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Anyone else triggered by holidays ? I’m starting to realize my trigger points in sobriety are really just times when I upped my dosage during my addiction. Holidays were definitely one of those times. Even though I’m slowly creeping through month 10 still feel like I have so far to go...I just want to stop thinking about those stupid pills. I’m feeling better physically and mentally for the most part. outside of these nagging thoughts that go through my head. Daydreaming about boundless energy forgetting the horrific side affects. sorry just venting!

This is part of it. I kept telling those thoughts it’s my addiction talking not me.. you can do this! It does get better! Im about to hit 10 months. Still struggling, but nothing is as hard as this beginning phase! You can do this! @quit-once is absolutely right.

After adderall basically stopped working and almost losing my marriage. About 12 yrs (total) on adderall. I quit two different times. I finally realized the adderall wasn’t worth it. Quit now- don’t be me. Now all I think about is all the yrs I could have just sucked it up and gone through what I’m going through now. People on this site say -quit now or quit later either way you will have to quit. It is absolutely true. Doctors will tell you this drug is a life long drug. It’s different for everyone, but it does eventually stop working. Don’t wait until that day. It will steal more yrs from your life. Hope this helps. You can get off this drug. I was Diagnosed “ADD” over the yrs by 3 different doctors. I finally realized that I had to get over that core belief. I’m healing my ADD naturally now. It can be done. You just have to believe it can be done. I’m about to begin month 10 off adderall. Best decision I ever made

The fact that you are able to workout +work is a really good sign! Hang in there. I remember my first two weeks I was barely getting through 5-10 min forced running sessions a day. It was pretty tough. Be so proud of yourself. This is a long road, but worth it. Hope you are doing ok today! Thanks for sharing your story

I hit a horrible PAWS episode 30+ days of depression and isolation. IT finally lifted and I believe these supplements helped 1500 mg of Niacin ( no flush) 500 mg of glutathione +10 mg of NADH I'm 9 months and 21 days clean. I am also on the Keto diet (plant and meat ) for the last 60days. The healthiest version of it all organic etc. I still worked out 3-4 days a week even through this depression phase ( I was working out 5-6 days a week before) I feel as if I've been walking through honey all day in slow motion. Literally crying myself to sleep at night from exhaustion alone. About three days ago I started on the supplements. Today I feel like I'm waking up out of a coma. I'm sure others have tried this, but thought I'd share just in case. For the first time in 30+ days I have energy again and feel somewhat productive- feels like a mini miracle to me. I'm not sure which supplement is really affecting me the most. It may just be the niacin ( no flush). I just thought if it can help someone else it's worth writing about. Good luck and hope this helps someone.

@DogeVery true.In the beginning I also kept it from everyone except my husband. Mostly, because I didn't know if I was going to keep up with it. I knew once I told even one other person then suddenly it was all real. Around 5 months clean I started to tell a few people. It added another level of accountability. I think it helped fuel my recovery. Last thing I want is to have to back track and explain. It just showed me what I was actually dealing with. I was in extreme denial that I was "addicted". Which added a whole other layer of things. It may have just been me... but I did not blame anything on the pill. I would change everything in my life except that pill. Even when I was out of control with my use I still had a false sense of control. It's pretty messed up mind game. Be proud of yourself for getting off start with that. Its a really big deal to make it another day! @silky

Congrats on 3 months. I know it’s a big step to reach out on these sites. Especially, if you’ve kept your recovery secret in your own life. I felt this way 3-4 months, then it lifted. Try to research PAWs. what you are going through is awful, but it is perfectly normal in recovery. I know when you are in the thick of it, it feels like the fog will never lift. That’s exactly how I felt at least. Just hang on because there will be good days. PAWS comes and goes still. I’m in my 8th month finally. As you go on the “episodes” get shorter. For me the apathy/ anhedonia is the hardest. I’d rather have anxiety or anger honestly. Feeling nothing for what I use to love doing was just an impossible stage. However, it passed. It will pass for you also

Hang in there it gets better! I still have dreams and night sweats every now and then. That will pass! I had a dream the other night that someone gave me their gym bag. I opened up the side pocket. Inside was the holy grail of adderall. Tons of loose pills. In my dream I took one, broke it in half ate it. Then soaked the gym bag in water to get rid of all the other pills. I proceeded to take all the wet adderall out of the pocket to try and salvage it like a lunatic. No sure where I’m going with this...the dreams are part of recovery. Pay attention to them. I believe it’s our subconscious just trying to show us how deep we still are in our addictions as we heal. Another reminder that we can’t go back. Or at least in my experience Congratulations on another day clean, it gets easier promise

Good point @Sleepyandsober. The last two yrs I was on it was a downward spiral. It was like it stopped working. I just kept taking more just to feel sort of productive and normal. I tried month after month to get back to the prescribed dose. I would always find a reason to take another half etc. You are absolutely right. I just need to tell myself that over and over. They can have it all they want. @BK99Too bad we don’t work together. I could really use an ally. It is very triggering. I also keep telling myself this is temporary. We are perfectly capable of doing anything in life off adderall. It’s just boring AF... lol

Thank you @NaterS. I just have to keep moving forward. Your words are motivating. It’s nice to know that it keeps getting better. My mind has been pretty stuck this last couple weeks. Just have to remind myself to hang on. I wish I quit years ago. Your story is inspiring appreciate the share!

I am 7 months and 28 days clean today. I started a new job 6 weeks ago. It took me about three weeks to adjust to working. I'm back doing what I was doing before (when I was on Adderall. ) different company. I noticed my coworkers were bouncing off the walls from day 1. I thought in the back of my mind they were both on Adderall. Then I let it go. I just assumed that my energy is so low that everyone seems high on life compared. However, now that they've gotten more comfortable with me they have separately admitted they are on it in a joking manner. Since I've found out (officially) Ive been so triggered. The other day it took all my will power to not ask for one. What did I expect that I would return to my Adderall filled world with no one on it? I'm not planning on getting back on. Just venting because I have no one to share this with. If anyone has had similar experiences Id love to know. Is the whole damn world just on Adderall?

Sleep. Not ever being embarrassed at the pharmacy again. Counting pills. The shame and guilt. The feeling that I couldn’t do anything without the pills. No more running out. No more late insomnia nights w/ morning stomachache. If I could just read this a thousand times I’d never crave again right? Geez it’s actually amazing all that is gone now. 7 months 26 days today. Reminding myself of the hellish part is always good.

Thank you! I’ll definitely do what you suggested! I really am ready to try anything at this point. I’m doing red light therapy and b12 shots with some supplements. It’s a subtle difference. I’ll come back to this thread with updates. Thanks again @SamJo

Thanks for sharing. I actually was researching this near me. It’s so expensive, so was hesitant. I’m glad it worked for you! I’m prob going to start researching more and see how I can make this happen financially. I’m almost at the 7 month mark in a couple of days. Happy to be at this point, but it would be so nice to get over this hump!

I’m at 6months right now. Needed to hear this Appreciate you sharing and congrats!! gives me hope!! Thank you

@Socially awkwardyour story helped me when having a rough patch. Pretty much the same reasons I quit. Thanks for sharing I like your name lol @growingupistheworst ❤️ I’m newer to forums. Hang in there the first week is the hardest physically... (or was for me) and then it’s a roller coaster of mind games. I’m on Month 5 off adderall... good days are starting to become more consistent. Don’t get discouraged just be proud your making the decision. I’m still taking one day at a time. These forums saved me multiple times from making that appt or caving to ask friends for adderall. I know I have so far to go.. just thought I’d send you some encouragement.