dolssa

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About dolssa

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  1. What is life

    GIRL you are literallly describing my life my first three months off adderall. It was absolutely brutal and honestly a miracle i didn't go back to adderall just to FEEL SOMETHING. I wish I had a better answer for you other than you just have to ride this wave but it DOES get better. This is your brain re wiring itsself. it is important to remember this is NOT YOU either. The real you is healing. The real you wants you to fight for its chance to be adderall free. You can get there. Just do anything you can not to go back. I did not leave my apartment for three months. I binged netlfix and read alot of books. then slowly I started feeling like a person again. it takes time and its not easy but you CAN do it.
  2. How is it dating without adderall?

    although I get nervous that I will get overwhelmed and need adderall to keep up. the girl im dating loves to be active and travel. I did too when i was on adderall. im hoping my depression won't get in the way because I really like her and it scares me that I might turn to adderall to keep up
  3. How is it dating without adderall?

    It was so hard for me to date on adderall. I had no emotions and I was content alone as long as i had adderall. One of the reasons i got sober was to connect more deeply with people. I am now 7 months clean and just started dating. It was a rough start with the depression which is why it took 7 months. I feel better now, i lost the post adderall weight gain and I am slowly getting confidence back. My emotions are back, stronger than I remember and it feels really good connecting again.
  4. set back

    @sweetupbaaby Thanks for your response. I totally relate about the emotions coming back. Besides the depression I generally love being sober for that same reason. Not going to let this small step back stop be from continuing this path of recovery
  5. set back

    @DC011381 wow that is such a long time. I am going to try and stay strong I know i can its just mind blowing how slow this process is and how much using affects our brains in the long term
  6. set back

    Hi guys.. if you saw my post last week i was really struggling with depression at a little over 6 months adderall free. I wanted to cave but a few of you really helped me out and talked me out of that (thank you!!) I ended up having a really good rest of the week after those few shitty days. But today i woke up feeling shitty again. I know this is normal but I was dying for an adderall. I stumbled upon one in shorts I havent worn since last summer and I just took it :/ its half of 10 mg. i probably wont get high from it but im so mad at myself for taking it (and looking for it in the first place) I swear i got rid of em all. Anyway I know this doesn't undo ALL the progress in the last 6 months and I have a really hard week ahead of me. any stories of slips like this that didnt end in total relapse destruction please share with me Im feeling really like i fucked everything up
  7. can't do it

    @Ready4Change You are so so so right. thank you so much for your response
  8. can't do it

    May 11 was 6 months for me. I have been struggling. I am so so so close to turning back. Life shouldn't be this hard. at 6 MONTHS my post adderall depression is still so prominent that I don't know what else to do. I have days where I feel ok. Like yesterday I felt good, not great.. but good. I made plans with a friend for tomorrow via zoom to catch up, and I told my mom I would come quarantine with her this weekend and help her get food and essentials. now i woke up today with absolutely no energy to follow through on these plans. Its giving me so much anxiety that 10 mg of adderall would cure. Dammit, i know its a bad idea.. but i just dont know if its worse than how i am feeling now. I just know im going to relapse. 6 months and its all for nothing.
  9. 12 Step Programs

    there is a need for a 12 step program just for adderall and i would say its growing... I defiantly support this and your letter
  10. cravings- 6 months

    What is it about the date you get sober that makes you want addrall so bad? Am i the only one that literally craves adderall so bad around the quit date each month? My craving are always so strong around the 11th of each month which is when i quit. Its so fucking weird. Most of the month it sucks but adderall isn't the dominant part of my mind, and then a few days before the 11th adderall just sounds like the BEST IDEA EVER. i miss it alot. anyway 6 months tomorrow. yay (i guess.)
  11. Chronic fatigue and apathy

    the quicker you accept you are not going to have any motivation or any of the things you described for a little bit while your brain chemistry heals itself the easier it will be. dont be hard on yourself. there is no magic motivator. you just have to ride this wave and let your brain heal. it sucks but the faster i accepted my reality as not having the energy to do anything and that being OKAY the better it got. the good news, is it WILL return. I had all those things you mentioned the depression, anxiety, and fatigue for a good few months. It does get easier though I promise you.
  12. Seven Years

    Did you get rid of all easy access pills?? the only reason i pushed through this day was not having any access to any! Now, i am feeling much better and happy I didn't have any on me cause i also would have caved.
  13. Seven Years

    I woke up today and was hit hard by PAWS. I talked myself into trying to find some adderall as soon as possible, but then i read this and have decided to continue in recovery. thank you!
  14. 5 months today

    @OneDay i would say the first three months were hardest, no really getting better. i would have a day here or there would i would feel ok, but overall I just did everything i could to not take adderall. I swear i didn't leave my apartment for 3 months my depression was so bad and I had the worst anxiety about any kind of social interaction. It was not fun. Once i stopped being hard on myself for not having the energy to be a person and just surrendered to Netflix and reading it was better. i just got to the point where i would rather be in withdrawal hell than the alternative adderall rollercoaster. Month 4 i started being able to leave my apartment, get lunch with friends, go to the movies chill stuff. now at month 5 I am working out consistently, and I wake up with motivation to work some days!! Its a slow process. I am no where near as productive and stable as i was pre adderall but i am functioning again not like those first three months of being a vegetable.
  15. 5 months today

    Thanks all!