Piano90

Hi I just joined as well. I have the same feelings of “oh it helped me to achieve so and so”. I ran a successful business by popping stimulants all the time. But mentally and physically it has ruined my health- I’ve developed a dependency on benzos to sleep because of the stimulants and my appetite is next to none. My anxiety is horrible, I get panic attacks. I’ve had to come to terms with being a less productive person than before, to slow down and accept myself as I am. xx

Also all the overthinking is likely down to the adderall. I used to think it helped me, I had a successful business but i was physically and mentally a mess.

Hi I just joined the site. Didn’t read all the writing sorry but thought I’d put some positives of No adderall. you sound like you’re still at school or college , please don’t let it carry on for years because that’s what I have done (I’m now 32) and my health is a mess. so positives for being OFF : -not having heart problems -being able to sleep -being able to eat -not having as many panic attacks -not developing dual addictions (for me it was benzos and opiates) -not Developing psychosis -being authentic and honest with people -not acting tweaked out

Hi I just joined the site. Thank you for telling your story. You are brave and will continue to be. No amount of outside “success” is worth this poison. I too took it too further my business that I ran on my own and eventually just ended up burned out and having to quit.

Hi I just joined the site I also believed that the drug helped me be a better person, better at my job, more intelligent etc. then realised what a load of bullsh*t it was and I was really just a tweaked out, panicky mess who couldn’t sleep at all. I think you have to let yourself be who you are naturally. I definitely think our patience and temperament will be better off this drug. Im on day one and already I haven’t had a panic attack for the first time in ages. Give yourself grace and don’t be hard on yourself.

Hey i just joined the site too and have been taking it for around 6 years. My justification was also having a physically demanding job - running my own cleaning business and also studying. I believed and still do believe that I’m not intelligent and I believe this has led to the addiction. I think we all have that in common that we’re not looking to get high, we’re looking to get better. But sometimes it really isn’t worth it for the expense of your health. I’ve had to give up my cleaning business where I was cleaning 3 massive houses on my own every day, popping pills all day then taking opiates and benzos when I got home to relax and ease my muscles. So I was functioning on the outside but I was a mess both mentally and physically. As I’ve only just started on this journey I don’t have much advice I’m afraid but I’m looking forward to finally being able to sleep as these drugs have robbed me of proper sleep for years. xx

Hi guys thanks for the advice. Today I had two sugar free red bulls which isn’t great but better than the adderall. I managed to concentrate on piano, not for hours on end but I don’t think the human brain is able to do that anyway especially when you have mental health issues. I also didn’t have a panic attack or feel like I was going to have a heart attack and need to take a sh*t ton of benzos to lower my heart rate. It’s so bad and I can’t believe I took it for so long just to achieve in a job that would replace me in a second anyway. I also can’t believe they are giving this to children as young as 5! I spoke to someone and she said she thinks it’s ok to give to children if it helps them do what other children can do. What has the world come to? Consumerism, materialism. anyway I’m determined and I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to sleep naturally and get some good quality sleep back. thanks

Hi I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to quit adderall for a while now. It started out as something I used to get through long work shifts- it seemed like the cure at the time because we weren’t allowed many breaks (busy retail job). Then it got worse when I was made redundant and started my own cleaning business. The expectations of the clients were just not humanly possible without some “help”. Again it seemed like the solution. But then I ended up with the horrible side effects , I would often throw up after work because my body had enough of being pushed through that especially in things like heat waves. My heart rate and anxiety was so bad that I took benzos in the evening in order to eat dinner. I then needed an increasing amount of benzos to get any sleep at all. I would take a combination of alcohol, benzos and sleeping pills in order to sleep. Then wake up the next day groggy and take an upper to start the day again. It’s got to the point where I feel I can’t do anything without these pills- not even cleaning the house. I’ve had to completely cut down on my clients in order to reduce the stimulants when I had a successful business. I also managed to pass 3 piano exams while using these pills, before them I had no motivation to do such a thing. Writing this out now just makes me realise how pathetic the whole thing is. Prioritising achievement at the expense of health. I wish I did have the natural drive and energy to achieve things without them. I do suffer from depression and have been on antidepressant since the age of 16 (I’m now 32). I want to feel joy again and natural joy, not a fake, amped up feeling. I’m worried I’ve damaged my dopamine receptors. I’ve been clean from an opiate addiction for 9 months as well. Every time I try to stop the uppers I literally just sit in bed and stare at the wall all day, not going into work etc. has anyone found any way of forcing themselves to do things without these pills, what have you found helpful? thanks