quit-once

FALCON!!! So good to hear from you. I just knew you would stay free from adderall. I have really missed your real world advice and comments, though. A computer crash can happen to any of us. We are all only one virus away from being offline, and if that ever happens to me I might just stay off line for a very long time, especially during the summer. Glad you are back!

"the greatest feeling is getting a Paper done in advance". So true, InRecovery. I used to push a deadline for an article right up to the time (not just the date) it was due, especially when writing high on adderall. I just finished an article over a WEEK early and didn't really go back and edit before I submitted it. OK, so it was only a half page long but still..... What I do is just start typing and I do not allow my eyes to look at the screen, only the keyboard, kinda like the old style hunt and peck writing on a typewriter. go an entire page without looking at the screen, if you can, and see how fast you can type that page. Edits, corrections and fixing the spelling errors can come much later. Cut and paste is a wonderful tool and I use it alot. I actually learned how to overcome blocks from creating posts and responses on this forum.

And about 90 days before that is when you quit using, right? Also, that "relapse" was really just a hiccup since you only took one pill and flushed the rest. Good job - and thanks for hanging around here and contributing to this forum in a positive way, MFA.

...and a colorful new avitar photo. Great pic, Ashley.

"a controlled relapse" on "small doses" lol haha lol....good one, occasional1! I will be laughing all day at that line. thanks!

I believe that Yerbe Matte tea is highly nutritious. It naturally contains caffeine and other things that give you a lift. But it does not taste very good to me as a tea. never tried the pills...

Sebastian, I think it is way too convenient to blame adderall withdrawl for your missery and depression. You have a job that sucks and maybe a career that is not the right fit for your personality. You have to go to work every day to a place you do not want to be, from a home that does not give you comfort or happiness. Adderall withdrawl and recovery just adds bulk to your discomfort. So, take control of your life and change things. Look for a better job or a different career path. What is wrong with moving back to where you came from and being closer to your family? I changed careers and moved 300 miles closer to home fifteen years ago and I have never once regretted it. And I've said it before...get a pet (dog?) if you can't find a girlfriend and don't like being lonely. Once you plan to actively change things you will feel better, even if the change takes months to actually happen. How is the tyrosine working out for you?

I had pretty low expectations so I was pleasantly surprised when they worked for me the first time I took 'em. Don't expect a stimulant high or anything like that. I really liked the Host Defense Brand by Fungi Perfecti. I am still taking them almost daily. I wikied them up and learned a little more about their ability to generate NGF (nerve growth factor) and repair neurons. I really needed a brain repair job.

then... you really have not quit taking adderall, have you?

Yesterday I was listening to Science Friday on NPR and they featured a research professor who recently published a study about the harmful effects of L Carnitine. I will share what I can remember. L-Carnitine is an amino acid-like compound that is contained in red muscle tissue. It is also a supplement. I have a bottle of GNC pep pills that contains "micronized L-Carnitine". Used as a pre-work-out supplement for "explosive" energy. It does not provide any calories or any other nutritional benefit for people, even it its natural form in red meat. They have concluded that the carnitine in meat is what actually causes hardening of the arteries and plaque formation, more so than just the saturated fats alone. Upon digestion, carnitine releases a gas into the blood stream that enhances plaque formation. It is dependent on the kinds of bacteria that live in your gut. If you eat a lot of meat, there are more meat digesting bacteria on hand to cause the release of the harmful gas into the bloodstream. Vegans and vegetarians have different gut microflora and when they (vegan rats) were fed red meat they produced almost no harmful gas from the carnitine. Of course this was just a rat study so they are making assumptions that people would have similar results over time. Bottom line: I won't be buying any more carnitine containing supplements because I eat a lot of meat and I don't want to up my chances of having a heart attack or a stroke. I will still eat red meat but will try to work in a little more white chicken and fish.

recovery is not a linear process

I couldn't read it because it made me think of smoking and it was kind of a trigger. I struggle with the urge to smoke way more than the urge to use adderall. Almost two years and I still find myself frequently thinking about how good a smoke would taste. And I 'm not even around it very often. It was just a part of my life for so long, but it really is a nasty stinky disgusting unhealthy expensive incovnenient habbit and I hate the thoughts of ever smoking again. FUCK CIGS!!

I suggest you try the tyrosine. It is a harmless anino acid that will elevate your mood and curb the depression. It doesn't work for everybody but it sure works for me.

Good for you!! You are one of the few people I have encountered who seem to realize the dangers of the oncoming addiction, and you also seem to be able to gain control of the drug before the addiction takes over and controls you. Nobody has to hit rock bottom from any addiction, but those who do will find more powerful reasons to quit than just wanting to.

DareP: I just read through your original post in order to spot your vulnerabilities and causes for relapse. I spoted a few of them. I don't believe your addiction has ran its course. Things really haven't gotten that bad for you....yet. I would detail the red flags I saw, but I really don't think you will come back to read this for a while so I will save the ink. Just in case you do read this, I suggest you make a list of the reasons you couldn't seem to quit at this time. You are very rational and made a very convincing arguement to yourself why you should quit. You've only used adderall for six months and I don't think trhat is long enough for most people to see what an evil, awful drug it really is and how ugly the addiction can become over time.

Just like Bud Lite or Coors Lite or Michelob Lite? They are still alcohol containing beverages. I know nothing about provigil - I just had to be a smart-ass here

These traits could also describe someone on any other stimulant pill, cocaine, and especially meth. I believe there are at least as many methheads as adderall addicts out there. I will add a few more items to your list, mostly from the later stages of one's addiction: Constantly thirsty and always having a bottle of a beverage in-hand An oily sheen on their face Dialated pupils ADHD - like behavior Narcolepsy-like behavior Iodine-like body odor (meth users mostly) Always being late or missing deadlines Absent-minded / forgetful / spacey Excessive cravings for caffeine or sugar Difficulty communicating effectively Bloated, puffy appearance, or bags and dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep Lots of time off from work (so they can chase their pills) I might revisit this post to add a few more traits if I think of any.

yes, that is exactly what I was trying to say.

I read this today on www.sciencedaily.com Groups of active rats and sedentary rats were selectively bred for ten generations. The active rats were ten more times more likely to run on their wheels than the lazy rats. 36 different genes were identified to be associated with higher levels of rat activity. Active rats comprised only 5% of the general rat population. Something to consider the next time you lament your loss of energy during adderall recovery!

I took adderall for nine years. Except for the last two years, I was a binge user and I was able to maintain the tool stage by cycling on and off of it. At least three days per week of withdrawl and recovery, then binge on the weekends. It helped not having a steady supply so I always had to ration my pills. I became a daily user for about the last two years of my addiction. that is when things went to hell and it quit working for just about everything. Dosages? I started out on about 50 mg per day, and ended my addiction at about 125-150 mg per day. When partying on it I would sometimes exceed 200.

MFA, do you have trouble making new friends? I read an interesting study that found a very close relationship between one's ability to swim and social interactions. It was so true for me. I am also a terrible swimmer and I would surely drown if I had to swim to save my own life, and I REALLY struggle with meeting people and making new friends.

I respectfully disagree, especially regarding the everyday tasks. Since everything is so apmed up on adderall, even getting your weekly laundry chores done seems like a major accomplishment For me, it wasn't just doing the laundry, it was DOING LAUNDRY! And it took all fucking day, so at the end of the day, even if I didn't get another goddamn thing done, I DID my laundry. And I felt great about it! I think the amped-up sense of accomplishment is what makes an adderall habbit so hard to kick. And when it comes to the bigger tasks in life, like MFA's job search, or in my case refinancing my home mortgage, You get this false sense of accomplishment that acts as further justification for taking adderall - because when you are using you just can't fathom getting these big things done without being on adderall. After quitting, I have looked back at some of the bigger things I got done and realized I really didn't do them as well as I could do them now. In that case, it really is an amplified false sense of accomplishment that justifies your continued pursuit of the addiction.

MFA, you've got a hang up with eating right and I'm afraid you really can't move forward beyond your recovery unless you take your nutrition more seriously. It doesn't have to be "time in the kitchen". All it takes is a commitment and a plan. And not purchasing bad food in the first place. You ask people all the time what is their plan for quitting adderall, so I will ask you: "what is your plan for better nutrition?" This has to be in your top three priorities of life right now because it means better health and quicker recovery. It really requires some planning and thought, especially since you will be on the road a lot with your new job. When I was a little kid they had posters in our school lunch room saying "you are what you eat" and it is still true today.

I'm still looking for answers to two of the four issues we addressed in your original post. You have very good lists of the likes/dislikes but I think you still have some work to do before quitting. so, why are you "nervous about quitting"? and why do you "find yourself always coming back to it"? I think it's important to seperate these issues so they can be better addressed.

How about sharing those reasons.....the reasons you are quitting, the reasons you are nervous about quitting, the reasons why you want to keep taking it and the reasons you keek coming back to it? If you were easily agitated or frustrated before you evan began taking adderall, you really can't hope for a better outcome after you have quit and recovered. I know what you mean. Adderall gave me the patience of a saint. I was training a puppy and never lost my temper and never hit her. I yelled at my dog a few times after I quit. You have never really given your recovery a chance to take hold. The first few months are hell and you should expect it to be difficult...but well worth it after you have been off it long enough to experience life free from an addiction, again. How about sharing those reasons with us?