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About dolssa

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  1. @m34 Yeah totally agree. who i was on adderall is not the real me. its a hard realization and hard to mourn that person because it wasn't always negative things. that is good that you were able to get out and be in the scene sober. i cant even go to my friends instagram pages who i know take it cuz i get jealous!! lol since we are outgrowing our addictions it only makes sense we outgrow those friends as well. I'm realizing that anyone who takes adderall can not be a friend to me. its to hard to be around.

    YOU GUYS!! okay so march 11th will be 4 months for me. I am happy to say that i think i have graduated from the extremely depressed stage to the restless stage! I wake up now and have restless energy like i'm ready to do something besides watch TV or read. I wouldn't say i'm motivated... but I am defiantly on my way there compared to the helplessness ive felt in the first three months. some days are still hell and i come on here and rant and think about getting adderall but i know it is a daydream and a thing of the past. i am just riding this first year recovery hell by staying in the moment and embracing the days i feel okay which is becoming more and more. i know i have a LONG road ahead of me, but it has taken me two years of trying to quit to be where i am now so that is something. just keeep going.
  3. So since i quit adderall i've lost all interest in my appearance which is so unlike me (i went to fashion school for college) I have been dressing in the same three sweatsuit outfits with no make up with my hair tucked into a baseball cap to do everything. for the first time since quitting i had energy to get ready when i went to eat with a friend. like full make up, cute outfit, hair done!! its crazy how little things like that start happening and you realize you do it without adderall. small wins!!!
  4. im a mess

    @Adderall OG thank you so much, i always love your responses!
  5. Relapse after almost 6 years clean

    Cut off your doctor and get rid of your script. Stop now! you know you need to and this path isn't going to lead anywhere good or you wouldn't have wrote this post. You have quit once you can TOTALLY do it again. 2 months is nothing!! match that sober and i bet you will be feeling good as new. You totally got this, just stop before it gets harder. sending you strength and love
  6. im a mess

    Thank you for taking the time to respond and for those words.<3 needed to hear that @Ready4Change
  7. im a mess

    Is this not the longest fucking slowest process in the entire world???? fucking hell. almost at 4 months and i miss adderallllll so much. the only thing stopping me is what a waste of the last four months doing nothing but binge watch tv, it would be for nothing. I had a drug dream last night too where i was on adderall and had motivation and energy it was honestly great. having intense intense cravings. most people on here said it takes a least a year, which is just so slow and excruciating. i just wanna sit and do nothing. ive lost all interest in everything. i dont know how to have conversations with people, I dont know what the hell i'm doing.
  8. 3 and 1/2 Years Adderall-Free

    Love this post!! thank you for this. you are so right. i am so hard on myself feeling like I am not doing enough and feeling like a failure when I'm too depressed to get out of bed. If I do nothing but lay in bed all day but get another day adderall free then it should defiantly be a win. I am going to get through this!!
  9. I guess the good news is that I am actually craving human connection something that I didnt really need or care or as long as I had adderall
  10. I don't know about you guys but adderall made me feel content being alone. Like i did not have close personal relationships except with my pill bottle. I have fully isolated myself during this recovery because as you all know the depression all to well, i do not have any brain power to keep my socializing up. As i am starting to have some energy some days I am starting to think about the friends i could rekindle with.....the problem being they are all adderall takers as well.. living that high speed life that I just can't maintain anymore. I am going to have to rethink every single relationship i had because I am now seeing they were based off us both being crackheads. how the hell do you meet people these days???? Did you have to switch social circles after getting sober?? I feel like i am in a different place than anyone I know. I live in LA & everyone is on something i swear. I guess I am just going to have to start by putting myself out there and hope I attract the right kind of people... gonna be hard without my little pill of courage.
  11. If you saw my posts yesterday you know i had a really hard day fighting against the trigger of weight gain. I pushed through it and eventually talked my addict mind out of finding a script. thank god i did not have easy access. I decided to fight for the body I want to both help me not go back to adderal and to also give me a distraction. It has been hard these last three months because I have been so depressed that i cant leave my apartment let alone exercise. today i fought my way to the yoga mat in a hot yoga sculpt class. first time doing exercise without adderall so adding it to this list of my firsts! felt SO good to get my body MOVING!! feeling hopeful that i can combat this trigger of being unhappy with my body that i turn to adderall.
  12. adderall induced eating disorder

    UPDATE: seeing that picture of myself made me get into a negative thinking space, and the addict in me typed this post. I am back in a calm state of mind no longer seeking a script. sticking to recovery through the good days and bad.
  13. Pretty sure adderall caused me to develop an eating disorder. The reason for my relapse in the past have been mainly weight gain. Now I'm almost at the three month mark and once again I am about to relapse due to my weight. I was doing fine, but I saw a picture of myself and now I am in a downward spiral thinking about how I am going to get my hands on a new script. pretty sure wanting adderall so i can starve myself easily is defiantly an eating disorder. masked as just adderall addiction. I made it to the three month mark being super super careful about what I put in my mouth yet I havent been able to get over some weight gain. I know it can get better with exercise but it won't ever be adderall skinny again which i've grown attached too. I make my money though instagram but i havent posted since my three month recovery started. my self confidence is at an all time low. I am only going to be ready for full recovery when I am ready to give up the life i built on adderal and I am not ready to give that up yet.
  14. ance after quitting???

    oops meant to post in general discussion oh well
  15. ance after quitting???

    okay this is kinda weird... and I don't think it has anything to do with adderall because I have never seen anyone else post about it but ever since I quit i have been breaking out... i never have had to worry about ance but now it is kind of a problem. I moved apartments around the time I quit so it could also be something in my new place like my new pillowcases, or laundry detergent causing breakouts... but for some reason i think its adderall related. Maybe the stress of quitting?? i have no idea just weird that its all of a sudden after never dealing with acne before? anyone else have this happen? just thought id ask.