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About quit-once

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  • Birthday 06/04/2011

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  1. You're right, and that is a big problem. Until you 100% believe that your life will be better without adderall, it will be impossible to quit. Too late to stop? Do you plan on taking it to your grave? You're doing some good soul searching now....I hope you can find the strength to beat this addiction. It's killing you (in your own words). It sounds like you really need to quit, and that quitting is not just something you should do, but something you have to do in order to move on with your life.
  2. That's a huge step in the right direction, congratulations. Was your DWI for Adderall or was it alcohol-related? I'm glad you were able to beat it.
  3. Cognition

    Yea, my memory started improving almost immediately after ceasing the adderall. That first year of recovery was pretty painful, with a lack of general motivation and frequent depression. It took about three years to feel mostly recovered.
  4. Cognition

    Just the opposite - you are suffering from too much of a chemical called adderall. The only thing that will make you feel better is to kick the habit. After you quit, there are lots of supplements and good nutrition that will help you recover. You have done a great job of describing how adderall treats us in the later stages of its addiction - especially when it quits working and starts working against us. I took about the same dosage as you, although I used it for about 9 years altogether. Cognition and executive function really diminished in my later years of usage, and the physical symptoms of the side effects became highly concerning. I realized that an adderall addiction was unsustainable, and I was unwilling to take it to my grave. I realized that my memory was shot, and that I was barely able to function, mentally. I was getting old before my time. My future was uncertain. So I quit, seven and a half years ago. And you can quit, too. In fact, it is something you really need to do in order to move on with your life. Even if it means taking time away from grad school for a semester or two. Do whatever you need to do to get through this semester, make a plan and just fucking cease using stimulants by the end of the year. If you can't do it on your own, then get some help or go to rehab.
  5. Sober November

    I did a Dry January and it was almost life changing, although I didn't give up the weed. It changed my relationship with alcohol. I feel like doing it again this year, but not until Jan, which is technically next year. Good luck!
  6. Why my short relapse wasn't a bad thing.

    It is posts like yours that keep me from ever considering going back. I haven't read even ONE relapse post where someone said they were glad they relapsed, or went back to responsible usage.
  7. Saying Goodbye to My Charisma Candy

    That was an very well-written post and you laid out your case for using adderall very effectively. At this point in your addiction, it appears that adderall is doing good things in your life. Not once did I read about an unhealthy side effect, or any lasting damage that this drug has done to your life or your lifestyle. It appears that your biggest concern is your obsession with the drug and how it has helped you become the social person you want to be. So, my initial response and observation, is that you are just not ready to quit. You desire the quit because it is something you think that you should do, but not because it is something you really need to do at this point. Please tell me if I read it wrong. Your screen name: wired, tired and unhired suggests that you may be unhappy with the status quo. I'm not saying you need to experience a rock bottom or have bad things happen in your life in order to make the quit stick. But you have to want or need that Quit worse than most other things in your life. Especially, more than that social person you become every time you take another pill. When you do quit, I hope that some of the lessons you have learned from or while on adderall can follow you through your life beyond this drug. Why do you want to quit adderall? How will your life be better without it?
  8. I finally need to tell my doctor

    You already answered this question with the title of your own post. If you can't bring yourself to tell the Dr you are hopelessly addicted, make something up, like an awful side effect or possible allergy to adderall.

    Thanks for the information, @Cheeri0 I don't even know what a reddit is, let alone a subreddit. And thank you @Mike for keeping this website going. CAPTCHA?? I don't even want to know about that one
  10. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Here's a link to the eight stages of Adderall addiction: What stage have you progressed to at this point?
  11. This is hardly worth creating a new thread over, but I have been anticipating this moment since quitting 7 years ago. Yesterday, while searching through a drawer (the same dresser drawer I used to store pills in), I found a blue football lurking under some junk in the bottom corner. I could write an essay about the cascade of thoughts it created, ranging from 'just put it back and forget about it" to "save it for my friend who still uses" and also "fuck it, just take it now - it's only 10 mg". All within a minute. Then I remembered all of the times I have posted on here what I would do if I ever found a wayward pill: flush the fucker ASAP. So I threw it in the toilet, took a photo of the blue blob in the bowl (I have no idea why), and sent it to Hell. I guess my point for posting this is to stress how important it is to have a plan of response if you ever find it, or are offered Adderall or other stimulants. What would you do if you found a wayward pill?
  12. 90 Day Update: Extreme Brain Fog

    Brain fog is normal. The pulsating temples might last for a while. I've never heard of that, but I had several tremors ant twitches before and after quitting. The twitches in my lower extremities lasted for years, and my tongue thrashed around my mouth for many months after quitting. Please don't let the brain fog or pulsations discourage you or cause anxiety. It will get much better the longer you are off this shit. And the doctor who said you should just go back on it...... is not somebody I would go back to.
  13. Day 13 Update

    Yep. Couldn't agree more. I've lost entire days that I couldn't account for.
  14. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    There is just one thing that still concerns me seven years after quitting: having the confidence and motivation to tackle new endeavors, especially if it requires complex problem solving skills. I became addicted in my forties, so I have many years of pre-adderall adult life to compare with how I feel now. In the nineties, I earned a masters degree, started a business, became a consultant, and built a cabin, all in addition to holding a regular career job. I cannot fathom doing any of those things now - maybe because I don't know the right people to help me with it or maybe because I simply lack the dopamine reserves to just get shit done. I am pretty good about keeping up with the daily chores and doing my job. My physical health returned to normal and I haven't seen a doctor since quitting. I sleep OK, and I haven't gotten addicted to anything else. I just wish I could just get off my ass and get more stuff done. OK, there might be another issue- and that is my memory, observation skills, and problem solving ability. None of that is where it was pre-Adderall, BUT, I am also 20 years older, so I'm not sure how much of my mental decline is due to aging, addiction, or other past and present substance usages.
  15. Tick Tock- Recovery begins

    Welcome to the community. Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction. Did you actually tell your doctor you are done?