Fighting Adderall Addiction

[Greg]

 For those of you who don't know me i was serverly addicted to adderall. And I relapsed several times until finally one day I stopped relapsing and said to myself 'enough is enough' and i've been clean for four years now. At my worst I was handcuffed to the floor by cops and injected with tranquilizers against my will to calm me down because i was so out of my mind on adderall. This is tough for me to look back on but I feel like im in a community of people who understand how tough it is to look back. And who understand how looking back can be helpful for people who are still struggling and fighting to stay clean.

 

People who know me would never figure me to be the type that would handcuffed and dragged into ambulence and injected with tranquilizers against my will, locked up in a addiction ward room against my will. But this is the evil of adderall - this is what it can do to you - its a poison in your body and it can wreak havoc on your mind and create things like psychosis where you believe things that are not true.

 

The reason behind this post is that I want to share somethings I've learned along my journey to sobriety...

 

- you can't do it alone. You need support system, a support network because the journey is so hard.. I found it in Narcotics anonymous meetings, and having a sponsor for a little while, but mostly through this forum, and Mike and all the people who have been a part of this site who have helped in the toughest of times.

 

-you will experience cravings - Your body reacting to withdrawal symptoms and the memory of being on adderall. You have to train yourself to resist these thoughts with every ounce of willpower in your body and if you feel weak you are not being strong enough. Enough said. You are NOT being strong enough. Not only do you  have to resist you have to change thought patterns and your behaviors and learn to live without adderall being a lifeline. You CAN do it, and once you reach that stage you will be utterly confused about how you could have let it have so much power over you.

 

- you need to understand the neurochemical addiction and how your brain has developed a dangerous euphoric reaction to adderall (the dopamine enhancer) and how it causes a sensation in your brain that makes urges seem irresistable and put it at the top of your mind. This is NOT you. this is a chemical dependency happening in your brain. Abstinence is the way to kill the power it has over you.

 

-if you're depressed.... Well adderall addiction causes depression. Sometimes its easy to totally overlook the connection between anxiety/depression and adderall addiction but it is clear as day. Addiction = pain. Pain = painful memories, disturbing memories, and sadness, stress, irritability, anger, frustration -- you name it. Addiction amplifies all these terrible feelings. If you want to stop feeling this way - quitting is going to make the biggest difference, I promise!

 

--The biggest lesson I have learned is that the more clean time you earn, the more desensitized you become to cravings for adderall. You eventually stop lighting up at the thought of adderall...for me eventually thinking of the delight I felt towards adderall has turned into disgust. Thinking of adderall saddens me when it used to excite me. It's a different game now with four years of sobriety.

 

--The pain is the arrow coming out NOT the arrow going in. You WILL overcome but you have to want it so badly, you have to be ready to keep fighting for it and you have to see yourself, visualize yourself, clean and free from the chains of this drug. And you have to believe in yourself and work every. single. day for it. The shorter term pain of quitting leads to a lifetime of freedom and pride.

 

Whatever you do, where ever you go, your ability of being able to quit an addiction will be a source of strength and pride for your entire life.  Because addicts and addicts alone know that seemingly impossible hurdle we have been able to overcome and it WILL fill you with a lifetime of pride and so much strength to be able to pull from when you need it.

[LILTEX41]

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!  SO PROUD OF YOU GREG.

 

I just found this quote and thought it would be good for your points made here.

 

"For a long time, when it’s working, (it) feels like a path to enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: (it) makes everything better until it makes everything worse."  - Caroline Knapp

 

This is the crux of adderall addiction IMHO.

[AlwaysAwesome]

Well said!  You are an inspiration!

[Zerokewl]

amazing post congrats on 4 almost 5 years! 

[souljourn]

Thank you for sharing your perspective after four years.

 

I have recently quit after a year-long relapse and am feeling mixed about how difficult it's been. I can remember how long ago I started and one night debating about whether I was playing with fire... and then continued anyway. That was probably 10 years ago. Since then it's been ups and downs and most recently, I've been sober only a few weeks. So I have some reservations about really how challenging it will be to make it last.

 

So I'm very appreciative to hear your advice for the long haul and that someone who has been sober as long as you have still finds value in and contributes to the community of those trying to become or maintain sobriety. I know I certainly found invaluable support in the forums even as a new member, and what would they be without the experienced veterans who have been through many struggles and can help show the rest of us the way?

 

So thank you.

[Hopper15]

My doctor used to tell me that Adderall actually had antidepressant effects.

 

And to some extent, at least initially, I would agree.

 

It feels good to feel like you are accomplishing things better and more than ever before (however real or substantive those accomplishments are).

 

But those positive effects wore off over time, and depression that went along with feeling crazed and paranoid was much more prevalent.

 

Sorry you went through what you did.  :-(

 

I was never handcuffed to the floor, but was I "out of my mind?"  Without a doubt.

 

It's probably not fun to acknowledge, and I wonder how many folks actually go through similar experiences but don't talk about them because of the stigma ass'd w/being "crazy."

 

From my experience w/adderall, I have more empathy for people who are born with (and sometimes have to live all their lives) diseases like schizophrenia. 

 

Glad you have gotten better and are doing well Greg!

[Doge]

That must have been horrible to go through.  I can easily see myself getting to that point.

 

I did get caught by the cops with over 50 pills on me, for which I did not have any valid prescription.

 

Without the slightest hesitation I went and got 50 more the next day.