LuLamb

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About LuLamb

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  1. Never knew

    I'm so glad you are here and that you finally found the right people to help you back in December. It's so infuriating and heart-breaking to read your story. It really is beyond comprehension to me how oblivious so many doctors still are about the fact that Adderall is speed-plain and simple, and that it is destroying lives left and right. I don't get it. I'm glad that you are your wife are working together in your recovery. This site has been a godsend for me, and I hope you'll take full advantage of it. We all need to hear your story. How did you fare after getting out of the hospital? How long were you there? What all have you been doing to get through these months without Adderall? How were your detox/withdrawal? Looking forward to hearing more from you.
  2. Ambivalence

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! It really helps me to take it a day at a time; an hour at a time; 15-minutes at a time...
  3. I did it!! PHEW!!! Managed to go for a 3-mile run. HALLELUJAH!!!
  4. Ambivalence

    I don’t think I would have managed to quit/stay quit if I continued to have access to Adderall. Cutting off my supplier was a necessity for me. And that is an ongoing process - continuing to cut myself off from access to stimulants since most addicts know who they know that is on it and that equals “access”...for me right now, that is my neighbor. He is both a reminder of why I quit because he’s really in the throes of The diminishing returns in his Adderall addiction, As well as a reminder that I could always ask him if he could spare a little - ARGH. Anyway, addiction is addiction, it’s not a character defect, it’s not a moral issue. There’s nothing *wrong* with YOU. You’re an amazing, strong, determined mother, professional, etc., whose brain got addicted, and you, of course, never tried for that to happen. None of us did. It’s a total bait-and-switch. We got hooked while trying to better our lives. Don’t give up. You’ll figure it out.
  5. Ambivalence

    I can relate and understand everything you’re saying. Hang in there. I’m thinking of you. Are you still seeing clients (what with COVID-19 going on)?
  6. The past few days have been more challenging. I think the novelty of working from home and sheltering in place is waning. Yesterday I was Feeling really “blah” and my thoughts began going to how much a little Adderall would help. I need to give some structure To this new situation - mainly, I need to up the ante on the amount of exercise I’m getting. I stopped smoking pot a few weeks ago, and have been very pleasantly surprised at what a non-issue that turned out to be. But before COVID-19 *hit* I had gotten really into my OrangeTheory workouts and once they closed, I managed to do some jogging/walking/biking, but now it’s Friday and I haven’t worked out all week and am feeling incredibly sluggish. It’s great to be having so much more time for sleep, but today I feel the dull ache of too much sleep, not enough exercise. If I can manage to get myself up and out for a good run today, everything else will be gravy. All this said, overall I am really enjoying the quiet, slowed pace of sheltering in place, and, despite the pandemic, I don’t want it to end.
  7. Hi Guys-I’m very curious to know how others are faring with social distancing and sheltering in place? I’m doing well overall...where I am we are under shelter-in-place orders and I’m able to work from home. I’m very introverted and the orders feel like a big break from the normal everyday pressures...it’s been nice to have to stay home and do so much less. It makes it easy to feel like I am a contributing member of society, and don’t often feel that way!. I hope you all are well and safe.
  8. Thanks! Logically-speaking, I know you're right.
  9. Now that I'm focusing more on the biochemistry of my addiction-damaged brain and not my "moral failings" (after watching NOVA: Addiction), I'm wondering how different things help or hurt my healing brain. For example, I've had a few "slip-ups" with Adderall over the past five months since I quit. I'm guessing these don't RUIN the progress my brain has made, but wondering, what - exactly, the affect might be. Also wondering about things like "TOTAL ABSTINENCE" (like from everything: I still smoke, use marijuana, drink some alcohol, caffeine, occasionally take cold/allergy meds that contain pseudoephedrine, and have tried Kratom) vs just abstinence from Adderall. Sometimes I feel like I SHOULD abstain from EVERYTHING, but most of the time I feel like it's all i can do to get by without Adderall and tell myself I'll worry about the other substances in due time...
  10. Yesterday I pulled up the letter I wrote to my psychiatrist back in October. To my surprise, it had been exactly five months since i wrote it (October 14th-March 14th)! I seem to have entered a whole new phase in my recovery. Watching the NOVA documentary: Addiction Friday night, was incredibly informative and validating. But now I'm really struggling. It's like the personal shame I had been feeling around getting addicted to Adderall has been replaced with a new kind of shame: something really IS wrong with me: my brain is F****D and while that's not my "fault", it finds me feeling sorta B**CH-SLAPPED into a new reality. Maybe after 14+ months, if I am lucky, my brain will return to some semblance of its pre-adderall state, but when I think back to how I was doing before I got on Adderall, I think, "OMG I DON'T WANT THAT BRAIN!!!"
  11. Day 4

    OMG! I watched the NOVA:Addiction doc last night and it was amazing and so helpful on all levels. I didn’t even realize how much I viewed becoming addicted as a moral failing on my part. This doc makes me feel more empowered to work with my addicted brain in a more compassionate way. It really took the edge off the shame and put so much more into perspective.
  12. It's a good point. It also makes me realize how much I still SHAME myself for having gotten hooked; for having gotten strung-out; for having to go through detox, withdrawal, recovery...for how it soiled my life in so many ways....
  13. One of my closest friend relatively recently got on Concerta. How she acts on it is noticeably different than how she was without it (more assertive, more talkative), but she seems to take it as prescribed (and sometimes forgets her PM dosage, and doesn't take it on the weekends--can u imagine, lol?) and how she acts on it doesn't "offend" me. For me, there is a big and noticeable difference between her and the people I know who are abusing it.
  14. GETTING THERE

    Congratulations on your nearly four months!!!! And for your smart attitude about it all.