quit-once

That is a very personal decision. I held onto mine for five months until I could no longer see any possible reason for needing them again. But they were not accessible to me. I was not strong enough to just keep an open pill bottle sitting around when I first quit so I locked them up. It is the weirdest kind of security blanket. How can we be so attached to an inanimate fucking pill?

I completely lost my interest in music while using. It was one of the first things to return - just the simple appreciation and listening. DDaniel you have the right approach to quitting. Especially your willingness to forego your good job if it doesn't fit your post- Adderall personality. But I doubt you will need to do that. And also your appreciation for not being amped up is a really big deal, especially at this early point in your recovery. Great that you did not have to hit a rock bottom - just a desire for a better life. One of the things that sustained my quit was the realization that this addiction was completely unsustainable. You always need to be on a pill and the dosage required for its effectiveness will always increase. Welcome to a better life - life beyond addiction. Very wise words from Jon. The most important thing for me is to never relapse on speed. It is why I carefully chose my screen name as such.

I shop at a Kroger store and they have it. WalMart does not. It is in the dairy section. Sweetened or unsweetened. Lots of calcium. I highly recommend it.

Thanks for that info on focus factor, SweetC. I had no idea it was like a multivitamin. I will definitely not be buying it because I have my own way of choosing which vitamins or minerals to take in addition to eating healthy. I think mineral supplements in general are hard for me to take and can interfere with my sleep. Regarding that coconut oil, I get some of those good fats from drinking blue diamond's almond-coconut milk beverage. It is delicious. Welcome to the forum. This is a really great little online community with a common cause.

I have never really thought of grouping recovery into those five areas. It makes perfect sense to me. I still struggle with energy and motivation more than the rest. But a year ago I was most concerned about my memory and thanks to the lions mane my focus and memory have come roaring back (no pun intended). I wonder if the lions mane is more effective in the later stages of one's recovery? What is the focus factor composed of?

LIONS MANE MUSHROOM regular yoga practice really helps me focus, too. Edit: Some medications, like antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds (especially the benzos) can be detrimental to memory and focus - I just read about that on Google Health News today.

Here is an exerpt from Mike Tyson's op-ed in today's New York Times: "I’ve learned that being sober is more than just avoiding drugs or alcohol. It’s a lifestyle focused on making moral choices and elevating the things that make life worth living to the forefront. Don’t get me wrong. If I craved drugs or alcohol, I’d still give in. I could never fight those cravings. But when I am focused on doing good and being good, and practice the day-to-day mechanics of a sober, healthy life, I don’t get those urges to do bad things to myself"

Sounds extreme. I realize you are terrified of the withdrawal and lengthy recovery process, but you WILL survive it if you are determined enough to quit and stay quit. Why would you like to quit at this point in your life? One thing in common amongst all of us recovering amphetamine users is that we did, indeed quit the drug and accept our recovery ups and downs as part of the process. We have also accepted that total abstinence is a critical part of that process. However, if my mind were still influenced by Adderall use, I would think the process you are describing would be worth trying. Your mind is wired differently on Adderall, and not always in a bad way. But it does completely change the way you think and sometimes the over-rational becomes irrational but you can't see that through the haze of drug use. I suggest the old fashioned, boring, painful but very successful method of a simple cold turkey Quit.

Ashley, it is more than a new chapter - it is an entire section of your biography that you are beginning, and right now you are just drafting the outline. Keep an open mind and look for something that both interests you and challenges you regardless of what field your degree was in. If you are lucky, you will be working the rest of your life. Might as well have a job or line of work you enjoy and the money will naturally follow.

Those are great tips for people who are just beginning the process. Just curious - what were your major reasons for quitting and what has kept you motivated to make it work the first time?

All of the fish who live downstream thank you in advance for not flushing your pills.

A lot of people see Adderall as a kiddie drug. Like children's asprin or Flinstones vitamins. They have a hard time taking it seriously, even though it says "amphetamine" on each and every pill bottle.

There are a lot of missing pieces. For example, I am not aware of ANY study that follows stimulant drug users over the long term - like 5, 10, or 20 years. I am also not aware of any studies that explore the side effects of abuse at higher dosages. I don't believe the process of recovering from stimulant drug use has been explored in any meaningful way. This web site is full of anecdotal stories but none of it is scientific. It is like we are the pawns of one big uncontrolled experiment and nobody wants to see the results.

"I'm not back to my pre-Adderall brain and probably never will be" I like that statement because it means we have mentally grown. My pre-Adderall brain was seeking.....stimulants. Having learned that life lesson on addiction, I hope that will never be the case again.

Don't underestimate the benefits of caffeine during early recovery. I wouldn't take all those pills every day. Just take what your body tells you it needs. Coffee, tea, redbull, 5 hour energy, and workout supplements laced with caffeine were useful for my first year or so after quitting. My post- quitting depression peaked around day 5 but actually life kind of sucked for several months afterword. It was hard for me to get excited or happy about anything during early recovery.

I used to think I *deserved* the horrible physical side effects while using and the difficult recovery process after quitting because I abused the drug and then became addicted to it. I am not so sure about that anymore.

I just love reading posts like this. Congrats to you, Occasional1 !

Here is a nice, brief, two page NY Times article http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/30/health/adhd-experts-re-evaluate-studys-zeal-for-drugs.html?hp questioning the widespread use of stimulant drugs for treating ADHD in children. It helped my understand why they favor drugs over traditional psychotherapy. What is missing is the relative harm these drugs can cause in one's life and the lengthy and difficult recovery process, even for those who "took as prescribed". Maybe it is different for children.

L-Tyrosine is the active form your body can use. Amino acids (and other chemicals) have a D form and an L form. The L form is what you need for the supplement to work. Good job unloading your burden. If you have also cancelled them at the doctor level you are well on your way to becoming Adderall-free.

Thanks for the honest and thoughtful response. Now for some of my feedback: 1) If you can not find anything especially negative about relapsing, then how about listing how you believe it helped you. It is important to acknowledge, but not glorify, how Adderall may have helped you. As long as you remember it in the past tense. Look to your answers to question number two for this. 2) You have had a lot on your plate lately. I can understand how you were looking for any kind of relief or coping mechanism. Some problems or emotions can get blown out of proportion and other problems can be glossed or over or numbed-up by using speed. Your brain has been re-wired by the Adderall and it takes a long time to get over that during recovery. I believed that Adderall helped me to make decisions by thinking outside of the box and coming up with creative solutions. It also makes existing depression seem a lot worse during the withdrawal periods. 3) I suggest you try tyrosine. Get a high quality brand like GNC. Take 500 mg 2-3 times per day on an empty stomach. 4) If you are totally committed to quitting then do whatever it takes to succeed. You could begin by getting rid of your remaining pills. Maybe enlist the help of a friend or relative for support. The best motivational tool you have is your own response to question #5. 5) It is good that you looked into these and other options and tools for quitting. Quitting is a process, and you are in the early stages of working through it. that is the whole point of this web site is so that we can all work through our own quitting and recovery processes with the support of others from wherever. Please feel free to post as much and as often as you need to in order to figure things out.

May I suggest (sugarfree) Red Bull? "Stimulates the metabolism". It says so on each and every can!

Were there any major consequences from your recent relapse? Why did you decide to use it again? Have you tried L-Tyrosine to mitigate the depression? On a scale of 1-5, how committed are you to quitting for good? and finally my prior question: are you willing to enter a program if you cannot quit speed on your own?

You are in a special place and it's called Adderall Hell. Let's try to sort this mess out. Taking it for depression is problematic because it kinda works for that, as long as your supply holds out. I took it for depression for around two years and as long as I didn't run out of pills it kept me emotionally numb. If you have had a lot of bad things happen in your life lately then you may need or wish to remain emotionally numb until bad things quit happening and you feel ready to deal with your issues. The big problem is that running out of pills can be devastating because of the depression caused by adderall withdrwal. You may want to consider an antidepressant drug if your adderall supply or money is limited. Using alcohol or other depressants to fight depression is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline because it is merely a liquid. Using adderall to treat depression is only slightly better than alcohol because the withdrawal causes its own intense depression for a long time. So you need to man up and make a decision Oyvey. You could continue taking adderall for your depression but you need to make a commitment to sustain your addiction with enough pills so you are not going through the use-and-withdraw cycles every month. You could choose to fight your depression with anyghing else BUT adderall. Be careful here because addiction can be a motherfucker, and you would likely find your way back to adderall (or meth) anyway. You could choose to fight depression and addiction and commit to total sobriety. Are you willing to enter a program if you cannot quit on your own? Or you could stay in Adderall Hell and find your new rock bottom. Not a pleasant place to be. I am sure there are many more options for you to consider as well. My point is- don't make it any harder that it has already become from your brief dance with addie.

I get it at Whole Foods, but I am sure you can find it online too. I like the Host Defense brand. It costs about $34 for a bottle of 60.

Have you tried the Lions Mane mushroom? It almost completely cleared my mental fog moments. I have been taking it since last April and I have seen substantial and sustained improvement in my memory and cognition. Lions Mane, fish oil and tyrosine are my main brain supplements and they are key to my tranquility and mental clarity. When I do have brain farts, I can usually attribute it to drinking or weed.