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PAWS is REAL - and the moments in between


sirod9

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So, last week I experienced what I believe was the first glimmers of dopamine return, or some other balance returning in my brain. The feeling was pronounced and different, yet like returning to the comfort of home after a long trip. It lasted a few days. in that time, I cleaned my room and my living room. I took breaks, I listened to music, I laughed, I enjoyed life. I felt NORMAL. I meant, I still laugh during PAWS, but you know. I knew that it would not last, and I think that "knowing" is what is helping me deal with my PAWS this weekend. And I went back to the recovery guidelines posted on this site to remind myself that this is all normal and okay. 

but y'all, it felt so neat to have dopamine again. and to do things around the house with some level of ease and enjoyment. 

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I experienced e this too!!  Right now I'm at day 21 and I have the occasional natural dopamine breakthrough.   In the past it gets more and more real as more time passes.  I agree, this post is a great reminder that it (paws) is real but we can just observe it and not making it worse by giving in to the cravings to make it different.  Feelings always pass.  They come and go like waves.  They can't NOT.  But damn it's hard to remember that in the midst of the Feelings I don't like. 

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On 1/11/2022 at 7:36 PM, Hopefulily said:

This is AMAZING to read!!! Congrats on 5 months Sirod and 21 days @DelaneyJuliette!!!! This is truly inspiring!

Why can't I get past only 4 days until I go back to just a little bit to get me through or get a script refill after throwing my adderall out.

I honestly think that having access to more adderall is  keeping you from quitting. I flushed my script and told my doctor's office not to prescribe to me, that I was an addict. I know without a doubt that if I had a stash, I would not have made it to 5 months.

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While using, I had stopped exercising and I always thought of it as kind of silly standard advice that wouldn't really help.  I am on day 25 right now (with previous stints of 4 months and 6 months) and one of the things that was a major factor is exercise.  I think it's funny how quick I was to dismiss something I didn't even really try lol!

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On 1/14/2022 at 7:40 AM, sirod9 said:

I honestly think that having access to more adderall is  keeping you from quitting. I flushed my script and told my doctor's office not to prescribe to me, that I was an addict. I know without a doubt that if I had a stash, I would not have made it to 5 months.

Also, my husband uses adderall (somehow he doesn't ever abuse it or take more than prescribed etc) so I ALWAYS had access.  I would ask him to keep it away from me but he's not an addict so he'd just like... put it in his bag instead of the medicine cabinet.  I would always find it when I got desperate.  Finally, I bought a lock box off Amazon and asked him to put it in there with a code I didn't know.  2 times I broke into the lock box, but of course then had to face the consequences of my husband being like omg... wtf do u need to go to treatment?  (Which seriously might have been easier but I desperately did not want to do that bc of a number of complex reasons.)  So my point is, if u aren't ready yet to break up with your dealer (doctor) there are other creative inbetween things u could do so that it's not all or nothing in your brain.  Bc for me if I wasn't ready to do that then it would always end back up with me using. 

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