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  1. Yesterday
  2. Hi, today is day 3 of no adderall for me. I e been on 20 mg adderall twice daily since I can remember. I was prescribed adderall at 12, for school purposes, and I am 33 years old. I quit 1 time for about a year while I was pregnant and breastfeeding, and it was horrible! I was forced to quit because after having my son 7 years ago I developed a heart condition. My doctor told me a few days ago he will no longer prescribe adderall Bc he fears it will kill me. I’m terrified!!!! I feel like I have no idea who I am without this medication. I am having horrible withdrawal symptoms, and I don’t even know what to do with myself. I am currently receiving disability due to my health issues, so luckily this won’t negatively affect any job interactions but I feel useless!!! I’m a single mom, and I can’t even get off the couch to care for my son. Thank god my parents are able to step up and help with him, but it makes me so depressed that I can’t do the one thing I should be able to do, raise my son. I need help! I can see this ending very badly if I don’t get some sort of support. I feel like I’m in a dark hole and everyday I’m going deeper. I’m terrified. I am currently looking for motivation, advice, suggestions for supplements, etc.. any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
  3. Last week
  4. Day 215 - I feel like the fog is slowly lifting. That’s all I got for today. (:
  5. A Future Worth Traveling To

    A Future Worth Traveling To is Reserved for those who have the Capacity and or willingness to plan for it....... The defeating thought that I keep having as I struggle with the ability to recognize which action to take next. This executive functioning/adulting seems almost unattainable. Feel like I have the mind of a child.
  6. Welcome friend! I identify a lot with your story. I'm also 27F, was put on the meds when I was 17, and work as a database engineer/analyst/front end dev. Some differences in our story, though: I was a binge abuser (100s of milligrams a day), which might mean different things for our recovery timelines. I was super concerned about work/academia when I quit, not being able to perform professionally was probably my biggest fear and hurdle. One of the biggest feelings I had when I first quit was a constant notion of being overwhelmed, the world and its responsibilities just felt like too much. I attributed that to, at my core, being a poor fit for my job and only landing in my field because of the adderall (you expressed something similar). But in retrospect, working at mcdonalds would have stressed me out just as much during the first few months. Now that I'm almost at 3 years clean, I think coding IS a good fit for me, and quite frankly I'm better at it now than I was when I was on the meds. Don't throw in the towel on the career just yet, in my opinion. Be gentle with yourself and anticipate some tough days, but maybe just hold off from accepting your feelings as facts for the first few months of your quit. Soldier through. And keep us updated! This place helps so much. We've been there and we're rooting for you <3
  7. i think you should hold off on your assessment of "Adderall skills". i don't think there is such a thing, but that's hard to see until you're out of it's grasp. Adderall makes everything more interesting, but it doesn't exactly make you better at something. the problem is actually one of reference or comparison. for a long while, you will compare doing things sober to doing things on Adderall. it's hard to forget. but with new things? there's no point of reference. you can't compare it to how it felt on Adderall. that's why novelty is so important during recovery - finding new hobbies, interests, even a new career. i'm not sure what an IT Analyst does specifically (i think it varies a lot?), but it sounds similar to Product Management (which is what I do). gathering user requirements, converting them into functional specs, being the glue between engineering, designing and operations... it's a hectic but rewarding field! it sounds like that's where you're headed - maybe take some time to broaden your skills, take an online class or two, but most importantly - take it easy for a little while. (:
  8. @sleepystupid you’re right. I need to quit. I think I am just starting to get cold feet. I start FMLA next Monday (6/24) so that will be my “day one”. I know if I don’t quit now I’ll just have to go through this process all over again however many years down the road.
  9. Thanks @Subtracterall. I think I want to start cold turkey at first then if I feel like I need it I’ll look into Wellbutrin. And to answer your question about my next job-I’m not really sure, but possibly IT project management. I still need to learn more about what skills I actually have vs. what skills I only have when I’m on adderall and the few times I’ve attempted to do my current job without adderall started to show me that.
  10. honestly the only way to effectively lower your tolerance is... well, stopping for a while. but keep in mind - you've already admitted to chasing a high and not having the will power to taper. even if you manage to lower your tolerance, it will not bring the high back. basically what i'm saying is that this is not going to work for you. yes. i am still on Wellbutrin as it helps with my depression, but in regards to Adderall recovery it can reduce the discomfort through acute withdrawal. it's not a miracle drug, and the effect is subtle. you can't get high on it and as long as you're not taking too high of a dose, it is very well tolerated. it is certainly an option to consider with your doctor.
  11. Welcome mcmc. Smart move on the FMLA. Def see if your doctor will back you working from home for a month too. Good plan. I’m also an IT Analyst and also took for over ten years. I’ve been off for two years now. I kept my job but my reputation suffered because of my slower job performance. I don’t enjoy my job but it does pay decent so I stay. I’m curious if you leave your job what will you do? To answer your question, Wellbutrin seems to help people come off adderall because there is a bit of a stimulant effect with it. I’m excited for you to rediscover true connections with people again! You’re doing the right thing by quitting. Please keep us posted on your journey!
  12. Tiredofit

    I am right there with you. Planning on 7/8/19 to be my “day one”.we can do this!
  13. Thanks @sleepystupid. Sorry for the novel in advance. I realized after reading other people’s stories that one month isn’t going to cut it. I’m going to ask my doctor if I can do a month of working from home after FMLA to give myself a buffer. Then after that my next step is finding a new job that won’t require me to take adderall. I’m starting to think that I simply won’t be capable to do the job I have now without it. And to your point, unfortunately I am known as a work machine at my job. But I’ve also realized that my tolerance skyrocketed since I started here because I needed to create artificial interest and motivation in my job which I’m pretty sure I would hate if I wasn’t hypnotized by adderall (IT analyst-requires a lot of brain power and technical writing...I hate writing but ended being so good at it that I teach a writing workshop for junior analysts...thanks adderall!) I tried tapering but didn’t have the will power. I would take half my dose and be underwhelmed when it kicked in and reach for another pill or even drive home to get another pill. That’s when I knew I had a problem. If I get a taste of it I need all of it. How does Wellbutrin help with quitting adderall? Have you tried that method? I’m already starting to question if my goal is to quit or to just lower my tolerance..
  14. One Word Status Update

    closer! (than ever before)
  15. hi @mcmc congrats on your decision to take your life back. you're right - something needs to change immediately. i'll be honest with you - over 10 years on Adderall is a long time. 1 month may be enough to get through the "can't keep my eyes open" phase, but if you intend on keeping that job, you need to have a serious plan in place for cutting back on responsibility and making it through the day with the least amount of effort. this could be difficult if you've made yourself known as an Adderall work machine, but perhaps that means you have a good enough relationship with your supervisor to explain your situation (after all, you're taking FMLA for a reason). it's really a game of managing expectations. many people here have had success with complete cold turkey, but just know that everyone's situation is unique. don't automatically rule out a taper, and don't automatically rule out something like Wellbutrin. the key is to stay quit , not do it in any specific way. good luck and stay close to the boards. we're rooting for you (:
  16. Good luck! I think it’s a good idea you are taking a month off. I was on the drug for about a decade as well. The first month detoxing isn’t pretty. I was bedridden for at least a month. I could barely shower those days. The second month started to get better. Soldier through that first month and power on!!
  17. Desperately seeking advice. Started at 10mg when I was 16 and it drastically improved my life; academically, physically, and socially. I remember thinking if I was prescribed it at a younger age I wouldn’t have had to go through the hell of being an overweight C+ student who struggled through every day of their life just to keep up with “normal” people. By the time I graduated college (22) I was taking 45mg. I was becoming much more dependent on it just to get through everyday activities, but I don’t think at that point it totally dictated my life. Yet. All it did was keep me in pace with the rest of the crowd, nothing outstanding. Started my first job out of college and my dependency skyrocketed. As of today (27) my preferred dose is 70mg (only prescribed 50) so I run out early, try to find more, or let myself go bedridden on weekends. I recently started having spontaneous panic attacks, really high blood pressure, and became really socially disconnected from my husband and friends which led me to my decision that something needs to change immediately. I can’t survive a workday without adderall so I’m taking 1 month of FMLA to fully detox then have no clue what my steps are. Please share any advice.
  18. Earlier
  19. One Word Status Update

  20. Day 209 - A positive for today - I think my appetite has finally returned to normal. I don’t know about everyone else, but in the first six months of recovery I had a crazy ravenous appetite. In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed my appetite returning to normal human levels. This is a good thing...a very good thing. One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with in the last few years has been weight. The amphetamines stopped giving the desired weight loss effect about 3-4 years ago.
  21. 2 Years!

    totally this~!!!!!! well said! it's so easy to get trapped into a mindset where you're waiting for something magical to happen, or suddenly feel healed one day. the reality is, you won't feel anything until you actually do something that you couldn't do before. congrats on 2 years @EricP (:
  22. 2 Years!

    2 Years – Its been a very long road getting to this milestone. I feel like the first year was the hardest year of my life and was all pure healing time with many ups and downs; year two is when I actually began to slowly function again. Overall, I am much more myself now than my Adderall days or at any point in the first year of recovery. I actually “want” to do things and have become motivated to work and catch up with my hobbies again. I went from almost out of business to showing a profit again and catching up all my finances mainly in year 2. I still have some odd physical symptoms and low energy days/moments/afternoons are usually when I feel a little down. Evenings are still not a very strong social time for me as by then I am pretty wiped from my day to deal with intense social situations. The feeling of pleasure is still not as great as it once was pre-Adderall… However I am accepting and just trying to make the most of each day. For those new to recovery… My biggest advice would be limit sugar/carb intake and exercise no matter how hard it is and how tired you are. Cardio is a must in recovery! Tyrosine I do believe to be helpful however I cannot say that any supplements I tried (and I tried a lot) gave me any instant relief of measurable improvement. The healing process seems to be slow and unsteady regardless of actions and you really don’t ever feel like things are improving until you find yourself handling a situation that you couldn’t deal with a few months prior. My advice is to never give up and do not give in to temptation. Exercise & eat healthy and do what you can to keep a healthy consistent sleep schedule. Supplements can’t hurt however do your research and don’t over do it… Any product promising energy will likely hurt your recovery process as it will be loaded with caffeine and who knows what else which will just create another dependency. I still find any of these stimulants really affect me now, I can feel really good after an energy drink however I really crash after sometimes for the entire next day… So I avoid anything more than my daily cup of coffee… I’m not here as much as I used to be however, I still read and comment when I see an area that I can offer input or support. Thank you all for your support here it really helped my survival especially the first year!
  23. Quitting adderall podcasts?

    Does anyone have any podcasts that have been helpful in their journey to quitting adderall?
  24. Tiredofit

    @TiredofitHow is it going? Did you ever take the step? I can totally relate to how your feeling. I have just recently quit and am also worried about many things but we can do this!
  25. Quitting after 6 years

    Thank you, DrewK15. Your advice is extremely helpful. I am going to focus on sleep and positive thinking this week. I wish you all the best on your journey of recovery as well.
  26. Quitting after 6 years

    @Thanatos yeah, even at those doses Adderall seriously messes with your emotions and personality. That’s where most difficult recovery takes place. I relate deeply with the fear of not being able to produce feelings of success/confidence without Adderall. Know it does exist. You just have to work really hard for it instead of taking a pill. Take it easy and get some sleep this week. It’ll be hard in the beginning, but Your wife and kids are going to be so thankful for your willingness to recover in the long run.
  27. What motivates you to stay clean?

    This is a great thread. Here are my top three motivations for quitting. 1.) Anhedonia - I want to feel genuine enjoyment again in life activities. I want to feel real happiness again. 2.) Family - I want my kids and wife to know and love me as I truly am, not the false self created by artificially manipulated dopamine levels. 3.) Work - I want to feel genuine pride in my work knowing that I have reached my goals due to my own persistence, hard work, and determination.
  28. Quitting after 6 years

    @DrewK15 also, I did only stick to my prescribed dose and just recently upped my dosage from 10-15mg. It still has had such an profound influence on my personality. As some smart individual (can’t remember who) said recently on the forums, Adderall makes your moments easier, but your life more difficult. That is what it did to me. I have two young kids and an amazing wife and I want to be the best I can be for them. They deserve it.
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