Terrah Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 I started using Adderall (unprescribed) over 2 years ago. I was planning my wedding (hard life, I know) and felt that it gave me a boost in that "get shit done" kind of way. I have always been a pretty "Type A" personality. I love organization and cleaning, errands, a solid To Do list, and Adderall only fed into this. During this time (after the wedding and the subsequent months) My husband and I went through some heavy shit. I didn't know it prior to getting engaged because it was a rather quick engagement, that he had some demons himself. He struggled with alcohol, depression, and anxiety in the past, and from what I know looking back he probably struggled with bipolar as well as all of the above run in his family. That coupled with abuse and a strict religious upbringing (no longer practicing) equated to a tortured soul held within the beautiful man i love. I digress...we had our extreme ups and even more extreme downs: him going missing, him gambling our entire account away, his attempted suicide, countless fights. All of which I acknowledge both of our role in. My reaction to these instances was to "busy myself". If I could just hold the "home" together and be the strong person in the marriage then he would eventually come to. Instead I became addicted to a drug that helped me stay energetic enough to get through this time. We separated 6 months ago under the awareness that we needed to find those individuals that we were when we met. My addiction has only gotten worse. My body is telling me that is it time to quit. I regularly worry that I am about to have a heart attack, then take a little more because it distracts me from my thoughts > get anxious again > have a drink > take more adder all to become clear again > ...viscous cycle. I experience: -Heart/chest pain/palpitations -Thrush -Light headedness -Headaches -Extreme Fatigue -Dependance on alcohol to come down at night -Bruising -High blood pressure -Blurry vision -Overall body aches -General social awkwardness to boot I am finally admitting to myself that this is something that has stolen the best part of me, and that although I went through some rough times, I am the only person that can pull myself out of this in any hopes to become who I was, and in turn hopefully regain the marriage that I know is possible. Having this community is something that gives me hope. I don't want to admit to my friends and family what I am going through, I have had enough of my personal life made public with everything else that has happened. I appreciate any advice or response and even more so appreciate that there are others that are getting through something very similar. Thanks, -Terrah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 I regularly worry that I am about to have a heart attack, then take a little more because it distracts me from my thoughts > get anxious again > have a drink > take more adder all to become clear again > ...viscous cycle. This sounds all too familiar to me. It sounds like you know you need to quit and have decided to do so. What's the plan, and how can we help you? Welcome to the forums! EDIT: Sorry I didn't read your post properly when I woke up this morning. I think most of the users here agree that cold turkey has been the easiest way to quit. Best to clear your schedule for a week and get ready to just hang out in bed with freezer food and snacks to munch on to try to soothe the withdrawals. The first few days are going to suck, but if you go easy on yourself and just escape into netflix land it's bearable. That being said, some people have successfully tapered, and that method has its advantages. Being a binge user myself, tapering was not an option. As soon as you feel up to it, get your body moving again (start with gentle exercise) and try to give your body nutritious foods. You can get through this for sure. Check out the articles on this site, they are great and full of helpful information and encouraging words. Post back lots to let us know how you are doing. We're all in this together! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 9, 2016 Report Share Posted April 9, 2016 You never got a script and have been on it for 2 years? That seems expensive unless you do like some get your kid a script and take it this drug brings out the best of us all. I this is one of the hardest things anyone can overcome but this site helps. Keep in mind when people like myself go off saying how horrible this is I took a very very high dose for several years plus had a bad oxy habit to go along with it so please don't let my posts and similar ones run you off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doge Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 i was the same way, bought off dealers and friends for 3 years. my friend charged me his own price, what he was paying, rounded up to the nearest dollar, but the dealer I knew took advantage of me and kept jacking up the price Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 10, 2016 Report Share Posted April 10, 2016 Here is a link to an discussion thread that may be of interest to you: " Has adderall affected your physical health?" It is in the general discussion forum in case I can't get the link to work. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/1764-has-adderall-affected-your-physical-health/ Yippie, I think it worked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrah Posted April 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 @Frank B: Not running off at all, rants are just as important as support as long as they don't come from judgement of others, because, as it seems, we all can relate to the extent that the dependence on this drug can change you from your true self. As to how I got it for so long, long story short: I work as an esthetician and nail technician and had a coworker that has a script for much higher than she actually takes. I do her nails and esthetic services, she supplies me. Really I don't think she has any idea to the market value because what it would cost for me to buy them elsewhere far exceeds what she would pay in services. It has been almost as readily available to me as it would be with a script. @Doge & @Quit-Once: Your support and advice truly helps, it is the first time I am actually admitting it to anyone, although my husband (ex) was aware, I don't know if he was aware of the extent that it got to. I spent a few evenings perusing this site before I decided to post anything, but each time a new symptom pops up I spend a couple hours researching and trying to figure out what is going on, although I know deep down that if I quit taking Adderall I would start to heal. As we tend to do, I tried to figure out what I could do to "get better" without having to quit (i.e. Vitamins, better eating, detoxes, etc). Coming across that site of the stages of amphetamine addiction a few weeks ago was an eye opener. I've gone from taking 60-80 mg a day to 30-60 in the past month, but not because i'm being strong about it, more because my body won't really let me take more before I become a shaking tweaked out mess. I only took 15 mg yesterday, and also spent the day being active by going on a hike. It was an insight into what my life could be like again, and I even regretted taking what I did. Where I struggle is when I have to "adult" or go to work. When I first started taking it, it helped me with being social with clients, now I just stumble over my words and feel self concious about it later. I think that where I am now is that I have to keep giving myself what I need, that which I have ignored (the creative/active side of myself), but as many posts say, not feel bad if I don't get "all the shit done". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 Sounds like your off to a good start but a couple keys to cutting down is consistency. I went from 60 a day to 30 then down to 15 then 0 in about three months Nov 20th was my last pill. If you go from 60 to 15 back up to 30 it's not being productive stay with one dose for at least 2 even 4 weeks then drop it some more. The most important thing is once you get to O toss your meds out have no access at all. Your going to need to disassociate with people who are doing it or that offer you this drug. I know that might be hard if I'm reading you correctly but that's a huge point to stop. My doctor gave me this advice on cutting me off adderal but he made it a year process for me I could stand waiting that long but sure wasn't going to try cold turkey which failed me twice before trying to quit. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrah Posted April 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 Very good points, I've already accepted that I should no longer contact my client, and since she is no longer a coworker it won't be too hard. She knows she has a problem herself and I am hoping will respect my decision to take back my life. Either way, the connection can't be the same if existent at all. Thanks for the tips. What made you realize your addiction? Body symptoms? Mind symptoms? Any in particular? After you quit were people around you open with wether they suspected an addiction or not? I'm hoping this hasn't had a long term affect on my relationships with my clientele, and probably ignorantly hoping that they haven't noticed...but I guess only time will tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 Cold turkey is the only way I ever quit anything. I know that telling everyone in your life that you have a problem and you are quitting helps to keep you accountable. You will be surprised to know that everyone is aware that something is wrong with you, even if they don't know what it is exactly. Welcome to the site! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrah Posted April 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2016 That is something deep down I know already, but it is easy to ignore that everyone around me has probably noticed a change. I'm sure many of them attribute it to the stress or anxiety that has been my life the past 2 years coping with what was going on with my husband. Monday is the day I always feel I need the most (due to many reasons), I took about 50 mg then, and back down to 30 today. I am going to stick to 30 for a couple days, but no matter what not go above that. See if I can go down more from there. Again, thanks to everyone invested in this site, it's been a huge help along a journey that I know I have to continue for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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