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  1. Today
  2. 3 Days sober

    I've been clean from Adderal now for 3 days. I was prescribed 20 mg twice a day about 5 years ago and have been on it off and on ever since and abusing it by taking up to 100mg in a day. I came across a article about it being as addictive as crystal meth.... and my obsession with finding out about it and the truth. Cause not everything on internet is true! Lol
  3. Yesterday
  4. I just watched this and i have been going through similar stuff, including being mad all the time.. the smallest things set me off... today is day 1 of no adderall for me. I was getting 20 xr and 15 instants so i took my last prescription, the xr first for weening myself off. Then the instants. I feel like a slow slug today though.
  5. Difficult Day

    Ugh...I'm sure others feel this way often. Of course, I'm headed into month two no adderall, so my place is a mess, my clothes are a bit tight, I feel lonely, I'm confused about a relationship that has been hanging on by a thread, and there is no turning back. I know I have to just get through without using. I know the relationship is not working the way I intended it to work, so I have to accept that and work with what I have. I was great yesterday, and the day before. today, not so great. idk, I guess I just want to blow steam off.
  6. Adderall: How I beat the vicious cycle

    Thank you for the encouragement.
  7. Back On Here Again

    Thanks for the tip! i'll buy them as soon as i can. THANK YOU
  8. Welcome. Awesome and inspiring video. So many things hit home in what you said. Thanks for sharing and keep it up. Keep us posted on the progress. Also great job on cutting off your doctor and keeping away all access to it. That's always the hardest part.
  9. Last week
  10. Finally - Reclaiming my Neural Pathways!

    I agree with Frank's approach when it comes to the mental outlook while quitting adderall. Treat it like a final divorce, like something or someone you will never have in your life again. I just couldn't entertain even the slightest possibility that I would go back to that awful addiction. And, like Frank said, quitting different drugs is different for different people. While I abhor the thought of ever taking another dose of speed, I view my relationship with nicotine differently. For some reason, I just can't absolutely say I will never smoke again so I have to take quitting nicotine one day at a time. I quit both substances about the same time six years ago. When I look at all the money I have saved by kicking those two daily addictions, it is in the tens of thousands of dollars by now.
  11. So I just quit adderall a week ago after taking it for 5 years, Its very hard for me to write so I made a quick youtube video that will motivate and inspire yall. You guys can do it, if I quit you can also. Youtube -
  12. Whoever recommended the book The Mood Cure, thank you! First of all it has been 7 days since I decided to quit and had my last Adderall 8 days ago...after never even considering the idea a year ago. ( been on for 17 years) I know it ain't even close to being over and may never be over, HOWEVER...for me setting myself up to succeed was crucial. I knew if I continued to drink alcohol every night and eat like crap, that I'd feel like crap and that would be all I would need for an excuse to "just get back on Adderall". So for me it was paramount to make my new obsession only eating good for me stuff and not drinking alcohol. In a week, which feels like forever, it's been ups and downs, and like someone else also said on here...Adderall masked any of the "downs" and getting used to self motivating. But right now, (and yes, I know I'm still honeymooning-yesterday sucked) Just feeling a little bit better AND the feeling of accomplishment of doing it for one week, feels really good. I HATE having something control me and me getting mad at adderall AND being armed with the vitamins, etc from the Mood Cure book I feel I am setting myself up for success. Seriously a good read book! And I thought I'd never be able to read without Adderall! HA!...obviously today is a good day.
  13. Share Your Post Quit Accomplishments

    Thanks everyone for your replies. Duffman, I work in IT because….adderall. I am not a technical person and never have been. I feel like I have conned my way through a 15 year career in IT – relying on adderall 98% of the time (I'm off adderall for 8 months now and will never go back to it). After years of mind numbing adderall and not keeping current with new technology, my technical skill set is antiquated and it is very difficult to find work, although I do have a degree in business, and a full time job in IT right now. I should be more thankful for my job, but I’m not. I’m working on being more thankful. Without Adderall, I have to force myself to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours per day. I feel like a rat in a cage five days a week. A few years ago I tried going back to school to get into the nursing field, but had to drop out for financial reasons, and I was about to fail Anatomy anyways - reminds me why I majored in business in the first place. I want to change my career, but I know my brain does not work as well as it did before Adderall. Maybe it is partially my age (I’m 42) and not all due to Adderall, but I feel stupid a lot of the time. I wonder how is a person with my brain going to change their life in such a major way. I want to start a small business or go back to school or get certified to do something else but I don’t know what yet, so I am brainstorming ideas. Hoping to get some ideas or inspiration from all of you my fellow ex-addies.. Thank you again for your replies. I really love this forum.
  14. Back On Here Again

    Hi Sadderall - I hope you are feeling better. Have you tried L-Tyrosine? It is an amino acid supplement. I take Jarrow Formulas 500 milligram version and they are an effin lifesaver!!! Seriously - You can buy them at Sprouts/Whole Foods/or the natural food store in your area. I sometimes get them off of Amazon - to try that if you can't find them in stores. I take 3 first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. I also take a few more 1 hour after lunch to help me finish up my day. The key is the empty stomach. Hope this helps - hang in there and remember - THIS WILL PASS - THE SHITTIEST TIMES ALWAYS PASS
  15. Share Your Post Quit Accomplishments

    Yes, which I'm happy to share more privately. Honestly, one of the things I'm most grateful for is having honest relationships with other people who have gotten to know the "real" me, and the self-acceptance that's required to be vulnerable enough to form meaningful relationships. In many ways, I had been running from myself my entire life. I was never good enough, and Adderall was the perfect tool to mask that. I'm no longer afraid of being "found out." This has given me freedom beyond what I knew was possible, allowing me to pursue personal and professional aspirations that used to be mere pipe dreams, despite my academic and early professional success while on Adderall (which quickly fell apart as my use crossed that magic line). I'm doing some pretty big things now, showing up for life and other people like I was never capable of before. And, though it doesn't feel like it all the time, and I'm certainly still my biggest critic, I'm clearly operating at a level FAR above where I was on Adderall. It's taken time and persistence...getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. Oh and falling on my face a couple times.
  16. Finally - Reclaiming my Neural Pathways!

    Never heard of Reiki but sounds like a postive tool that should help for sure! Just FYI I'm coming up on my 2nd year clean come this Nov. I tried to quit 2 times before and both times I failed was because I told myself the exact same you are now, "I'm not 100% confident that I will stay off of adderall," Understand saying that your addiction still controls your brain. I know NA says, "Just for today" etc. Well I'm sorry we picked one hell of a drug and it's different in so many ways, we must be stronger because the withdrawal mentally last so much longer vs most other drugs people abuse. Here is the big difference people quit cocaine, heroin, pain pills etc is that life in general after a couple months really improves but us addy abusers it just seems to get harder and harder like asking ourself why are we doing this? But you know why just sometimes it gets frustrating like u hardly want to work take care of house things adderall made us love doing and things in society that say you must do and when we no longer want to do those things at even a non addy pace we get pissed at ourselves. That's when the opportunity for your addiction bust down that door like the Kool-Aid man. You must say this is it, your life on addy is over. In your mind build a damn fortress your addiction can't easily penetrate. Any pills flush them, any unfilled scripts burn them and burn the bridge with your doctor you will never need that stuff again because you are 100% sure you will never do it again! It's a long process but worth it other option is go bat shit crazy and have your heart explode way I looked at it.
  17. Disclaimer: please excuse the typos and shitty grammar - I just really don't give a fuck right now Hi All - It has been a month since my last pill. I've been on and off of this site in the last few years. my old screen name was Maisy11, but due to paranoia, I began using a different name. Anyways, here is my story in case anyone finds some useful info. I began taking Adderall regularly on September 28, 2015. I used everyday, no breaks. I noticed the immediate change in my personality and spinning thoughts, but it helped me get shit done. My social life increased substantially at that time too, and the hangover assistance that adderall provided was nice. As the months passed, my dose increased. I was paranoid, unhappy, really fucking paranoid and in a relationship with someone that had no idea I was rammed up on speed. My job performance began nose diving and I was having trouble getting anywhere on time. my perception of time was insanely off and I spent some weekends on my computer with not one thing to show for the time spent. I remember spending six hours trying to figure out who was hacking my computer. I constantly felt like I was being watched and I could not get going in the morning without at least 60 milligrams. I was taking around 220 milligrams a day towards the end. I was in and out of that relationship, each time we would get back together, I would think he was hacking into my phone and fucking with my head. I purchased 3 books about psychopaths, narcissistic personalities in an attempt to pin down why he was making me crazy. It was the adderall making me crazy. I incurred a shit ton of debt during the time I was using and was shopping constantly. I've never been much of a shopper, but I am when I'm on addy. A few grand was spent on botox and facial fillers in an attempt to mask the lines and the sagging facial skin that adderall brought. luckily, that shit went away quickly. I was afraid to quit - all of the horror stories. I was afraid of losing my job, getting fat, becoming lazy, sleeping forever. Those things are all a matter of perspective - now I know that. You have to let the bullshit "ideal self" go. I'm not 100% confident that I will stay off of adderall, but I do know I am clean today. This is why I'm coming back to this forum, I need legitimate support. This is how I tucked a whole month under my belt Reiki. Yes, new age spiritual "mumbo jumbo" - At the end of May, I had just gone through another round of "make-up, break-up" with my boyfriend. the physical, mental, and emotional pain I felt was too much. no amount of adderall would help. I think I popped 300 ml in one day. I knew I needed to quit, but I needed to screw my head back on first. I had heard about Reiki before, but never tried it. I never really felt particularly drawn to it in the past, but I suddenly just felt like it was something that would help. I searched for a practitioner who could see me asap and I did. Luckily, this Reiki master lived literally down the street from me and I passed her home/clinic several times while on my runs. She booked me for the next day. I opted for just a Meet and "Intuitive Reading" instead of reiki. I wanted to meet the person first and get a feel for what Reiki was about. She did the reading and we chatted for a bit. I did not tell her about the addreall yet. I began seeing her for Reiki the next week. The first session was amazing and I felt calm and rested afterwards. I slept really well, but was sick for three days after. It was a weird sick with some dark emotions. I began hanging around her house, and going to her new moon/full moon meditations. I began listening to the teachings she shared from her Chiefs and Reiki masters - I began lowering my dose. I decided to tell her about the medication. I felt that she should know and would be able to help me more effectively. She was beyond understanding and did an intuitive reading on me that night. two of the biggest take aways from the reading were 1) keep meditating and respect my path; and 2) when I quick adderall, it won't be as bad as I'm expecting. I kept going to reiki; participated in Reiki I initiation (which was amazing) and continued to lower my dose. I quick for a good 4 days in June, but ran back when I returned to work. Well, my last attempt to take adderall was met with unusual Resistance from my prescribing doctor. He suddenly refused to write my script until the first of the month, even though I was due. Instead of fighting it, I let it go. Once the first rolled around, I asked his assistant to shred the prescription and cancel my next appt. I still have to request that I be put on the "no adderall" list. Maybe I should do that tomorrow. I think Reiki gave me the love and community I needed. Positive vibes (literally) and attention. It balanced my natural energy centers, which assisted with my hormones. This return of "self" gave me the strength to quit cold turkey and still go to work - though I did exhaust my PTO . This has been hard, but I'm happy. I have a lot of bad days, but they are doable. L-Tyrosene also helps, so does binge watching Broad City. I hope I can stay clean, and get through so that I can help others get off of that medication.
  18. Share Your Post Quit Accomplishments

    I've been off for four months now and I'm undertaking my last year of chemical engineering. I plan to be able to have this as a post adderall accomplishment even though I'm a little intimidated at the moment. Just going to take it day by day and do my best.
  19. Share Your Post Quit Accomplishments

    I quit Adderall in the middle of physical therapy school and am now a Doctor of Physical Therapy. Worked a full day today (first day with a full case-load at my new job) and it went great despite having some very challenging patients. I'm pretty tired now but am still going to hit the gym in about a half hour or so. My new goal is to morph my body into something I'm proud of. I've always been semi-strong, but I've never been jacked (ripped, swole, whatever you want to call it) and I'm still carrying around some residual fat from quitting Adderall. To accomplish this, I've made a commitment with myself to hit the gym for 6 days a week with one of those days purely dedicated to cardio. If I may ask, what are you wanting to accomplish?
  20. Hope everyone out there is doing okay today. Anybody quit adderall and go on to accomplish something that took a lot of effort/work/focus? Maybe you started your own business or went on to get a degree or certification you needed after quitting? Looking to hear some major success stories of things you accomplished after quitting. Thanks all.
  21. 5 years of moderate use, finally quitting

    Congratulations on your decision to quit. You've got this. You've had your essential "aha moment" . I suggest you write down those 1,000 other reasons for quitting and share a few of them with us. There is a thread somewhere around here about how adderall affected people's physical health and I listed all of those reasons for quitting and realized how it was slowly killing me. You only really need one good reason to quit but making a list will re-enforce and remind you how awful that addiction really was.
  22. Back On Here Again

    You're so right. I can completely stress eat no matter what food it is. I just need to put fruits in veggies in front of my face instead of popsicles and chips. Ooooh congrats on your move to manhattan!
  23. Back On Here Again

    Thank you so much for your support. I've been listening to Peter Brigins videos as I get ready for work. They really help me realize why it's worth quitting. Yesterday all I did was stay in and eat any chance I got but then I realized how I was stress eating and just went outside to take a walk. Cutting gluten has always been something I've wanted to try. I'll look into it. As for sleeping, I've been doing it so much. But I guess it's just my body catching up on sleep i've been missing out on. Thank you so much for you help megan. Stay strong.
  24. Earlier
  25. I used adderall for the first time in university. It was a great way to cram study for finals and get energy to do projects that I felt may be above my capacity. That is my main reason for using adderall, not so much the inability to focus, though that can be difficult, but the anxiety that this next project might be the one where I have finally reached my intellectual limits. I started writing my usage history and then I started getting way too into the details, and I don't really see the point. Long story short, my dosage was 10mg for 1-2 years and then 20mg for years 3-5. I rarely took it everyday and never while on vacation or days off work (ok maybe a handful of times for housework), but for 2-3 months at a time I would take it 7 days/week for high-stress projects. I took it more during the winter than in the summer, almost as an antidepressant because I tended to get seasonal depression. Last spring I quit completely for 6 months spring to late fall and then started up again in the winter for a high stress period of work. I regret starting it again because my usage this winter was the worst that I had ever used it. I accomplished what I wanted to but it was probably a low point in my life health-wise and relationship-wise. I don't want to go there again. Right now I have been completely off it for more than 5 months. The first couple weeks were hard, then it was easy for 2 months, like exhaling after holding your breath. I kind of had maybe even a manic phase where I felt on top of the world living my life without adderall. Exercise, meditation and a long vacation helped a lot. Now at month 5 I'm starting to feel anhedonia. Its starting to become difficult to keep up with the day to day stuff, though I'm still hanging on working 40-50 hours a week. I plan on taking a vacation soon hopefully to regain some energy. I'm thinking about talking to my doctor about taking Wellbutrin for a while. I've had a tendency towards winter depression for a while but always avoided antidepressants since I doubted there efficacy and knew for a fact that adderall would work (at least during the high). I've now realized that because of the past times where I took more adderall than I should that I can't ever go back to taking adderall. That psychological bridge has been crossed. This is not even mentioning the 1000 other reasons Adderall was slowly crushing my spirit and natural thirst for life. I'm determined to keep going this time. My health and joy for life is more important than my performance reviews or bonuses. I know this job isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life and I know that if I take adderall again I'll get a false sense that this job is a better fit than it really is. Adderall can make anything interesting which is only delaying me from finding a career/venture that is actually fulfilling, or even slightly better than the one I have now. Reading some stories on this site helped me today to decide to keep going after I had a little feeling of that itch to go back.
  26. Love everything you said great advice. Might disagree every year you abused is a year needed to recover at least hope that's not true. I think it's really hard to judge each day is different our bodies have sort of a natural sine wave ups and downs. I certainly do not feel full recovery is still 7 yrs away which would be my full term of useage. I guess if they have a accurate way of testing dophemine levels and somebody had regular test after quitting we could know for sure. But doubt with the high cost anyone has or ever will plus heard the test are still up for debate on accuracy.
  27. Adderall caused thyroid/adrenal issues?

    If you're serious about quitting you have to cut your doctor off. You can't have that option to refill your prescription in 30 days.
  28. Back On Here Again

    Hi Greg, i originally read psychiatric drug withdrawal, where he gives advice on quitting safely. It is not specific to adderall or Ritalin, he also talks a lot about anti depressants, anti psychotics and benzodiazepines. He basically is claiming these drugs are a form of chemical lobotomy. It's really scary especially since so many of these patients are children!
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