Did husband leave marriage because of his Adderall?

[nic123]

Trying to figure out if this is a mental health disorder induced by Adderall or a mixture of things. Or Adderall addiction? My husband and I’ve been together for 14 years and my life completely changed on me 4 1/2 months ago.

My husband has past and present addiction issues. He was diagnosed as a child with ADD and has not been on any medication for many years. Then about 1 year ago. Adderall came into our lives and, it changed him.

Within a year and a half, I have dealt with severe mood swings, extreme anxiety, panic attacks, easily irritated. When he got angry he would sometimes say self harm comments.= and was sleeping very little. We began fighting more once he got on Adderall and we really did not fight much the last few years. This past year I felt I was walking on eggshells in my house.

I told him that I felt this medication was not right for him and he needed to talk to the doctor, but he defends it. He says it has more pros for him like super confidence, focus and weight loss. I know he would take more than prescribed.

There were weekly morning anxiety fits if nothing went how he wanted in the morning. It got so bad that my dogs would come by me whenever he did anything passive aggressive.

His daily cocktail consists of energy drinks, high potency marijuana, cigarettes, Adderall 30 RX and a bit of an excessive spender.

In the middle of July, my marriage abruptly ended. The night before a big fight , my husband  did not sleep at all and he really had not slept the last couple days since refilling his Adderall prescription and had some drinks the night before. I has stopped at home after work before I went to an appointment and I could tell his mood wasn’t good and he didn’t sleep the night before.  When I returned it was like all hell broke loose. My husband really wanted to start a family and I did too. He was upset because he had found out his friend was going to have a baby and we were not pregnant and he felt I wasn’t trying and their was no intimacy. I wanted to start a family, but did have concerns about his recent behavior since being on Adderall. I know the last two months were not as active in the intimacy department, but we always were intimate every month. I will admit there were times I just didn’t feel like it, and as I talk about it to my Therapist I believe it was because everything that was going on. My husband spent more time to himself and I felt I was taking on more responsibilities around house. He felt that I wasn’t wanting to have kids and wasn’t trying which was not true. Sure, I could have done more I agree, but to say I wasn’t planning on having children is not true.

Then a few days later, after I am asking him to come back home, apologizing trying to figure out what happened we had an angry phone call for about two hours. He yelled horrible things, called me names. Not something he would do. He said things that did not make sense to me at all. So within a few day of the fight, he filed for divorce and then no really type of communication.

While he still had not let me know his decision regarding marriage counseling, I was informed about him being on a dating websites and didn’t even try to attempt to save the marriage. He never told me that he did not want to do counseling, just told me he needed time to think. He was still angry about a fight we had a few weeks back. I had said some mean things to him out of anger and frustration; I didn’t help I had some drinks before hand.

Left the house and all his responsibilities and I have not seen him since. Is this Adderall behavior or addiction behavior or maybe something else?

Once on Adderall his personality changed and he just isolated himself . We would argued with him about how he was not present in the house. Increased anxiety and panic attacks become very noticeable after getting on Adderall.

I was thinking about divorce back in November. I was so tried of the fights and passive aggressive behavior, but decided on marriage counseling instead. We barley attended couseling and never got to any issues. We stopped going but agreed to continue in the fall. I know I was not happy about this, but since he went and said he would continue in the fall I agreed.

I'm left wondering is it possibly some type of manic episode? Or the Adderall or a mixture of everything has brought this on? From what I have read if someone taking Adderall or any stimulant, it can increase the risk of manic type behavior if medications are not monitored. His personality did change a lot in a year and a half. This was all very confusing to me.

I spent 14 years with him and have forgiven and rebuilt trust on many occasions, and now he is gone. My heart has not caught up with my mind yet. Everything is still raw with the pain of losing a person you loved so much. My future was just ripped out under me. I was really trying so hard to get us to marriage counseling because this could have been easily worked out and we really could have acquired new skills of interacting. Instead of having kids now, I am getting a divorce trying to figure what happened. It just is very shocking and hurtful when it is all of a sudden gone.

I had lengthy discussions with my therapist about the behavior displayed, and the rants. Her comment was until he got completely off everything he really could not be diagnosed.

He has treated me very cold and with such disdain and I never once in a million years would have saw this from him.

[DrewK15]

@nic123 I’m sorry you are having to go through this. What you describe does sound like drug/Adderall addiction. Unfortunately what you or any of us say doesn’t make much of a diffence until he thinks he’s an addict. As far as bipolar, that’s something for a psychiatrist to diagnose. Likely only after ruling out drug induced mood issues.

[Subtracterall]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Yes, this sounds like Adderall induced behavior. I went through something similar when I got hooked on Adderall. I Left my high school sweetheart after we were together 5.5 years and went through college together. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was wonderful and a fantastic partner. Adderall turned me into someone I didn’t recognize. I went from head over heals in love with him to all of a sudden (enter Adderall) I wanted to be away from him and I didn’t even understand why.  It was the Adderall “trance”.  To this day, twenty years later, I still regret leaving him. I think your ex will unfortunately regret what he has done too. Someday. He can hit rock bottom no matter how much money he has access to.  Adderall honeymoon does not last. It’s only a matter of time.

[SeanW]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately adderall does this to a lot of people. It ruined my relationship of 7 years. 

[nic123]

@DrewK15 @Subtracterall @SeanW Thank you for sharing and for the feedback, it really helps. I never have experienced anything in my life like this. I tried to get him to talk to someone, but nothing ever came of it. My heart is broken, but I am getting better each day. I'm going through what they call the 5 stages of grief. I just can't believe I'm getting a divorce. I was trying so hard to work this out and hold on to my marriage. I am very new to this forum and I notice a lot of people reference a "Honeymoon period" . Is that something that is experienced for a few years?

I'm moving forward with my life, but I can't say I didn't wish some act of God would save our marriage. I feel no matter what I did , I didn't have a hope in hell.  I kept telling him something was wrong, and he didn't care. I could see what was happening and no matter what it was, it didn't matter .  He had been complaining for years about how he needed to get back on some kind of medicine because he had trouble concentrating and focusing.After many years, I encouraged him to go to our doctor to talk to him about getting back on some kind of ADD medicine. I was trying to help him.

It is such a confusing experience to go through something like this. The rollercoaster of emotions to walk away from what was your future and a person you loved so deeply. Now I find myself asking "What Now"?

Just wondering if anyone ever came to there senses before they threw their marriage/relationship away?

[Frank B]

I didn’t read it all but if he’s still gone probably best think it’s more than just adderall but it’s certainly a big factor. 

[Cheeri0]

@oswhid would be a good person to give you insight - there are some similarities in your posts! wishing you the best, this thing can be hellish. I can't imagine being the one who had to deal with me when I was at my worst. prayers to you both

[oswhid]

5 hours ago, Cheeri0 said:

@oswhid would be a good person to give you insight - there are some similarities in your posts! wishing you the best, this thing can be hellish. I can't imagine being the one who had to deal with me when I was at my worst. prayers to you both

From two different family members, I have seen bipolar I mania and I have seen how how taking adderall can completely change your personality and mimic mania.  It can be hard to tell the difference.  I cannot think of a worse combo than someone who is predisposed to mania taking adderall. 

[nic123]

thanks @Frank B things changed dramatically when Adderall came into our lives. It was the pill that unleashed a beast inside of my husband.  @Cheeri0 I appreciate the prayers and oswhid's recommendation.. Even though my husband has left and my marriage is over, I'm still interested in the medication that assisted IMO hijacking my husband along with his other addictions.

@oswhid Yeah I don't know which one it is? He has not been diagnosed with any mental health disorder. He would not go and see a Psychiatrist. All I know is Adderall did something to him and it wasn't good from my view. I'm trying to read up on different members stories to get an understanding. I have been researching both Adderall addiction and manic symptoms related to bipolar. Yes they both have similar symptoms of Mania. All I know is he is gone. He left and never came back.

[SeanW]

Adderall is ruining his life he just doesn’t know it yet. There will come a day when he realizes that. I hate to hear it and see it because it really is sad to me. It breaks my heart to watch what it does to people and their relationships. 

[JumboJim]

So sorry you're going through all this. 

Sounds like he has MAJOR mental problems and from your post it's obvious Adderall has only made things worse. Like Sean said, he just doesn't know it yet. I've read many stories on here about ruined relationships and lost friendships, and it's because Adderall can temporarily fill any void. I was on a pretty low dose myself yet still recognize this feeling of 'I don't need others, I have my Adderall'. In the end, life will inevitably catch up to him. 

Make sure you take care of yourself. Take those dogs on nice long walks and be sure to hang out with friends, do fun stuff. Keep the mind distracted. It's going to take time, but always look towards the future. You might not see it right now, but it's bright and filled with opportunity.
 

[nic123]

Thank you @SeanW and @JumboJimit is horrible to watch something take over a person you love and you cannot do anything to stop it. I am somebody who does not give up easily. But I tried to save my marriage, I put myself through hell to save US and now I'm just at another level of hell trying to get over US. He just went and FUBAR'd the marriage without a care. He wanted to go out in the world and date. I guess it was easier for him to walk away than to look at what he was doing.

I have read a little bit about everyone's back story and I want to congratulate each and everyone of you who recognized their addiction and had the courage to face it and overcome it. I'm sure from what I have read, it has not been an easy road for any of you. But, you all deserve to be free of this addiction and in time you will be happy and healthy again.

[Socially awkward]

It really sounds like the Adderall does not agree with him and seems to exacerbate his bipolar. Also the fact he is mixing it with pot and alcohol is likely making this a lot worse.

you need to give yourself more time. It’s only been 5 months so it is pretty normal to be grieving but you will start healing and there will come a time that the pain will no longer be there and you will discover you have moved on. From what you have described, he sounds like a manipulative bully and unfortunately because you have allowed this behaviour for sometime, he doesn’t have respect for you and treats you poorly.

you deserve far better than this. Also, had you become pregnant, it could have been very frightening for your future children to witness his outbursts which will likely get worse the longer the addiction continues. It’s more than likely the pot and Adderall have reduced his sperm count so he should be blaming himself and not you for the fact you didn’t get pregnant.

please see it as a blessing that this emotional bully is out of your life and don’t let this affect your self esteem or self worth. Are there any clubs, activities or hobbies you can join to help keep your mind occupied and meet other fun non drug taking peeps? It will take time but even if it takes half a century (which it won’t) it is still far better than remaining in an abusive relationship.

[nic123]

Thank for the response @Socially awkward. Adderall definitely did something to him. He has a direct line family history of a mental health disorder and he is displaying  manic type behavior. Although I did read, Adderall addiction can mimic this behavior as well.

I agree. I let his behavior slide. Anytime I would try to bring anything up serious or “Adult type conversations” he it would turn into a fight. He complained I was always criticizing him, and that was never my intent. I wanted to communicate to him to start being a little more present in the house, and help more household responsibilities. I notice things getting worse, but I was just so exhausted with dealing with him and backed off. After a while, I was picking and choosing my battles. All I did was try to help him. I was not trying to be codependent, but now realizing I was. I am a natural helper. If someone I know needs help, I want to help them.He has thrown things out of anger.

I remember one time very clearly at the beginning of the year, he was having one of his morning anxiety fits (it appears it could have been a  withdraw period), and I thought to myself “How ll is he going to deal with a crying baby”.

My therapist and I talk and she told me the current situation in my marriage was a not good for a child. Yes, I knew this, but sometimes the emotions makes it hard to realize it at times. I go to therapy, reads some books and hang around family to pass the time. My life has been calm for almost 5 months now since he has been gone, but it still hurts losing someone you loved for so many years. 

[nickib83]

I know this post is from five years ago. I’m wondering what happened with your husband?  Did he ever realize his addiction is what caused him to leave your marriage?  I am going through the exact same thing.