clinx Posted September 11, 2015 Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 Hi everyone! So just in case-- I remind you all that I am now 16 months free of adderall. This is my second school year away from the drug, and it's been a real struggle lately. Here is where I'm at now- I have such bad anxiety that it actually has become an issue while taking exams. I saw my one friends got to take her exams in the library in a separate room with more time and I figured I should look into that because I left an entire section of my exam blank once and totally failed because I froze in anxiety. SO the lady tells me I have to get an actual diagnosis from a doctor and she proceeded to hand me the papers. You have the options to check off which things apply to your condition, so naturally there was a box for ADD and ADHD and which medication you are taking. I started going through my head how it was now a possibility to go to the doctor and do the same damage all over again. So here I am, like an idiot, trying to remember how awful adderall is. How eventually it won't even work and I will have to start recovery at some point if I go back to it unless i just die on it (which who wants to do that, right?). And in all seriousness I'm doing better in school than I was on it. But I want that alive and awake brain feeling. It's so hard to accept that it's gone. I feel like this point in my recovery is a slap in the face. Sorry for the anxious jabbering. Please help me stay on the right path! Thank you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Doge Posted September 11, 2015 Popular Post Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 the fact that you are here and trying to remember rather than just chasing the script is a testament to how strong you have become in the last 16 months. you definitely don't want to throw all that away. a single pill of adderall will sweep through like a tidal wave and almost immediately destroy what you have built. The person you were before you finally quit for good, that person that you despised, the person that the adderall turned you into, will come soaring back within 20 minutes. but by then you probably won't care, because thats the effect it has. it lets you watch your whole world burn and crash into nothing, while you shrug it off like its happening to someone else. for the alive and awake brain feeling: clean diet, vitaminD3, fishoil twice a day, exercise, and a good nights sleep is the way to go! It's the harder way to achieve the result but it feels so much better in the long run! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted September 11, 2015 Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 You can get the doctor to sign off that you have ADD/ADHD without a prescription. Tell the Doc that you are doing it without meds because you are an addict. You don't want to go back. You only think you do. go back and reread some of your posts and see why you quit in the first place. you can do this! Be strong! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted September 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 Thank you both. You are so right doge-- if I even take one pill I'll just end up back where I began and I sure don't want to do that. And AlwaysAwesome yes that's a possibility I just honestly don't want to go to a doctor at all. I've been kind of afraid of them since I quit except once when I told them to take adderall off of my prescription list lol. I know I'll eventually have to get over this. BUT you won't believe this. The friend who told be about this option to take the tests at the library is in one of my classes which I had not long after I left this post. I ran into her a little before class and I asked her if she had to go get a diagnosis in order to be able to do that (just to see what all she had to do), and she told me that her psychiatrist IS RECOMMENDING HER TO TAKE ADDERALL. Mind you she has NO idea about my connection with the drug. I totally flipped and tried to warn her against it but I don't think it will work. It was so triggering but also angering because her psychiatrist told her that "her depression and anxiety are masked behind the ADHD" and apparently is really pushing her toward adderall. On top of some other meds she's taking for depression. What a load. This poor girl needs encouragement and support. NOT amphetamines. Her telling me about this really made me a little more motivated to stay on the right path too. I hope that if she does end up taking adderall that I am not tempted to ask her for any. Since I've quit, I've not had a connection with anyone taking it, talking about it, selling it, etc. So I've got to be careful. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
survived Posted September 11, 2015 Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 For your anxiety there are is an all natural magnesium supplement called "Natural Calm" that you may want to look into. They say that some of us are anxious because we're magnesium deficient. I use it myself and it definately helps. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted September 11, 2015 Report Share Posted September 11, 2015 I think you should tell her about your experience with adderall. Of course you don't have to go into every detail; your privacy is obviously your privacy. But the reason I think you should tell her is twofold: 1) to protect her and give her ample warning since her psychiatrist sounds like a quack already and honestly more importantly 2) to protect yourself from the inevitable temptation to ask her to share. It's sooo much of a risk for you to be associated that closely with someone who has full access to the drug.Just my thoughts. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 Hey clinx! First of all, big props to you for posting when you needed encouragement. That's hard to do, and super important. You can get that diagnosis, and the extra time and ALL the other privileges entailed, without meds. Nobody can force you to take medication. But your school IS legally required to give you the extra time you need. (That's really what us so-called ADD/ADHD people need-- extra TIME. Along with good nutrition, exercise, sleep, and avoiding things like excessive booze.) From what I've seen, students with an ADD/ADHD diagnosis can also get extra time on papers, quizzes, etc. You could probably get incompletes way more easily (rather than pull all-nighters to get stuff done.) There is NOTHING wrong with needing time! There's a whole list of accommodations you'll get, and a letter you can hand to your prof's every semester. Speaking from personal experience, they will thinking nothing of it; it's their job to make those accommodations, and they see it all the time. They don't care. You'll have to do all the same amount of work, but they legally and morally have to make the course an even playing field for people with "disabilities." It sounds like you deserve it, considering the kind of paralyzing anxiety you're talking about. (I get it, too.) That's my long way of saying, I think it's a REALLY good idea to get a diagnosis and go through your school's ODS so you are protected and have these rights. I think that's a healthy route. So, you need the official diagnosis. Can you get it from a psychologist, rather than a psychiatrist? It would be much less tempting. That's probably less common, since most people who get diagnosed want speed pills. But it's prob worth looking into, especially because a psychologist might be able to help with anxiety and focusing techniques. Your school probably has a list of local psychologists they can recommend who specialize in "ADD." But if you just go onto psychologytoday.com, you can find LOTS of therapists who specialize in ADHD. Or, like AlwaysAwesome said, just tell the psychiatrist no meds for you! About the friend situation. Personally I have cut off my suppliers, and although i know people on speed drugs, they don't know I know and I am too scared of the stuff to even consider asking. Your friend might not be willing to share. But I'd say something anyway, maybe about how you had a bad spell with it and how much better your life is after quitting. What's your plan for when you get tempted to ask your friend to share? What's your plan for when the temptation to get a new script arises? We addicts need to protect our cleanness like our lives depend upon it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 We addicts need to protect our cleanness like our lives depend upon it. This a thousand times; because they do! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 Great suggestion, BeHereNow!! I didn't even think about a psychologist! Brilliant... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted September 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Wow. Thank you. All of you. I've been looking around for a psychologist but haven't found one yet. I'm kind of nervous!! I was going to just forget about the whole thing and just try to deal with taking the exams in the classroom until I felt motivated and supported from these posts! Also I have to warn.... Lol. Since I've stopped taking adderall (and even while but worse now that I'm off), it takes all of my energy to get back to people. So sorry for taking a while to respond. Idk why. Even text messages. It's so bad. I read these posts every day but procrastinate on writing. Something I need to work on. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted September 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Also yeah I talked to the girl in my class who was about to be on adderall, but I really could tell that I couldn't convince her not to take it so all i did was give her a warning and ask that she please educate herself on it before she takes it. Seeing as doctors never tell you how awful and addictive this stuff is!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted September 19, 2015 Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 The best part about this site is that we want to know you as you truly are (not who adderall tells you you're supposed to be), and we love you along with your procrastinating self. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clinx Posted September 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 Aww thank you So update: the girl in my class IS totally taking adderall now. She told me this when we were supposed to be studying for a quiz together . So I guess that will probably be one of the last times I do that because I don't want to be anywhere near it. Apparently her mom is pretty convinced that this is what her daughter needs. I don't know if it's necessarily that I want to ask her for some (because I really don't) as it is just wanting to stare at her on it. To watch the behaviors. Ugh. I was remembering the times before I knew what adderall was (because thankfully I was never put on it as a child or high school student), and how it never ever crossed my mind. Now I think about it every day. Hopefully this gets better. How is everyone else doing?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Aww thank you So update: the girl in my class IS totally taking adderall now. She told me this when we were supposed to be studying for a quiz together . So I guess that will probably be one of the last times I do that because I don't want to be anywhere near it. Apparently her mom is pretty convinced that this is what her daughter needs. I don't know if it's necessarily that I want to ask her for some (because I really don't) as it is just wanting to stare at her on it. To watch the behaviors. Ugh. I was remembering the times before I knew what adderall was (because thankfully I was never put on it as a child or high school student), and how it never ever crossed my mind. Now I think about it every day. Hopefully this gets better. How is everyone else doing?? That's so sad about your friend. Her mom probably has no idea what this stuff actually does. It's so surreal right? When you start watching other people in the adderall rabbit-hole from the outside, and recognize all the weird behaviors that you used to do. Or when reading the things people write on adderall, I recognize my former self and it's scary. Takes one to know one, as they say. Doing okay! Having a pretty unmotivated/tired/depressed day so I'm procrastinating work by hanging out here, eating cookies, drinking coffee, trying to get motivated. Thank you for asking 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted September 29, 2015 Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 I am rocking along and trying desperately to stick to my healthy eating plan. Walking everyday. Thanks for checking on the rest of us! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agentmulderpie Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 I think my biggest problem is that I didn't quit for myself I quit for everyone else in my life who wanted me to, in particularly my mother. I know I took way too much Adderall, I was prescribed 120 mg a day, and I took 120 mg a day like clockwork. My problem is I like who I am on it, I believe I just had entirely too high of a prescription. I have been completely off it for 4-5 months and I'm not doing anything with my life. I have zero self motivation to even get out of bed. Can anyone relate to that? I am very close to saying fuck it, and just going back on the one thing that truly made me enjoy life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 It is still early in your recovery. It gets better. I am actually to the point where I forget to come to this site for days at a time. I just don't think about it much anymore... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted October 22, 2015 Report Share Posted October 22, 2015 around the 4-5 month mark was probably when I truly forgot what it was like to be on adderall. you may be doing the same thing when you look back on it so fondly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.