Work = My new unfavorite thing

[Beback17]

I've been off of adderall for only a few weeks, and it is very up and down.  It's not as "terrible" as my mind amagined it to be, but it is still pretty challenging.  I have no urge to take it, I have no choice actually.  The only choice I have is to make the best of my days with the way I feel and to be easy on myself.  One thing is certain - Work Sucks!!!!!!!!!!  And I've never felt this way about my job.  I did fine before I started to take this medication.  I'm still good at what I do, but I want to pull my hair out when I'm there.  If I could break it up into 2-3 hour spurts of work and do things like exercise, nap, watch an episode of my current series in between those "work spurts," that would be optimal.  There is no way my employers would go for that, lol. 

​I've heard many of you discuss this blah work phase, when does it improve?? even the smallest improvement would be great.  I assume it will be up to me to muscle through full force until that "motivation muscle" is working independently again. 

Thanks guys 

[Beback17]

*imagined

[Renascido]

Man, it's pretty variant for all of us, to be honest. To say that I have really reached that level of marked improvement would be a long shot. I'm at nearly 13 months clean. I don't want to discourage you, though. That's not to say that I haven't noticed some improvements, but it really does depend. There are stages to this recovery thing, and with each one comes different struggles. I'd say that the early level unmotivatedness (I know that's not a word) peaks at around 2-4 weeks. At around 2 months you might be noticing some improvements in your ability to not act like a zombie, but it'll be a long while until you're completely comfortable with getting through the work day without some form of complaints. Just remember it's the little things to be proud of. Baby steps. Be proud of each day you notice something that you didn't notice the day before, because if you don't document them it's really easy for improvements to go unnoticed; it really is a slow and painstaking process, but you're almost out of what most consider the worst of it. Keep it up.

[Beback17]

Thanks Renascido

I guess it is just a matter of accepting that work does not feel fun for the time being. 

[Tom23Jones]

Hey Maisy,  I can totally feel your pain.  Adderall is sneaky because it makes you enjoy doing things that you really aren't passionate about....like work.

 

When hopped up on adderall, I was completely content with my current job and I would happily grind my 8 hours responding to emails @ hyperspeed, being super organized and being laser focused on the task at hand all while planning out my evening and weekend plans in between work tasks.

 

But I've come to realize that all those feelings were bull$hit and fake.  I think adderall ultimately holds us back from our real destiny because it makes you content with $hit that you don't really enjoy.  So I think the real key is chasing dreams that you really are passionate about.  I'm not saying to quit your current job but I'll bet there is something else you could be doing that you could get all fired about without adderall.

[Doge]

 

 

I think adderall ultimately holds us back from our real destiny because it makes you content with $hit that you don't really enjoy.

Exactly!

[Frank B]

"I think adderall ultimately holds us back from our real destiny because it makes you content with $hit that you don't really enjoy."

I don't think that always applies. I used to really enjoy meticulously restoring vintage pinball Aracade games on addy now I don't at all but wish I still enjoyed doing them but now I look at all of them like how did I do all that? I also like what I do for a living but can get bored with it but I get bored with everything in life not on addy and pain pills can just be boring. I think on addy you forget your working to make money so before I took addy I enjoyed what I was doing but more so for the end result of a nice pay day also . On addy I was obbsed being a perfectionist and not as worried about the end goal of money it just kind of came with it. Now I must refocus on working hard not to be a perfectionist but to dona good job and make that good money. Does this make any sense? Prob not o well I try.

[Doge]

there are definitely some things you just genuinely enjoy before adderall, and then enjoy them even MORE on adderall.

 

like say you are a gardener, and you like planting your flowers in a clean bed of dirt.   well that means picking all the little rocks and debris out, which is a chore, and not really the thing you love.  But it's all part of the rewarding feeling that goes along with it.

 

on adderall however,  you'll LOVE picking those little rocks and twigs out, and will make that into a passion in and of itself.  so much so that you will pick every rock and twig out of the neighborhood while your plants expire and die because you forgot to plant them.  just an example i think.  But what you say is true, sometimes you already loved the things that adderall made you love

[Tom23Jones]

Doge makes a good point about becoming so passionate about the details that you neglect the actual project. You don't know how many times I've went to my basement to clean up/organize and I get stuck organizing one book shelf for 3 hours because I cannot get it to look "perfect".

 

And it truly does make you enjoy things that you typically wouldn't.  I used to neglect my wife in the evenings for hours because I was f*cking with a rubix cube.  How lame is that?  But on Addy's I would become obsessed with things like that.

 

I think there are some things you initially enjoy more when you add adderall but in the long run I feel like adderall sucks the fun out of things.  I've got two examples;  I've always loved poker and golf.  Adderall is like steroids for these two hobbies and at first I loved the added concentration.  But after years of doing these hobbies hopped up on adderall I realized that I wasn't enjoying them anymore.  I was cold and calculated, rarely talked to my playing partners or other people at the poker table.  I never would laugh or small talk.  Not to mention how aggravating it is to have to pee every 10 minutes because your so tweaked out on adderall and caffeine.

[Frank B]

Wonder how many pro golfers take adderall would seem like a a ideal drug for that sport do they even have PED testing in golf? I know a lot of MLB players take it and if they have a doctors note it's ok but it shouldn't be allowed at all. I know what it takes to get a doctors excuse pretty damn simple.

[Tom23Jones]

Probably a lot of pro golfers use adderall.  I know a ton of the professional poker players use it.  Its kind of an ideal poker drug because it allows you to stay awake and focused for so many hours.  

 

But you are hearing about it in more and more sports.  Both the NFL and MLB have suspended players.  According to Richard Sherman of the Seahawks everybody in the NFL is doing it.

 

And most recently, Simone Biles of the United States gymnastics team.

 

This brings up an interesting topic... I always get kind of jealous of successful adderall users.  It upsets me that I didn't maximize the benefits to do anything great while I was using.  I also have this screwed up way of thinking that 90% of successful people use adderall, which leaves me feeling like I'll never be highly successful without the drug.  But I know I've got to shake that way of thinking because its only going to cause me failure or worse yet a relapse.

[Frank B]

Defiantly get rid of that 90% of successful people use addy that's not true. Even if it was we had are time on it and that time has passed no one stays on that shit forever it stops working plain and simple.

Add a new thought to your mind 90% of successful people exercise, sleep and eat healthy and also most successful people believe in a higher power. Every strike out ,home run or game winning three God always seems to get credit.

[duffman]

Probably a lot of pro golfers use adderall.  I know a ton of the professional poker players use it.  Its kind of an ideal poker drug because it allows you to stay awake and focused for so many hours.  

 

But you are hearing about it in more and more sports.  Both the NFL and MLB have suspended players.  According to Richard Sherman of the Seahawks everybody in the NFL is doing it.

 

And most recently, Simone Biles of the United States gymnastics team.

 

This brings up an interesting topic... I always get kind of jealous of successful adderall users.  It upsets me that I didn't maximize the benefits to do anything great while I was using.  I also have this screwed up way of thinking that 90% of successful people use adderall, which leaves me feeling like I'll never be highly successful without the drug.  But I know I've got to shake that way of thinking because its only going to cause me failure or worse yet a relapse.

 

You should be jealous of me, I was a very successful Adderall user. Well, hold on a minute.. you should be jealous of your former self while you're at it. From the sounds of it (based on your admission post in the stories section), you were quite successful while you were on Adderall. In fact, you should feel jealous of just about everyone on this forum, because they too were successful Adderall users... 

 

Why do you think I highlighted the was/were's in the above set of statements? Because everyone who first uses Adderall receives an initial boost in performance in their respective endeavors. We're here on this forum because those benefits come to a screeching halt once any/all drug user's worst enemy comes into play, and that enemy is tolerance. Professional athletes (or professionals in any area) are faced with pressures everyday to excel ahead of the competition. And if something were to come along that would guarantee a boost in performance that could better position yourself to excel ahead of the competition and is LEGALLY prescribed by a physician, then of course they would take it. Professional athletes aren't too concerned about tolerance and the damaging effects on their bodies because they're concerned with being better NOW. What about 5 years from now? Well I would bet all the money I would earn for the next 5 years that they too will be slammed with the devastating side effects we're all familiar with by now from their Adderall usage. But 5 years from now could very well represent the end of their professional athletic career, so they aren't too concerned about the long haul when there is so much at stake right now.

 

EDIT: Doh! I just read the " It upsets me that I didn't maximize the benefits to do anything great while I was using.  " 

My attention to detail isn't great lately without the Adderall. I'm also upset I didn't maximize the benefits to do anything great while I was using. Ehh, C'est la vie :-P

[Tom23Jones]

Thanks guys, these are all things I needed to hear. Especially when my distorted thinking believes I need a shortcut to find success. Deep down I know it's only hard work and dedication that will lead to a successful life.

[Beback17]

ha! nice to know I'm not the only one.  Seems we all experience the same B.S. to one degree or another.  Monday to Wednesday last week was pretty great at work, then Thursday hit and I burned out again.  I love the subject matter of my profession and loved it before I used Adderall, hoping the motivation comes back.  the knowledge is there, but everything seems like such a fucking chore.  The withdrawal symptoms are beginning to fade, one day off, three day on - it comes and goes.

 

How do I create my "days off" timeline.  Until then = 4 weeks off of Adderall!!!

[HairsprayQueen]

On 9/30/2016 at 3:25 PM, Tom23Jones said:

I also have this screwed up way of thinking that 90% of successful people use adderall, which leaves me feeling like I'll never be highly successful without the drug.  

Yes!  I have those exact same thoughts.  Anytime a task requires much thought and/or effort I crave it and doubt that I'll ever be able to do it. I see people who are very productive and efficient and I'm convinced they must be on it...it's like I've completely lost faith in human willpower. 

[duffman]

8 hours ago, HairsprayQueen said:

Yes!  I have those exact same thoughts.  Anytime a task requires much thought and/or effort I crave it and doubt that I'll ever be able to do it. I see people who are very productive and efficient and I'm convinced they must be on it...it's like I've completely lost faith in human willpower. 

I must admit I do the same damned thing, hah. I was watching this health "guru" guy who was talking about how his diet/lifestyle unlocked his mind and gave him this boost of energy, vitality, and overall increase in cognition. I couldn't help but notice how his talking style was just spewing whatever came to his mind, his mouth was dry the entire time (he was sucking down water throughout the video), and how absorbed he was with what he was talking about.. I narrowed my eyes and thought "Yeah.. you're definitely on Adderall. Diet and lifestyle my ass". Hell, at one of the hospitals I worked at a few years back, one of the most successful surgeons openly admitted to me that he took Adderall for performance enhancement purposes. However, it didn't come as much of a surprise to me. He either came into the room and began talking to anyone and everyone who could hear him and everything in his life was amazing OR he'd come into the room and start screaming at nurses or other staff for not having a pen ready for him to sign the chart. He once fired his entire support staff in the middle of surgery which turned out to be a complete shitshow. So maybe many successful people are on Adderall. Chances are good to excellent. It does come at a great cost though and we know the effects don't last. In addition, as is the case for analyzing successful people, you have to consider how many unsuccessful people take Adderall and how it impacted them. I'm willing to bet the vast majority of Adderall users end up becoming addicted to video games or some other hobby rather than using it was fuel for their ambitions. 

[iwish]

On 1/4/2017 at 11:22 AM, duffman said:

So maybe many successful people are on Adderall. Chances are good to excellent. It does come at a great cost though and we know the effects don't last.

I completely agree with this. I have been on it for 12 years now and I want off. The effects don't last and I am seeking help to get off of it because I know I can't continue to need this drug, as we all seem to learn after enough time. Thanks for the post, it provides serious encouragement.