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About dolssa

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  1. I recently made a post about my recent relapse after almost a year clean. My mom noticed that i had more energy when i took the adderall and doesnt understand why i dont just keep taking it. I tried to explain that its an addiction and the good doesnt last and ill pay for it later. a few weeks ago i went home to visit her (i was still clean then) and I thought wow i feel good compared to a year ago when i first quit. we went shopping, i participated in family games, i didnt have alot of anxiety at dinners and a year ago this weekend would have been unimaginable without adderall. i just got off the phone with her and she made a comment like "you are better than when you came to visit" it broke me. non adderall users will never understand getting through the days without it. because compared to other drugs it can look normal. she also said "its been a year" theres no way you are still feeling the affects of when you took adderall. i just wish she understood that YES. im STILL dealing with the affects of my addiction of 5 years, even having taken the correct dosage. its so hard. really no one but adderall users will understand. its such a misunderstood addiction. :/
  2. huge step back at over a year clean

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post! @SleepyStupid and @EricP! Without this forum i defiantly think this relapse wouldn't have been so temporary. I've decided not to go forward with the adderall. thanks again
  3. 4 years clean - a recovery timeline

    just read this post and want to cry. its almost my exact journey in the beginning. I just relapsed at a little over a year becasue i felt i wasnt getting better. to hear you started feeling way better at two years than one year, i am encouraged to keep going and not hate myself too much for this two week relapse i just put myself through. congrats on four years
  4. Hi guys... I quit adderall Nov 11, 2019. It was the longest year of my life. it got easier very slowly. at a year mark i was able to maintain some friendships, but i still lacked motivation and had no drive to accomplish anything. I started to feel discouraged when I hit the year mark when things didn't start getting better. I tried wellbutrin with no success. and i am ashamed to say that two weeks ago i filled an adderall script. i just turned 26 so i got a new doctor with my own insurance who didn't know that i told my other doctor to not give me adderall again. instead i asked her for some in deep despair to accomplish something at 26 years old. I really thought i couldn't live without it again after a year clean. (it hasn't been all bad, i enjoy being able to sleep and not having a racing mind) but still i got my hands on another script. it helps. i get out of bed, i have motivation, i have clarity, but deep in my brain, i know every time i pop one its a mistake. that i'll pay for it later. now two weeks taking 20mg and I'm sitting here sobbing writing this. im so mad at myself for taking this step back for temporary feelings of accomplishment. I just want to feel okay. i want to have energy without that devil little orange pill. is it possible?? i really don't know.
  5. congrats! do you mind me asking what anti depressant you started? i quit a little more than a year ago and relapsed this week because of deep depression :/
  6. Weight Gain/Body Image

    YESSSS. Adderall gave me an eating disorder. I didn't realize it, bc i never thought about food while i was in my addiction but I loved the adderall skinny body I had, and people would ALWAYS compliment my body saying whats your secret!!! if only they knew it was a diet of cold brew and adderall. I am now a year off and those first few months i gained 10 pounds and then I lost the weight, but didnt get back down to adderall skinny which would make me spiral and want to use. I did try wellburitn for a few months which also decreases appetite which i loved. but I got off that too. I just passed the year mark and its a never ending struggle of wanting to take adderal for the purpose of masking hunger. Im coming to terms that this is deeper than just being addicted to adderall and i might need to seek treatment for an ED. just wild because i had a great relationship with food pre adderall.
  7. Hi @LuLamb. Just wanted to say I am right there with you i quit Nov last year. came here bc just passed the year mark and struggling. way better than those first few months of recovery but the cravings have started again. I just wanted to reach out and say that i am feeling literally everything you write and you are not alone. happy we made it this far... we have to keep going right? x
  8. Wellburtin feels like adderall?

    exactly its just more jittery. Did you switch to a different antidepressant? @EricP thanks for the reply!
  9. Wellburtin feels like adderall?

    nvm i found alot of posts with this information! thanks xx
  10. Hey all I am at 10 months tomorrow. I am mostly happy with my decision to quit adderall, yet i am still really struggling with depression. I started Wellburtin almost three weeks ago and while my doctor reassured me that it was NOT a stimulant, i feel much the same affects as adderall. A burst of energy after taking, and huge decrease in appetite. along with increased anxiety. I am going to continue it for the month because I guess thats how long it takes to work, however I am concerned with its parallels to adderall. Anyone else try wellburtin and feel this way??
  11. 9 months

    I am almost at 9 months clean. a year ago i could not imagine what it would be like to say i have gone a majority of 9 month without adderall. I wont lie i slipped and took 5 mg around 6 months and again around 7 months. It was such a small dose I didn't feel anything and didn't have much negative affect so I still consider myself 9 months clean. I seem to always want to slip around my quit date which is NOV 11. So its not a surprise I'm here coming up on 9 months. My thoughts have not been good. I want to feel more. I want that rush. I want that motivation. I want that little pill of confidence. I am drowning in depression. Its wild that a solution is just a pill away and I could have the energy to live life. I know it is not sustainable but man I wish it was. I made an appointment to try wellbutrin, I know some people on here have had some success with that. I don't really have a point to this. I just keep waiting and waiting to feel like myself again and i feel like all the positive times i look back in my life i was on adderall. I am going to keep going because 9 months is a long time to give up now. I just really hope the antidepressant works because if not I will go back to this
  12. 16 Months Update - Feeling better

    thank you for posting!!! I am at 8 months and just started to come out of the depersonalization. I thought i was the only one!
  13. Someone please help

    Hello @idkanymore.. I also signed on here to say that I have relapsed this past weekend. I also feel like i can never be normal without this drug but also taking it is HELL. I am so sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I just want you to know you are not alone. kicking this drug is HARD. Do not beat yourself up over this relapse. Just start again tomorrow. You can do this.
  14. What is life

    GIRL you are literallly describing my life my first three months off adderall. It was absolutely brutal and honestly a miracle i didn't go back to adderall just to FEEL SOMETHING. I wish I had a better answer for you other than you just have to ride this wave but it DOES get better. This is your brain re wiring itsself. it is important to remember this is NOT YOU either. The real you is healing. The real you wants you to fight for its chance to be adderall free. You can get there. Just do anything you can not to go back. I did not leave my apartment for three months. I binged netlfix and read alot of books. then slowly I started feeling like a person again. it takes time and its not easy but you CAN do it.