[Day 1. Again. Thanks to all of you and your success stories...]

Good luck @Hopefulily. I hope to see you have success with this quit. I went back and read your first couple posts. I have a couple comments and a couple questions that will hopefully help. First, it would help so much to get your husband on board as a partner in your quit. Ask if he is willing to carry a heavier load around the house for a couple weeks while the initial withdrawal passes. Secondly, it sounds like you have some tough trauma to process that at least partially drives you to use. You feel the entire weight of your family’s safety on your shoulders and it’s crushing. The world is uncertain and stuff happens no matter what we do. Accept the things you cannot control and courageously change the things you can. That’s a road to recovery.

Now for the questions to ponder. Why do you want to quit? Are your reasons for quitting strong enough to carry you through? What is going to be different about this quit attempt vs. your others?

[disassociation / derealization]

On 1/9/2022 at 3:55 PM, dolssa said:

temporary artifical happiness is better than mind blowing depression

This statement jumped off the page to me. I used to live by the same philosophy before I got sober. The problem I found is eventually you run into a dead end. The things we turn to in order to trigger “temporary artificial happiness” eventually turn on us and stop working.

Most people on this site fall under the category of people who have much control and choice over how to live their life. We all mortgage our future for quick happy feelings to some degree. You get to choose to what extent you do so. 

[Blocking Porn Sites]

Hey @robojeff. There are programs and apps out there. Covenant Eyes is a popular one. It could slow you down, but I wouldn’t bother with that method alone. If you’re in the thick of a craving you’ll find away around it. You need personal accountability if you’re serious about quitting . I highly recommend the NoFap forums for porn addiction and sexual health issues. 
 

You will probably need to quit Adderall to quit porn, unfortunately the 2 can get really twisted together. I was once in the same boat. Now I am 3 1/2 years clean of Addy and almost 3 years clear of porn. I would never have quit porn if I didn’t quit Addy (and alcohol) first. 

[Day 10. But... something happened and I could use some support.]

Congrats on day 10 @DelaneyJuliette. I really hope to see it stick for you this time! For what it’s worth, it sounds like you have too much going on. I saw a website for a new amphetamine addy-like drug called Mydayis and the homepage is a picture of a mom making dinner, on the phone, and getting the kids ready for baseball practice all at the same time. (Very gross ad by the way, so blatantly manipulative). It kind of sounds like that’s what you’re trying to do. Recovery needs to be #1 in your life for a while if you’re going to do this successfully.

[Almost 5 months - dealing with a lot of depression]

@sirod9 I just wanted to say what you did deleting your dealers’ number when they contacted you was awesome and no small feat. I and many others on here have been where you are! Here is a link to a post from when I was 6 months sober, the responses from some senior members on the site were awesome and I think would be encouraging. Hang in there! 
 

http://forum.quittingadderall.com/forums/topic/4302-letting-go-completely/?tab=comments#comment-31741

[I keep going back to adderall, I could use some guidance]

Hi Corey, welcome to the forums! An easy first step is to find a group you don’t have to pay for. AA, NA, CR. There are options out there. Just go every day and sit and listen for similarities, not differences. You’re paying for IOP and lying to them, so that’s not doing you much good even if you did have the money to pay for it.

Go easy on yourself without giving yourself permission to use. There should be a healthy sense of stress that helps move you forward. You’re fighting for your life, whether it be for your physical life or something else.

You break the cycle by doing something different. I don’t know you, but that’s true for all of us. Eat healthier, sleep 7-9 hours/night, exercise, make your bed. Anything other than exactly what you do now. I feel for you needing to work, that’s one of the hardest parts of this. Be intentional and plan your quit. Try to find a week or even just a few days to take off and ride out the initial withdrawal on the couch with a great show. Quitting and staying quit doesn’t happen by accident. Good luck, I hope to see you around here for a while!

 

[Day 11]

2 hours ago, AguyinMT said:

I just hope I don’t convince myself that I need it again.

The part of you that wants the drug certainly will convince you that you need it again. It’s the cycle. Have you told anyone about your addiction? Do you plan on cutting off your access? You’re using upwards of 100mg/day, Addy will never be ‘medicine’ to you again. Welcome to the forums, wishing you the best of success and hope to see you around here turning the days into weeks into months!

[Sex drive after quitting]

Hi @sirod9, congrats on 4 1/2 months! You’re still pretty early on in the process, so wouldn’t worry a whole lot about your sex drive right now. Your body and mind have more healing to do and sex is one of those things that usually takes care of itself as you continue to get more physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. I started dating my now-wife 1 year into sobriety and sex drive has never been an issue for me (I’ve been sober 3 1/2 years now). Keep getting healthy and it will come back!

[My Fatigue Cure is Now a Prison]

Hi @Realtor welcome to the forums. I’m sorry to hear you have struggled so much with fatigue issues over the course of your life. I think going to a doctor who will explore other solutions would be helpful. Maybe a sleep study, look at your diet with a nutritionist, looking for possible allergies, etc..

Easiest first step you can take for fatigue is to quit drinking. If you need to drink to come down from your Adderall that’s a dangerous road. I did the exact same thing…it will mess you up over time. If you find you can’t quit either drinking or the pills, it’s time to take a look at where you are headed and make a decision about whether it’s worth it to you to quit.

[Chronic relapse]

Bummer to see this post didn’t get a response for a while. @Lizzyc if you’re still around let us know how you’re doing. Many people here have been where you are and come out the other side. There is hope.

[A year of sobriety]

Congrats! I second what @hyper_criticalsaid, for me post year 2 is when things really started taking off. Get through this next year at all costs, you have a great future ahead of you. Well done.

[Stimulation Addiction]

Hi all, for those that don’t know me I’m a sort of ‘old timer’ on here. Haven’t been around in a while, and I am 3+ years sober. I am in a hard place right now, and it snuck up on me. I am addicted to stimulation, and I think that re-realization has some valuable implications for those of you in the early stages of quitting or those who are considering quitting. 
 

When I first quit Addy, most of my other habits went with it in order for me to be successful. I gave up video games, nicotine, phone games, etc.. I made a point to slow down, read books, meditate, go on long walks, worked out a lot. I healed and recovered the majority of my pre-Addy focus. And I’ve lost it again. I am addicted to a phone game (spent $1000 this year) and YouTube. Probably 4+ hours a day. I work from home and it’s killed my focus and productivity. Everything is way more boring again. It makes me so scatterbrained I haven’t really picked up a book in 6 months. This is how I was on Addy and I hate it. I am moving out of my folks place and getting married in 2 months and I think the stress is getting to me. 
 

Although this isn’t and Addy relapse level crisis, it sucks. And highlights the fact this recovery is about way more than just quitting a drug. Thanks for reading my rant!

[Belated 3 Year Post]

Hi all- I haven’t been on here for quite some time! Today marks 1148 days clean for me (a bit over 3 years). This site was instrumental in my early recovery and it’s so cool to see people here, interacting and fighting against this addiction. The new site looks great!

For those that don’t know me: I binged for 3 years or so, gambled myself into bankruptcy, nearly lost my life to Adderall, and ended up in rehab. Today I have been holding down a job for more than a year, am moving out of my folks’ place in a couple months, and am getting married in September. All without the drug I thought I’d never be able to survive without. Early on in recovery the success stories on this site helped me keep going, so that why I’m here to share mine. Just keep going!

[2yrs]

Good work and congrats on your sobriety  @m34! Thanks for sharing your experience on here. Things do get better. I’m at almost 3 years and life has improved for me as well. I’m holding down a job, have money in the bank, and am getting married in 6 months. It makes sense that things would get better in the long term after quitting, but first they usually get worse. Anyone who is in the rut, keep going. I lost my job, lost my friends, went bankrupt, gained a bunch of weight, and lost who I was right after quitting before things started turning around. It usually gets worse before it gets better, so keep on going. It’s worth it.

[Cleaning up adderall-messes at 15-months clean]

@LuLamb at 15 months clean, I found myself depressed, unemployed, sitting in bankruptcy court. Now I’m at close to 3 years clean and it feels like a distant memory. Your feelings are so real, but you’ll get through them if you keep going.

 Yeah, there are consequences, but there is also so much hope. I stunted my personal growth and life with my addiction. We all do to some extent. The first couple of years of sobriety were pretty rough. In year 3 so far, I got a job, and this summer I am getting married and moving out of my parents’ place. I don’t really care how long it took at this point, I’m just glad I did it.

There is hope in post-Adderall life no matter how long it takes to get there. Going back is hopeless. It’s very difficult at times, but a simple choice to make.

[Flushed my pills, cut off my doctor, and am starting to regret it]

I’ve been there. My recommendation for you is to seek out an AA, NA, CR, etc. fellowship. Millions have done it and gotten help from even worse situations than you are in. Don’t worry about steps or anything; you just need to connect with some people.

You’re not alone, COVID is isolating people and harming a lot of people’s mental health. One day at a time friend, focus on getting clean and you’ll get to through it.

[How has 2020 and coronovirus affected your recovery?]

@speedracer if life is improving, why potentially mess it up by adding alcohol back into the mix? Only you can decide whether or not alcohol is a problem, I don’t know your past but if it was a problem before it most likely will be again. That said I know how it goes, when things are improving the temptation to make things even better comes in. For me alcohol=brain fog/hangover=greater desire for Adderall. It isn’t worth it for me, I haven’t had a drink since I quit Addy.

[How has 2020 and coronovirus affected your recovery?]

@speedracer I deleted all of my social media accounts right after I got into recovery due to struggles with comparison. I would get downright depressed watching all of my friends travel, get married and start their families while I recovered from my life wreckage. Plus is so addictive. I don’t have a source on this statement, but I’ve heard it said some of the same minds that design slot machines consult with Silicon Valley to make social media more addictive. I’m confident saying social media is making your ADD tendencies in the rest of your life worse.
 

I don’t watch the news. I maybe veer towards keeping my head in the sand too much, but I am fully aware of the important issues in our society without constantly filling my mind with it. Politics is like the new religion of the 21st century and I am not interested in it. I think it’s important to have a basic understanding of what is going on in the world, but at some point I think you just have to shrug and concede it’s out of your control. I’ll perform my civic duty and vote based on a couple issues that matter to me and then move on with my life.

I don’t feel much stress from what’s going on in the world I think in part from the attitudes I take and my habit of unplugging from it all. Take a couple weeks off from social media and news, focus on your wife, and I think you’ll be able to answer your last question for yourself.

[Got Engaged Last Monday]

@SleepyStupid I thought I’d create a separate post for this topic, thank you for the congratulations! 

I got engaged last Monday to an amazing girl and am so stoked. This is yet another awesome milestone in my recovery and I wanted to share it with you all. I also wanted to link a post I made about feeling lonely a little over a year and a half ago, what’s crazy is I made this post only 3 days before I started dating my now fiancée. I’m so glad I documented my feelings and experience to look back on:
 

Keep fighting the fight for sobriety everyone. I’m coming up on 2 1/2 years sober next month and things continue to look up. It’s been the hardest 2 1/2 years of my life, but I’d have it no other way. 

[One Word Status Update]

@SleepyStupid. Yep, I GOT engaged!

[One Word Status Update]

Engaged 

[Need support]

@purplepen I gambled away $40k+ on online sports books in my addiction from 22-25 y.o., I think it’s a pretty common problem. I would research my bets all day, place them around 4pm and then lay in my walk in closet smoking weed in the evenings while I watched my bets play out. I considered killing myself once the debt buried me. I filed for bankruptcy while unemployed with $75k in CC debt last year and am in the process of rebuilding my credit. I am so so much more responsible with money than I ever was before and on Addy, there is hope on the other side. It’s hard to get sober and face the consequences, but you need to do it to find freedom.

[Alcohol]

I quit Adderall and Alcohol at the same time. May 6, 2018. I absolutely think it’s sped up my healing process. In my mind they are connected. I would have a hard time taking Adderall without drinking and visa versa. I know some here have been able to smoke and drink post Addy, but I am not one of them. I am thankful and happy with my decision to live 100% sober.

[Wellburtin feels like adderall?]

Trusting doctors when it comes to psych meds is a tricky topic for me. I personally agree with both @sweetupbaaby and @EricP to an extent. I agree it’s good to keep an open mind when it comes to trying another med for depression, but only after you give yourself some time to see if it will clear up naturally. SSRIs make me crazy and suicidal, but a mild mood stabilizer helped me break through my depression. It’s complicated, and frankly really hard to predict how you will react to a drug before you try it, even for a psychiatrist.

To Eric’s point, in some ways I do believe we know more than doctors about Adderall, especially non-psychiatrists. When it comes to Alcoholism, AA is widely accepted as a better place for the alcoholic than a doctors office, I don’t think being an Adderallic is entirely different. Some long term users here have spent hundreds of hours of research on this one topic and experienced years of firsthand use/abuse and recovery. The challenge I see for doctors is that they gather most of their information about these drugs from anecdotal patient experiences. For something like an SSRI, anecdotes might be reliable, but in my opinion anecdotes are extremely unreliable when it comes to drugs of abuse.

There are quite a few twenty-somethings in my life at various stages of Adderall use. They think and want to believe it’s working although it’s obvious to everyone around them that they are spiraling slowly into isolation and erratic behavior. Their doctors think they are doing great because they are telling their doctor they are doing great. I used to shave and dress nice when I’d go in for my Addy refills to make it look like I was doing good. In large part psych meds are about how we feel, if something feels good, it’s easy to think it’s working and tell your doctor it is. Adderall feels really good. If doctors actually followed their patients around all day I think some of them would be surprised at what the drugs they prescribe are actually doing. 

All that said, I’m just another guy on the internet.

[A very quick relapse. What am I in for?]

@slowdown123 if you only took it for 2 days that’s not really going to set you back on a brain chemistry level. Psychologically it could be hard. You have what the drugs feel like fresh in your memory again. Don’t use again and you’ll be ok, not much harm at all. But that’s the catch, you’ve made it a little bit harder on yourself now. Stick with it!