sadderall

man, this website

10 posts in this topic

has gotten me through the past month.

the community here is one the most honest and genuine ive see on the internet. I did my time just looking through the website for a couple of days and finally decided to make an account bc I too, have a voice. support is the best thing to give and receive.

I've been taking adderall for a year and a half. I was prescribed 40 mg a day. I took it mainly because I started university and never felt academically competent enough to other students. I was taking it and staying up all night doing home work. which was absurd. I was delusional to the fact that I was completely unorganized. I thought the adderall would fix everything. it was a big part of why my relationship with family members and some friends were ruined. always tweaked out and not being able to be mindful of my thoughts and expression. I decided to take a break from school for mental health reasons bc of adderall and I am coming to terms with how I never had a problem with school. I was just dependent on the adderall way too much.

I realized I wanted to lower my dose and eventually quit when I had no other choice but to. got my prescription late, didn't have adderall for almost two weeks. usually I would ask my friend to spot me some but I decided to stay away. luckily I had the time to recover from not taking it. I noticed my body so fatigued- but I got deeper sleep. my social skills weren't as excellent- but I was mindful of deep conversations. I wasn't as focused and tasks were hard to finish- but my mind wasn't racing and I didn't feel anxious.

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and told him i want to cut my dose in half. so that being 20mg a day.

I then decided to start slow. yesterday I took 10mg for the first time in two weeks. I got so much done within the first 3 hrs. I had energy and my mind was focused- but my mouth was dry and I felt my head hurt a bit. I took the other 10mg about 3hrs later- I shouldn't have. it was pointless. I didn't need it and it wasn't worth it. all night I was restless. i went out with a friend and I was coming off rude. my face stiff, my thoughts were a thousand places at once. I couldn't focus on one point, I was talking so much and interrupting. until I had to apologize to my friend "I'm sorry, I started taking adderall again and my mind is everywhere. so my emotions are x10 right now." he chuckled and said I was being fine. was I? or was I just being obsessive about it? I don't know.

it's the next day afternoon and I still feel the 20mg in my system. I tried to take a nap (which had been really easy to do those two sober weeks) and I could not. I stayed in bed lying there on my phone. does anyone know how long adderall stays in someone's system? just asking for scale.

what I'm getting at is- I am in a place where the side effects are driving me to be a different person. I liked who I was for those two weeks. I was myself- content, funny, and witty. but not taking adderall anymore scares me. I feel like I'll fall into endless fatigue and depression)

Any advise on my situation?

thx you all so much for being here

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your fear is typical of anyone facing this tough decision.

 

just know that eventually the adderall will not work at all, and by then its grip will be iron tight and quitting will be even harder.

 

I like the quote, "when you've got to eat shit, best to swallow and be done with it".  tell your doctor to cut you off!

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I wish at a year in a half I saw the big picture of what this was doing. Your still at a relatively low dose and not been on it that long. If you continue to use like all of us you'll end up at the max 60 mg a day (although seen some get higher which is crazy) but anyways u get the higher dose and years will slip away and you'll then be in a much worse place vs now stopping. It is hard and it does make you lazy not taking them. Just know one day it won't work sure it will make you get out of bed but the only thing you'll care about is taking your pills or in my case adding pills like oxy to give you that extra euphoria that adderal no longer produces.

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thank you guys so much for the support.

over the past week, I've cut down my adderall daily use to 10mg-15mg. I'm still struggling with deciding to take the extra 5mg daily.

I still feel jittery at the end of day sometimes.

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sadderall - I completely understand what you mean when you say 'the side effects are driving me to be a different person' - but its so important I think to realize that those are just side effects. The true you will come back once your body is at equilibrium again. And on the same token, and as I think you have already realized, you are not at equilibrium right now. Racing thoughts, depression, anxiety, panic - all symptoms that I had when I was first quitting, but you realize that its just your body fighting to get back to a level that it was before. 

 

I'm 10.5 months off now, and I feel much better. I just finished my MBA last week while working a full-time job - something I never thought I could do when I first quit. I was so scared that I would just go crazy and be nothing, and be worth nothing. But your desire to better yourself is there, and it will get you through this. 

 

Don't fear, you are capable more than you know. 

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Back on it at 15mg. Im running out and deciding to quit cold turkey. not ready for the comedown.

 

I'm so depressed already. Im so scared. I don't think I can do it.

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You can do it! Just remember how good you felt on those 2 weeks off. Its easier to go cold turkey because you wont be tempted to take more. If you really can't get out of bed get yourself some delicious coffee or tea! It will help with energy and you should have less side effects.  

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thank you invisibleyellow. your support is much appreciated. I only have 10mg left and am probably just going to take 5mg tomorrow and another 5mg the next day. I have a couple of creative projects coming up and I think this will be one of my first challenges off adderall. 

I hate being tired or yawning. I know its going to happen. Any advice of preventing it?

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One thing that helps is meditation. There is a great podcast called The Meditation Podcast and episode 9 is specifically tailored to addiction. It's free. Not to say that you are addicted to adderal, but this one was helpful for me. Also, taking b vitamins (like those emergency packets) can help to naturally increase your energy. Drinking some caffeine can help too. One the one hand its better not to over do the caffeine but on the other hand, especially at first, any amount of caffeine will be better than going back to adderall. For me it was helpful to do research on methamphetime and the many harmful effects it has on the body. There are many books about meth and what it does to your body, check out the internet or your local library. Ever since I looked into meth and found that I was experiencing some of the side effects of meth addiction I have been off the adderall for 9 months with no real desire to go back to it. Once in a while I get a physical craving for it but mentally I don't want it at all so it is easy. Another thing to keep in mind is sleep. If at first you are a little behind on chores at home or if you aren't super productive at work, don't worry about it. Focus on sleep at first. Your body needs it. Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Your body will need to recover by sleeping it off for the first few days or weeks and thats ok, give your body the time it needs to heal its physiological needs and before you know it you will be feeling more safety, more love/belonging, etc.

MaslowsHierarchyOfNeeds.png

another thing that helped me to quit is knowing that people around me could tell something was different about me when I was on adderal. I would get weird looks from people. I was acting almost manic! like you know "why the hell is this guy so enthusiastic about work at 8am?!" Thats just not normal human behavior. Work is a chore. Sometimes it should feel like a chore, and thats ok. Your doing the right thing weening yourself off. Whenever I did I always visualized that I was like an airplane coming in for a landing after being way too high for too long. You can do it! sleep will do wonders for you! Good luck and I hope this helps!

 

 

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Wow invisibleyellow, your post touched me. 

I will look into meth side effects which Im sure won't be hard to find.

Congrats for being off it for 9 months. You seem to have a good understanding and perspective about quitting. I'm am scared to relapse. 

I feel like taking adderall has affected me greatly. I don't just call myself "sadderall" for nothing. I am also taking lexapro to deal with the anxiety and depression adderall gives me. Which is why I just need to stop taking it. It's bad side-effects outweighs the good for me. I would love to be off of both of them eventually. 

Last night I was looking up videos on youtube talking about existentialism. I did feel a little better. I'm in a weird place in life and I think adderall has gotten me here. 

This website honestly has gotten me through the past couple of days. Thank you so much for being here.

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