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  1. Today
  2. Moving cities

    Just a little check in from Colorado. Been here a few weeks and I’m pretty sure I just secured a job as a tennis coach. I played tennis in college and today I went to a local club to play and pretty much for offered a job. Just waiting for the interview call. I’ve been sleeping way better here and eating way healthier here. Making a strong come back from my relapse a month or so ago. Fuck adderall.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Couch to 5k

    @Frank B If you are used to running in traditional shoes with a high heel drop, you should gradually reduce to a minimalist shoe to prevent calf strain as well as incorporate daily calf stretches. Runningwarehouse.com has a lot of good information on running shoes re: heel drop, stack height, etc. It's like women who wear high heels all the time and their calf muscles shorten and they can't wear flats.
  5. Couch to 5k

    Far as running to prevent injuries have any of you guys looked into minimalist shoe wear? I’ve heard how modern shoes trains us by design to be heal runners, I know for me I do even when I try not to. I have not read Christopher McDougall book but see some of his you tube videos and his theory of modern runner injuries linked to athletic shoes makes a lot of sense. Last summer I did a few hill runs in the grass barefoot think I pushed too hard and got a pretty bad calf injury. Actually I just felt it hurt but kept doing them then did a 5k when it shot to shit, I made the finish in good time but couldn’t walk for a couple days. But now I’m considering buying a pair of minimalist shoes off amazon but this time taking things slow no barefoot hill runs or long runs right out the gate.
  6. never confused. every decision you make on adderall is the best decision you've ever made! one thing amphetamine does too well is eliminates indecision anxiety. this leads to tons of bad choices that feel great no matter the consequences. these decisions may appear confusing to others, but internally there is no confusion. you can become obsessed with almost anything honestly. i started abusing right around the time i got my first smartphone.. long story short, i spent thousands of dollars buying smart home gadgets and trying to link my phone to anything i could find. i was obsessed with automating EVERYTHING. i've never experienced the paranoia that many here report, but it seems like a very common experience. i've certainly had my share of anxiety attacks as well, mostly around work deadlines and stuff that i was missing constantly. mostly marijuana daily. tons of caffeine, smoked like a chimney.. didn't drink daily, but when i did it was a truly unbelievable amount. yes. when my binge cycles got to about 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. those 2 weeks off i would gorge, then starve the 2 weeks on but ate tons of sugar.
  7. @nic123 I’ll do my best to answer some of these. I experienced most all of this in one way or another. I had tons of willpower, but absolutely no restraint. I was so impulsive. Adderall made me very efficient at messing up my finances. Some of this was due to my state of mind in general; I pretty much did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, without regard for consequences. In the end I went bankrupt. Most commonly I mixed alcohol with Adderall. There also was a time when I smoked weed almost every day, but alcohol was more convenient and easier to hide. I consider myself to be an alcoholic and quit drinking as well. I became very serious about killing myself and almost did. That was my bottom and the point at which it was obvious my addictions were going to kill me if I didn’t stop. I decided I still wanted to live.
  8. Thank you for all of you who have shared your stories and chimed in on mine. It has helped me understand my situation and what my STBX husband is experiencing. Just wanted to ask some of questions that I am curious to learn more about from those who have experienced side effects. From what I read progressive stimulant use can leads to confusion. While you were using were you really confused about the decisions you made? Did you ever go back and forth if you made the right decision? Did you experience lack of willpower or lack of restraint? Did you do things very impulsively? If you had any, what were your obsessive thoughts? What was your paranoia? What gave you the most anxiety? Did you mix other drugs with your medication? I know people lose a lot of weight on Adderall, but at some point did you no longer lose weight but start gaining again? When did it become obvious to you the stimulant use was the source your problems?
  9. Terrified of Quitting!

    @sleepystupid this sums up my experience in a nutshell! Wish I’d known back then
  10. Terrified of Quitting!

    @Janna Banana, I can relate to your experience, am currently going through this myself at the moment. I’m extremely lucky in the sense that I managed to get 5 weeks leave in March and planning to detox completely. I’m regarded as a hard worker that goes above and beyond and I’m terrified I won’t be able to function at this level anymore. I’ve realised that decreased work performance is bound to happen anyways as if you continue to up the dose, eventually you become physically and mentally unwell and won’t be able to work at all. I’ve been using only slightly longer than you have (2 yrs )and this drug has really taken its physical toll in the past 6 months. Almost 2 months ago, I began tapering my dose at work and am no longer using on my days off. It hasn’t been easy and I still have a long way to go in order to get clean but I am starting to feel less dependent on the drug since I’ve cut back. I had to ask my psychiatrist to adjust my script so I can now only collect every 30 days as opposed to every 20 which is forcing me to ration my supply. My script expires in March so I will no longer be able to use after this. If you are unable to get time off work and worried about the acute withdrawals costing you your job, could you look at slowly cutting back the dose on work days and being strong willed and not using on days off? The general consensus seems to be that cold turkey is the best way to go but I know I wouldn’t have kept my job had I done this. I’m noticing on the days I don’t use, I am now actually able to get out of bed and do things and the withdrawals are becoming less and less. Initially I wasn’t able to get out of bed on my pill free daysKeep us posted on how your progress is going. I wish you the best and hope you can get some days off work to reset. X
  11. Yeah man, you got this though. I know it seems hard sometimes but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up and handle it.
  12. Last week
  13. For the last six months before I quit I was hitting about 150-200 mg ir a day, but I also was using benzos and alcohol and marijuana and psychedelics so that’s a big factor while my recovery might be on a longer time line than most
  14. No problem I read your post after that didn’t realize your a woman so probably might not want all the protein I have. But basically get some kind of meal plan and prep makes life easier also saves money. A lot of meal prep videos on you tube sure they have some geared towards woman. We all feel hopeless and want to give up at many points of recovery the thing you have to keep in mind going back will not solve anything you wouldn’t be on here in the first place if life was good on it.
  15. One Word Status Update

    depressed (and don't know why).
  16. Couch to 5k

    @sleepystupid getting a pair of running shoes would probably help out a lot. If there isn’t much arch support in the shoes you’re wearing that’s definitely going to cause some pain. Extensive stretching is the next best thing you can do to prevent injury. Before and after you run. Running is one of the things I gave up when I started on Adderall. I ran 5 marathons in the two years before Adderall. I had to stop running because my heart rate would get so high I felt like I was going to pass out. Now I’m doing 4-5 mile runs and cycling a few times a week and it feels great. Planning on running another marathon next winter. Thinking back to my ‘exercise’ right after I got on amphetamines is sad and funny at the same time. I’d go to the gym, walk for 5 minutes on the treadmill, do 20 push-ups, get a smoothie, mess around on my phone for 45 minutes, and then walk back out the front door feeling like a legend. After a few weeks I just stopped going. It feels good to actually be pushing myself again. @hyper_critical good luck with the half marathon. I found the gap between 10k and half marathon to be far easier than from couch to 10k. You’ll do awesome.
  17. Couch to 5k

    For serious! Had been lifting heavy for about 18 months before I started running, but zero cardio. I started at the beginning with Couch to 5k. That was hard stuff. I also have had terrible problems with shin splints. That's basically why I gave up the first time when I tried it in May. Got them on and off when training for the 10k as well. I bought compression socks. Not sure if they help or not. Think the issue for me is actually calf flexibility. So stretching and building up very, very slowly how much you're running is probably the prescription. I also had a prescription for Diclofanec...basically suped up Advil, that I used occasionally when I could feel them coming. If you figure it out, let me know!
  18. Couch to 5k

    for serious? or is this an exaggeration lol, cause i feel like i'm right there and being able to run 10k seems like a fantasy! i quit smoking about a year ago, so i feel better about that, but the biggest problem i have is severe shin-splits, which i understand is fairly common for new runners. i was thinking maybe it's the shoes? (i have a pretty shitty pair of sneakers, not designed for running). i am running outside on uneven ground, pavement, etc. i understand a treadmill or something would be easier, but don't have the room for one and i like being outdoors. any suggestions?
  19. Frank, thanks for sharing your diet options. I will definitely be referring to it next time I go to the grocery store.
  20. Day 57 - I feel like complete and utter crap today. I barely had any energy to shower. I told my husband this morning that “maybe I just need to be on stimulants for the rest of my life like our friend Nancy”. After I said this, I felt sick and started to reflect about the worst days of my addiction. I felt ashamed. On days where I was running on little sleep, I definitely had stimulant induced schizophrenia. It’s not something I really like to bring up but it helps me not want to return to the drugs. I never talk about this psychological effect because it’s embarrassing. There were days when I felt a cult was after me because every person I was meeting in real life was from or lived in Ohio (I live in the Northeast). I believe it was just a crazy coincidence but it sent my brain into a frightening, dark overdrive. Any time I saw anything related to Ohio in real life, I thought people were after me. This is just one example that is depressing to think about. I am thankful for the people who have contributed to this thread so far.
  21. Shifting Teeth?!

    Exact same thing happened to me.
  22. Couch to 5k

    Finished the 10K in 1:03:19. Not bad for a guy who couldn't jog more than a few minutes six months ago. Aaaaaaand just signed up for a half marathon in April. Time to re-listen to Goggins... Life off Adderall just keeps getting better and better.
  23. Give yourself a break for a little while on enjoying food coming off of addy. But as time goes on you’ll want to work on it. Here is some of what I do now and it’s given me great results. Breakfast options: fruit, oatmeal, eggs, whole grain bread with cream cheese or peanut butter. Lunch/ Dinner: new go to meal is ground turkey with taco seasoning, rice, black beans , Greek yogurt (sour cream substitute) and salsa. I eat that probably 3-4 times a week for lunch love it. -grilled chicken breast I use a white balsamic vinaigrette marinade. I buy a big package at Sams club toss them in the marinade at night then grill them have a couple nights worth of dinners. -Fish I try to eat salmon or some other fish once a week, -Flank steak it has minimum fat good protein and taste . I cook in soy sauce, garlic and Worcestershire sauce -buy the good stuff Lea & Perrins better for you natural ingredients vs generic. Sides: Most time I have steam broccoli, asparagus, sometimes sweet potatoes or rice if I haven’t done much exercise wise I’ll usually skip the carbs especially at dinner time. Desert: Halo Top ice cream or a piece of 85% cocoa bar. Snacks: protein shake or graze on smoked almonds. I’d recommend MP combat protein 100% whey, cookies N cream awesome flavor for a real treat add some PB2 powdered peanut butter, you can find both on amazon I also have popcorn once in awhile can buy big ass healthy bags of it pretty cheap now bevrages : coffee cream no sugar, Bang energy drink (has O calories but I’m still pretty sure it’s still horrible for me high of caffeine but a can last me most of the day just sip on it) , I drink a lot of flavored water so many options now days. Alcohol usually on Sundays I allow myself one night a week but now shooting for one night every-other week. Sunday’s are my normal cheat day so really anything goes but try not to go overboard and waste all my weeks efforts. What I’ve found is meal prep is the easiest way to keep on track cook big amounts use meal containers heat up when needed. If I’m working a lot sometimes it’s hard but I can usually always find a gas station to heat up my prep meals in between my calls. I’m definitely the complete opposite of what I was on addy. Most days woke up to pop tart, sugary cereal or bagel. Had coffee with cream and a lot of sugar, multiple Red Bull’s or Dr. peppers “not sugar free”. Lunch anything fast food I could find ,snacks Reese’s pieces or some other sugary snack like little debbies, dinners usually frozen pizza , Mac n cheese hot dogs basically anything easy to make did not have time to make a real meal too busy doing whatever, also multiple beers or cocktail nightly for sure. I can’t promise eating healthy will cure the addy blues but you’ll definitely feel better looking in the mirror.
  24. Sean, I know you don’t mean to be discouraging. How long did you relapse for. Didn’t you make a post recently about this?
  25. How long were you no adderall for and how high of a dose?
  26. Yeah man I don’t mean to be discouraging. I do feel significantly better than when I first quit just was hoping for better.
  27. TLNJ2, Thank you for the positive message. It made me feel a little bit better. Sean, I’m sorry the journey is still rough after almost 2 years. I fear the same.
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