All Activity

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Today
  2. 2 yrs and counting.

    So I still have my video saved from me putting my prescriptions in the paper shredder on this day. Hard to believe 2 yrs in some ways I’m very pleased at my progress other times disappointed. I know many people have used list of task to complete things post addy. I’ve just never been that kind of person but know I really should. I’m more of it comes time I get things done problem is post addy you don’t have that spike of motivation to complete task out of nowhere so more things get pushed to the side. One of my goals this next year into recovery is to force myself to have a daily list of task to complete. Another one is stopping wasting so much time on social media I tell myself it’s important for my buisness but that’s a lie. I find myself scrolling down non stop clicking on stupid crap all the time wasting countless hours. But even with all my faults I’ve come so far completely out of debt and financially doing pretty good. I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving and some can use my story of quitting as inspiration.
  3. Greetings my fellow friends in recovery, First of all I wanted to say how grateful I am for this site, no one I am very close to is battling with this same addiction and although they can try to love me through this, only you all know those productive feelings and sense of having life together that we miss so much. I am almost at a year and have lately been considering medication again to deal with the weight gain ( 5"5 female went from 120-140lbs this year) but I know that sticking to exercise and limiting carbs will be the healthier way to go in the long run. I wanted to share some things that have happened in the past year to keep your momentum going: when i was on vyvanse and adderall, I felt like I dated and met people of a lower vibration if that makes sense ( other addicts and people with varying addiction problems or unable to come to terms with their addictive behaviors). Although I'm much lazier and have days of total lethargy in this past year, I have come in contact with much brighter people on a healing path and have found community with people who do estatic dance, yoga, sound healing, cacao ceremonies, etc. I try to remember to live from my heart and not my head ( might sound a bit cheesy but I am a yoga instructor). Honestly, the spiritual community has helped me a lot because of how open they are and how much they want to become more themselves. Being around sober people helps as well. I will continue reading your stories thank you all so much for being there. I hope to make a yoga for addiction program once I finish this next teacher training. any other things that have really helped you in this time if you want to share, please feel free .. some days I just stay in and try to be patient with myself
  4. Brain Feeling Better! 14 months

    @Zoe I find yoga to be a great recovery asset. I started practicing yoga about one year after quitting and five years later I am still a yogi-at least once a week. @Danquit Eighteen months already? Congrats and good to hear from you. @Cheeri0 Congratulations for 14 months of abstinence and recovery! Thanks for the update.
  5. Yesterday
  6. Brain Feeling Better! 14 months

    Congrats on 14 months! It was definitely a milestone for me. Now you can focus on improving your life and enjoying things again. You are out of the hell that is early recovery but you still have to pick up some pieces leftiver from the addiction days. I am exercising regularly now and I have some natural drive to accomplish things again. At 18 months I really am not looking back much which is a great feeling. You will be here soon and feeling much better. Keep kickin ass!
  7. Some alternative techniques

    Thank you so much, I'm thinking of trying a kieto diet. I am very into healing work, going soon for my 500 hr teacher training in Yoga.. I'm glad to know someone else has found healing/energy work helpful in this. Reach out if you need sweetheart!
  8. 3 and 1/2 Years Adderall-Free

    Thank you for sharing! I'm almost at 1 year and because of you I'm starting to want to be more forgiving to myself for these lethargy stages..
  9. Brain Feeling Better! 14 months

    Hi dear, was lovely to hear your post. I am almost a year clean now as well.: and was wondering how much weight you gained? I gained about 20 lbs. 5'5 120 to 140.. although I know I do have quite a lot of muscle as I continued to teach yoga a lot after I quit.. thank you so much for your story.. if you ever want to check in and talk I'm totally here this site has been a blessing.. I was really tempted to go back on to meds until a I found these types of sites thank you for sharing your story!
  10. ugh. relapse

    Good to hear your progress and so great that you did not relapse! 5mo is rough as it feels like it has been so long however the progress seems near non existent. I am at 6mo and can just now "maybe" feel a bit of progress. I have had a 4 day streak of feeling kind of normal this week; still a bit skeptical though as I have felt pretty good a few times before then crashed... However am hopeful as this time feels slightly different. Will see... I have heard from many that not much progress is felt until around the 10-12 month range however the recovery can take up to 2 yrs and everyone is different. Best of luck to you and keep posting your questions/frustrations/progress, it really helps to have support!
  11. ugh. relapse

    A clarifying ps ~ The above is an example of the lack of clarity in my writing. A large part of my living problems today are not just because of the damage amphetamines did to my brain and body but also due to the lack of discipline I lived with while relying on a pill for pretty much everything. To clarify, yes, I am five months clean! Yes, Friday, frustrated with my now 170+ pound 53 year old body and my very sluggish and depressed state, and extremely messy house, I set out to pick up two weeks of Vyvanse medication. Yes, I finally popped back onto And finally, no, I didn’t pick up the Vyvanse. Yea me, and yea to all of you at - this is the only place I have found where I can read and share about what clearly must be epidemic proportion misuse and desired recovery. Thank you all for being here. I have re-set my expectations and priorities around recovery. I now realize it will take quite a long time to recover fully, I may not ever recover fully but my chances are greater and my recovery will be greater if I put more effort into working towards who and what and where I want to be. Time to add exercise, healthier food and stop romanticizing the missed euphoria and embrace and celebrate that middle place of just being, breathing and feeling ok.
  12. Will I be ready to quit this time?

    We've all been there and know how you feel. One day you'll have had enough regardless so the sooner the better. I wish you the best.
  13. Last week
  14. ugh. relapse

    Um, no. I am sorry to hear of your struggles. The universal struggle, at least for many of us here. I had not been back on this site since being almost 30 days clean back in March of this year. I then went back on the meds until June. Fast forward to today and I am now five months clean. Strange that I didn’t come onto the site for support. It’s been everything I have read about since logging back on this weekend - rapid, and massive weight gain, feeling like I don’t know myself anymore, lethargic, slow, sleepy, and feeling like I am some kind of pretty significant disabled. I was on my way to get two weeks of Vyvanse Friday when I somehow got the wise idea to come on here for some inspiration. I’m sickened to come to the awareness of what I have done to my body and mind. It’s been helpful to discover that a heavy and long term user such as myself can anticipate the extensive damage and the painfully slow recovery I seem to be experiencing. And then I read your post - and got to read about what would have happened if I had filled that script. Yuck. Fuck. Damned if you do and not quite as damned if you don’t. Guess I’ll take not quite as damned. Thank you for posting and continuing to post.
  15. Hello Everyone

    Hello Everyone, my name is Dr. Jawdat Abboud. I am doctor by profession and I am from Illinois, USA. I am new member in this forum site. I want to learn new things and also share my experience with others. I hope I had a good time here.
  16. Hey Everyone! Just wanted to shoot you all a quick update, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I know a lot of people come to this site for information about recovery timelines (including a bunch of lurkers who never post anything) so I thought I'd contribute some recent developments regarding my recovery. Stats: 5'5'', Female, abusing up to 200 mgs daily for 7 years, 24 years old and 120 lbs when I quit, minimal exercise throughout recovery process and a pretty unhealthy diet. I just passed the 14 month mark, and I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still feeling cognitive improvements. I thought that I'd "back to normal" by the year mark, but I'm still feeling better every day. I feel 85 percent back to "normal" at this point, hoping that exercise and spinach will push me to 100 percent by month 18 but who knows. I will say that my exercise routine and diet have been awful recently, and I might be further along in the brain-healing process had I been more vigilant about healthy habits early on. It is what it is, though. I plan on making both more of a priority from here on out! The big development these past few months is that I feel like my emotions have finally started to regulate themselves. I no longer have mood swings! I have a really good idea what my emotional baseline is, and am finally able to accurately identify feelings and their causes. I felt physically back to normal around month 7, but this emotional acuity is new! I just love you all. I've browsed this forum every week for the past 14 months and have really come to depend on you all and the stories you share. Never doubt that you're helping people because you've truly been an integral part of saving my life, all of you. What a fucking beautiful day to be clean. <3
  17. depression Life ruined?

    Sorry to hear that and glad you have found support here. Being in an unhealthy relationship can eat away at your soul. Life is too short to spend years waisted with someone that ultimately will not be long term. I don't know your specifics however if your not feeling 100% not to mention children, finances, combined assets etc. Sometimes life forces us to tolerate situations until we are strong enough to force change. Keep focused on your health and recovery, with time you'll have the strength to rise above your life situations.
  19. depression Life ruined?

    It gets better just very slow process. Honestly it’s hard to judge what my six months was like feels so long ago I guess could look back on my post but know I’m in a far better place personally. Far as happiness no I’m not the happiest person but then again this can’t all be blamed on stopping addy. Stuck in a bad relationship I can only imagine a better place could be in now with a true partner who helps me vs holding me back. We have nothing in common she is not supportive in my diet choices etc just together for a child that’s it. Probably why I’m on here all the time really can’t share much with her.
  20. depression Life ruined?

    Just 6mo.
  21. depression Life ruined?

    How long have been off it?
  22. Sober Grid

    Never heard of it but I’ll check it out.
  23. depression Life ruined?

    If you simply google "amphetamine increases risk of Parkinson's" many credible articles come up. Mind you some are more related to the evil twin meth... still the same mechanisms however. I have read a lot about the down regulation we are all suffering from as well possible nerodegeneration (loss of dopamine cells) thus due to the fact that amphetamines are neuro toxic. While you can't measure the specific dopamine level in the brain you can get a PET or DAT scan typically used to aid Parkinson's diagnosis which often report 10-30% less dopamine function (symmetrically, meaning both sides of the brain) in known past amphetamine users. Even up to 50% in extreme cases. Parkinsons patients typically begin reporting mobility related complications around a 50-70% loss. And typically it only affects one side first. Even a patient with 10% loss on these scans have reported extreme depression, concentration and fatigue etc. If this does cause dopamine cell loss as suggested, most of us if scanned are likely a bit compromised "under normal". This does not mean we will all have Parkinsons just means our risk is higher. The causes of Parkinson's is wide spread and still unknown. One of the largest suspects is pesticides and chemicals/toxins. It think amphetamines are certainly in a toxin category however that is just an opinion. I have reviewed this information with my neurologist and he agrees there are potential links however simply there are not enough studies completed to know the effects 100%. Basically we would have had to had a DAT or PET scan before Adderall then 5-10years later have another after taking it for years and then quiting long enough for the brain the recover before scanning again. I have considered getting a scan myself however insurance won't cover all of it. If by 2yrs I still have symptoms like I have now maybe I would spend the money... However a scan would just be information as there is no real treatment for dopamine cell loss. Just a few links, there are many more you can google:
  24. Will I be ready to quit this time?

    Welcome to the forums! Wow, we have VERY similar stories. Youre in the right place. Read the articles and come back here often.
  25. So I've had this site bookmarked on my browser for about 3 years now (when I first realized I had a problem with adderall) and periodically checked it during my super bad come downs from adderall. But I didn't realize until today that this site has a forum section and I'm sooooo happy I found this. I honestly relate to so many posts that I read and am really encouraged by so many people on this forum. I was first prescribed adderall my sophomore year of college and by the time I graduated and started a real job I knew I had to stop getting written prescriptions. (I work in the healthcare industry and addy makes me smoke SO many cigs). Anyways, I really abused it during college. My doctor told me I suffered from ADD but I knew that wasn't really the case - I have really bad anxiety/bulimia/ OCD and when I first took adderall it made me so confident so I took the script anyways. The next 3 years were just a bunch of super highs and super lows with breaks in between. I didn't take it everyday but would binge then stop for a few days then repeat. So when I graduated and stopped getting it prescribed I knew I'd be okay because my sister still had her adderall prescription. It was such a nice break to not be on it for a while, though every time I would see her she would give me a few pills, or I would steal them. About a year and a half later she has now moved in with me and I have found myself back to the old ways of binging and then taking a break. I have wanted to quit about maybe 50 times now. My come downs are so bad now and every time I swear it off I find myself forgetting how bad they really are and doing the same thing over again. I know the adderall is holding me back so much in life, I am super into the ideas and practices of self help/meditation/yoga when I'm not on it but the second I am offered a pill I can't say no. It's like I'm two different people. I feel so hopeless that now that she's living with me I'll never be able to say no even though I want to stop taking it so badly. I know some of you guys get what I'm talking about so I just wanted to share my story. I feel like this last come down was the last straw for me and I will hate myself if I take it again but I've done this so many times before. Sorry for the long post- I just hope that this time is different.
  26. That’s great seems like a lot of people who took this have some kind of writing background not me obviously. I did accomplish fixing a dirt bike this week that’s sat for three years in my garage. Something like that in early recovery was unthinkable just had no motivation besides forcing myself to work to make money. Now if I can just finish that damn treehouse.
  27. So felt playing some full court Basketball against some high school kids tonight after my normal strength training routine would be no problem. Well I nearly puked but held my own lol. Definitely got a runners high need to play more often. Did experience the bad side of Keto, I wasn’t like so much physically tired but just nothing in the tank. Consuming close to 30 grams of carbs and doing that physical activity just doesn’t work that well. One kid guessed I was 26 yrs old just turning 39 that’s a very nice compliment.
  28. Sober Grid

    Anyone on here use Sober Grid? It's like FB but for recovery....
  1. Load more activity