All Activity

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Today
  2. Last week
  3. Weight Gain/Body Image

    YESSSS. Adderall gave me an eating disorder. I didn't realize it, bc i never thought about food while i was in my addiction but I loved the adderall skinny body I had, and people would ALWAYS compliment my body saying whats your secret!!! if only they knew it was a diet of cold brew and adderall. I am now a year off and those first few months i gained 10 pounds and then I lost the weight, but didnt get back down to adderall skinny which would make me spiral and want to use. I did try wellburitn for a few months which also decreases appetite which i loved. but I got off that too. I just passed the year mark and its a never ending struggle of wanting to take adderal for the purpose of masking hunger. Im coming to terms that this is deeper than just being addicted to adderall and i might need to seek treatment for an ED. just wild because i had a great relationship with food pre adderall.
  4. Pen Pal or Advice Please :/

    @Ruby I am so glad I came back on here tonight. I am feeling the lowest of lows in my life. I didn't keep up with stopping the adder all and have been taking that dosage and more just to self sooth or whatever. It makes me so sick... Gosh am I nauseous and crying so much. I am so afraid every day how I feel. So much is appearance related. Body image or something so devastating that is so trivial in reality. Gosh, your comment really did brighten my spirit. I think I might stop this from now on. I don't know how to survive this way. Sending love to you!! I'll try to keep coming back here.
  5. Earlier
  6. Wellbutrin During Withdrawal

    Congrats on 18 months! I'm so glad to hear how well it's been working for you and how much progress you've made. I just started Wellbutrin and am on day 2. Hoping it will be as helpful for me as it is for you!
  7. @LuLamb at 15 months clean, I found myself depressed, unemployed, sitting in bankruptcy court. Now I’m at close to 3 years clean and it feels like a distant memory. Your feelings are so real, but you’ll get through them if you keep going. Yeah, there are consequences, but there is also so much hope. I stunted my personal growth and life with my addiction. We all do to some extent. The first couple of years of sobriety were pretty rough. In year 3 so far, I got a job, and this summer I am getting married and moving out of my parents’ place. I don’t really care how long it took at this point, I’m just glad I did it. There is hope in post-Adderall life no matter how long it takes to get there. Going back is hopeless. It’s very difficult at times, but a simple choice to make.
  8. Weight Gain/Body Image

    Almost ten years post -adderall, my GI system has finally recovered. There are still a few foods that give me heartburn so I avoid them. Some kinds of bread, some kinds of cookies (and eating too many of them) and milk still don't agree with me, especially near bed time as they ness with my sleep. It is much, much better than five years ago. For the first five years of my recovery, I was convinced that I had permanently damaged my GI system. Oddly enough, my body weight has stabilized at what it was when I quit, although I now have more muscle where there used to be fat, due to regular yoga practice and / or workouts.
  9. Weight Gain/Body Image

    i'd be curious to hear about your results - i had tremendous bloating for a while after, but at the time I chalked it up to poor eating habits. I can say with certainty that my GI system even today is not what it used to be (but maybe that's just age as well ). weight gain is something that I neglected the first few years of my recovery, and it wasn't until recently that I really recognized the impact it's had - it might be solely responsible for the social anxiety that I currently have, particularly when interacting with people who last knew me 40 pounds lighter! my weight has definitely stabilized, though at a much higher level than i'd like - working out at home is okay, but I'm definitely looking forward to gyms openings again (:
  10. Cleaning up adderall-messes at 15-months clean

    @LuLamb you've reached a really important point in your recovery. as you say, the actions taken by the addict are the consequences the real you will have to bear. it definitely takes time and energy to sort through these various messes. for me (and many others), it was a financial sink hole that I had to work my way out of (it took me 2 years after quitting to become financially independent again). there are relationships to mend, habits to break and health to improve, but don't try to tackle everything at once!
  11. I made some messes on adderall. I’m really starting to see that. No telling if I would’ve made them anyway, but I think I’ve gotten strong enough recently that I’m working hard to get shit on-track and feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. Realized for the first time today that theses are adderall-messes. Fast and furious impatient decisions that didn’t go away when I quit adderall. And I’m responsible for them. And I need to forgive myself for making them. And I need to face them and do what I can to clean them up. I think it will help me to begin to orient to things moreso this way. I started a meditation practice. Finally. It’s helpful.
  12. Cold Turkey for the Win

    Cold turkey worked for me too. Almost ten years ago, I roasted my last two pills in the fireplace, and melted them onto a rock. I still have that sculpture. Congratulations for quitting and welcome to the forums.
  13. Zoom meeting Invite

    Did this end up happening? I’d love to join if there will be another zoom
  14. Weight Gain/Body Image

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I totally relate to the catching a bad angle of myself in the mirror lol. I'm almost at 5 months off and I'm hoping that this weight is the peak of my post adderall weight gain. Working on patience and acceptance is very challenging. The only result I've gotten from my doctor is low blood sugar and I've always been on the lower side. I'm not sure how this impacts insulin/weight. I have an appointment with a GI doctor in 2 weeks since I am constantly bloated, maybe something will come out of that. Thank you again and have a happy new year as well
  15. Cold Turkey for the Win

    I poured Gain laundry detergent and Bleach on the 57 remaining Adderall 20mgs today. I only took three pills out of this Rx that was filled 11/23/2020. I broke up with weed in October 2019 and Adderall on November 24, 2020. I won't ever use Adderall again. I loved Adderall, but I'd rather not be addicted to prescription speed anymore, 11 years is enough. I felt something special when I was wasting those pills today. It was like I love you but I hate you and ultimately I'm better without you. Then I threw my wasted pill bottle in the trash. Such a dramatic breakup, but if you all knew the full story. We all certainly have our own story in regards to Amphetamines negatively impacting us. Cold Turkey is working, no way I could do a step down. I couldn't even do off days. I ordered some brain supplements and I've been using caffeine. The supplement Uridine looks good. Exercise helps, specifically cardio. Good sleep helps. Good healthy non-processed food helps. If I want to feel like I'm zinging on Addy I will follow the steps above and repeat, that's my only choice now. However, if you want to feel absolutely terrible eat McDonald's and Little Caesars and stare out the window not getting off the couch. I tried that for a few days as withdrawals were working me. But, Cold Turkey wins and I trust the process. I'm trading my bad for me addiction in for a healthy lifestyle. I have a better personality off of Adderall. I make heathier choices off of Adderall. Go Cold Turkey with me. We always knew this couldn't be good for us in the long term. Jump on it.
  16. Hi @LuLamb. Just wanted to say I am right there with you i quit Nov last year. came here bc just passed the year mark and struggling. way better than those first few months of recovery but the cravings have started again. I just wanted to reach out and say that i am feeling literally everything you write and you are not alone. happy we made it this far... we have to keep going right? x
  17. Weight Gain/Body Image

    At 4 months clean you are doing way more than I was capable of doing at 8 months, lol. You should be proud! For me, it took a long time to lose any weight, but then it came off much faster as my workouts improved. I honestly think my metabolism needed alot of time to rejuvenate. I developed a lot of bad habits while on adderall (I was on and off for 8 years, but it got bad the last 2 years) and it took a long time to heal from all the abuse. If I had to bet, you'll see big improvements by the spring if you stick to your routine. I think patience is the key. As I said for me, it took a long time to even get going. Even now as I am progressing faster and almost back to normal, there are still moments where I get really demotivated and self-ashamed ("how could I allow myself to get into such a state!?") I struggle with drinking after such moments so that's been a tough habit to kick. Sometimes I just catch a bad angle of myself in the mirror or something and it almost ruins my day haha. But I'm really trying on not being too hard on myself. I'm on the right path. I've put in hard work. I need to remind myself of that every so often. I think you should too. You've already put in a lot of work. Hope you have a good new year! Let us know if you got any results from the doctor!
  18. Weight Gain/Body Image

    Thank you! I don't know about you, but it took a LOOOONG time for me to feel any major improvements physically mentally or emotionally.The first year I made almost no progress. At the end of the first year I began to very slowly take incremental baby steps towards improvement. Then all at once it seemed I was off to the running. It can be hard to stay motivated during certain moments when I think of how much work I've put in and yet how much farther I have to go ("how did I let it get this bad!?"). But overall I'm very confident now. How's your recovery? Covid really threw a monkey wrench into everything didn't it? So many plans and goals were ruined this year for me. But still, I've been very fortunate to come out the other side of this thing better off than where I started. I hope your home workouts can be effective. (I tried Yoga for the first time the other day--my God its much harder than it seems!) I feel like breakfast is a sham and we've all been lied to our whole life (most important meal of the day my arse!) lol I used to force myself to have breakfast every morning, but after fasting I realized it is almost entirely unnecessary. I actually feel much better physically and more awake mentally when I skip breakfast.
  19. New to this forum

    hi @GirlSavedByGrace 10 years is a long time - congratulations on breaking the cycle and starting the process of healing! it is going to be a challenging journey, but it sounds like your spirituality and resolve is strong. I remember what taking a whole month's supply in a single week feels like - it's brutal and unsustainable. ripping up that script was a huge win for you. cutting off your source is an important first step in this journey, so perhaps consider coming clean to your doctor about the abuse. they may suggest a taper schedule which could work, but a fair warning: those of us that were binge users will have a much harder time with control and discipline needed for a taper. quitting cold turkey is usually the recommended route and generally pretty safe. if you choose to go the taper down route, perhaps consider having your partner dispense doses for you. welcome to the forums and keep us posted on your progress! (:
  20. Starting fresh after 2+ years addicted

    hi @Articulus congratulations on taking the leap, and welcome to the forums! "So far, so good" - that's an excellent attitude to have this early on in the process. ultimately your experience during recovery will be shaped by your expectations - if you feel like napping, then listen to your body and do it. you will find that pretty soon, you won't feel like napping during the day, which is great because it shows you're making progress. around that point in the journey is a good time to start an exercise routine, because you will have some energy back but won't really know what to do with it. gl and keep us posted (:
  21. Wellbutrin During Withdrawal

    HI Ruby, (20 year adderallic - 18 months clean - 3 months on Wellbutrin) I started Wellbutrin 15 months into my recovery and after 30 days felt better. I take 100 mg in the morning and another 100 at lunch time. My depression/ Anhedonia has lifted. I started golfing again and I love it. Socializing is easier. Work performance is getting better. I feel no side effects at all. I learned about Wellbutrin from other posts and Cassidy in particular who provided an amazing timeline on this site. I kinda wish I started taking the Wellbutrin a little sooner but I was convinced it was just part of part of my recovery. My wife insisted I was depressed and should talk to a doctor and I reluctantly agreed. Not only is it working for my depression, but its also helpful for underlying ADD which is why I started taking Adderall in the first place. I am hoping to take if for 6-9 months and then wean off it. Good News! I woke this morning and for the first time since I quit Adderall 18 months ago, I wanted to go through my mail and pay my bills. I just finished going through a stack of mail, paid bills and it didn't bother me at all. Haha... For me, this is a really good sign. my condition continues to improve. I am so grateful I made it 18 months and grateful to those who post their experiences so I can learn to manage this recovery better. In my heart and mind, I set myself up with the expectation, that my brain needs 2 years to recover from the prolonged use of adderall. I also learned that from this site. I am almost there. And its true, its feeling like it will take about 2 years more or less. Good luck!
  22. Hi! I'm wondering if anyone who started taking wellbutrin during their withdrawal can share their experience with it? I'm a little over 4 months off 4 years of adderall use. I was on 30mg at my highest and for the majority of my use. I'm starting to get a TINY bit more energy again but I still feel that constant gloomy feeling and am also struggling with losing weight after gaining coming off of it. Does it help with these things?
  23. New to this forum

    Hello there. I've been prescribed adderall for nearly 10 years. The cycle of misuse has evaded the forefront of my mind. I've always known that I didn't need it as much as I wanted it. Now that I am newly married and a new follower of Christ, I can not in good conscience keep this cycle going. I refilled a 30 day script last week and just took my last one. I don't feel good about taking a months script in less than a week. I had a secondary script for instant release tablets, which I ripped up and threw away. Mentally, I want to be rid of this addiction. I know that if I persist with this cycle, I am destroying any opportunity to meet my Father in Heaven. Upon waking up this morning, after taking high doses for the past few days I felt completely depleted. I am so over depending on a pill to get me where I need to go. Please pray for me during this time that I break free from this stronghold of addiction. God Bless you all on your journey!
  24. I'm on Day 3 of sobriety, after spending 2 years and 9 months addicted to 30mg a day. Not feeling too bad -- main symptoms are a mild feeling of melancholy and the urge to lie down for a half-hour nap a few times a day, usually with vivid dreams. So far, so good.
  25. Weight Gain/Body Image

    I've started to get a little more energy recently but nothing significant. I workout 3-4 times per week at home and have been trying to do both more HIIT and strength training however I haven't been going on as many walks due to weather. I don't believe I've lost any weight. There is a chance there is something going on with me metabolically as you said but it's hard to say. I stopped weighing myself because it was too upsetting. I was 102 at my lowest on adderall and maintained around 110 for the most part while on it. However if I were to guess correctly I am probably around 120 now, but 10 lbs is more drastic on someone my height (5'0"). I'm trying to give it more time as I've only been off for a little over 4 months but I'm considering seeing a doctor soon to do blood work.
  26. Weight Gain/Body Image

    Welcome, @Somewhere! Congrats for being off stimulants for the last two years. That belly fat is sure hard to lose, and it is the first fat to come back whcn you slack on the workouts. Losing those thirty pounds is a really big deal and I bet you feel a lot better not packing around the extra fat. I workout about every other day, although just at home. I am not comfortable going to gyms or fitness / yoga classes right now due to Covid. I also practice intermittent fasting, although skipping a morning meal is something I have done most of my life, so it is really no big deal to wait until noon for my first calorie intake. I reached a stable body weight about two years after quitting and it fluctuates up to ten pounds depending on the seasons. I find those extra ten pounds make a huge difference netween feeling fat and feeling fit.
  27. New here.....

    Welcome to the forums! Jump right in and post your questions or comments to any discussion thread you feel you can relate to.
  1. Load more activity