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Hello - 60 Day Challenge! Day 31 - nailed it* *nailed it = I'm caught up on The Bates Motel, wrote in my journal, drew some pictures and played with my puppy Maybe tomorrow my mind will convince my body to get out of bed and exercise. Silly dopamine. Anehdonia is so not cool. Stay cool, my friends.

Thanks, quit-once! @ zoog1212 - I totally agree that being able to go to work on day 2, is something to be very proud of, indeed. My life is completely unstructured right now (unemployed - moved to San Fran) which allows me plenty of time to do a whole lot of nothing. However, it's not as great as some might imagine... I wish that I had a job here, so that I would have a reason to push myself to get out of bed, friends, structure, a feeling of normalcy, etc. Good luck on day 3!

Way to go CMLT! How many days has it been for you? You might want to start posting in the 30 day challenge. It really helped me out, a lot. I made it 30 days today with the support of the kind people of this community! Keep up the good work!

Welcome, Zoog1212! Congrats on your first 2 days! I know you can do this. Go easy on yourself, and know that you have found a wonderful community of people who will understand and support you through this challenging and amazing time in your life!

Hey Kids! I thought I'd stop by here to say farewell to the 30 day challenge! I am moving on to the 60 day challenge! Today, is my 30th day without BADderall. I did it! Woohoo, me! Thank you, JustinW & LILTEX! I am really trying to be "okay" with my sluggish self, right now. It is so nice to have a community of people who support me, and believe that I am making progress everyday; even if my apt. isn't clean and the laundry is piling up, etc.

Awe. Shucks. Thank you, very much, JustinW. It is so powerful to hear that you (and others) are proud of me! Seriously, a little encouragement and positive support, goes such a long way for my mental well being at this early stage. This is the only place that I feel truly heard and understood, right now. Thanks again, you're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Day 28, and no adderall for me. I wish I could say that I am doing great, right now, but I am so frustrated! I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I know that this will pass, but I hate feeling like this worthless slug. My boyfriend tries to be helpful and is very understanding, but I feel so awful for just laying here doing nothing. I haven't showered in 2 days. My apt is dirty. My fridge is empty. I have zero interest in doing anything.... I need to get up and shower and go to the store, but I can't seem to get the energy to drag myself out of bed. I have some good days, but the bad days feel really bad. I hope everyone else out there is doing better than I am. UGH!

Thank you, very much Jon & LilTex! As for the panic attack... I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety since I quit the Adderall. I'm also all fidgety, but have zero mental energy. It's weird. (side note: I bought some cool ADHD toys to keep my hands busy, which also helped distract me during the super craving time. Just seeing the Adderall and knowing that it was in my kitchen freaked me out completely. I felt like it was going to sneak into my bedroom and disguise itself as a gummy bear or chocolate and that I would accidentally eat it... Weird, but true.

I am on day 16 today! It's been a wild ride. I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot, but I am exhausted at the end of the day. I haven't even checked emails for 3 days. In good news....I came across 5 - 15mg Addy IR pills yesterday that weren't mine...AND I DIDN'T TAKE THEM - it's the first time in my life that I have stumbled on my "doc" and was able to stay away. I did it! It wasn't easy...I wrote out a long cost/benefit analysis and had a mild panic attack, but in the end....I did it! After the craving passed, I was laying on the couch eating chocolate and feeling so proud and powerful! The feeling of facing Adderall and choosing not to take it is much more pleasurable and longer lasting than partaking in any intoxicating substance! Woohoo me! I hope you are all doing well! Will write more later.

Day 8 - was a bit rough, but it's another day Adderall free! So tired tonight. Goodnight, kind people of the interwebz. Using a Z in a word..makes me young, right? silly me...

I just wanted to say hang in there, and I'll post my story here tomorrow. I'm on my 8th day adderall free, and am too tired to write it tonight. Good night, dear people...

You need to switch from short acting benzo like Xanax to a longer acting benzo like Valium to taper off safely. Benzo addiction is no joke..not to scare you but the only two substances that you can literally die from withdrawal are Benzo's and Alcohol. Check out the Ashton taper method. It saved my life. Good luck.

If you're looking for another form of support that is empowering try SMART Recovery. I'm not a fan of 12 step support groups and the disease model of addiction. With that being said, if AA/NA work for you than "keep coming back".

I'm afraid that Matthew Perry is not the most informed source either, at least not on addiction. There are differing schools of thought on this subject including other treatment modalities. I do like Matthew Perry, though.

I have no idea who I am anymore. Too many meds - 10mg of Lexapro - 8mg of Suboxone - Benzo's of varying amounts and a few tokes of some indica to "feel okay at night" Too many life changes - Divorce, unemployment, moving from NYC to San Francisco with my boyfriend, getting a puppy...and those are just the things I can think of that have happened in the past two years. I'm 6 days free of Adderall today and I'm not sure about anything...

Day 6 - I was feeling good earlier today. I was being so silly - singing and playing with my puppy...for a moment I felt like the old me was shining through. I cherish these moments. @SweetCaroline - thanks for your kind words. They mean more to me than you can imagine. I also really like the following quote in your signature - "Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to it's power" @JustinW - Thanks for your support as well. It's amazing how powerful kind words on a message board can be, when you're going through a rough time. You are right about the rough road in the beginning. My username is indeed a Grateful Dead reference that describes how I feel right now, which is Going Down the Road Feeling Bad. Please excuse my poor grammar and ramblings...writing is very difficult for me right now.

Thanks freedom's wings! Glad to hear it spxd! All I want to do is sleep, however when I do get a bit of energy...I am plagued with anxiety. In a word, I am miserable.

I'm not sure if this thread is still alive....but I hope everyone that was writing on here is still doing well. Today is day 5 for me. I feel awful and have no motivation, but at least I didn't take that evil orange pill. Ugh!

Hey Falcon! Hope 2013 is treating you well, so far! I'm ready to quit now. I'll be back on tomorrow to update you and the kind people of the interwebs on my situation since my Thanksgiving trip. Thanks for reading this.

Hey falcon! Thank you so much for your kind words and well wishes. It's really great to know that someone out there is reading this and actually cares. Congratulations to you on on fighting the good fight, and helping others. I am no stranger to addiction. I went to rehab in January 2010 for a nasty benzo and opiate addiction. I am on 4mg of Suboxone to help keep me away from the opiates and my Addiction Psychiatrist also put me on the antidepressant Lexapro for anxiety. I am not blaming my psychiatrist, but the Lexapro zaps away my energy. After trying several drugs to try to combat the effects from the Lexapro, I was given Adderall. I should have never filled that first script. I told myself that I would not let myself get addicted to this drug. I I somehow convinced myself that I would be able to take Adderall like anyone else could. I let myself believe that I was stronger than my addictive nature. Now, here I am back in the same place... Feeling those same old feelings of regret, shame, defeat. I know that I need to do this cold turkey, but I am supposed to be going on vacation tomorrow to California to be my boyfriend's family for Thanksgiving. I don't think I can do it without any Adderall. I either need to: -stay here in New York City by myself and ride out this out cold turkey OR -take 30 mg a day to get through vacation next week I know in my heart that I should probably stay here and fight this now, because I already have 1 day behind me, and I also don't know the next time I'll have a whole week off. I just hate to disappoint my boyfriend and his family, as there are over 30 people that are coming to attend Thanksgiving at his family's place this year. It is a very important step in our relationship for me to meet all of his family. Any thoughts on this out there? Falcon, thanks again. I also loved the vid. Clapton playing crossroads....Perfect!

Today is my first day without Adderall since Jan 25th. I will write more later, because I am having great difficult writing right now. I've bee taking anywhere from 30 to 60 mg of ADD daily since January. That is, until a month ago when my boyfriend was prescribed 30 mg Adderall IR tablets. He knew that I have a problem with Adderall and hid them from me instantly. Of course I went searching for them and unfortunately found them.... The past three weeks have been a total blur, and I believe I've been in a state of amphetamine induced mania/psychosis. The sad thing is that I didn't even realize that my behavior has become so erratic...so not me. I've known for a long time that something was wrong but I didn't think it was the Adderall. I knew that I felt very lonely at work and was sad that I have lost a lot of friends. I also couldn't figure out why I wasn't interested in attending concerts that I paid a lot of money/traveled to attend. I've always been very passionate about live music and I missed about six converts that I bought tix for and didn't even care. I used to call my parents (who are older) daily and looked forward to our conversations. Since May i can barely bring myself to talk to them. I contributed a lot of this to my recent divorce in June... However now I'm starting to wonder what role the Adderall played in all of this. I'm sorry this is so scattered. Flash forward to the past few weeks I've been taking around 45 mg of XR combined with anywhere between 45 to 75mg of IR. So we're talking about an average 115 mg a day... I ran out access to the IR tablets when my boyfriend discovered that I took his IR pills. He took all of my medication from me and wanted to send me to rehab. I told him that I could do this by myself. I feel so guilty for what I've done to myself and our relationship. i never wanted to let him down. I spent so much money over the past few weeks and didn't pay my bills. I know that I must have just been acting so bizarre lately. Monday was the last day I had a higher dose of ADD which was 60mg. I barely made it through the work day and came home absolutely miserable. Tuesday, my boyfriend gave me 45 mg to take throughout the day, and I really didn't think I was going to be able to make it home from work. I couldn't think, write or send out a simple email. I became very paranoid and angry. I was afraid coming home on the subway. When I woke up Wednesday morning my boyfriend looked at me and said that I was not allowed to go to work and he stayed home from work to be with me. I thought I needed to taper down so I took 45 mg again yesterday. It just made me angry, paranoid and sad and I had fits of rage and crying. I had to call off work for today and tomorrow. Thankfully we have a vacation planned for next week. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to go. Today was the first day I haven't taken any Adderall at all. I woke up at 2 PM and have been awake ever since. I do seem to be quite agitated and irritable though.... Has anybody experienced this before? Is this normal? Any ideas on what I could do to feel better... Supplements. Sleep. Exercise. I have so much more to tell, but I just can't do it right now. Thank you for reading this. All comments/advice will be greatly appreciated appreciated. Good luck to everyone else out there that is suffering.

My best wishes to you and your family.