Renascido

Someone who doesn't know what it's like to go through this shit should never attempt to understand the lack of motivation one feels after having abused the drug. This isn't some exclusive community that you need to earn your stripes in to be part of, but again please don't try to rant about unrealistic expectations of what life is to someone going through this; there are still limitations. We know what life was like before adderall. When people complain about their motivation on here, very rarely are people suggesting they expect their motivation levels to return to adderall-like levels. They're suggesting they wish their motivation was more than non-existent, which is unfortunately the level that most of us feel after quitting. Been awhile, Frank. Nice to see some familiar names on here, as well as lots of new ones.

You definitely should allow yourself to sleep as much as your body needs. While it's true that you can oversleep and actually make yourself feel more tired, that doesn't exactly apply to someone who is going through withdrawals from a heavy stimulant. Your biochemistry is completely out of wack. So yeah, you definitely have an excuse to be lazy. I was utterly worthless for like a solid month. Lol

@EricP Yup! Isn't that the truth? Doctors swear there are no side effects from Adderall. I have an old friend who only recently started using, and I tried my best to explain to her of all of the possible repercussions of using the drug by sharing some of my stories and some of the stories from this website. She listened, and she said she'd talk to her psychiatrist about it. Of course the psych assured her that it's completely safe. Anyways, as for the 5-HTP, I've come to a similar conclusion from my research. It's safe short term, but I'd refrain from using it for any long-term period of time. Also, since we are all recovering from adderall, our dopamine is the primary culprit to blame for how we are feeling. While 5-HTP can make us feel good by increasing our serotonin activity, it is also sort of inhibiting our dopamine activity the next day. The enzyme required to convert the precursors (5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, etc.) to their respective neurotransmitters is supposedly shared between the two, so by using 5-HTP we are essentially limiting the amount of dopamine that can be produced. Again, this is just what I've gathered through my research. Your mileage may vary.

Hey guys, Well I completely quit caffeine for about 7 months, but after I noticed it really wasn't making a difference I decided to give it a shot again. I started drinking coffee again probably about a month ago, and for whatever reason this time around it seems to actually help. Unsurprisingly though, if I drink too much on a given day it will only worsen symptoms of my anxiety. If I drink caffeine at the right amounts it really does help mask any of the symptoms I'm still experiencing. As for alcohol, I started drinking that again too, but at a much more moderate level. Sometimes I'll go a whole month without drinking any. It just doesn't seem to make me feel the same as it used to, so I just tend not to drink it as often anymore. As far as lingering symptoms go, I'd say I still suffer from anxiety / anhedonia the most, though my relationship with both has definitely changed. Some days anhedonia will be worse than others, and on some of the good days, I can swear I feel "normal" again, whatever that means. My relationship with anhedonia has changed in the sense that when I am experiencing those bad days, I don't make the situation worse by dwelling on it or thinking about days where I felt better. I simply try to make the best of the current situation I am in for that particular day. Coping mechanisms really have helped me throughout this journey. My anxiety is very similar to the anhedonia. Some days it's so bad I just don't want to converse with really anyone I'm not comfortable with. On those days, I accept that it's worse than other days, and I don't try to do things that are beyond my comfort on those days. I don't want to scare any of you that are at the beginning of your journey. I don't want you to think that things will never improve; things will get better, it's just going to get better progressively. You won't wake up one day feeling "completely healed." Your healing will occur slowly, sometimes painfully slow. There will be times where things even seem worse than the month before, but rest assured that if you could plot your progress, the trend-line would definitely be trending upwards. "Life is what is, not what was." This quote has resonated strongly with me, because early on in my recovery journey I was constantly dwelling on the days that things seemed perfect. Regardless of whether things were once better or not, thinking like that only serves to hinder your general well being in the present moment. Try focusing on things that you can change in the present moment. @anonmymousdino I never actually "abused" the drug. I was using the drug for about 3 years. I almost never took as much as what my doctor proposed I take. It wasn't until the end of my 3 years of taking it that I was actually taking it "as prescribed," which lasted only about 3 months.

When I was taking L-tyrosine, I was taking about 1g in the morning and sometimes 1g in the afternoon. At first, it made me much more focused, driven, and less depressed, but it also reminded me a bit too much of adderall. I kept taking it for a few weeks, but I began to notice that after awhile it was making me grumpy and even less social, so I decided to stop taking it. On some days I also noticed my anxiety was much higher from taking it.

Hey everyone, It's been quite some time since I've posted. Unfortunately, things really haven't changed much since my last update, which was probably over a year ago. In just about a month, I'll have quit adderall exactly two years ago. I'm still experiencing anhedonia, brain fog, and anxiety (lots of it, social anxiety in particular, which got worse after quitting). I've been perplexed as to how I can possibly still feel this way, until a few weeks ago; I realized that I really hadn't given my brain any real break from some form of dopamine alteration. I have been relying on caffeine or alcohol for the past two years. Every day I was consuming caffeine, and just about every weekend I was drinking COPIOUS amounts of alcohol with my friends (we're young, but we definitely drink more than we should). I theorize that maybe my dopamine receptors really haven't had time to establish homeostasis, given how often I have been using chemicals to rebalance my dopamine levels. Anyways, I decided to go completely sober three weeks ago. No coffee, no beer, not even tea. I really do hope that this ameliorates some of my symptoms. On a side note, I have been doing a lot better as a person. Although I still struggle mentally, I have learned to take action. I landed my first "career job" just three months ago at a local college, I exercise daily, I meditate, I have a girlfriend, I have a new motorcycle, and I've developed a more normal life. I guess you can add going completely sober to that list as well. Anyways, I figured I'd give you guys an update as to where I'm at. Stay clean my adderall-free family

Hang in there, man. I'm one month shy of two years, and I'm still very much recovering. When you say you have brain damage, are you referring to the chemical damage incurred by adderall usage, or are you referring to something else? Just curious!

Unrelated, but since we're on the topic of changes: I can't seem to get the site to work on my phone like I used to. I can still access it, but it's constrained to a limited mobile version. I used to be able to access desktop mode from my phone. Anyone else have this issue?

Hello and welcome to the site, so to answer your question, as with all matters related to the brain, there is no simple answer. When someone is mourning the death of a loved one, when is it safe to say that their grief has morphed into depression? 2 weeks? 2 months? (For diagnostic purposes, DSM-5 has arbitrarily set it to 10 months, I believe). The point being, you would be hard-pressed to find a "definitive" answer to your question, especially considering that many health-care practitioners don't even acknowledge a severe withdrawal from adderall. With that said, regardless of whether your condition is derived from withdrawal or a separate, distinct condition, you can attempt to treat yourself in the same way: through adequate rest, abstaining from drugs/alcohol, and giving yourself plenty of time. Many users on here didn't find peace after quitting adderall for a few months, a couple of years, or sometimes even longer. Whether you'd like to turn to medication to help you on your recovery journey or not is completely up to you, but in my opinion, medication this early in the recovery process may only complicate matters. I'd suggest reading a previous post, where I elaborated more on what is occurring in your brain during recovery and how I feel about medicating. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/3393-dopamine-serotonin-can-someone-help-me-out-with-that-the-hell-is-going-on-in-my-brain/#entry25727 Good luck on your journey, brotha. It's worth it.

You're the man, duffman. Actually, you are the DUFF man. I always look forward to reading your posts. Very well said, man.

There is a correlation between eating right and feeling right, but there is definitely not a causation. With that said, at this point of your recovery, eating right - and by eating right I mean eating healthy - will only yield you so many results. Normalcy is going to be an evolving term for you, because it really will change throughout your recovery journey. You can't expect any miracles of feeling as you did before you started adderall, unless you were on it for a very short amount of time. So, in my opinion, you should allow yourself to relax like a slug, but you shouldn't consume food over-voraciously unless you want to deal with other problems that so many people share after quitting adderall: weight gain/confidence issues. I'd be a lazy slug while eating salmon, chicken breast, greens, salads, etc. lol. Be patient with yourself and congrats on taking the plunge.

Man, it's pretty variant for all of us, to be honest. To say that I have really reached that level of marked improvement would be a long shot. I'm at nearly 13 months clean. I don't want to discourage you, though. That's not to say that I haven't noticed some improvements, but it really does depend. There are stages to this recovery thing, and with each one comes different struggles. I'd say that the early level unmotivatedness (I know that's not a word) peaks at around 2-4 weeks. At around 2 months you might be noticing some improvements in your ability to not act like a zombie, but it'll be a long while until you're completely comfortable with getting through the work day without some form of complaints. Just remember it's the little things to be proud of. Baby steps. Be proud of each day you notice something that you didn't notice the day before, because if you don't document them it's really easy for improvements to go unnoticed; it really is a slow and painstaking process, but you're almost out of what most consider the worst of it. Keep it up.

Duffman, Boy, can I relate to some of the problems you are facing. Back when I was using, the only real reason I kept on using it for 3-4 years was because of fear. I was fearful of being mediocre. I didn't think I was capable of doing anything without the pill. The thing is, I was completely set on going to medical school, which would mean that I intended on using adderall as a crutch for another 5-7 years. Then I thought to myself, if I didn't think I was capable of completing medical school without the crutch of adderall, was it really worth it? I mean even if I did graduate from medical school, would I truly ever finish taking it? It's not as if once you're done with the program life becomes easy. Doctors work long hours, so that would mean that if I wasn't confident in my natural abilities, I would be doomed to a life of adderall. That has led me to where I am now. After quitting, I realized medical school wasn't for me. It all came down to whether I wanted to live to work, or work to live. I decided that the latter of the two resonated better with me, and that I would need to seek out a career choice that was truly what I wanted. In all honesty, I never TRULY wanted to become a doctor - that was only the Renascido that was hypercritical and had a superiority complex. I'm now on my way to occupational therapy school, which I think is a far better fit for me. Anyways, this isn't an attempt at giving you advice, as I really don't have any idea what you're going through or what you're capable of. I just really hope you get it taken care of. I may not know you as a person, but from what I've seen from your posts on this forum, the sober duffman is a highly cerebral and analytical person. I believe you are capable of accomplishing whatever program you're going through without the dex. Please do yourself a favor and get rid of it. Even if you were ever removed from the program, the program could never take who you are as a person away from you - only the amphs can do that. Good luck, brotha.

Hey my beloved friends. Frank, I hear you man. Honestly, August was pretty shitty for me. I had tons of anxiety about the future, and wondering if I could accomplish any of my future aspirations in my current state of uselessness. Anyways, yeah, not the greatest. I had to make a change in career path recently, which really took a lot out of me, but hopefully it's for the better. What you said about perhaps needing a new outlet really does hold some merit. After being clean for this long, you sort of learn what works and what doesn't. Not saying to quit your business, but if you think a new job might be a better fit, by all means, make it happen. But also I have no idea how hard that might be on you and your family at home. In any case, I hope things get better for you too. Moonster, isn't that always the case? :/ I almost always cancel out any good feelings I feel about progress because I remind myself that I thought I'd be doing much better in recovery by now. Ugghh, the struggle. In all honesty, the thing I miss most is being uninhibited. I'm almost always anxious, to the point where I just don't want to interact with anyone. Eghh, here's to hoping things keep improving. Also, today marks my one year anniversary. WHAAAAAT'S GOOOOOOOOD!

Hey everyone, I think that we should have it become a routine where people drop in and comment on how their month has gone. It can be a way to vent; it can be a way to celebrate; it can be a way to relate. It really doesn't matter. I just think it's important to be proud of your progress, because we deal with enough hardships in our lives. You gotta take a step back once in awhile and just be appreciative for what you have overcome. Here's my update: I'm less than a week away from my one year anniversary. In all honesty, I imagined I'd be all better by now during my early recovery, but the truth is that I still struggle greatly. I still have anxiety; I still worry that maybe I'll never fully recover. But none of that matters. What matter's is that I am getting better month by month. It's a slow and painstaking process, but it's a necessary one. Instead of hoping to be "completely healed" up by year two, I'll learn form my mistakes and accept any progress as just that - progress. So let's hear it. How was everyone's August? On a side note, this post didn't take me 5 hours to write, like it would have taken if I was still using adderall. I'm so glad to never go back to that hyper-critical state.

You know, for me, I don't think it mattered what I was putting into my body, I was constantly having insane levels of anxiety. That was until recently, maybe about two months ago my anxiety began to really diminish. When I was in the early stages of recovery, I think my mindset about caffeine produced more anxiety than the caffeine itself. I would think to myself "if I have this coffee, my mind is going to start going out of control" and before the caffeine would even kick in I'd be having minor anxiety attacks. Now, I can comfortably enjoy one cup of coffee a day and enjoy the benefits of some caffeine, but I think that's because my anxiety levels have really been controlled as of lately. So I'd have to agree that if you're struggling pretty badly with anxiety, it's probably a good idea to limit your caffeine intake. It's crazy to see how far we've come. I can't believe you're at nine months now. Congrats on that, brotha. I'm just shy of my one year anniversary.

Meh, struggling a bit lately. Trying to stay positive though.Less than a month now until my year anniversary. How are you hanging in, Frank?

Ghost, I remember like it was just yesterday that I was welcoming you to the forums. I'm beyond ecstatic to hear that your recovery journey has made a turn for the better. I hope you continue to develop yourself to become an even better Ghost than you were pre-adderall. Take care, brotha

I know nothing I, or anyone else, says is going to help with the pain you are going through, but please know that we are here to support you, however we can. Stay strong, Traceme

It sounds to me like you've done a great job answering the question that you were almost assuredly asking yourself: "What is causing this?" Adderall can seem like a Godsend when you begin taking it. The effectiveness of adderall is what makes it so good, but yet so bad at the same time. So good because while you are on it, you can accomplish a week's worth of tasks within a day - something that probably never seemed possible sans adderall. Bad because it's this effectiveness that makes it so damn hard to admit to yourself that adderall is the true reason behind much of our accumulating troubles. It seems to me that the honey moon stage of adderall has likely worn off for you, and that if you continue to use it, you'll either continue feeling sluggish, operating at a half-optimal level, or you'll be forced to increase your dosage only to find that you'll be right back in the state that you currently are only months from now. I fully support your decision in quitting. It'l be rough at first, but considering you only took it for about half a year, you shouldn't feel the effects for too long. You'll be back on your feet in no time, and you'll definitely thank yourself for making one of the toughest--yet rewarding--decisions of your life. Good luck to you, and please message me if you have any questions!

Hey, great to see you around here again. I wish I had some answers about the hair loss, but maybe, as Frank said, it's natural thinning? Anyways, aside from that, it'd be great for an overall update. I remember reading your 9 month and 15 month updates, so I hope you have progressed even more.

Bluemoon, I'm not sure if you remember, but I posted a thread maybe four months ago with a similar title to this. It sucks to know how similar our recovery paths have been. The feeling of not wanting to talk to my parents, my brother, or my best friends is just dehumanizing. What kind of person would prefer solitude in their room over being at the beach with their best friends on a hot summer day? I know for certain the old me would have chosen the latter of the two, but the recovering me has fallen victim to solitude far too much. Earlier this year I was enrolled in an accelerated EMT course to seek new work. Long story short, the program lasted a grand total of three days. I was taking restroom breaks every few hours just to handle the panic attacks. The panic attacks with the usual doom and gloom thoughts continued for months after this. I literally noticed no improvements in my depression or crippling anxiety until last month. I began one on one therapy, which has really helped. I highly doubt that my improvements have come from the therapy alone. I think the therapy and the healing of my neural pathways coincidentally began around the same time. Since then, I have noticed significant improvements. I've enjoyed being around people, without actually having to force myself to socialize. I can't tell you when you'll begin to see improvements, but keep on pushing forward. It's the only direction we can go now. We've come too far to let any of this progress go to waste.

Congratulations, quitonce. You truly are an inspiration for me; I resort back to some of your posts from time to time when I'm in need of guidance. I hope you enjoyed your anniversary. Much love!

I'm overwhelmed by the amount of support this forum provides. Thank you to everyone! It's comforting, but also painful to hear that so many of you also experience crippling anxiety. To Clinx: I'd say my motivation is something similar to your motivation. Knowing that what I am accomplishing on a daily basis - however small - was done completely without the aid of some artificial stimulant is just deeply satisfying. I recently graduated; over the course of my time at Uni, I was constantly battling the feelings of inferiority. The feeling that everything that I was accomplishing was just not genuine, and that I was just incapable of attaining the grades that I was getting without a crutch. Well, my final quarter at my university was completed this past Fall. During this time, I had been quit for just about one month, and I was taking the most classes that I ever had taken before. I was almost certain that I would fail, but to my pleasant surprise I was able to maintain an even higher GPA than before. This was beyond encouraging for me. Just knowing that I am more than capable of accomplishing tasks naturally. The truth is we all are. Each and every of one of us can accomplish great things we didn't know possible without the aid of that little orange pill. It'll just take us time and practice. Bluemoon: I know that hearing "the first month is the most difficult," then hearing "the third and fourth months were the most difficult" makes you almost believe that perhaps those months will be the worst for you. Or even hearing "at six months things begin to improve" leads you to believe that it will get better then. I know I set unrealistic expectations of when I'd start feeling better that only got me into more trouble. I remember thinking "oh so and so said they felt 70% recovered by this month, so maybe I should start feeling better then too." In short, I started counting my chickens before the eggs had hatched. I think it's important that we narrate our own story in recovery. We're all unique in our own ways, so it's safe to assume that our recovery paths will be unique in their own ways as well. I know you will get better, and I can only hope you will begin to feel better when I did, if not sooner. Just be patient. I recommend starting a daily journal of your accomplishments. It doesn't matter how little some accomplishments might be for a certain day; it just helps reinforce the fact that you are capable, and that you are progressing with each month. Frank: I think that is actually a very important lesson you have demonstrated. I have suffered a catastrophic loss of confidence. But as the saying goes "fake it until you make it." Maybe I should start pretending to have that confidence I once had on adderall to help me begin to rebuild my confidence levels. It's also good that you are keeping your confidence in check. All too often I let my confidence fly through the roof while on adderall, just as I'm sure many of us did.

So in just about 3 days, I'll be 9 months clean off of adderall. Boy, this has been probably--scratch that--without a doubt, the toughest 9 months of my life. This is coming from someone who battled cancer for three years when he was only 16 years old. I only mention this detail to ensure others that what we are going through is tough. You shouldn't downplay or feel ashamed of how terrible this struggle has been. Here's the thing thing I'd like to share: lately, I feel great. For the past 9 months or so, I haven't noticed too much of anything. Aside from the usual lazy, unmotivated, and anhedonic days, things have rarely been noteworthy. I have had the worst anxiety of my life, to the point where I cannot even meet strangers or go to the groceries store without feeling this overwhelming sense of impending doom and fear. The anxiety has been crippling to say the least, and it has honestly rarely been absent over the course of my recovery. The last week or so though, I have seriously noticed my anxiety levels go from 100% to just about 20%; I can feel sparks of life again; I can laugh again; I can talk to my family and friends without second guessing my every word; I can live again. I was honestly beginning to lose hope that I would ever begin to turn the corner, but this past week has definitely been a significant improvement for me. For the others out there that are around my quit timeline (frank, bluemoon, duffman), keep on pushing through. We're in this together. I can't tell you when you'll begin to see improvements... That depends on so many different factors, but I can tell you that if you stay the course and remain positive that things will begin to improve. Good luck and much love to everyone out there