bluemoon
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Posts posted by bluemoon
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Two days short of my 6 month mark here... I finally broke things off with my boyfriend last night. I had been thinking about it for a long time but just kept putting it off. Mostly in fear of what comes next in my life, and I was also worried that such a major life change could trigger a relapse. I just figured I'd deal with it later... but it came to a point where I couldn't drag the relationship on any longer. I don't see a future and I didn't want to keep wasting each others time. It was really hard, but I know it is the right thing and the best thing. Even though I know it was for the best, I am feeling really, really low right now... I can't stop crying. I really hope this doesn't trigger thoughts of relapse or something. I've come so far and wouldn't ever want to throw it all away. I'm not actually thinking about relapsing or anything, I just wish this pain would go away.
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Did they catch the guy, Frank?? What a loser!! Grr!!
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Well guys, I finally made it to the gym. It took me almost six months to get there, but I made it there somehow, lol. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Then I got home and did some cleaning!
I'm still feeling like shit lately but I'm hoping the gym will help. Here goes nothing.
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I've been there more times than I can count. Don't give up!! Dust yourself off and try again. You can do this!!
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I was on Zoloft years ago (before I took Adderall), and it really did help my depression at the time, but I gained a lot of weight. I tried Cymbalta a couple years ago (one of my first of many attempts to quit Adderall), and I actually lost a few pounds but I was a total ZOMBIE! Like just absolutely lethargic. I would go to bed at 8pm, but also sometimes would wake up in the middle of the night randomly and just lay there wide awake for two hours, then be exhausted in the morning. I tried Wellbutrin once and it made me feel really sick, so I didn't get far enough into that one to say whether it helped my depression or not. I do hear Wellbutrin is less likely to make you gain weight though.
Every person is different and will react differently to antidepressants. Just because one person gained a ton of weight, doesn't mean you will too. I feel the same way as you do, I don't want to go from pill to pill either. I have avoided antidepressants up until this point. I think I can hang in there a little longer, I'm hoping relief is just around the corner.
In your situation, I kind of agree with Lil Tex... If you are feeling that bad, especially given how many years you were on Adderall, it may be worth it suck it up and have a little crutch to get you through the hardest part of your quit. I mean, sorry to say it, but you're going to gain weight when you quit regardless, whether you take antidepressants or not. Just remember the weight is temporary and you can lose the weight later, when you are more able to do so. If you can find an antidepressant that helps, I would go for it.
Super proud of you for how far you've come!!! And you've done it YOUR way, you did what works for you. You are amazing. When do you plan on taking your last 5mg?
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Before I quit, I spoke to the only friend I know of that has taken Adderall. I talked to her about how I wanted to quit for good but I was having trouble. She didn't really sympathize or understand, she said that she could stop whenever she wants to and that she's not addicted, that she just takes it as needed to focus on school or work. (She was the one who got me started on it in the first place. I was too tired to party one night and she gave me one of her Adderall. Then I suddenly felt great. She explained ADHD and I thought I must have it too, and went to her doctor and got my own script.)
Today, I found out she's 12 weeks pregnant. I'm happy for her, but I asked her how she was feeling. She said she felt GREAT, that she quit cold turkey and didn't have a problem with it at all.
Is she being honest?? I find her words extremely discouraging. Why do I feel so shitty and I'm not even pregnant on top of quitting?? Lol
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5 1/2 months in. I had a good few days a few weeks ago, and I thought things were finally getting better, but I haven't had a good day in a while. I am really hoping this gets easier soon. My sleep has been really sucking. I wake up often during the night and I never ever feel rested.
I'm still in a relationship that I am fairly certain I don't want to be in anymore. I have felt this way for a long time. I didn't break it off at the beginning of my quit because I was advised not to make any drastic life changes during such an emotional time. Am I far enough into my quit to make a decision like this? Or should I still be waiting until I'm more emotionally stable??
I've also been struggling to want to be around people whatsoever. I get invited to things all the time and I never ever go. Or if I do go, the whole time I'm there I just keep thinking to myself how much I wish I would have stayed home. I just want to be alone all the time. I want to want to have some sort of social life, but I just don't have it in me. I'm too tired. Just want to hang out with my dogs and nap, and nap some more.
God this year has sucked. And the few years prior to that sucked as well, because I was addicted to Adderall. Can this all just be over now please??
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Tell me about it!! I'm just getting over a three-week-long cold myself.
Hope you feel better quick <3
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First of all, welcome! And congratulations on making the decision to finally quit.
It may be a good idea to tell your fiancé about what's going on. He probably knows something is up (he definitely does, since you said he is suspecting that you have a drinking problem). I doubt he will be as disappointed as you think. He will more likely be relieved that you are taking action to get better, and he will most likely be a lot more supportive than you think.
Quitting is ROUGH! I'm not going to sugar coat it, you have some hard times ahead of you. This is just the beginning. You will need to be able to lean on your fiancé through this time. You can also lean on the community here; there are some wonderful people here that have been through exactly what you're going through, and can provide the kind of support that no one else can.These are just my opinions. Only you know what is best for you. But either way, I'm glad you're here!
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How have you been doing since the run?
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Yes, Zerokewl. A "mind fuck" is the perfect way to describe it. Lately, some days I actually feel pretty darn good and I feel like I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Other days, I feel like I just quit yesterday and my body and mind are just dead. Today sucked. Let's hope tomorrow is better.
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... Does he WANT to stop? What does he have to say when you talk to him about getting off it?
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Yeah, I lurked in the shadows for almost three years before becoming a member. I remember coming on here and reading the posts before I even started taking Adderall, when I was just doing research about it, contemplating whether it might be a good medication for me to try. I have no idea how the posts here didn't scare me away from starting Adderall. What was I thinking?? All this pain and struggle... so not worth it!!!!
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Slowly starting to feel a change happening here too. I don't know how to describe it but let's just say the feeling of impending doom/hopelessness is beginning to lift. Starting to take care of myself better too (and actually want to). Still a long way to go but I am finally starting to see some positive changes.
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I agree with Frank. I almost felt worse just taking a little bit than when I took none at all. When do you plan on taking your last pill, Jen? Proud of you for how far you've come so far
And boot camp sounds rather intense for so early in your quit. I wouldn't commit to something that intense just yet, but that's just me! Haha
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Frank, I had a REALLY rough week the same exact week that you did... I honestly felt like I just wanted to die. I didn't see how it was possibly going to get any better. BUT... that feeling is slowly (very, very slowly) lifting... And I'm feeling hopeful again that things are going to start looking up. Slow and steady...
Teamwin, glad to hear that you're still hanging in there too!! And it's nice to know you're feeling the same way Frank and I are feeling. We seem to beat ourselves up quite a bit, thinking we're "behind" in our recovery. We're awful hard on ourselves haha.
I will say that I am super proud of all of us for making it to five months!! I know we don't know each other in real life, and only communicate through a few short messages on here, but it really does feel like we're doing this together and it is what keeps me going. They say around 6 months it gets a bit easier. Almost there.
PS - Wonder how flow is doing?? He's not too far behind on the five month mark
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Happy 5 months to me today! Never would I have dreamed I could make it this far. Thank you to everyone who has given support along the way; I couldn't have done it without you.
Still feeling extremely fatigued and anhedonic, but I have had some small moments once every few days where I *almost* feel ok. These moments are very short and infrequent, but nevertheless, they are there.
Can't believe I'll be at the 6 month mark in just one more month. Wow.
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It's ok Frank, I like your "crazy" posts
. They let me know I'm not alone! I feel your pain. I complain all day every day. We've come so far and we just gotta keep on pushing. We're past the worst part, I think a change is coming soon -
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Wow. Good for you. I don't know how you did it! I was glued to my couch/bed in that stage of quitting haha
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You are amazing, Lil Tex!!! You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you for sharing. SO proud of you
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Today was one of my better days. I hope I have more of them.
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Yeah, so true, Frank. It's not like I feel like this issue would be solved by going back on Adderall. Quite the opposite, actually. And I know there are better days ahead..... It's just this "in between" stage that really sucks!! I hope I don't discourage anyone from quitting by constantly complaining about how crappy I feel since quitting. I will say that it has been worth it and I'm glad I did quit.
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I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm not far enough into my recovery to offer you any profound advice on what to do, but I really hope your son realizes he has a problem. It makes my heart smile when I read how much love and support you have to give him. You are willing to do anything to help him get better. I hope he takes advantage of that.
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Well duffman.... I hear ya. You did a perfect job of describing how I feel right now. Just a whole lot of nothing.
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Why do you wanna eat everything when you quit adderall?
in General Discussion
Posted
I always thought part of it could be dopamine related. I'm no scientist, but Adderall depletes the brain of dopamine and it takes a long time after quitting to get your natural dopamine levels back up to normal. And, food triggers a dopamine response in your brain.. So could it be that our body is just desperately trying to get it's dopamine levels back up?? Maybe that's why we want to eat so much when we first quit. Just a theory, I don't know.
It does go away by the way, that "always hungry" feeling. I would say around the 5 month mark, I wasn't feeling so hungry ALL of the time. I have actually already lost 15 of the 40 lbs I so rapidly gained. I still have a long way to go, but it's a start. That hunger does subside eventually, it just takes some time. And I know how much feeling fat sucks, especially for a girl who is used to always looking her best.