Oh my this is an amazing place. i never thought something this amazing would even exist and could possibly help me. I'm a mess... almost a decade of this mind controlling stuff. I'm stuffing emotional pain w/ that euphoric yet destructive med. I hate it, have what seems a normal life but is so empty and speed ridden. I'm a great "functional" addict. People think I'm great... who am I anymore. I'm not fun, I isolate and feel guilt about what a bad friend/fiance/family member I am. I'm choosing this crap over them.... but I'm not I just need support.
It's gonna be harder than they know. I have lifelong chronic fatigue, autoimmune markers, pain, and ADD... possibly dyslexia (oh and trauma). I've never had self esteem or felt normal. I'm sad. I want my life back but this drug changes your brain chemistry., esp. after 10 years of binge type use. I'm borderline narcoleptic fatigued, and my brain has never been able to comprehend much. From the age of 2nd maybe 3rd grade I knew I was dumb. I was a defect. This drug helped at first tremendously, but then I abused it and took for granted the possible benefits it could have had. My family history is full of addiction... kept on the down low but full on addicts. I never had the addictive trigger in my brain but I liked to party. this was the only thing that fired that "trigger". I'm amazed that this site is here... and thankful.