[9 Months]

Hi all. Today marks 9 months of continuous sobriety from amphetamines and alcohol for me. I am blessed to have made it this far and reaching milestones feels great. Thank you all for your contributions to this site, it has been instrumental in my recovery. To those who are new or early on in recovery, I used for 4 years. Near the end of my addiction I would binge upwards of 100mg/day for a week at a time and drink probably 12 units of alcohol a day. It was dark. 

Physically I feel like I have made a full recovery. My energy levels are close to normal, bloodwork is normal, blood pressure/heart rate are good. I had headaches for probably the first 6 months that have gone away. I exercise 6 days/week and sleep well. Best of all I’m not hungover and/or in physical pain all of the time. 

Psychologically and emotionally I feel better, but I still have a long way to go. My mental clarity and cognitive abilities are back, but depression and anxiety are still a big factor in my life. I struggle with feeling like nothing really matters, generalized disinterest, hopelessness, and naturally, low motivation. I’m currently re-evaluating my career and working on re-entering the workforce and it’s tough. I’ve put a lot of effort into different things, but none of them seem interesting at all anymore. Starting at the bottom is really hard. 

Most importantly I now view Adderall as an escape rather than a solution, and it’s not a road I’m willing to take right now.

[DAY 3 - When Does it Get Better?]

Hi there @flywithme, welcome to the forums! It’s totally normal to be feeling lethargic and unmotivated right after quitting this drug. I’m sure you already know that from the breaks you were taking between prescriptions. The way you feel gets better with time, and energy does return. It’s just a different journey and timeline for everyone. 

I also quit around the 4 year mark, it seems a lot of us have had enough around that point. Given your dose and duration of use it’s not going to be easy, but there are many on here who have used higher doses over a longer period of time and gone on to make awesome recoveries. It can be done. Usually there are some positives immediately after quitting. For me it was the opportunity to rest and relax after 4 years of running around like a crazy person. Embrace the positives and know the rest of your recovery will come with time. It sounds like you are set up for success since you associate Adderall with hate and things you don’t like about it.

As far as adjusting other psych meds, I think it’s a good idea to wait a few months after quitting. That’s what I did and it worked well. Keep us posted on how you’re doing and good luck!

[Questions to learn more about side effects experienced.]

@nic123 I used amphetamines for a total of 4 years. I mostly smoked flower. I don’t live in a legal state and was limited to whatever my dealer had at the moment. I didn’t mention nicotine and caffeine, but also used those heavily. Juul, Redbull, and Adderall was my ‘go’ cocktail. I was so messed up by the end of the day that I could rarely fall asleep unless I was drunk or stoned. It’s a vicious cycle and terrible way to live. I’m so glad to be free of that way of life. 

[Questions to learn more about side effects experienced.]

@nic123 I’ll do my best to answer some of these. I experienced most all of this in one way or another. 

I had tons of willpower, but absolutely no restraint. I was so impulsive. Adderall made me very efficient at messing up my finances. Some of this was due to my state of mind in general; I pretty much did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, without regard for consequences. In the end I went bankrupt. 

Most commonly I mixed alcohol with Adderall. There also was a time when I smoked weed almost every day, but alcohol was more convenient and easier to hide. I consider myself to be an alcoholic and quit drinking as well.

I became very serious about killing myself and almost did. That was my bottom and the point at which it was obvious my addictions were going to kill me if I didn’t stop. I decided I still wanted to live.

[Couch to 5k]

@sleepystupid getting a pair of running shoes would probably help out a lot. If there isn’t much arch support in the shoes you’re wearing that’s definitely going to cause some pain. Extensive stretching is the next best thing you can do to prevent injury. Before and after you run. 

Running is one of the things I gave up when I started on Adderall. I ran 5 marathons in the two years before Adderall. I had to stop running because my heart rate would get so high I felt like I was going to pass out. Now I’m doing 4-5 mile runs and cycling a few times a week and it feels great. Planning on running another marathon next winter. 

Thinking back to my ‘exercise’ right after I got on amphetamines is sad and funny at the same time. I’d go to the gym, walk for 5 minutes on the treadmill, do 20 push-ups, get a smoothie, mess around on my phone for 45 minutes, and then walk back out the front door feeling like a legend. After a few weeks I just stopped going. It feels good to actually be pushing myself again. 

@hyper_critical good luck with the half marathon. I found the gap between 10k and half marathon to be far easier than from couch to 10k. You’ll do awesome. 

[About One Year Addy Free]

Congrats on 13 months free from Adderall @TLNJ2, that’s awesome. PAWS really started to ease up around 7 months for me. That’s when I started having more good days than bad. In my opinion the best thing you can do for PAWS is go completely sober for a while. Don’t think of it as something you need to do forever; it should really help you feel better right now. Doing other drugs and drinking introduces unnatural highs and lows that mess with your mood, energy, cognition, etc.. 

I don’t think any of us has to tell you coke is a bad idea, but I want to add something to think about. Alcohol + Cocaine = Cocaethyline. Cocaethyline can stop a healthy heart and is one of the leading causes of drug fatalities. It’s not worth it.

[my story-quitting vyvanse/addy combo]

Hi @A48781, welcome. You were on about the same dose I took before I started to escalate my use. Although within your prescription parameters, that’s a high daily dose. If it was making you crash hard and act antisocial, I think it’s awesome you want to quit. 

Immediately after quitting I put on 30 pounds in 2 months, I went from 170lbs to 200lbs (6’0”). The combo of slower metabolism and insatiable appetite was brutal for me. I’m down to 190lbs and way healthier than I was at 170lbs. Eating, exercising, and sleeping well will get the weight off. If what you’re doing isn’t working, make some changes, but in the beginning you have to be patient and kind to yourself. 

From what you wrote, work will probably be your toughest trigger to overcome in the long run. Working with numbers after Adderall can be excruciating for a while. Good luck, keep us posted on how you’re doing. 

[Terrified of Quitting!]

@Janna Banana welcome to the forums. Once you start binging to get through long hours at work, things can start going downhill really fast. The best feedback I can give you is to stop as soon as possible, it won’t get any easier if you wait. It would also be a good idea to tell your doctor. If you don’t tell your doctor you want to quit, it’s super easy to keep refilling your prescription in moments of weakness. 

Also, quitting amphetamine cold turkey is exhausting and difficult, but not physically dangerous. If you have to keep working right now, I’d talk to your doctor about stepping your dose back down. Good luck!

[Social media garbage.]

Social media is really unhealthy for a lot, if not most people. I think most active users are feeding some kind of validation addiction, it’s really irritating to watch. Deleted it all and haven’t looked back, it just made me depressed and anxious. Too bad you have to keep it for business.

[Is Adderall ruining my life??]

Hi @joeshmo, welcome to the forums. The short answers to your questions. Yes, many of the changes you describe are because of Adderall. Yes, Adderall is probably ruining your life. Yes, there is hope for you. 

You’re in the right place to come to grips with what you’re going through, many of us have gone through the same experiences. Adderall can take a terrible toll on relationships. It messes up your health. It changes you. I truly hope you’ve had enough and are ready to do this, it’s worth it. Good luck. 

[Adderall Recovery Guide]

@komgordon that is a really in depth guide and intense program. Do you have a research background? I disagree with the use of experimental chems and injections, but I agree with some of the other science you referenced. I already take some of the supplements you mention.

[How You’ve Dealt With Friends in Recovery]

In my experience explaining myself to people I have wronged doesn’t give me relief from shame and guilt. The best thing you can do is apologize, do whatever you can to make it right if necessary, and do better next time.

I’m open with close friends/family and support groups about my recovery. I’m willing to help people who are struggling by telling my story, but for the most part I don’t talk about recovery with acquaintances. 

[Broke up with Booze, Now for the Meds...]

There were some things that felt better right away. For example as soon as I quit I began to feel more sane and less anxious. I lived with a generalized sense of doom when I was using Vyvanse and Adderall, like I was an imposter and my life was going to fall apart around me at any moment. When I quit there was a sense of relief in starting out to build something new and sustainable out of my life.

 

All that said, I’ve gone through a lot of moments where it doesn’t feel worth it. The depression and hopeless feelings can be suffocating. The first 6 months or so there were more bad days than good, but I got through it focusing on the 24 hours in front of me. Now that I’m 8 months out it definitely feels worth it more often than not. It sounds cliche, but one day at a time is the only way to do it. 

[Broke up with Booze, Now for the Meds...]

Welcome to the forums @girl_surrendered. Congrats on your time off of alcohol, that’s awesome! Good luck on your journey getting off of the Vyvanse. I don’t have much feedback tonight other than to say it’s worth it.

[What was your withdrawal like?]

Hey @Misanthropissed, welcome to the forums. I went of an antidepressant, Adderall, and heavy alcohol use all at the same time 8 months ago, so I can relate to some of what you are going through. I mostly dealt and deal with lethargy, memory issues, and the ‘disconnected’ feeling you describe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you have made some awesome recovery from your physical withdrawal symptoms.

 

Psychological issues are a different beast altogether. Inability to feel pleasure and generalized meaninglessness (anhedonia and nihilism) are common, yet excruciating symptoms of Adderall withdrawal. I and many others here have been through it as well. Things like cardio, better diet, and socializing have given me some relief. I firmly believe in cognitive neuroplasticity. By exercising my mind and body I have noticed slow improvement in my intelligence/cognition. 

 

My concept of ‘full-recovery’ has changed over time. At first I thought it meant a return to who I was before Adderall, but I no longer believe that to be true. Being an Adderall addict changed me whether I like it or not. Drugs have been my solution to life’s problems for a long time and I don’t want to go back to being that person; I believe I can be better than I was before my addiction. In some ways I already am.

[Moving cities]

I hope things get better for you in Colorado Sean. Keep us posted on how you’re doing!

 

Wherever you go, there you are. Stay vigilant and never give up. Good luck.

[Adderall ruined my life but I still flirt with the idea to get back on]

@komgordon I would stay away from Modafinil. Jumping around from one stimulant to another hinders your body’s ability to recover. No combination of other drugs/supplements is going to give you the Adderall high you crave, more than likely it will just bring more pain into your life.

[From starting to ending your addiction, how long did it take?]

I used for a total of 4 years. In some ways I knew Adderall was going to be a problem from day 1, I loved it so much from the first time it hit my bloodstream. My first quit attempt was at 1 year and it took me about 3 years to put together any extended sobriety. I’m at 8 months clean and counting.

[Observing Active Users Post-Quit]

Over the holidays I have been spending time with a family member who actively uses Adderall, someone I really care about. It’s been a motivating experience for me to stay clean.

Said family member uses ‘as prescribed’, but the effects on behavior and interaction are undeniable. Waking up at noon and staying up all night, showers at 4 in the morning, obnoxious intensity during things like board games, talking over people, hyper-focus on puzzles while everyone else is enjoying each other’s company, etc.. It all looks way less desirable and attractive from the outside looking in. I cringe thinking about my own lack of grounded self-awareness while I was using.

I guess this is a bit of a rant. It’s been difficult not to get irritated. I remind myself I used to be even worse and try to respond with kindness. I guess it’s frustrating because said person is still highly functional in their career and I am shut down immediately if I bring up the Adderall as an issue. Thanks for reading all, Happy Holidays.

 

 

[Adderall Affects That Have Changed Your Spouse's Personality, Destroyed Your Marriage & Family]

That’s really sad about your pets. What you describe sounds like drug induced mania. It can happen immediately upon starting amphetamines.

[Are stimulants becoming the newest epidemic?]

Interesting topic @nic123. I’ve spent quite a bit of time contemplating this myself. I believe at this point drug culture is firmly entrenched in the American way of life. It’s a sad, but true fact. Many of us turn to drugs for a sense of well being we can’t find elsewhere. ‘Well being’ sells, in that way I believe all drug ‘epidemics’ are similar.

 

What makes amphetamine dangerous is it feels like clarity although it greatly alters us. It symbolizes "stimulation not intoxication”, “greater awareness, not escape", "confidence and articulacy rather than rowdiness”. Hopefully in the future people become more educated about the risks, as has happened with opioid painkillers.

[Wife and Adderal]

Hi John and welcome. It doesn’t sound like the cocktail of psychiatric medications your wife is on are working very well. The only thing that will lead to any healing is your wife admitting she has a problem. She needs to know her life is completely unmanageable and be willing to do something about it. It takes different consequences for different people to get to that point. Divorce, arrests, unemployment, etc.. You can’t enable her to live this way anymore, it sounds like you know that.

 

If you haven’t already I’d lay out all of your concerns and what you plan to do. There are options for seeking help when she is ready. I think a new psychiatrist would make sense. Maybe rehab. I’m sorry you are going through this, I hope things get better for you on the other side. 

[Things better than a high?]

Hey @ladypantz hang in there. I went back and read your original post, you have overcome so much and made some amazing progress this year. Don’t let a piece of IKEA furniture and some disorganization get you down on the work you have done. I mean if you absolutely can’t look at it anymore and can’t make yourself put it together just throw it out. Going back on Adderall will cost you a lot more than a dresser. 

 

All that said I totally get how you feel. My life is a massive mess of the mistakes I made. Sometimes it feels like a bad dream. We just have to stay strong and be patient knowing things will get better.

[Athletes and Adderall]

It’s surprising to me ADHD meds of any kind are allowed by international sport anti-doping agencies. I did a little research and it turns out they are allowed via ‘medical waiver’. NCAA, NFL, MLB, etc. have similar rules. Very naïve and easily exploited policies in my opinion. It’s all a bit silly to me. I remember reading somewhere that ‘ADHD’ is more than 3x as prevalent in Major League Baseball than the general population. Yeah right. 

 

Elite athletes look for an edge any way they can get it. As long as medical ‘ADHD’ waivers exist, stimulants will be exploited. Sacrificing long term health for short term performance is nothing new to sport (example: steroids).

[Letting Go Completely]

Thank you all for the feedback! This addiction nearly took everything from me, yet sometimes I remember the experience as wonderful. It’s a lie, sometimes I need the reminder from you all or I’ll start believing it!