2nd real attempt at quitting different outcome "so far"

[Frank B]

Well it's been awhile since was on here the main thing of me sharing is I feel every person is a different addict but many character traits of people who dive into this drug are similar. Before addy I really was slow in the mornings my boss a said Jesus's drink coffee although I got to work on time I really was not productive until 10:30 or so just hated mornings always have. Well 7-8 yrs ago discovered addy and well in the AM I was up and addy! This lasted 5-6 yrs then 2 yrs ago or more I was still dragging ass not focused then a new pill came into my life Oxcodine and wow addy and oxy I looked foward to work you'd think I'd mess up on my job umm nope was a focused sharp happy guy for a year . Well all that started to be a big shit storm of becoming a space cadet I had no motive to really get work focused did it but was not the same Disneyland celebration everyday. The years of this stuff is off by how much who knows u don't keep track when your on this stuff. Last time I tried to quit read on here a lot of stuff and most emphasized the long long list of recovery how will take so long to get motivated and may never be again for years this scared the shit out of me. Then others say you must exercise everyday eat like a Olympic athlete strict healthy diet and blah blah will shit I can't do that I know I should but how many people do.

So what did I do this time ok I realized oxy is making me really really messed up in a cloud and starting to spend way to much money to get a fix , but let's clarify a fix 1-2 pills a day of it. I knew that oxy was the first script had to stop wrote down a 10 day countdown and each day reasons why. Day 1 not to fail kids, day two job etc when you realize how much you can loose u will stop but then the addy well I did not put a timeline after being hooked on basically synthetic herion and stopped I knew addy was much more powerful drug scary thought but it is . Well I did not go cold turkey like last time u can't don't even bother the crash is too hard started to go from 60mg to 30mg to 15mg then one time I went from 15mg to 30mg felt my heart was going to explode crazy how did I get used to 60mg sometimes 150 on all night projects crazy!,Anyways now been off it totally for 4 days not a milestone by any means but big accomplishment for me.

Last time I stopped addy cold turkey it was bad and I kept doing oxy to cope but this time I did the reverse realizing one is prescribed legal the other well semi legall but not something I'd want put out to the public. oxy u can get over much quicker then addy unless your a addict who is on those shows that take a bottle of pain pills a day no doubt you'd need to go to a detox clinic. What really helped me so far and this might be good advise for a few might not for majority. What I see on here is a bunch of "this is what you shall go through hahaha !" Ok no hahaha but it's like o yeah dude your life will suck never get motivated never be the same but life will be so much better! Really wtf thanks can't wait! Take that in with a grain of salt if you took this medication as prescribed but once in awhile had a binge don't panic for one year or 8 just taper that script down. Yes you'll loose some mental steroid power but you will start to,rationalize better. Just take a vacation at home be a little lazy for awhile do the minimum and just keep cutting everyday the script then the first day it won't be to bad. It will take about 4 days off to start getting motivated you'll see stuff and be like wtf I gotta do that it's not a matter of saying u won't be lazy it's the matter of umm I need that done I'll just go ahead and do it now. Don't worry about how long the side effects last and how many little brain cells you've fried u can't do shit about that just get back to being you I was a productive person before addy a super productive person on for years then the downside of my body saying umm hey dude your like really fucking me up please stop made me be less productive then I knew it was finally my time to stop. No I did not toss my bottle in the toilet I put it in my safe along with my last pack of smokes that I haven't had in a year it's a mental security blanket like hey if I breakdown it's their but for me if it wasn't their I would have broke down day one. Everybody is different but my story and methods may work for a few on here hope it does and sorry my grammar sucks. It's weird being off addy makes me feel like how I was on addy the first year will I'm not as productive yet but never need to stay up for a full 24 to get any project done again no reason for that I'm not making inventions to save mankind from a asteroid invasion. Wish me luck to keep off addy but please don't tell me your going to struggle not be the same its all negative and that's not helpful to me . I've never had successes on achieving goals my life has been a productive straight line of destiny to be the best person I can and help others obstacles are placed and I know when it's my time to start that new era of my life. I have no strong believes in anything but few doubts about everything we are here for some reason beyond destroying ourselves and this planet ;-)

[AlwaysAwesome]

well, I guess you have it all figured out. Good luck!

[Doge]

First of all, welcome to the boards.  I'm so happy to see you made the decision to end this madness.

 

You seem to be conflicted on some things and I would like to respond to a couple of your statements.

 

 

most emphasized the long long list of recovery how will take so long to get motivated and may never be again for years

 

This is only half the story.  If you ask us, "How long until I feel exactly like I did before adderall and am completely recovered?".  Then yes the answer is many years.

 

But instead ask the question, "How long will it take for me to start feeling happy without the pills again, and able to function like a normal human being.  How long until I can feel genuine emotion again, without all the horrifying side-effects of pounding heartbeat, profuse sweating, jaw clenching, paranoia, rage, anxiety (I could go on and on)?". 

 

Then the answer is a happier one.  I was almost exclusively a binge user for the record, and when I finally quit my official crash period was about 10 days.  Within two weeks I was beginning to feel occasional waves of peace.  Within 3 months I had a way more positive outlook on life.

 

Now I'm approaching 7 months and I hardly think about it at all.  When I do think about it, it's like, "Thank God I don't have to deal with that anymore."  I don't even think about the high anymore I just think about the pain it caused.

 

 

others say you must exercise everyday eat like a Olympic athlete strict healthy diet and blah blah

 

This is not true.  The healthier you eat, the faster you will recover, and some exercise always help.  But I chuckled a bit when you said "strict healthy diet".  I ate so much unhealthy food: pizza, chips, frozen food from costco, chocolate, ice cream, etc.  And I lay around as much as I possibly could just being lazy and binge watching netflix.  This is initial recovery.  Just drag your ass to work for the minimal expectation to not get fired, and then drag your ass back to the couch/bed/TV whatever.  It does pass in time and you emerge the better for it.

 

 

never need to stay up for a full 24 to get any project done again no reason for that I'm not making inventions to save mankind from a asteroid invasion

 

This made me laugh because it took me back to those binges.  I would do sometimes between 100 and 200 mg (my highest was 300mg) in a single binge, working on what I felt was groundbreaking at the time.  Now that you word it like that I must have felt like I really was inventing some sort of world saving device when really I might was well have been using a pencil to colour the squares on endless sheets of graph paper.  I can't tell you how good it feels to be done with that.  The years just whizzed by.

 

 

No I did not toss my bottle in the toilet I put it in my safe along with my last pack of smokes that I haven't had in a year it's a mental security blanket like hey if I breakdown it's their but for me if it wasn't their I would have broke down day one.

 

This one does concern me.  I hope that you do not know the combination to that safe.  Once the initial crash ends, the adderall truly starts to work its evil on your brain and it is SOOO tempting to go back to those pills. 

 

If you really want to quit.  Tell your doctor about the binges and tell them you're addicted and have him/her cut you off.  I relapsed like 20 times man.  I could have been getting sober a long time ago but I just kept going back to the pills once I craved them.

 

The addict inside us tells us its harmless to just go back for *only one pill*.  It convinces us that the pills were way better than they were.  It makes us forget the negative side effects, the comedown, the crash.  Worst of all, it tells us we aren't addicted anymore.

 

Prepare yourself for the overwhelming desire to use again, and it may not hit for several weeks or months, but it'll come.  You do not want those pills anywhere near you when it hits.  Fortify yourself with safety nets because you won't want to go through this again.

Aside from that, let me welcome you again.  Thanks for sharing your story.  Let us know how we can help.

Post lots and check out the 30 day challenge in "Tell Your Story"!

[AlwaysAwesome]

Well said.

[quit-once]

Welcome back, FrankB.  My only feedback from your posts a couple of years ago is that I remember you grew increasingly impatient with the recovery process and I don't think you gave your recovery enough time to fully take hold and get used to a life after the drugs.  I suggest you dig out some of those old posts to see if you feel the same way now, or if it really is "different" this time.

Good luck with your quit.