Alyssa

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How are you doing as of recently?

You are very brave for turning your life around after so long. Keep going!!!

Yeah. I lost my amazing bod though due to college, even on adderall. You should try antidepressants! I recently started and it's been a roller coaster, but along with a therapist, I am in a better place than I have been in in 2 years.

So this sounds a lot like the questions I ask myself a lot. My therapist is telling me that I have a problem with "lows" and "highs". I think this is an effect of adderall, and driving us to need that ultimate high that literally nothing can bring you down on. I think this new norm for you might feel depressing just because you clump all not extremely awesome feelings together under depression. That's what I do, did at least. I am learning to be more comfortable with the normal pace of life. Everything I do isn't absolutely the best ever, like it was on adderall, but I am learning to feel peaceful with normal day life. It seems like you would benefit from anti depressants and a therapist. It's a process but there is hope.

Have you seen this video? It talks about addiction and society. really short and really interesting Not trying to persuade you to tell your parents, you know what's best, but thought you'd like this!

I had no idea it was a side effect.... why is everybody on this crap

I tried to quit adderall a week or two ago but had to get back on it. Different story ANYWAYS the night before I started taking adderall again I started feeling different. I was crying and lights looked weird as I was driving? They seemed brighter or something. The next day I took 50 mg throughout the day, got one hour of sleep that night, whatever. Never caught up on that sleep. Last night I drank w friends and got 10 hours probably? Always, took adderall again today, and lights just have been looking weird to me sometimes these past 3 days. I feel "high" but more like an acid trip high than a weed high. I think I am very sensitive to lights and colors? Like when I was studying I looked at a red paper then a green one and kept tripping out. If I was looking at the red paper, I had to completely hide the green one from sight or my vision would get all weird. This part is hard to explain, but I'll look in the corner and it seems dark, and my brain thinks night time, and then when I look back a little later it seems light, like day time! but the light hasn't changed? To be honest last night I thought it was sleep deprivation and thought it was cool I was kinda hallucinating and went with it. Now I think it's weird that I still feel a lil out of it. My vision almost feels like it's lagging. Keep in mind I often take only my normal dose of adderall! I've never taken more than 50 in a day. What do y'all think? Similar experiences? also I try to bold the important parts so y'all don't get bored haha.

this is awesome

also one of my new favorite songs

^ what is NA?

(What kind of doctor prescribes 90 mg a day to a college student? sounds like 3 guaranteed mood swings a day) Although I have not been able to quit for good yet I want you to know I understand completely how you feel. Try and remind yourself that although these thoughts you have are valid, your depression (or dopamine deficiency as you stated it) is causing these thoughts to be overwhelmingly negative and one sided. Depression sucks because it can make you think that who you are while you are depressed is who you are as a person. For example, you're not "lazy". Sounds like you're just exhausted. But that will change soon, I can see you are on the right track You seem like a great person. Don't take your life. We on this forum understand you, you're not alone. also as a side note I would recommend telling your family you are addicted to adderall for more support. Or see a therapist who you can talk to about it, it helps me a lot you got this!

Yes! Every hour is a mood change. Look up "mixed state" on Wikipedia. That's basically how I feel when I am going through withdrawals. It's a symptom of bipolar disorder but I think very relevant here bc our neurotransmitters are screwed up too

what made y'all so unhappy? Like what was the turning point? personally I'm not gonna lose my job (don't have one) or get kicked out of college etc. did y'all have some kind of "rock bottom"?