quit-once

I cant fix anything, but I will send Mike a message about it right now.

I have been adderall free for about 30 months, and I still twitch. Mostly in my feet and legs, and not nearly as intense or as often as when I was using. But I still have these weird deep muscle twitches that I never had before adderall. I have found this twitching activity is related to my body weight...when I gain even a few pounds, the twitching gets noticibly worse. When I maintain a lean body, the twitching stops. I sure hope I didn't fry some nerve tissue from my long term adderall abuse.

Productive. (and it's my day off, too)

Ali, you are in a very tough place. How is your quit going? I don't want to discourage your sincere attempt at quitting but I am concerned that all the pieces of the quitting puzzle are not in place, yet. tell me if I am wrong....but you believe you have to quit adderall because you are afraid of loosing your loved ones beacuse of the selfish and foolish behavior that heavy adderall use promotes. If that is your sole motivator, it will be a tough ride for you. What about your own body and have you experienced any of the nasty side effects? Do you believe you have an addiction to adderall? You said you do not want to quit. When I quit I wanted it to succeed worse than anything else in my life. I wanted to quit for a year before I actually put the pills down, and the last few months, the only reason I kept using was because of the physical addiction and I had to wait for a slack time at work to quit, then focus on my recovery. I would like to pose a question to anybody reading this: Did anybody succeed with quitting, when they really didn't want to quit in the first place?

ZK, I agree with needing to deal with your cig addiction now. If you believe you need to quit, and you really want to quit smoking, now is the time. I found it easier to just put the whole addiction mess behind me and move forward with life. I linked cigs and addies as mutual friends that supported one another. I was a smoker for 30+ years. Of course it wasn't easy, but eliminating those two insidious addictions from my life helped me focus better on adderall recovery. Oddly enough, I still miss the smoke once and a while but I never miss the adderall. Finding my own personal freedom from addictive substances is a life lesson I have learned, and for that, I am greatful I indeed battled and have beaten those two awful addictions.

Welcome back Falcon! We have missed you this summer! Almost a year free from stimulants? that is the best news I could ever hear from both you AND Blesbro.

Sean, those last four paragraphs really tied it all together. I give you my heartfelt congratulations for quitting, staying quit and having such a strong plan. I support and endorse ALL of those things you are doing "to support a clear state of mind". And you have the valuable support of your wife. I am 100% sure you will succeed with your Quit. Please keep us updated on your progress through recovery.

Congratulations for quitting. are you out of pills? I suggest initially using caffeine in any form for your basic motivation needs. Making lists and setting goals (with rewards and penalties) helps too with the big things you might struggle with. Also, Please kep in mind that lack of motivation, mental clarity and enhanced depression are the hallmark symptoms of adderall withdrawl and recovery and it can take a year or longer to get over it. Have you committed to stay quit or you just "trying it out"?

Jon, just try to put it in the perspective of the topic of your post: "The Journey" Would you rather have a journey filled with predictable and planned events, where the outcome was known? Or would you rather have a journey filled with adventure, uncertainty, risk, peril and the reward of reaching the finish point stronger and better than where you started? Some people prefer the journey to the destination. Please keep believing you will reach the destination as a better person than the adderall addict you once were.

By the late 1970's speed was strictly controlled. My mom had a bottle of ritalin filled in 1970 that said "take as needed for energy". In college (1980's) I always said that I was glad that speed was illegal because I would be an addict. Then I discovered adderall in the early 2000's and the rest is history. I remember learning from my high school Health Class that amphetamines were addictive but heroin would kill you over the long term. I now believe any uncontrolled harmful addiction will kill you eventually. I started out like you, Cassie, taking it in binges and then having days off, thinking how dumb and wasteful it would be to be a daily user...... for 5-6 years in the "tool stage"....then I got my script for another three+ years and became a full blown adderallic. Thanks for the trivia tidbit, Cassie!

1Bad, your post reminds me of the advice from my Dad when I was drinking too much in college: "You can control it or it can control you. But when the alcohol controls you it is time to quit drinking"

Today will mark three weeks of not taking pills. I didn't make it 100% pill free. I took Lions Mane on three different days last week because I felt like I needed more of my brain to plan a training thing for work. Not sure they helped. And yesterday my dog had a porcupine encounter and a trip to the vet at 2 AM so I took an ativan to wind down and get some sleep. Other than that, I stayed off the vitamins, tyrosine, and the caffeine supplements (in pill and liquid form) and everything else. I felt hung over from the ativan and I could tell I had taken a drug. I was almost addicted to that evil drug during adderall. Some observations: sleep was better. I slept through the night without getting up to pee - I think that any pills, even vitamins, put an extra load on the kidneys. Also, I forgot about the bath scales and only weighed myself once or twice (no change in my body weight during this cleanse) instead of daily. I don't plan on restarting any pills unless I think I really need them. This cleanse has proven to me that I do not neeed to be taking any pills that are not essential and none are for me at this time.

All stimulant drugs will be the same for you because you like their high. Legal and illegal stimulants alike. One more thing I wanted to add was that I believe your newly diagnosed "depression" is really due to adderall withdrawl from your binge usages. Even if you quit now, you will still need about a year of recovery from the chemical changes you have made in your brain from those high dosage binges. And even a year of abstinence may or may not get you back to your pre-adderall mindset

Whether you believe you are an addict or not does not really matter at this stage. You have an abusive relationship with adderall. The number one rule about drug addiction and abuse is that once you have abused it and enjoyed it, you can NEVER go back to using it at prescribed dosages. My friend, you will never be able to enjoy just the right amount of adderall because you will always want more. I hope you can prove me wrong, but I suspect you will try to use it responsibly and fail many, many more times in your life. Have you read through these forums? The ruined lives and relationships from adderall addiction? Have you read about the months and years it takes us to regain our normal brain chemistry after quitting? Have you read about peoples struggles with quitting and relapses? Have you studied the horrendous side effects in the medical literature, here and on other web sites? The medical research does not even begin to cover side effects of adderall at the insane dosages you are already taking. Everybody has to reach a point in their addiction when quitting is THE most important thing they can do. I hope you do not have to spend years chasing the adderall high before you get there. I hoep you get your shit together before refilling even one more bottle of pills.

Thanks for that trigger warning, Occaisonal1. I thought I was strong enough to read your post but I had to quit at #2. I did read your last line about missing your X who was also your adderall buddy. Is the relationship completely over? If so, then you maybe you could put your adderall addiction and that relationship in the same box and file them away together somehow.

Unfortunately, you crossed over that line from use to abuse. It was a one-way ticket. Welcome to addiction. Taking stimulants "as prescribed" is no longer an option for you, HAM. I think you already know this. I hope you can adapt, adjust and move forward with your life beyond adderall.

I am really glad you dug up this post for several reasons: I completely forgot I even wrote it, especially when planning my pill cleanse. But writing this post was a crucial step in my recovery because I remember mentally drafting it for several months. I really needed to express my feelings and emotions about taking pills (apparently, I still do). I really don't think I have thought about it for the last 16 months. I completely forgot that I did a three week pill cleanse after doing the Master Cleanse for a week. What does that say about my memory?? I wrote this post at a pivotal time in my recovery process. I had been quit for almost exactly a year. I was feeling a sustained improvement with more energy and mental clarity. But, I was overweight and eating easy foods. I took control of my nutrition and made an effort to get in better shape. I began doing yoga. I wanted to lose 25 lbs. I lost about 20 lbs and have stayed in pretty good shape - mentally and physically - and I have maintained the better nutrition. Most days I make it a priority to prepare two good meals for myself. After re-reading this post sixteen months after I wrote it, I can say that I feel exactly the same way about taking pills just to be taking pills. And my pill habit is strictly supplements! What will it take for me to learn a life lesson that I really don't need to be taking them in the first place? Before adderall, all I ever took was a daily Vitamin C (and whatever recreationals I could find). I would really like to get back to that point, minus the recreationals, of course.

I feel like a goddamn historian, but here is a little history about "defunct" This "defunct" member started out as "Goldman" then she became known as Motivation Follows Action and she is still with us! Somehow, all of her Goldman posts became defunct.

was it a drug or pseudo-drug, mr. smiley?

Week one. I have not croaked without my vitamins, tyrosine, lions mane, chromium, fish oil, or caffeine pills. In fact I do not really feel any different than when I took all that shit. I drink even less coffee and red bull, and my sleep and energy levels are about the same. The hardest thing to kick is the habit of taking the stupid things in the first place. I think about taking a pill everytime I was used to taking them, but don't really miss them. Total freedom

ZK: I kicked the cigs within about a month of kicking adderall. I tried to quit them both at once and just couldn't do it. Went on Chantix for six weeks and that did the trick. The bad thing about chantix is that I believe it caused even more depression on top of the adderall withdrawl depression. I dont think the gum or patches worked well for me because it was still nicotine. But e-cigs were just coming out when I quit and they seemed to help wean me off the smoking habit. Cold turkey always worked well for me when quitting smoking (and addies too). I was good at quitting the cigs but I could never stay off them for long. Good Luck

Curious. I have been studying mycology on the Internet and hunting for edible mushrooms in the forest. Update: I found some baby puffballs and they were delicious in a veggie stir fry.

Rick, if I remember correctly from your posts last winter you said you never abused the adderall. But I can't remember why you said you quit (and why you used it) in the first place. Could you refresh that part of your story for us? Addiction = the inability to stop a behavior despite great personal cost. (from the book "unchain your brain")

Yes, I am abstaining from all pills including vitamins and other supplements. I need a break from the 'taking" mentality mindset. I realize that some people must take some pills, like antihistamines, antibiotics and birth control. I want to establish a baseline for how I feel without taking any pills for about three weeks. I have been 100% pill free for four days now and I am already sleeping better. Why three weeks? no idea-it just sounded like a good cleansing time frame Lil Tex I am glad to hear you are drug-pill free. After being a slave to adderall for nine years, I still relish my freedom from having to take a pill, despite not really wanting to at some point prior to caving in to the addiction or temptation..

1bad: almond milk is good, sometimes too good. I prefer to purchase the unsweetened variety, I think it is blue diamond almond-coconut milk blend. I simply consume too much of it if I buy the sweetened kind. If I consume too much I get hot flashes in the night because of too much calcium. I blamed these nightime hot flashes on adderall when I was using but I think it was because I always took calcium pills before bed time. I was paranoid that the adderall was leaching calcium out my bones and teeth. Jon: This discussion thread has helped me to remember my own stomach experiences in early recovery. I had to eat breakfast every day after I quit. the reason I remember this was because I have been a breakfast-skipper most of my life. I simply pre0fer to eat two meals a day not three and I normally don't eat until 11 or 12. But I remember lamenting that I could no longer skip breakfast in early recovery and I wondered if my ability to skip breakfast would ever return. it took over a year but I am finally back to my "normal" eating habits. this summer, I have been eating later evening meals (after 8PM) and still have been sleeping OK as long as I don't eat too much starch or sugar. I have only had a couple of acid reflux episodes and that was due to drinking too many budweiser straw-ber-itas. Cakes, cookies and breads were(are) hard to digest late at night so I just avoid these foods.