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About quit-once

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  • Birthday 06/04/2011

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  1. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Here's a link to the eight stages of Adderall addiction: What stage have you progressed to at this point?
  2. This is hardly worth creating a new thread over, but I have been anticipating this moment since quitting 7 years ago. Yesterday, while searching through a drawer (the same dresser drawer I used to store pills in), I found a blue football lurking under some junk in the bottom corner. I could write an essay about the cascade of thoughts it created, ranging from 'just put it back and forget about it" to "save it for my friend who still uses" and also "fuck it, just take it now - it's only 10 mg". All within a minute. Then I remembered all of the times I have posted on here what I would do if I ever found a wayward pill: flush the fucker ASAP. So I threw it in the toilet, took a photo of the blue blob in the bowl (I have no idea why), and sent it to Hell. I guess my point for posting this is to stress how important it is to have a plan of response if you ever find it, or are offered Adderall or other stimulants. What would you do if you found a wayward pill?
  3. 90 Day Update: Extreme Brain Fog

    Brain fog is normal. The pulsating temples might last for a while. I've never heard of that, but I had several tremors ant twitches before and after quitting. The twitches in my lower extremities lasted for years, and my tongue thrashed around my mouth for many months after quitting. Please don't let the brain fog or pulsations discourage you or cause anxiety. It will get much better the longer you are off this shit. And the doctor who said you should just go back on it...... is not somebody I would go back to.
  4. Day 13 Update

    Yep. Couldn't agree more. I've lost entire days that I couldn't account for.
  5. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    There is just one thing that still concerns me seven years after quitting: having the confidence and motivation to tackle new endeavors, especially if it requires complex problem solving skills. I became addicted in my forties, so I have many years of pre-adderall adult life to compare with how I feel now. In the nineties, I earned a masters degree, started a business, became a consultant, and built a cabin, all in addition to holding a regular career job. I cannot fathom doing any of those things now - maybe because I don't know the right people to help me with it or maybe because I simply lack the dopamine reserves to just get shit done. I am pretty good about keeping up with the daily chores and doing my job. My physical health returned to normal and I haven't seen a doctor since quitting. I sleep OK, and I haven't gotten addicted to anything else. I just wish I could just get off my ass and get more stuff done. OK, there might be another issue- and that is my memory, observation skills, and problem solving ability. None of that is where it was pre-Adderall, BUT, I am also 20 years older, so I'm not sure how much of my mental decline is due to aging, addiction, or other past and present substance usages.
  6. Tick Tock- Recovery begins

    Welcome to the community. Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction. Did you actually tell your doctor you are done?
  7. 1 YEAR

    I viewed my addiction as a mortgage on my future and my future became more uncertain the longer I took it. It is simply an unsustainable habit. I sure wouldn't want to take it for the rest of my life - yet some people do take it for decades. I'm glad you are done with adderall too, @EricP and making it through that first year is a huge notch in your belt. I can assure you you will feel even better in a year from now. Congratulations! Go buy yourself something nice or treat yourself to something special.
  8. Prevagen

    So it has been about ten days since going off the prevagen and things are getting back to normal for me. In fact, the depression began lifting about a week ago. That shit was crazy- I took it for a better memory and it didn't work for that and it caused a depression. And it was expensive. It just confirms (for me) that depression is actually just a chemical imbalance. I have read some on-line reviews for prevagen and they ranged from very positive to very negative. Some people did report anxiety as a side affect. Please don't waste your money on this snake oil.
  9. I have taken the supplement Prevagen for the last three months, on an almost daily basis. Thumbs down, so don't waste your money. It is very expensive - like about two bucks per capsule (extra strength) and you take one per day. It claims to improve memory. I might have noticed a slight improvement in my memory when I first started, but not really sure. It says you have to take it daily for three months to get the full benefit. I have had moderate depression for the last six weeks or so, and made a lot of mental errors. In fact, the errors I have made are costing me my self confidence and I am beginning to wonder if I am getting early onset dementia at age 55. I can't really say for sure if the errors and depression are related to this supplement, but my bouts of depression will usually last only a week or so and come on about 3-4 times per year. So this stretch of funk has been abnormally long and deep, for me. I have even tried taking L-Tyrosine each day and that HAS helped. I just need to remember to take it. I got sucked in to the hope that Prevagen would help my mind from their commercials on TV. It is made from jellyfish. They claim scientific results from clinical trials. I haven't taken one for almost a week and I still don't feel that great. This is probably the worst stretch of depression I have experienced since my Adderall recover period over five years ago. One of the reasons I used Adderall was to feel numb , and it was a wonderful antidepressant, until it quit working. I am glad Adderall quit working for me because there is no reason to ever go back to it. Fuck Adderall, and fuck Prevagen too.
  10. Five Years

    You rock, HC! I appreciate all of the support you give to anyone who needs it, regardless of where they are on their journey through kicking this awful habit. I also appreciate your wisdom and insight that shows up in just about every one of your posts. I don't come around enough any more to read every post and every topic, but when I see you have replied, I usually check it out. Here's to the next five years!
  11. I don't think one pill counts as a relapse, but there must be a price to pay for fucking up. For example, you cannot honestly say you have been completely clean from Adderall for over two years now. Don't beat yourself up over it. Did you learn a new vulnerability to be aware of? Did you learn any potential strategies for rejecting Adderall if it is offered to you in the future? You "wanted to see if you could do it and not get hooked again"? I just don't see what could be gained from that experiment. As far as referring her to this place as a reference, I don't think it sounds like she is ready to quit, or even wants or needs to quit right now. Too bad, it sounds like it could be a great relationship except for the elephant.
  12. 1 year

    Congratulations for getting a full year under your belt. I have always felt like it takes a full year to adjust to anything new - like a job or a big personal loss and especially beating an addiction. It took about three years after adderall for me before I quit noticing progressive improvements in my outlook and well-being. Keep Going!
  13. Ritalin - Methylphenidate for Discussion

    My very first experience with speed was Ritalin. At the age of 16, I found a bottle of Ritalin in my mom's medicine cabinet from 1971 and it said "take one pill daily or as needed for energy". After trying it I knew (stimulants) would be my drug of choice. I tried Ritalin again about 15 years later and it felt like a dirty high. I snorted it and that wasn't so good. Then I discovered Adderall and went on to pursue that horrible addiction for another nine years.
  14. Too long!

    Well, Ashley, I would like to publicly wish you a hearty congratulations for six years. I remember your journey through early recovery very well...the drug dealer encounters, cracked teeth, finishing school, the anxiety issues and related drugs, and relationship struggles. I think you have found the best possible career now, as a substance abuse councelor. Also, congratulations on becoming a mother. I have been adderall-free for almost seven years now. Fuck speed. It has no place in my life anymore. I quit drinking for a month in January (google "dry January" and it was worthwhile. In fact, Occasional1 (now Be Here Now) put me up to it a few years ago. It helped my reset my relationship with alcohol.
  15. 36 hr fasting

    Wow, a four day fast. What kinds of liquids did you drink? I did the master cleanser for ten days a couple of times, in fact, I posted about it over on the supplements forum several years ago: But the Master Cleanse still provides you calories from the maple syrup. I think I would like to try a four day fast but I don't know if I am that tough or determined.