• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

47 Excellent

1 Follower

About Sunnie

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location

Recent Profile Visitors

255 profile views
  1. i need to know whats normal

    Youre a normal addict. All of these thoughts are completely normal and ive been there with the exact same symptoms and concerns. Youre not a piece of shit. Youre right, no adderall high-fake feeling of cracked out euphoria is worth sacrificing your true self for. My best advice is to go to an NA meeting, get a sponsor, get to know yourself and deal with the shit in your life that you know you need to deal with. Its inevitavble. Its fucking hard but continuing the spiral of addiction is x1000 more painful.
  2. Go us:) yeah i think thats my issue too--clenching my jaw. My facial muscles always ache and im so faaacking tired of it just wanna be able to chill like a normal human being. I keep checking in almost daily too its a good reminder that i'm not alone in this struggle.
  3. Inspirational Music

    i listened to this song today and felt like it exemplified my battle with addiction, from eating disorders, depression, compulsive thoughts, distructive relationships every outlet ive looked for a solition but only found pain. Its been a battle between myself and i, my addictive personality and the voice that wants me well. "our human hearts forget how strong they are, and they get lost along the way, hey its not giving up, its letting go and moving to a better place." Letting go of trying to controll everything and accepting myself for who i am and where I am and trusting that life will take me where I need to be. Im done playing god trying to control every aspect of my life from the outward appearnce of success to how i feel.
  4. Strange habits after quitting? Nail biting

    I dont think its strange that you stopped biting your nails while on adderall at all. I started taking adderall to mask my emotions after a break up and although I supressed those emotions then and there and distracted my mind with other things i still have to work on getting over the grief of that relationship now two years later. Maybe your nail biting is a nervous habit and you should investigate what lies beyond it? Why do you feel nervous and compelled to bite your nails?
  5. Night and day tendencies

    Im at about two and a half months and just in the last week or so i feel like my depression has lifted and life is easier and lighter. I also contribute this to working the 12 step program and truely grasping the concept of turning it over to my higher power. Ive also been submerging myself in everything recovery: books, podcasts, etc
  6. The good days

    Ey beautiful people. I just wanted to share a little miracle with you all. 10 weeks sober, had a lot of shitty days, shared some stuff about that and my anxiety etc so i wanted to share about something on the other end of the spectrum. Today i had a group interview for a job working at an assisted living center for disabled people and i felt like it went really well! I had almost no anxiety, i was able to relax, show my personality and be very open and honest. The interviewers responded really well so i have a good feeling about it, so ill be keeping my fingers crossed. Ive been so anxious about my recovery. Ive had a lot of doubts about whether Id ever feel like my old self again. Well today I saw her and gained some hope for future potential. #thankful
  7. Not the forum type, but giving it a go!

    Welcome jennyleighleigh and congrats on choosin the good life
  8. One Month Sober - Just Relapsed :(

    Remember your odds of success dramatically improve with each attempt to quit!
  9. Social anxiety

    Ive heard the same thing from people. People get annoyed when i talk about my social anxiety bc its so irrational.
  10. Social anxiety

    @SeanW well then you just need to nod and smile nicely Jk
  11. Four Years Ago Today

    Had to look up the definition of magnum opus haha but i like it thanks for expanding my vocab as well im hoping that the expected time frame for recovery from addiction is similar to getting over a break up... half of the time of the relationship.. on the other hand, before i was addicted to adderall i was addicted to a long list of other things so that protocal doest seem too swift
  12. Four Years Ago Today

    Congrats! Thanks for sharing your story! How long were you on adderall?
  13. Social anxiety

    What do you mean you standout physical appearance wise? @SeanW
  14. New Hobbies

    I started rock climbing too!! The adrenaline rush is the best ^ Ive also signed up for a half marathon thats in september, just so that i have something to train for and look forward to. Ive always been a runner though so its not exactly a new hobby, but ive never ran that far and while using adderall id never give a shit about training for a halfmarathon
  15. One Month Sober - Just Relapsed :(

    Your story is so similar to mine. I relapsed about a month into quitting the first time.. like liltex said dont beat yourself up about it, for me at least, relapsing was a part of the process of quitting. I had to be reminded of the hell that went along with adderall abuse.. Youve acknowledged you have a problem and youre reaching out for help and thats a huge step:) i think my greatest illusion of adderall is that i thought it made me smarter.. which it doesnt, all scientific evidence concludes that it makes you think youre smarter and helps short term memory. The good news is that without adderall youre just as smart and youll be able to retain information better in your long term memory. Its just not as much as a euphoric experience i realized i had a problem with adderall in December, quit then and relapsed in january, and then finally quit two weeks later in february. I had mono too and had missed so many labs and was so far behind that i was forced to take a leave of absence from school. Im in an out patient program for addiction and i feel like this break has really let me get in touch with reality and reset my intentions for life. My self esteem was also destroyed from adderall which isnt so strange since i depended on a drug to do absolutely everything. I was basically telling myself "take a pill bc youre not good enough to do what you need to do without it." i gain trust in myself everyday i choose to stay clean, and my self esteem is being rebuilt little by little by excercising self discipline and gaining insight from NA meetings and the outpatient clinic meetings. You should be proud of yourself for the decision youve made and the step youre about to take and look forward to the new adderall free life that awaits. Let go of adderall and addiction and trust that life will take you where you need to be and i guarantee you will be just fine:)