philip2113 Posted March 21, 2016 Report Share Posted March 21, 2016 I have been taking adderall since I was 11 years old. I am now 29 years old. That is 18 years of living an inauthentic life. And 2 years of ritalin before that. 2 out of 3 decades on this planet drugged up and numbed out. At first, it was nice that I could finally calm down and somewhat focus. However, it was at a huge sacrifice. I used to light up the room. I used to be bold and would try anything. Now I am stuck in a dead end job that I hate and everyday I simply try not to kill myself. I am on day 6 of no adderall and boy is it hard. I have ADHD but I still want to find my passion. P.S. How do I creatI have been taking adderall since I was 11 years old. I am now 29 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted March 21, 2016 Report Share Posted March 21, 2016 How exciting for you to get to discover yourself! Because that is what you are about to do. Who are you? Even without the Adderall years, you would be a different person at 29 than you were at 11. So...go figure it out. Give yourself some time to recover without any pressure to "be" anything for now. Then, when you are ready, find a hobby. Start getting out there, and find yourself. I am so happy for your 6 days clean! You can do this! Welcome to the site! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amandal1130 Posted March 21, 2016 Report Share Posted March 21, 2016 I totally hear you. I started at 17, I'm 28 now, and I can 100% relate to feeling suicidal, empty, and just totally screwed into nothingness. The worst part about it for me is career. Adderall made me feel like I was getting somewhere, financially, career wise, etc., but now it feels like it was all just fantasy. I'm halfway through law school and taking a semester off because I screwed up my grades so badly during adderall withdrawal. I'm staying with my parents in Florida and working at my Dad's law office. Every day I'm plagued with this terrible anxiety/depression about wtf my life is about and where it's all leading. I have no idea if I have any ability to handle law whatsoever off adderall. The only things that seem to help are 1) remembering that I could have continued on like this even longer, and dug myself into a deeper hole, 2) recognizing that I'm catching up on a ton of repressed depression/anxiety/hopelessness that adderall was covering up, and that, every time I just allow myself to feel it, I'm chipping away at the darkness, 3) going through this site, 4) going for a run first thing in the am. I have to promise myself that I will walk as much of the run as I want to. But getting outside and moving before your mind has a chance to beat you up for feeling so useless and dead actually does wonders for wellbeing throughout the day, and 5) majorly lowering my expectations. If I can get through this without making my life WORSE, i.e. by gaining a ton of weight, losing money, losing relationships, becoming an alcoholic (because that is so freakin tempting right now) etc., then I will have beaten something I could have died with. I also believe in reincarnation, so from a spiritual perspective I always remember, I could off myself, or keep taking adderall, or trade adderall addiction for another addiction, but that would just be delaying the inevitable. I find a lot of solace in the spiritual text A Course in Miracles. I do it every morning even when I absolutely hate it because the days I don't do it just suck terribly. And the Course in Miracles talks so much about the inevitability of change. It also talks about how whatever you're going through is the absolute perfect lesson for you at the moment. So I just try to think, I don't understand why I chose this path, and this lesson, at this time, but I can't possibly figure any of that out. I just have to surrender to it. Because there literally is no other option. Idk if that makes sense. This is probably really depressing advice. But point is you're not alone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted March 21, 2016 Report Share Posted March 21, 2016 of the things you listed, I think 2) is something I've never really thought of quite like that. it's a nice way to put it and I think spirituality is a great thing that is very helpful for staying hopeful. many people have different beliefs but they all seem so share a lot of the core tenets that are so important.sounds like you have developed some great coping strategies. that's awesome! and yes being alone during this struggle can at times be depressing, but it has its advantages also. having support can be great but i think it can also add pressure to "be a better person" during recovery than you really feel capable of being. either way there are pros and cons to both situations --- as an aside. i spent a semester in law school actually but i dropped out after the first semester becuase i hated it. I had never heard of adderall back then, but i remember hearing rumors of people selling ritalin to get through the insane amount of law readings and endless case studies, and i remember not understanding why... oh to be that naive again.. im really lucky i didnt start my adderall use back then or else i'd certainly be a lawyer right now. a really shitty, strung out, drug addicted lawyer. it just wasnt for me but adderall would have made me feel like it was the most important thing to me 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted March 23, 2016 Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 We started my daughter on ADHD meds when she was 6 years old. When I quit Adderall, I took her off of her Concerta, too. We used to say that she was very immature and delayed emotionally compared to her friends and classmates. I really believe that she stopped progressing at 6 years old with the introduction of the stimulants. Almost two years later, she is starting to mature and acts more like a 10 or 11 year old. She is 13, but still immature compared to the other kids. I am just grateful that she is progressing. All of this is to say that I know how scary it must be to start living without the thing that made you who you are. BUT, you can be anything you want to be and without Adderall you will find out what that is. Best choice we ever made! No more stimulants, ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philip2113 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 I am on day 8 and I really really want to take something! I feel like trying vyvanse instead of adderall but I know that I will regret it most likely. I want want it so so bad!!! Also, Mike talks in the disclaimers that how this is a miracle drug for the people that actually need it. So how do I know whether I am one of those people??? P.S. How do I create a ticker? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted March 23, 2016 Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 It was a miracle for all of us at some point...until the psychosis set in and we ruined every relationship in our lives. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philip2113 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 How do I make a ticker like the ones that you guys have? I can't figure it out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted March 23, 2016 Report Share Posted March 23, 2016 Follow the link on our tickers or go directly to either ticker factory or alternatickers.com and follow their instructions. ticker factory seems to have some kind of pregnancy relationship but I just ignored it and made my ticker how I wanted it. I ended up with one too many "since"s in mine but when I tried to fix it things got screwed up so I just left it alone instead of starting over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 24, 2016 Report Share Posted March 24, 2016 Hi Philip, Welcome to the site! Congrats on 8 days!! That'll be cool if you start your 30's off adderall free. Glad you are here with us! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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