lindseyn

me today

19 posts in this topic

I am a 51 year old mom of 2 teen daughters, married 26 years.  I went on adderall about 9 years ago when I was diagnosed as ADD.  At first it was wonderful.  I found that I could work in my office without having to keep the TV on to drown out the muddling in my brain from my thoughts skipping back and forth.  I lost a lot of weight (which I had gained from anti-depressants).  But soon the weight came back on and what I was left with was a drug that no longer really helped me, but one that I could not live without.  I actually did try to go off of it a few times and eventually went back on.  I want to say that I'm more organized on these pills, but truthfully, I find my anxiety off the chart and i fear so many things because of how I've reacted to them in the past, which has been just totally losing it emotionally.  My dr has suggested I increase my dosage but what then.  It will eventually level off again and I'm back to where I was.

 

About a year ago I decided to try and wean myself off and so I asked the dr for regular non-extended release adderall so I could only take what I needed as opposed to 30 mg per day.  Well, I never did more then take 30 mg per day, 2-10 mg in the am and one at lunch.  If I don't take the one at lunch, I go into a crying heaping mess about 8pm at night.  No one told me this was going to happen, and I thought i was having a nervous breakdown.  Finally it was my husband who suggested that it was releated to not taking that 2nd dosage at noon and when I called my drs office, oh yes, the nurse said it was probable.

 

I found this site a few nights ago and have been thinking and praying.  I thought I'd try not taking 2 in the morning and then 1 at noon, but instead just 1 and 1.  it's been okay, but then tonight it happened again.  A huge crying jag.  My business has suffered because of this drug, we are struggling with our finances and so while I want to quit, I keep thinking that now is not the right time.  I can't be an emotional wreck as I'm trying to pick my business up.  But will it ever be the right time? 

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Welcome to the boards!

 

The circumstances will never be perfect and adapting to life without the drug will never be pleasant. 

 

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. 

 

BUT...  that certainly doesn't mean strategy in choosing the timing for your quit isn't a good idea.

 

This is probably something you and your husband can come up with a plan for.

 

My opinion:  Rather than endure the agony of these meltdowns every time you adjust your medication downward, most people on this site will attest to the fact that quitting cold-turkey and just ripping the bandaid off in one go was the best approach (myself included).

 

If you decide to try tapering, which it sounds like you are doing, that may be best if you need to be present at your business.  It's all about deciding what's important.  Inconveniently, being under the influence of adderall makes it quite difficult to correctly determine what is truly important.  Fortunately you have a husband who you can hopefully lean on during this difficult time.

 

Good luck!  Wishing you the best.

 

Post lots and let us know how you are doing and if/how we can help!

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Welcome!! I find that tapering just prolongs the withdrawal symptoms. If you are needing to get back in the swing of things, then why would you extend the withdrawal symptoms? Pick a long weekend (Labor day😄) and quit. Tell everyone, and get plenty of snacks and tissues. Good luck!

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Welcome to the site. Knowledge is power read and understand how adderall is affecting you.  Getting off the drug will be difficult.  As the site cut line states "Surviving the painful but extremely rewarding transition back to your true self"

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Thank you all for your support.  I wish a long weekend would do it, but I'm thinking it would take much longer....  I don't know.  I am not taking any vitamins or supplements, my heart races just thinking of this. 

 

The first time I took adderall that evening I was in the shower and all of a sudden, the mumbling came back.  It's like I can hear my thoughts going back and forth and for the first time that I could remember the muddling had stopped when I took the adderall that morning.  But there in the shower at night it was leaving my system and when I heard that mumbling again I started to going into what I found out the next day was a panic attack.  I couldn't leave the shower, finally my husband came up to see what was taking so long.  I called the dr the next day and he said that I could have taken a xanax to help with the panic attack (I already had been prescribed them) and so then started me taking xanax 3 times per day, just in case.  It's been probably 3 years since I even took one of them but when I start to feel anxiety without the adderall that is the first thing I want, to numb the anxiety.  I have one xanax left and I like feeling strong that I have not taken it.  Honestly I don't even know where it is!

 

But that anxiety just makes me nervous when the adderall is not in my system. 

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So i did take the 2nd one for today and maybe this is just an excuse, but I have a call with my Director about getting my business going and I just felt like i needed it, just in case.  If I go cold turkey, will others take me seriously about what I may be going through?  I mean, in a perfect world i could just sit and watch netflix with a box of kleenex but i picture me still trying to do what i know i need to do but not being able to focus enough to do it.

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You can do it.  Most of us managed to keep our jobs and successfully quit Adderall.  Taking some time off is ideal, but you can keep it together enough to muddle through.  Plus, you aren't as good as Adderall makes you think you are.  You will be a better person and employee when you quit.  Good luck and keep posting. 

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Plus, you aren't as good as Adderall makes you think you are.

 

This is a hugely important thing to accept and is soooo easy to forget.

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It's me again. I appreciate all the advice. Here it is, almost 2 months later and ironically today is my birthday. I didn't realize I was low on my pills and called the dr on Thursday to get a refill. Instead of taking 2 each day in the morning and 1 at noon, I've had to ration myself. I took 2 total on Saturday, 1 total yesterday and one today. And that is all I have. I called the Drs office and he was out Thursday, Friday and today and they're going to ask the attending doc if he can write it for me. I am just so out of it and I want that rx so bad but eventually I will have to go through this. I am going to go get some supplements to take and wean off of this effin medication. I want to start new today.

I can't even focus enough to look through this forum to read what supplements I should get and where I can get them. I remember reading milk thistle? What else? Can I get this stuff at Walmart?

I can't do this anymore. I have somehow muddled through the last two days but I am just needing someone to tell me specifically what I need to do.

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i have a head start after only taking one s day the last two days so I purchased some l-tyrosine and will continue wth one adderall in the am and a l-tyrosine in the afternoon instead of 2 addy in the am and 1 addy at noon. We'll see

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Just one today in the am and then l-tyrosine after lunch. The extreme grogginess has lessened but still unmotivated and sluggish. Going to bed and it's only 10. It's like I need to catch up on 10 years of sleep.

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Just one today in the am and then l-tyrosine after lunch. The extreme grogginess has lessened but still unmotivated and sluggish. Going to bed and it's only 10. It's like I need to catch up on 10 years of sleep.

 

well enjoy the sleep for now lol, i remember days of going to bed at like 9 (: 

 

just FYI, regarding the l-tyrosine, i believe it is actually much more effective to take on an empty stomach either 2 hours before 2 hours after meals. i take 2000mg first thing in the morning generally. 

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Just one today in the am and then l-tyrosine after lunch. The extreme grogginess has lessened but still unmotivated and sluggish. Going to bed and it's only 10. It's like I need to catch up on 10 years of sleep.

I slept 10-11 hours a night for the first year. So glad I didn't have kids.

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i have remained at only 1 pill per day (as opposed to the prescribed 3) since October 17.  The first week was pretty lethargic but then the 2nd week my MIL had surgery and my uncle passed and so i was forced to move through the motions during the day, and I did okay. but now that has passed and this past week has been horrible. just lethargic, unmotiviated, tired but unable to sleep during the day probaby because i feel like a degenerate for doing so.  Even my husband suggested that i just take one more during the day to get over this hump and I'm really thinking I should, but then I will have to go through this all over again. I stopped the L-tyrosine becuase it was not helping.

 

Maybe going from 3 to 1 was too big of a jump?  I don't even have the energy and focus to do property grocery sh0pping and so I'm sure my diet has to do with this feeling too.

 

 

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going from 3 to 1 was definitely a jump, though you've gone almost 3 weeks now so the worst of the adjustment is probably over.

 

it's up to you, but I wouldn't recommend bumping back up or you'll throw all that progress out the window.  maybe open them up and split them into two? one for the morning and another for the afternoon?  then you'd be taking the same amount but spreading it out a bit more?

 

maybe just go easy on yourself and give yourself a lot of time before stepping down further.

 

all of this is just ideas, please don't take it as advice.  i know nothing about tapering or what it's like.  only a few people on this site have tapered successfully.

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maybe open them up and split them into two? one for the morning and another for the afternoon?  then you'd be taking the same amount but spreading it out a bit more?

 

 

sometimes the problem with splitting a dose is that you do not get enough in each half to produce a therapeutic benefit. then you just feel like crap for half the day and then half the day again. i agree though, its certainly worth a shot- you'd be surprised how little adderall is truly necessary to "function". 

 

its a pity, us addicts have rewritten our personal definition of "function".

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sometimes the problem with splitting a dose is that you do not get enough

but it can't be any worse than stepping down to half as much, which is inevitably going to have to happen at some point if she is tapering

 

might be a good intermediate step between 10 and 5

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