"This Dream turned out to be a Nightmare"... My story

[Bluesbro1931]

Hello everyone,

 

                          I can't even begin to appreciate what this forum has to offer; I'm lucky that I can finally speak with people that I can relate too. So, I'm 23 years old as of now; about 5 years ago is when it all began. I use to be extremely fit, and energetic individual. When I was 17 years old I lost a lot of things in one year. This is where the substance abuse began. I was a heavy marijuana user, for a lot of years. I always new it was never good for; I knew it held me back. But, I was so depressed and suffered from low-self esteem, so I was seeking any kind of band aid to put over the wound. I began taking Adderall around that same time. The weed and Adderall together was my absolute favorite. Adderall made me everything I knew I was at the time, the euphoria, concentration, social godliness. Soon after I started taking it, I began abusing it. Another little bit of background, this is important. I am an avid musician/singer-songwriter; it is all that I've ever wanted to do with my life. I dropped out of college for it (although I think addy had some influence there), and gave up everything to pursue it. This is the only reason I justify to myself that its worth taking.  I would literally practice 8 hours a day for years; the results where well worth it. But, as the years went by every time I looked in the mirror I recognized less and less of myself. Basically, I'm at the point where I finally understand the truth. I always thought the weed was the problem, but I realize the now the Adderall has always been the problem. I've always wanted to quit but I always went back for the script so I could go ham and write songs. This is typically how my last 2 years have gone. I would get my script of 20mg, and I would run out in about 8 days; granted I would probably sleep 2 days out of the 8. These binges were absolutely terrible but month after month I follow the same vicious cycle. I quit using the marijuana about 6 months ago. The only real difference I see is I'm not high lol. I am finally ready for what needs to be done. I quit using literally yesterday and that's because I went on another binge and I figured enough is enough. All this time I thought it was making me more creative; but quite the contrary it has been holding me back all this time. I know what is coming. I want to try and prepare for it. That is why I ask anyone out there or any kind of tips on kicking this. I always do fine the first 3 weeks, but that craving comes back with a vengeance towards the refill date. Has anyone else had this same experience? They justified using it for years to merely train a passion one could do when they are sober? I just want to be myself again; I want to be healthy; I don't want to be sleep deprived; I want to be able to be proud and refreshed; most importantly I want the old me back.

[Doge]

I always do fine the first 3 weeks, but that craving comes back with a vengeance towards the refill date.

 

This is exactly what my experience was like.  I was a binge user as well.  I'd go through the hangover/quick recovery every month, only to resupply and begin the binge cycle all over again each month.  Every time I'd swear never to do it again but then fast forward two weeks and it was like automatic for me to get more.  I was powerless (or so I thought).

 

Confessing my addiction to my supplier (be it a doctor or friend or whatever) was my only successful recourse.  It was really hard to humble myself enough to do it but it was really that simple, and ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.  The adderall will tell you not to do this, and try to make you afraid to admit it to others.  Don't listen!

 

The good news is you are very young and I'm willing to be that your body will be able to overcome this relatively quickly compared to others.

Congratulations on your great life decision and welcome to the forum!

[AlwaysAwesome]

I was never a binge user, and never exceeded my prescribed dose, but I had a problem the same as the hardest user.  It is a bitch of a drug.  I agree with grumpycat...I had to confess my problem.  I told everyone.  It kept me accountable.  I know that it may not be right for everyone.  Also, some people are very private or have other reasons not to tell everyone.  

 

It is possible to quit, but it takes hard work and willpower.  You CAN do this!  Push past the cravings, because it does get better. 

[Bluesbro1931]

Thank you for sharing with me. I would like to tell my doctor, but I don't want to influence the way he thinks about the drug; because some people actually need it. Would canceling my prescription be the best thing to do? I've told my girlfriend; I feel bad because I'm always having to put her through my substance with drawls. She says she understands, but unlike me she doesn't have an addicted personality or impulsive behavior. I just hate the feeling of fatigue more than anything. It really sucks.

[AlwaysAwesome]

I think some doctors need to know how this drug affects people!  I didn't tell my doctor, but I never went back.  He is a good doctor, too.  I live an hour away and it is not easy to get there, so there is that deterrent. 

[Cassie]

Doctors have heard it all. Tell him you're addicted. Be honest.

[Doge]

If that's the real reason you're not telling your doctor, please discard it and tell him!  If it makes him slightly more hesitant to prescribe it to another patient (or at least more attentive to those he does prescribe it to) that's a good thing!

 

Plus the risk of relapse if you don't tell him is extremely high!  I can only really speak for myself but if I still had access I would have relapsed a long time ago during one of my weak days!