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  3. UGH

    @DelaneyJuliette Ha. You are correct, L-tyrosine is what some have suggested. I live with a crossfitter so it’s hard to not get the two mixed up!
  4. Hi Wired,

    How are you doing? I randomly saw a post of yours when looking at the meetup locations and wanted to reach out.  

    1. cliendepe

      cliendepe eagles bent bryce weird fag

  5. Friday night sober ramblings

    Glad I’m not the only one, lol! Today is Day 54. I’m pretty fried-I woke up around 4am and decided to get up and start working. I tend to get a lot done when I do that, but I regret it now as I also had a full day of clients and plans with friends tonight. I cancelled my plans with my friends and am just going to grab a bite with my boyfriend and crash early. That sorta sounds reasonable and like good self-care, but I’m struggling. Feeling a lot of inadequacy today. I’ve been realizing that I’ve had many masks and decoys to keep my insecurities at bay over the years, and now I feel pretty vulnerable and unworthy. It’s actually quite difficult for me to share myself with people (in person!). I’m afraid to be “a drag”...
  6. Relapse after 1.5 years clean

    Hi Sleepy-I don’t think it so much matters that you relapsed as it does that you’re clean now and learned some important things from your time using. I’m glad you’re here. Try to be kind to yourself.
  7. Friday night sober ramblings

    I literally just emailed your quote to myself: I have a tendency lately to forget that I am in recovery...a tendency instead to get into this head/heart space of, "What's WRONG with me???" and when I can remember, "OH RIGHT!! DUHHHH - I recently quit an amphetamine addiction cold turkey!!!" I am better able to be kinder and gentler with myself and set some reasonable goals for my day. I am having brain zaps and feeling crazy. Mood swings all over the place and I can't get anything done. Going from crazy high anxiety to exhausted and apathetic. Foggy. Can't wait to get through this. There is another side to get to, I will keep telling myself. I know it to be true, but damn I want to get there NOW.
  8. HOPE

    I forgot to mention my success story to getting sober again!! So I did end up going back and completing an outpatient program. I finished that up a little over two months ago. Then I ran the Columbus Marathon and qualified for the Boston Marathon. I ran a 3:28 and I get to run the Boston Marathon in 2021. I'm pretty excited about that.
  9. HOPE

    Awe, thank you so much!!
  10. Yeah. It’s so disturbing when it all turns on you. So it becomes time to move on or...let go or be dragged...
  11. Friday night sober ramblings

    Good for you!!!!! And I bet you’ll totally be able to use that “overboard” energy in service of your abstinence! I’m rooting for you!!!
  12. Friday night sober ramblings

    Yes, it is very hard to be honest with myself. Man I am good at self-justification. But the reality is that I ALWAYS go overboard eventually... I think it really is time to stop. Monday will be day 1.
  13. Please Donate

    I just donated! I hope it worked!
  14. L-Tyrosine?

    a lot of people say l-tyrosine helps. I took it for a while and didn’t notice much difference. It’s worth a shot. It may work for you
  15. Friday night sober ramblings

    Congrats on day 53 @LuLamb! It’s hard because we aren’t just dropping a pill it’s a lifestyle change. I’m not vegan, but I eat really clean keto. It’s helped me a ton. When I get away from keto my ADD symptoms are way worse. Which triggers me to want adderall. Hope plant based works for you. Whatever it takes! I understand about your neighbor. I feel that way when I’m around my coworkers who are on it. I just want to ask for one! The struggle is real. Even when I see them anxious and stressed over small things. It should make me not want it at all.
  16. L-Tyrosine?

    Monday will be my first day off adderall (I've been decreasing dosage.) Any thoughts on taking L-Tyrosine?
  17. That is the story of my life. I give it up then convince myself I "need it" and then it doesn't work, and then the only way to get it to "work" again is to say fuck it and abuse it by crushing it and snorting it. It's awful. I kind of can't believe I'm actually in a place where (most of the time) I am wanting abstinence. Monday is going to be Day 1, as I'm decreasing the dosage.
  18. This is what started happening to me that has given me the indication that I really have to quit.
  19. This makes so much sense to me. I love your phrase, "i'll be fine. I can hang." That's endearing. I've been decreasing my dosage this week in preparation for next week which is going to be my first week without. I have an outpatient umbilical hernia surgery on Monday and I took the rest of the week off. I feel like having one week without working without using any will be a good start. I know there are lots of cues and when I'm back at work the next Monday it will be hard. I've not been on this site much due to lethargy. It's crazy to me how just cutting down has created so. much. tiredness. ugh.
  20. HOPE

    @LILTEX41 what a great post. Needed to hear this today! Thanks so much for sharing your story! You’re absolutely right it only gets worse if we go backwards. I need to type that up and put it all around my house. I’m glad you are feeling better!
  21. UGH

    L-carnitine... not L-Tyrosine? All of these supplements confuse me!
  22. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    Hi! 27F here with an intense academic background. When I got clean, I went from straight As to straight Cs. The mental clarity and love that came from within myself from doing something really, really difficult... that I had only ever done high (since high school), and then learning slowly how to do it CLEAN... was absolutely worth the TEMPORARY hit to my GPA. I understand you want to take advantage of Ivy League Med School (CONGRATULATIONS! That's a bfd if no one's told you today and YOU earned it, not adderall), and that it's exceedingly competitive and rigorous. But girl. It's not worth it. Get your Cs temporarily if you have to. Do residency at a second tier hospital. You CAN scrape by academically clean and sober. It'll be hard, but worth it. After you take a year to adjust, you might even be better at school come years 2-4. It'll be brutal, but so worth it. You don't want to be 35 and miserable wishing you had become better acquainted with who you really were in med school. Also, it's a great time to make friends as well. Stress bonding! You can do this. Hit meetings when you can - go when you don't want to. You got this.
  23. Friday night sober ramblings

    DAY 53. I'm so grateful when I remember to resource this site. I have a tendency lately to forget that I am in recovery...a tendency instead to get into this head/heart space of, "What's WRONG with me???" and when I can remember, "OH RIGHT!! DUHHHH - I recently quit an amphetamine addiction cold turkey!!!" I am better able to be kinder and gentler with myself and set some reasonable goals for my day. I watched the documentary GAMECHANGERS the other night and it really inspired me to go vegan again. My diet got really bad on Adderall and so much of what they said resonated with me with regards to how a vegan diet allows the body to recover so much more quickly. So this morning, rather than pounding super strong cups of coffee with tons of cream, I am drinking green tea. There's also a nagging little inner dialog I am having about asking my neighbor if he can spare some Adderall...he is a total slave to it and he drives me nuts and is a good mirror for me of how I probably was on Adderall and why I want to stay off of Adderall, but sometimes it is tempting to imagine asking him for a skosh. But, I'll just keep plodding along doing what actually needs to be done with the time, energy, and resources I currently have. SIGH
  24. HOPE

    Hello Quitting Adderall Beauties! Good morning and hope you are off to a great day! I am sitting on my couch, drinking coffee, snuggled up with my ragdoll cat Barbie, the sun is shining, and I have a couple candles lit. I have GOOD NEWS for you today! So first off, for anyone who doesn't know me, I am one of the oldest members of this site. I was the first commenter on Mike's article titled, "Your Challenge." My real name is Erin. Anyhow, I have been away for the past 2.5 years and it pains me that I lost my way and fell back down the rabbit hole. HOWEVER, I'm back!!! And I am more determined than ever to stay on track and pick up my recovery where I left off. With all that being said, it's been 9 years (November 12th, 2010) since I quit my ADDERALL PRESCRIPTION and told my doctor I was addicted to them and to never give them to me again. THIS WAS A SMART IDEA. I haven't had a prescription for 9 years now (THANK GOD) and I have barely had any adderall since then. During my last relapse, I did manage to find a couple people that had a script and sold me a minimal amount. However, because this was so short lived and I didn't get caught up in the cycle again, it wasn't a big deal to break. I actually discovered a new drug when I got sober 5 months ago called, "Kratom." And that ended up being just as detrimental as adderall, but I was lucky enough to quit cold turkey 26 days ago (suffer through 3 weeks of intense withdrawals) and I am finally back and feeling better than ever! I was scared about the kratom war at first because I had no idea what it would feel like to be off of it after I had been on for 4 months straight (like drinking it 4-6x a day). Anyhow, I am finally over the hump of withdrawals and completely CLEAN AND SOBER. The #1 thing that is keeping me GOING STRONG right now is I think back to 9 years ago HOW MUCH I STRUGGLED WITH QUITTING ADDERALL and I remember around year 3 how I had forgotten about it. It wasn't an issue anymore because my brain had healed. I had retrained myself to function without it and I was no longer feeling like a slave to it. I was FREE!!! So I know right now the best thing I can do with my kratom addiction and the tumultuous feelings that go hand in hand with quitting is to give it time and eventually I won't even remember the euphoria and what it felt like to be hooked on it. What's crazy to me right now is that I get on here and I'm reading all of your posts about trying to quit adderall and yes even though I did take a few here and there while drinking I never got trapped back in that cycle completely. My brain has been rewired to function without it and I am free today. I no longer feel like I did back when I first quit dreaming and dying inside wishing I had adderall. For me the thing that helps me the most is cardio exercise. I am a long distance runner and triathlete. I definitely have ADD though! My thoughts race about a good 90-100 mph at any given moment so the intense cardio regimen helps burn all that energy out in a positive way. I think it's the ADD that has caused my addictions to anything and everything. I get hyper focused on stuff I enjoy and will burn it to the ground and then I'm off to the next endeavor. Put any type of alcohol or drug in front of me and that's what ends up happening with all that. This struggle of knowing how to fix myself took years and years, but I know my only cure is total abstinence from all alcohol/drugs. 2.5 years ago I was just down in the dumps about my life and decided I missed partying and thought it would be fun to resume drinking. THAT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. Take it from me and keep trucking on in your recovery. So anyhow, here I am again and my message today is to give you HOPE! This addiction you have to adderall will END when you stop ingesting it and retrain your brain to function without it. The hard part is the time in between getting to that point, but whatever you do, don't ever give up trying to quit!!! Whenever you feel like you want to use, TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT. You will cut your problem in half the moment you tell someone else (but tell someone in recovery!). This is what I didn't do when I relapsed. I went to Denver all by myself to see if I wanted to move there (there was this cool sober group called The Phoenix) and I got discouraged, but kept all my thoughts bottled up. Of course the addictive voice grew and grew and on my last day leaving Denver I said, "F-IT" and ordered a beer at the airport bar. From that point up until 5.5 months ago when I did a 360 on the highway, slammed into a highway wall, and got hit by a semi-truck my addictions were back and I was spiraling out of control!! I should be dead right now, but here I am and I am so grateful I have a second chance at life. These past 5.5 months have been ROUGH. But I am finally completely sober again and feeling like my old self. I read something really awesome this morning (see below) from another site I'm on and wanted to share with you all. AF = alcohol free, but we can just change that to adderall free. Have a blessed day and no matter where you're at in your quit, keep moving forward. It will get better!! It only gets worse if you go backwards. I see a lot of people here who talk about another Day 1 or the shame and disappointment in that fact that they drank (OR TOOK ADDERALL) last night or over the weekend. That was me! I was there many times and felt many of those same feelings. If you are coming here and you are posting on this site and reading the book and listening to AF podcasts, all of those things are strengthening your AF muscles and you are going to get there. We did not learn how to ride a bike or learn to play an instrument in a day. We fell off our bike and got frustrated with ourselves for messing up again but we kept at it. None of us are experts in quitting drinking so we have to practice and stay positive and most importantly forgive ourselves. The path to freedom from alcohol has many pitfalls and booby traps along the way, this time of year especially. If we stumble off the path when we encounter one of these things along the way, that is OK. The most important thing that we can do is forgive ourselves and get right back on the path.
  25. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    Addforone, Have you heard of Smart Recovery? It's an alternative to AA. Might be a thought. If something isn't working for you, then keep searching until you find your answers and don't lose hope. There are many roads to recovery. You just have to find what works for you. I'd be happy to share my experience with Smart. I feel like I shouldn't be posting because I did relapse, but I have been in and out of AA since I was 14. Smart has been the program that kept me going strong starting back in 2010. I was clean for over 6 years with Smart. Message me if you want to chat. You got this!
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