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bluemoon

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Posts posted by bluemoon

  2. MLB and adderall

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    It actually makes me sick that people give this med to their kids. In a way, I'm thankful that I know for the future, not to ever consider it even for a second. 

     

    Anyway, hope you're feeling alright.... I know this isn't easy, I'm right there with ya. Can't wait until these days are behind us one day.

  4. Starting The Long Process of Quitting After 2 Years

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    You came to the right place. I'm so happy you recognize that it's time to quit now, before more years of your life get stolen from you by Adderall. AlwaysAwesome is so right.... you don't want to be a 30 year old trying to quit Adderall. Do it now while you're young and your body will bounce back in no time :). The most important thing is getting your parents and your doctor on board with your quit. It might not be easy for you, but I promise they will be so glad you talked to them about it. I bet your parents will be very supportive in helping you quit. 

     

    How are you feeling so far? Pretty sleepy I bet. Just keep going, and you'll start feeling better before you know it. 

     

    You can message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

    • Like 2

  5. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I'm right there with you bluemoon. One way i get through these days is to thing about every sober day as an investment.

    Its an investment towards your future of being happy, sober, and back to normal without addy :)

     

     

    Absolutely, Adderallics Anonymous. Every day is one day closer to where we want to be. No turning back now :) ... How are you feeling? Any more energy yet? None for me. I haven't seen any improvement in a while now. One more week and I'll be at the 60 day mark. Very hopeful to start seeing SOME sort of improvement beyond that point... 

     

    Flow, glad to hear you're feeling good. Wish I could say the same. But, one foot in front of the other. 

     

    Teamwin, how are you feeling? Was thinking about you the other day. I know we quit on the same day, so I would love to know how things are going for you mentally/physically. Are you as exhausted as I am??

     

    AlwaysAwesome, thanks for the continued support. It is very much appreciated. :)

    • Like 2

  8. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Congrats on 40 days, flow. I agree, it's nice to have your support too. It's nice to have someone right there with you, going through the same things (even though I would not wish this misery upon my worst enemy). 

     

    I remember reading somewhere once that if you can make it through the first 30 days, you can make it through anything. I must say, I have to disagree with that statement. In my opinion, all those times in the past that I made it through 30 days honestly mean nothing now. The hardest part (for me) came AFTER 30 days. Tomorrow is day 50 for me, and boy am I ever struggling. No chance I will be going back to the Adderall, but gosh, am I ever feeling rough....... I got home after work last night, sat down on my kitchen floor, and cried because I was so exhausted. Can't wait until these days are behind me :(

  13. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    It helps to know that you're feeling the same way, flow. My 10 day vacation is over, back to work today... Definitely not looking forward to this. My holidays went by way too fast! Haha. Your vacation should be approaching any day now right? :) 

     

    I'm not necessarily feeling very "depressed" (which is actually surprising to me), but I definitely am lacking motivation and I have a lack of pleasure in anything and everything. I can't even count how many holiday parties I ditched to stay home on the couch, lol.

     

    My boyfriend got me a puppy for Christmas and I thought THAT has been hard... But I can't even imagine having to take care of actual human children while feeling like this. Props to you!! :)

     

    I'm on day 45 now. In my past quits, usually by now I would have relapsed because I felt so crappy. I would figure that I should have gotten through the withdrawal symptoms by now, and I would think it must not have been the Adderall that was the problem, so I would start up again to make getting out of bed and getting through the days not so daunting. Thanks to the stories of others on here, I now know that it's completely normal and it's part of the process to feel this crappy, even at 45 days in.

     

    We're well on our way to 60 days. Once I get past that, I think it will have been the longest I have gone without taking Adderall in three years. Like you said, one day at a time... One day at a time...

    • Like 1

  14. Going to dr soon to tell her I wanna quit/taper

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hope you're doing alright. I know this isn't easy and it's terrifying. In my experiences of trying to quit, tapering didn't work for me. I would try to take the lower dose and I would feel pretty out of it, so I would take another one just so I could feel 'normal'. I didn't have the self control to taper. And like AlwaysAwesome said, I feel like tapering just drags the misery on longer. Cold turkey was the only way for me to go. However, it's not for everyone. Everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you. But another good point that AlwaysAwesome had was that you're stronger than you think!! :)  You can do this. I have a super demanding job too, and I used that as an excuse to keep taking the Adderall. I told myself I needed it, that I couldn't do anything without it. I even had myself convinced I couldn't shower and do my hair and make up without taking a pill first. Like... seriously?? Haha.

     

    Somehow I've made it through 42 days over here. The fatigue at work is overwhelming and I'm much less productive than I was before... but I'm surviving. I'm getting through the days (although it hasn't been easy), and I'm very hopeful for things to get better. You have to accept that you're going to be tired, you have to accept that you're going to feel a bit useless for a while, and you have to accept that you're going to gain a little bit of weight. It is what it is. I know it sucks, but it's the cold, hard truth.

  15. 4 years clean - a recovery timeline

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    THANK YOU for this. I'm on day 41 and noticing some of the others who quit around the same time as me report that they're feeling great. Meanwhile, I'm laying here battling intense fatigue that doesn't seem to be letting up. No amount of sleep can make me not feel tired. Tonight is New Years Eve and I'm supposed to be going to a friend's house party... but I SO do not have any desire to go. I wish I wanted to go, but it sounds absolutely agonizing. Ugh. 

     

    Although it's somewhat discouraging to read your timeline and realize that I still have an extremely long way to go in my recovery, it also gives me a huge affirmation that I made the right choice by quitting. Why drag it on any longer? Why delay the recovery any longer? And why would I ever even slightly consider going back to Adderall, knowing that I would be back at square one all over again? Right now really sucks. And I'm realizing things are gonna really suck for a while. But I do have hope for the future and I can't wait to get to the point where you are right now. 

  17. Addiction is secret so I'm quitting alone

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    So true flow. This site has been the best aid in helping me quit. My mindset is way different this time than any of the other times I tried to quit. I've never 100% fully be able to commit to the thought of never taking another pill again in my life. But here I am, 40 days down and I am positive I am not turning back this time. All thanks to the support here  :)

    • Like 1

  19. Please help me quit for good

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Thanks IMSTAS and Firefly. 

    And congrats on 4 months Firefly! Are you starting to notice some bigger changes at four months?? Day 38 here and I wish I could say that every day is getting easier, but I feel like my progress has flatlined for a while now. I just want to sleep forever and I don't care about anything. Constant body aches and extreme fatigue. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm living very far north for work (Northern Canada, near Alaska) and my friends and family are thousands of miles away. Winter hits pretty hard here. It's painfully cold, it's dark when I get to work in the morning and it's dark again by 3 or 4pm usually. I'm sure that adds to the fatigue. I did struggle with depression before I ever even took Adderall, so it's hard to know whether the way I feel is from the quit itself or just generalized depression. I'm thinking it's most likely a bit of both. Luckily, I have this week off for the holidays. So I'm allowed to be a lazy bum for a bit.

     

    Hope everyone's holidays are lovely! :) 

  23. Please help me quit for good

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Thanks for all the replies guys. I've been struggling the last little bit. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who experiences anhedonia. I think that the other times I've attempted quitting in the past, I would get a month or two in and still be feeling exhaustion, anhedonia and depression... and I would think to myself "well, quitting obviously didn't make me feel any better", and I would relapse again, telling myself it must have not been the Adderall that was the problem. However, we all know the Adderall is the ROOT of the problem! This quit is different though. I have you guys to cheer me on. It's nice to have you guys and know that it's common to be exhausted all the time and to not find pleasure in anything. Other times I had quit, the addict in me would say "I don't know why I'm so tired all the time. I think I need to start taking Adderall again so I'm not so tired all the time." And then it would all start again........

    I've been fighting this demon for three years. 34 days sober now though. The first few days were obviously hell, but the next couple of weeks after that I was super optimistic and excited about quitting. I was excited about getting better. But the last few weeks have been agonizing. Not fun at all. I was only prescribed 20mg XR once per day. On most days I would stick to that dose, but if I had something to do later in the evening, or if I really wanted to "get a lot done" that day, I would take an extra pill or two (or three). 

     

    I didn't tell my boyfriend about the quit. So he probably just thinks I suddenly just got fat, lazy and grumpy for no reason. To be honest, I never even told him I was taking Adderall to begin with. I've kept it a secret from everyone really, except for one close friend that I spilled my heart out to about a month ago. She has been super supportive, so that's really nice. But anyway, I'm not sure that I want to drag my boyfriend through this quit with me. I don't really have any interest in being with anyone at this time. I feel like it just adds to the list of things I have to do... and I'm so miserable and I just don't have the energy. :(

     

    It feels like there is a long road ahead and it's super disheartening to read that the anhedonia can last even up to two years. I can't even remember the last time I truly felt "happy".... 

  24. I know I should just can't commit to quitting

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Isn't it wild how no matter how many stories you read, you can always seem to find a piece of yourself in every story? 

     

    I hope you don't fill your script at your doctor's appointment this week. I hope you find the strong woman inside of you and tell your doctor you no longer want it prescribed to you, ever again, rather than filling that script.

     

    It sucks that your job is so hectic and busy that it makes you feel like you have to turn to Adderall to stay on top of things. But the truth is that you don't need it, and none of us do!! We were fine before Adderall and we will be fine again without it. I hate this drug and what it does to people.

     

    You can do this! :)

    • Like 4
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