quit-once

Clean time starts with the moment after you took your last pill. I am sorry for your recent relapse. I will be the first to acknowledge that the highs I experienced on adderall were euphoric and highly pleasurable. But the harm the addiction was causing to my life was simply not worth the high. Once I accepted that I could no longer experience the high without the addiction, I filed those euphoric moments into pleasurable past memories and moved on with my Quit.

It does not matter why you cannot control your doses. Adderall is an addicitive, manipulative drug that fucks with the way you think. I bet you were getting so wrapped up in your binges that you couldn't keep track of the last time you even took a pill and it just becomes one big blur. What does matter is why do you want to quit adderall? Quitting means quitting, and that requires total abstinence from the drug, for the rest of your life. If you can't handle looking at it as a forever endeavor, then just take it one day at a time. You have acknowledged that you are powerless over this pill but you are still wondering why. That is just the nature of an addiction. Once you have crossed that line from casual use to uncontrolled binges, you have burned the bridge back to recreational use, for the rest of your lifetime. Sure, you can relapse in the future, but the addiction will always return. That is just the sad universal truth about addiction, and until you accept it you will struggle with quitting. One more thing is that you still believe that adderall helps you to "get mad work done and have a super productive evening", and then the next day you will be "normal again". Sorry, but I don't believe that either one of those statements are true. It is a manipulative drug that only makes you think that your time on it was super productive. But you won't understand how that works until you have been off the addie for many weeks, months or even years.

@Justin: do you smoke? have you ever inhaled a dose of toxic gas like chlorine or ammonia? have you ever had allergy sensitivity tests done? These may help you identify a root cause of your lung problems. @Jon I saw the same things resulting from prednisone use in my loved ones, especially the thin skin. Also bone loss and kidney problems.

My sincere congratulations to you, LilTex! By sticking around this forum and sharing your post-adderall life with all of us, you have shown us that a full recovery from the awful adderall addiction is not only possible but something to look forward to. Thanks for hanging out here!

Good God, Prednisone? That is one harsh hormone, dude. It is a drug they like to throw at just about anything becaues it gets quick results. Kinda like adderall in that respect, and I understand it makes you feel good too. I saw both my mom and my dog treated with prednisone and they had to take it to their death. The side effects are harsh over the long term. I believe prednisone should be used as a last resort when everything else has failed.

I am not sure what the trigger was, but during periods of heavy adderall use, I would get these fits of prolonged sneezing that would cause my voice to become hoarse. These sneezing periods were always followed by a runny nose. It was like the water broke in my nose because it was just a constant stream and it was worse than having a cold or allergies. It would usually last for a day or so. I had a meth-using friend who also experienced this problem, and I thought it was because she snorted. I never snorted adderall after one attempt. It only happened to me when I exceeded about 150 mg in a day, and not every time. I also experienced tears of fire where my eyes would drip tears that burned like acid, sometimes for hours. I was so concerned that I was doing permanant damage to my sinuses that it kept me from using more than 150 mg in a day most of the time. It was also one of my top five reasons for quitting. The good news is that this condition has never returned since quitting adderall.

I don't know what will happen when millions more Americans get health insurance coverage. A very good question, Justin. I have pondered this question several times since reading it last night and up until now, I never even considered this angle of health care reform. It is likely that more prescriptions will be writtin across the board with greater access to health care. But will that lead to more addiction? Have people already found their drug(s) of choice, legal and illegal, without having seen a doctor? I will come back here with an edit if I form an opinion.

When you talked about visual processing ability I wondered if you had a problem remembering what you saw or even a vision handicap. But the hand-eye coordination makes more sense to me now. Adderall really fucked with my visual processing ability. i had horrible depth perception and couldn't even catch a tennis ball. I found that some computer games helped to restore my processing abilities, and I spent time in early recovery just throwing a bouncy dog ball against a brick wall and catching it with each hand.

Blesbro, I just googled clean foods after reading your post and now I have a much better idea of what you mean. Here is how I understand it: a clean food is an an orange because it is all natural. A less clean food is orange juice because it is somewhat processed, and a not clean food is orange jello because it is a mostly artificially flavored (fake) food. I get it now. I agree with the concept but eating only clean foods is easier said than done. Regarding the eating only when hungry, I entirely agree. Most of my life I have preferred to skip breakfast and eat my first meal of the day around noon. That became really difficult to do during adderall recovery because my stomach was really twisted from years of abuse. But, eventuallly, I was able to get back to eating two large meals a day and a late night munchie snack. I can also tollerate a wider range of foods than I did right after quitting (even if some of them aren't very clean )

My benzo of choice was ativan, and I pretty much had stopped taking it by the time I quit adderall. In fact, since quitting adderall, the only time I have taken attivan is when I am traveling for work and sleeping in a hotel room ( only a few nights per year). I was lucky enough to escape that addiction. So here is my perspective of imsomnia without the complication of benzo addiction or withdrawl. During the first year of two of recovery, I was frustrated that I couldn't sleep on my terms. I became a morning person. I could not stay up late and crashed on the couch most nights between 9-10 PM. And I would awake at the crack of dawn, even earlier during the dark season. I had a hard time staying asleep all night too, and most nights I would get up at least once to pee. It was difficult to go right back to sleep, too. I believe that adderall was hard on my kidneys, and I also believe that calcium pills and even vitamin d is hard on the kidneys too. I have been sleeping much better since my pill cleanse in september. I am still not the night owl I would like to be and most of the time I go to bed by 11, but I have been sleeping through the entire night and have been able to sleep in on some rare mornings. I require seven hours of sleep, and I just can't sleep any more than that even if I try. (I was lucky to get five hours of sleep during adderall.) My experience with sleep disturbances during recovery was not as much about insomnia but more about sleep timing and staying asleep. One other thing that messed with staying asleep in early recovery was muscle soreness, especially in my middle back, and regular yoga practice over the last year has helped to reduce that issue. Another thing that really fucks with my sleep is drinking alcohol and I sleep a lot better when I don't drink beer after dinner. GERD and acid reflux also used to mess with my sleep but I beleive that part of recovery is also behind me now.

What does this mean and what are your symptoms?

On the History Channel! It was a show called "High Hitler" and it detailed his daily injections of "vitamultin" which was a vitamin and amphetamine cocktail. It showed footage of him in towards the end where he could not control his shaking and he had to hide his hands during troop reviews.

Nine months is a significant mile stone, Justin. I started feeling a lot better with more sustained energy around nine months. I too still struggle with procrastination, but I have to put in the context of my whole life. Before adderall, I always did wait till the last minute to write a term paper (or my thesis for that matter), and I always used to wait until April 14 to do taxes and Christmas eve to do shopping. Adderall just put more stress into that procrastination and it was even worse during recovery. Anyway, congrats for nine months!

Blesbro, how do you define "clean foods"? Can you give some examples of the clean foods you like to eat?

ADDrew, I applaud your efforts to get differing viewpoints about using this drug. I am sure you are aware that the opinions expressed around here will be biased against using adderall - otherwise we would still be using it and posting on drugs-forum.com. or addforums.com (both sites are worth checking out). Quitting is a huge and personal decision that needs to come from within. Whether you like it or not, addiction is the reality of amphetamine usage, whether you abused the drug or not, and it is nothing to be ashamed of, either. But that is exactly why you do not feel "normal" when you don't take it. Recovery from adderall addiction is a multi-year process which you can verify by reading some of our stories. In fact, you may feel out- of- sorts for the entire first year of quitting. It is not something you can quit and go back to and cycle through use and non use without feeling like total shit for a long time. So the decision to quit requires total commitment. By the way, the most famous case of amphetamines causing parkinsons disease was Adolph Hitler. Also, JFK had some long-term amphetamine issues as well.

If you can't find any reasons to stop taking adderall, then you shouldn't even attempt a Quit. Do you believe that is a drug you can continue taking for the rest of your life? Do you believe it is causing harm to your body? And if so, do the benefits of using adderall outweigh the proven negative effects of long term amphetamine use? (i.e. Parkinsons disease)

All Nighters Casino Gambling Especially all nighters while casino gambling

Some time this month, both LilTex and InRecovery will reach a three year anniversary of their freedom from adderall addiction! I just wanted to be the first one to extend my admiration and congratulations to two of our most valuable members.

At the time those pictures were taken, I remember thinking "that was a good picture" big, bright eyes with huge pupils. When I see those pictures now, I see a hollow expression. Like the lights were on but I wasn't present. And I too spent time in front of the mirror thinking "I am soooo fucked up right now".

ZK, I love that cartoon! Arguing about beliefs...religious, political, or anything else somebody has placed in their "belief" file is pointless because they won't allow the FACTS to get in the way of what they want to believe

Hey Sebastian, congrats for ten months. I encourage you to go back and read some of your earlier posts after you first quit. Your anxiety was so overwhelming that Falcon and I had to tell you to calm the fuck down (sorry if it seemed harsh). You have come a long way since then.....new job, greater stability, less depression, less anxiety. And you do contribute to people who have things in common with your story. It isn't about how much or how often you post, but the ability of a post to get through to the person(s) needing the advice and support. You seem to connect well to the folks in the legal profession and also to those who, like you, did not abuse the drug but grew to hate the addiction anyway

Congrats for five months. ZK. that is about 150 days give or take a few. When you get to measuring it in years not days it feels like you have made some life-long changes. At five months, I finally found the courage to unload all of the pills I had been saving. Saving for what? my friend asked me....and I had to search my soul for an answer. "in case I get severe allergies?" no, there are other pills for that. "In case you were dying." he said confidently And I had to agree that is the one time I would go back to the adderall and go out in a blaze of glory, high on everything I could get my hands on. Since I was not planning on dying before the pills expired, I gladly gave him my entire stash. Rearding cleaning up the messes adderall left behind....mine were more physical messes of clutter piles everywhere. I still have a few areas in my home that have not been sorted and purged since adderall. I am always amazed what I find because there is always a way to date these clutter messes back to peak adderall (receipts, newspapers, etc) I just cleaned up a shed that had not been de-cluttered since adderall and I found some lost things. I still have the tool bench in my garage to deal with and a few other areas. What I have found is that once these areas get uncluttered and cleaned up, they now stay that way. I can't believe how I used to let the dishes pile up until there were no clean dishes left in the house, and I have a fucking dishwasher! Now, it drives me nuts if the dishes are not put away at the end of the day. Just a few rambling thoughts.....I sure do not miss adderall.

. "Also, I've been having CRAZY sugar cravings lately on a daily basis..... I'm not sure why, but I think I'm addicted again. It's so hard to control. Do any of my fellow runners deal with this? Maybe I need to be eating more high quality calories? I feel I eat a LOT though......" I have found that protein quells hunger in general. One nature valley protein bar and a package of nuts satisfies me for hours. I have also found that sugar addiction is a choice that you get to make once per day. If I consume more than ten grams of sugar at once I get cravings all day long that are hard to control. Sometimes I look at sugar in miligrams rather than grams and that makes it seem like more like an evil drug or something like salt. Sugar is evil!

FreedomsWings, I believe you have come up with a very successful strategy for quitting and accountability. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of your efforts. You have been hanging around here for a long time and you seem to be finding the right strategy for long term quitting success...one day, one month, one "60 days" at a time. You Go!

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