Rachel

Hey guys, I am still doing well--77 days off Adderall. I don't know if you have seen my other post, but I was prescribed Concerta by my doctor in my chemical dependency program. I have been fine and taking it as directed, and have no desire to abuse it. In fact, I really don't feel any high from it, just an increased level of concentration. It is nothing compared to what Adderall is, in my opinion. I also get it perscribed a week at a time. I do not recommend or support going on a different kind of stimulant after abusing Adderall. Yes, the Concerta does help my ADHD symptoms, but honestly it isn't that much of a difference from when I was not taking anything. I think the work I am doing, and the healthy habits I am developing in my recovery are paying off. I don't need stimulants, and you don't either.

Thank you all for your responses. Right now I'm wondering where to trust my doctor and where I should take matters into my own hands. If my psych isn't doing what is best for me, that really scares me. My life is literally in their hands. ADHD has been a struggle throughout my entire life. I know my doctors want to help as much as they can with that...I don't know. I'm confused about it all. The ADHD specialist I do work with told me medication is the most important part of the treatment, and like I said above, that's where I am in a bind bedside most of the treatment is addressed with stimulants. I was finally able to get to sleep and felt much better today. I did take the prescribed dose today along with my Wellbutrin. But this is the second day on it, we all know this can progress. I just want to make it clear that I do not suggest or support trying a different kind of stimulant for anyone trying to quit Adderall, or who has quit Adderall. My medical team in my treatment center decided to do this, and I followed it. They have been with me since my first week out of the psych ward, so I of course assume they have my best interest at heart. But as I have stated in my posts, something doesn't feel right. I have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you again to all of you.

What do you do with someone who has ADHD, and then abuses their medication to the point of being 5150'd after two straight days in psychosis? How do you treat their ADHD after an incident like that? It seems very simple: Don't prescribe stimulant medication. If only it were. This has been the most difficult time in my life, hands down. Adderall helped my ADHD symptoms tremendously, but then it became my coping mechanism for past trauma and, well, life in general. You all know the story. I am currently in an outpatient program for addiction, and have 70 days off of Adderall. My program ends in May, and while I am there, I am overseen by one of the resident psychs. I was put on Wellbutrin my second day there, mainly for depression. She wanted to wait to treat the ADHD, and after 30 days clean I was handed a script for Strattera. 305 dollars later, I am feeling the worst I ever have in my life. I see the psych and she goes back to just Wellbutrin, and wants me to do that for 3 weeks. In the meantime, I am told to go to a class for ADHD. Please, if anyone has differing info on what I am about to share, tell me. I have learned the following so far: I learn in the class that medication reduces 70-80 percent of ADHD symptoms. My teacher likens ADHD meds to insulin for a diabetic. The problem is the majority of research has been done on stimulants, and if course there are glowing reviews. Not good news for me. This may sound dumb, but I didn't know ADHD was a neurological disorder, and that I was born with it. When I was diagnosed, I was handed pills and told to go about my merry way. Anyway, the class has been interesting and informative, but I'm wondering what others have heard. The three weeks come to an end. I see the psych, and am prescribed Concerta. However, it's for 14 pills and I am to get it filled weekly due to my addiction to Adderall. Concerta is thought to be safer because it's extended time release, and of course the heavy monitoring. We also get drug tested once a week, as I have mentioned in other posts. But here I am at 1:45 AM, wide awake. I have taken the medication as prescribed, and yet I am in this familiar scenario once again. My brain wants to stay up all night and catch up on all the lost time...my thesis project due next month, my final paper, laundry, the bathroom, the kitchen...you name it. I'm not high, but I can't shut down. I had this issue when I started Wellbutrin--I was up for an entire night, but after that it was fine. Am I too freaked out because I know Concerta is a stimulant like Adderall? I don't want to get back on that roller coaster ride from hell. Where does the need for ADHD treatment and the potential for abuse find its common ground? ADHD symptoms are almost exclusively reduced through medication, according to my class. So here I am. This is supposed to be helping me...right? Thnak you for listening. I would appreciate any thoughts.

Adderall was my best friend...until it wasn't. I depended on it for everything too--exactly the things you listed too. I became uncomfortable in my own skin without it. It was a crutch, and for awhile, it really did improve my life. I have ADHD and it alleviated my symptoms at the right dose. But Adderall slowly started becoming the answer for everything--bad day? Up the dose. Angry at my fiancé? Up the dose. Eventually I ended up abusing my script to the point of psychosis. I too felt like my teeeth were shifting! I am not sure if they have, but I am going to the dentist to find out what is up. I clenched my jaw so much too, and I would grind my teeth. It really helped me to get medical help when coming off Adderall, it was too hard to do on my own. That's just me. Support was really key for me, and this forum has really helped. I entered an outpatient program and am still in treatment, which helps a ton. I haven't taken Adderall in 65 days, and it feels like a lifetime. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I do get cravings, I won't lie, and my ADHD isn't being treated right now which is hard. But overall, life is so much better, and I feel free! Adderall controlled everything, and coming down from it or running out was like a death sentence. I don't have to worry about that anymore. Be easy on yourself and take it slow. I wasn't able you do all I wanted to for a little while, but slowly I started getting my life back. It has been hard for me to accept that improvement won't be instant, because Adderall fixed everything for me in an instant. But that is just not a realistic way for me to live. I am very glad you are here!

Just from my experience...be easy on yourself and don't expect too much in the early phases of recovery. This is a process, and not something that will instantly get better the way Addy did to me. I had to get realistic with myself and my abilities, and it blew my mind when I realized, for the first time in my life, it was OK to not be Wonderwoman...and take care of myself, eat three meals a day, rest, spend time with my fiancé watching movies and playing on my phone. I let my body set its own time clock and it really does pay off. I only have 64 days off of it, but around the 50 day mark, I got the motivation to work out again. I also read 2 books in 4 days! This is only my opinion, but this is a serious thing giving up Addy and we should treat it as such. We wreaked havoc on our minds and bodies and we need to give them time to heal. I feel like we need to treat it as a serious illness, we owe it to ourselves because we are worth it! You are very brave to come to this realization. This is a great place for support from people that truly understand!

Very interesting!!

Very well stated, thank you so much! That really woke me up!

2 months today! We can do this!

I have 59 days today! I still have cravings, but I'm staying strong. The support systems help a ton! Thank you everyone for helping me on here!

I am on Wellbutrin too. It's helping my depression a lot. I still have to get treated for my ADHD. We will see what happens with that...

I loved that!! So awesome.

Good job! Being able to use normally one day is the great dream of many addicts, myself included. I am 59 days clean today, which isn't long, but the cravings come up out of nowhere and they are hardcore. Reaching out to my support system, like you did, is what really helps me combat them. I also wrote down all the bad stuff that happened on Addy, and I read it when the cravings come. I declare all the time how I think I can use it normally, but I know that's not true. It's my addiction not going down without a fight. You can get through this, you are strong. It sounds like you really want to quit this, and you can.

You are in the right place! It was slow going for me too, I just rode it out. I was luckily detoxed in the hospital and psych ward, and was given anti-psychotics that really helped combat the depression. I am in an outpatient program as well, and attend AA as much as I can. Can you tell your doctor about your desire to quit? Support is very helpful, in my opinion. It's hard going it alone, and I also agree with NA meetings being a good place to get that. For me, at 50 days I started feeling well enough to exercise, which I can't express enough helps!!! But it's all on your timeline, I think it's important to listen to and respect our bodies and minds...we put ourselves through so much on this drug. You can do it, and you deserve happiness.

Great job, and thank you for sharing your story with us. You give me hope! One year seems so far off for me right now. I have 56 days today...

Frank B is is the working out, eating right, and Wellbutrin?

I am at a point where I feel I have motivation again, but it took almost 50 days. However, the desire is selective...like I want to work out and clean a little bit, but I don't want to do my school work AT ALL. And then when I start, I can't focus at all...that's my ADHD. Unfortunately, I am at a point where I can't take anymore time off. This is my last semester I have to graduate, it has taken me over 5 years to complete a 3 year program due to untreated ADHD and trauma. We also have bills to pay, and we only have enough left for a month, so we are in a bad spot. I am at a point where I have to make it work. I am worried because my productivity level is so shaky, and I am coming up on a time where I need to be VERY productive. I messaged my regular psych, so hopefully he can help me answer these questions. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't have the time to wait on anything anymore. I also can't fathom doing this without pills of some form, especially because I have ADHD. Has anyone else been in this position?

I would count the days too until my refill! I had to get a new calendar because there are all these numbers on it from my countdowns until I got my pills. I also would use up the month supply in 3-4 days, and then basically freak out crying because I had no idea how I would get through the rest of the month. It is so nice not having to deal with that anymore. Good job sending that e-mail!

WOW you ripped the scripts up? That is SO AWESOME. Big props to you! That must have been so difficult, God I don't think I could have done it. Thank you for sharing that, it really helped. I don't know if I will ever be put on a stimulant again. It terrifies me to think about going back to the psychosis.

I had almost ten years clean and sober before I relapsed. I had stopped going to meetings, and that time away gave my addiction plenty of time to grow unchecked and take over. I discovered Adderall during my addiction to pain killers in the end of 2015. I was at the point where doctors would not prescribe them to me anymore and I had lost my insurance, so I was asking anyone and everyone I knew if they had any. One of my friends told me to come over, and when she handed me her Norco, she also gave me a little case filled with blue pills. Enter Adderall. I had ADHD and had been diagnosed in childhood, but my mom didn't want me on pills, so I was never treated for it. I figured I could finally get the help I actually needed, and I didn't have health insurance at the time, so I felt totally justified. She told me I should try them because they would give me energy. At the time, I was way more exhausted than usual and having trouble keeping up with my crazy schedule. My life was already falling apart due to the painkiller addiction, but of course I never attributed it to that. Little did I know I was so tired because I was pregnant. If only I hadn't been so out of it. At first, I didn't take the Adderall because I had heard horror stories about it. It scared me, I didn't want to take it without the supervisor of a doctor. But then one day my pain pills ran out, and I started to go into withdrawal. Well, I didn't have time for that, so I decided to take half of a 10 mg. Adderall. It felt OK, but I liked the pain pills better. Nevertheless, it got me up and going, and I felt a whole heck of a lot better. I continued to take the Addy at 20 mg. When I got my pain pills back, I discovered the absolute heaven of mixing narcotoc pain killers and Adderall. God, I wish I had never experienced that. It took a hold of me, and I was determined to not let go. I felt the best I ever had in my life. Not only was I filled with energy, I had ZERO pain. But the best part was how euphoric I felt, I could handle anything and I loved everyone. It was a compete turn around from the angry woman I used to be. People were happily surprised at my transformation. The sinking feeling of depression left, and I could face all my previously insurmountable problems, like massive debt. I had found the solution, finally, to all my problems. However, the addiction was snowballing, and I needed more. My friend didn't want to give me anymore, because I was asking for it every other day. She told me I was taking too much, but I assured her it was just because I had a "high tolerance for these things." She stopped giving them to me, and I also ran out of sources for pain pills. Pain pills were still my first love, so I asked around and was introduced to a dealer. He couldn't get th pain pills, but the Adderall wasn't an issue. He proceeded to rip me off for almost a year straight, and he was my lifeline. I wasted buckets of money I didn't have on this stuff, I even ended up selling very important stuff to get money for drugs. Due to my awful behavior, my father had cut me off for awhile. I didn't have health insurance, so I couldn't get a script. As my life became more difficult because I wasn't addressing my problems, I took more and more Adderall. I reached a point where I no longer wanted pain killers, only Adderall. I couldn't function without it, and one day it turned on me. I was no longer the happier person like I was in the beginning, I had transformed into a paranoid junkie. I was slowly losing it. One day I suffered a psychotic break that my fiancé was able to talk me down from, but that wasn't enough to stop me. It was infringing upon my professional life, and I looked horrible...skinny and old with bad skin. I was very unhealthy, but I didn't care. I finally got health insurance and a script for Adderall. I would run out of it way too early, and then withdraw and white knuckle it for a few weeks. It was en endless cycle, I didn't have any control. I lived for the day my script would be filled, and wouldn't schedule anything unless I knew I would have my drugs. But I was losing it more and more each day. I would be up for nights on end, hardly eating. I still didn't care. I started making up stories in my head about my fiancé cheating on me with my friends, and it ended up ruining those friendships! I cut them out of my life due to my warped thinking. I was driving people away one by one and didn't know it. I was trapped in my own psycho reality. I was going to lose everything. After getting a three months supply of Adderall, I promptly started to go through it at a rapid pace. 4 days in, I was already down my bottle of IR and half way through my XR. I still had two months left that I needed! I couldn't buy from the dealer anymore, because my fiancé refused to go down that route again. You would think I would have stopped for a few days. Oh no. I was so far gone, that I went into psychosis. This time, I was convinced the FBI was after me and my life was over, so I finished the rest of the Adderall because I thought those were my last moments of freedom. That put me in further psychosis and I blacked out in hallucination for two days in the ER. Then I was 5150'd. I finally "came to" on my way to the psych ward, when the young driver let me use my phone. I texted my dad all this crazy stuff from my hallucination: That I had HIV and every other deadly disease, that my fiancé left me for another woman and gave her my ring, that I was on death row and the worst criminal in history...the list goes on. He told me I was nuts and that's when I realized I had taken too much Adderall and it all wasn't real. It still took a few days for me to trust that I was really in a psych ward and not in a fake setting created by the FBI to get me to confess to my "crimes." Yes, it was that bad. My fiancé had to visit me there for an hour a day. I felt so badly he had to see me like that, but I was just so grateful I still had him. He stuck by my side and only wanted me to get better, he never got angry with me. He really is the best guy in the world. I was in the psych ward for four days, and then entered an outpatient program. I slowly have been making progress, and am 51 days clean today. It's hard to believe, because I did not think I could survive without Adderall. I have finally taken care of a lot of the problems that had been haunting me. It's funny, I thought the Adderall would help me get things done, but it just made me concentrate on things that weren't important. I spent nights filling notebooks empty worthless babble and researching nonsense on the internet instead of doing school work and making a plan for my debt. My fiancé and I got our marriage license a couple weeks ago, and I started exercising again this week. I am finishing my last class before I finally graduate this May. My relationship with my dad has improved 100 percent, and I am remembering the great person I actually am when I am not filled with drugs. I am getting my life back, and I can actually feel things now! This drug almost robbed me of everything. I am so lucky. And yet, I still have cravings to use it. It is a powerful, cunning, and baffling drug. But one day at a time, I am making progress on rebuilding my life. I hope I can make it. I wish you all nothing but the best, and I hope my story can help you stay away from this crazy drug.

Doge I was also a binger. I would always run out early and be forced into detox/sobriety. You are so right in how it all builds up...in the end I had NO control, the drug took over. I knew deep down I was addicted, but I just didn't want to stop. I didn't have a choice with these past events, and I am so lucky!

Thank you for sharing! I too ended up in the psych ward. In the end I was taking 100+ mgs. I had a full on psychotic break...5150...the works. The anti-psychotics helped me so much, and I went off them a month ago. I am on Wellbutrin now. The jury is still out on what I will take for my ADHD. Like you, I also was a devoted athlete. I was an avid high altitude mountaineer, climbing to Mt. Everest Basecamp and the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. I did so much great stuff before going on this stuff. Congratulations on 7 weeks! I am at 51 days today. I still get big time cravings...this stuff is crazy.

I can relate Nicole! I also would get so mad when people couldn't keep up with my train of thought..little did I know, I didn't make any sense! It is so strange looking back on my behavior...how did I ever think it was normal?

Thank you all for posting. I'm on day 50 today, and it's getting a little better. I actually have finally had the energy to exercise the last two days, and it felt great!! Someone mentioned that exercise really helps, and they were right! I saw my psych last Tuesday, and we are waiting 2 more weeks until I am out on an ADHD med. Thank GOD no more Strattera! I hate that stuff and do not recommend it to anyone. I am a little tired of waiting for her to address my ADHD. I am still in a program that is making me see a different psych than my regular one, and I don't like her. I am thinking of quitting the program and going back to my regular psych so I can have some sort of help for my ADHD. What a conundrum, and ADHD drug addict with a drug of choice of Adderall. :-( I hope all of you are well. I am definitely better, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the stuff. My friend that is on it wants to hang out this weekend. He is very supportive of me not being on it, so I don't think he's dangerous. I am just afraid I will try to talk him into giving me some. I am not sure if I would even succeed, but...I don't know.

Thank you for sharing that with me. It really helps talking to other people about this. I didn't take it for very long--2 years. I started at 5 mg and then progressed to bingeing on it. I can't even tell you the amount because I just shoved it in my mouth throughout the day, and stay up for 4 nights in a row. Then I would run out and crash, wait for more, and start the crazy cycle again. Then I started to break the psychosis barrier last July. Panic attacks, paranoia, and finally a full blown break with hallucinations that ended up in a 5150. I lost my script, needless to say. I can't believe I still want the stuff!!! I went cold turkey, not by choice. Congrats on your sobriety time!!! If I had that bottle around me, I would have been incredibly tempted to take some...I am very inspired to hear you are doing so well.