light up). But also the bad stuff. I asked what it dimmed down? And what permanent effects it had. I did not get a clear answer. Only scientific writing. I will write more on the subject later. Wish I could do it all day and get to the bottom of it but have to go work at my dad's office. Thank you. What I'm about to tell you all is so tragic for me and it's the truth. No one knows the terrible things that have happened to me as a result of the way my brain has changed because of Adderall. I'm just a 25 year old girl. I was on it for three years. I have had more lows than ever before but it's all been gradual. One of the many of my issues is that I don't have the same boundaries. I work at a dr's office as office staff. There was a patient there today who was the scariest man i've ever encountered and his movements and intense stairs at me make me sob now that the adderall has worn off (12:25 am). But when I was in the office I didn't even care. I still waved goodbye to him and flashed a big smile at this man. The effects of adderall get worse in this situation. Looking back, only now do I realize there was more to it. A lady who I work with who is nothing but happy all the time, even when her mother died, she was strong, but today there was something really wrong with her. Looking back I realize that she could see in the reflection of the picture what was happening, that's why she was so sad today, and she realized that I flashed a huge smile at him anyway. She thinks there is something wrong with me. There is. It's adderall. Do you realize that this is just a day in the life? This is not an e-mail I saught out to send because this happened. This kind of strange thing, and many other kinds of strange destructive things have been happening to me for three years since I've been on this drug. I got another e-mail in response to one I had sent a few days ago, and as I lie in my bed, crying, again, at something new and crazy that I experienced, I remembered I still had google up, so I decided I'd write it all down. To protect my e-motions from you all. I'm just going to go ahead and say, that I know I will only get a generic response, and you will keep making your millions and giving grants, when many good, unsuspecting, trusting, healthy, people have had their lives turned upside down because they have an already confusing disorder that's treatment has been taken over by your company. It's irresponsible. It's destructive. It's evil. So many people that love me and depend on me are numb towards me. They think they've done something wrong to make me as strange as Ive become, suddenly, and gradually, in these three years. Not being able to put a finger on why is your companies fault. It is your responsibility to explain in normal, every day words, EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY WHAT THE CHEMICALS ARE DOING AND/OR HAVE DONE PERMANANTLY TO MY BRAIN. Every good person knows this.

I've been taking adderall for three years. I am not 25 years old and look back and realize that I would have been better off in life had I not taken it. I am still "looking" for the perfect career, while all of my friends already have been working 9-5's mostly since they graduated from college. I would not have been comfortable in the situation I am in now had I not been on Adderall. I would have worked harder and pushed myself to have a more normal and expected lifestyle for my age.

I take adderall all week, then don't on saturday and sunday. I sleep the day away on Saturday. I hve trouble sleeping, but can sleep, get out of bed just to walk downstairs and get food, come right back up and fall asleep again and not wake up until the next morning. I am just so exhausted after a week of adderall and work, and then not taking it. I want to get off of adderall but I'm scared to. Will post more later. Mike- thank you. We are lucky to have this site.