m34

Tear them up and never look back. Thank God he retired. Now it will be harder for you to go through the process. Depending on your state you will have to get re tested etc. Just remember filling that script will only help you in the short term. You will be right back where you started. No judgement here... just total understanding either way. Not sure how I’d handle it either. If I didn’t tear them up and soak those scripts in water I’d prob fill them( lol if it’s an electronic script then idk) . it’s worth it to just keep walking through hell and not go back. you may get sucked into the cycle for another damn yr. Read your posts when you first quit, or if you wrote in a journal read about why you quit in the first place. The anxiety the pains all the bad parts of adderall that made you give it up. How bad it was in the end of your use. That’s right where you will be again I wish to God I went through this yrs ago and not wasted another damn second on those pills. You are stronger than you know.

I feel your pain. It felt impossible to do the smallest things. Hang in there and take it in baby steps. You can make the zoom call. You can drag yourself to your moms and rest again. it just doesn’t “feel” like you can. 6 months is a weird time because you have good days. I’d do the same, plan stuff on my “good” days thinking they were going to last then when it was time to take action I was back to being depressed. You can keep going it’s just really hard and it’s ok that it’s hard. Just don’t go back if possible. If you are like me one pill is never enough. A few hours of relief will then into a few days etc. going through this is so hard. Getting to the other side is so worth it

It only gets harder and harder to quit. Especially, since stims make us believe we can take on the world. In my job everyone I work with is on stims. we just hired two new people this week (both on stims!). Half the activity everyone is doing is non- productive. I think that’s why I’ve kept my job in hindsight. I’ve been able to help manage and to help prioritize activities. I wasted 10 yrs being so called “productive”. Now I’m more productive on things that do matter. I do the work that actually needs to be done and stay out of fairytale land of 20 projects at once. (Although, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that invincible feeling). I also have communicated my needs better. Adderall made me a yes person. Now I can put up better boundaries. Sorry for the ramble hope that helps

Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. You’ve helped encourage me so much this last yr and want to thank you! 2 yrs is an amazing accomplishment

Hang in there it’s completely normal. I always feel it in waves. The good news is that because it’s in waves you get days and weeks of relief As well. I’m on month 16 clean and having a rough couple of days. I think what gets easier is just learning to go through it. You start trusting that this feeling will end and you will get a little relief (even if it’s brief) it will be enough to keep you going. The first yr is the hardest. Just keep going at all costs because you don’t want to go backwards.

Running and intermittent fasting (18-24 hours fast) closest things I’ve had to adderall high. Diet is key component and not drinking (For me at least). I was lazy this weekend and had lots of carbs and sugar. I’m paying for it today and I have to constantly remind myself it’s the diet. It’s amazing how much it effects your mind. I’m scattered, add symptoms back, thinking about adderall, the whole 9 -all Because of f-ing FOOD. As simple as it sounds it’s equally hard sometimes to maintain... here I am looking for comfort because I’m triggered and I know it’s my crappy diet yesterday. It will pass I just have to get on track! Sorry for the rant lol cheers to clean living and sobriety!

Needed to hear this today! Thank you for taking the time to post!

Congrats on 5 months!! That is a huge accomplishment! I’m so happy for you

1) skin problems to the max, embarrassing 2)anxiety and jealous tendencies in relationships 3) tense muscles constantly 4) being held back because I would rely on the drug to “push” and motivate my projects. When I was out my life was on hold until I could get more 5) financial issues from instant gratification spending of all types.

I was diagnosed by 3 different psychologists over the yrs and told I needed it. Looking back, I asked many times about symptoms and other behavior issues. The doctor (s) always assured me it was safe and not the meds. then would ask if there were other things contributing to it etc. i mean the load of lies and (mind control) surrounding this drug really is astounding. I do believe some psychologists are doing their best, but let’s be real they are more brainwashed than any of us because of the dsm. They are only legally allowed to go by that. They could lose their license for speaking against it. It took me getting off it and staying off for me to really see how mind controlled I was by it. It ruled my life. I had many “good” yrs meaning it didn’t disrupt certain areas of my life. I just try to stay focused now on never going back. It can be mind boggling and takes a toll. I spent months in depression over each little misstep. Life will get better things will change if you just stay off this drug. It takes longer than any of us are told or expect, but it’s worth it.

I’m going through serious mental gymnastics over here. I really felt like my job was making progress and Id been feeling like my life was back on track before all this shit. We are in shelter in place order where I live. I’m so thankful to be sober and clean off adderall. However, I’m feeling like my world is crashing down around me. Both my husband and I have jobs that are potentially about to be obsolete. We both kind of have side projects going, so guess that could be our plan B. Maybe it’s for the best. My creativity is kicking back in, feeling more like myself (aside from the stress of the pending apocalypse and all). All I want is to escape this nightmare! Sending love to anyone else struggling. Hope everyone is safe and healthy tonight. You are not alone!

I relate to this! Back when adderall really worked for me the years it “changed my life” and “I would just take as prescribed or as needed. “ everyone else was abusing it I was prescribed... all the pretty little lies I told myself. Calm before the storm. That’s what’s so evil about this drug. It gets you hooked without even realizing it. I would have defended it to the end. It’s therapeutic “My doctor this and researched that.” “It’s not the same as meth.” It’s changed my life. You couldn’t have told me different. We have all been where you are. We hear you. when your ready to quit come back on here. It’s not a matter of if, but when. sadly it’s the same for all the millions of people who it’s effective for...just a matter of time.

I’m so happy for you. I know it feels like baby steps now, but it’s worth it! You’re having way more progress than you realize. Congrats on 4months!

I have this same issue. Think there are two parts finding ourself and having to face who we may have been on Adderall. Last night went to an event (I was also sober) with some of my old “party” friends. it’s hard to be around the same people. I still had fun. I’m just different now. I had a friend there who also quit Adderall, she seems to be the only one I connect with for obvious reasons. also, seeing everyone hyped up,drunk and addy,d up is both triggering and sobering the same time. I don’t want to be that way ever again. I love waking up with no hangover and be the real me. That’s something worth hanging on for...even if I’m tired. Lol wish we could hang out!

@Clavicula you have had quite a journey. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough it has been on you. Keep writing. Being sober is the only way to even begin to help yourself navigate schizophrenia. (Easier said than done I know). Especially, when all you want is to escape. Long term use of adderall and stimulants (meth) can induce schizophrenic like behaviors. I’m sure you are well aware. Which to me would be hopeful in your case. Because maybe it’s the drugs pushing you into schizophrenic behavior w/ a mis diagnosis from a physician during a drug infuced psychosis? This happened with someone I use to know. I obviously don’t know your situation. Once they got sober (it took a couple yrs) their symptoms faded into the background and they could manage. Because doctors are not educated on anything outside of the DSM they miss so much and we trust them more than we should. Psychologically once we receive a diagnosis that is ingrained in our unconscious mind, I’d love to read your poetry book. Have you published them or have a link to purchase? I remember in the beginning of my recovery I read your post on how you were able to write and publish your poetry books clean. That gave me so much hope that day. Thinking of you and you are not alone on here!

Hang in there. I went through a really rough time around 10 months. It will get easier and you will start to see better days. Now at 13 months I can honestly say my hell first yr clean was worth it. I know I have so far to go, but finally have hope. @Ready2Change

You have to know this can't last forever or you wouldn't be reaching out for help. It will get easier, but the fairytale "30- 90 day" recovery that websites and therapisst tell us-- IS FALSE! It's 1 yr to 3 years. You have two options quit or just get further into Adderall addiction. It will not get better. It just gets worse the longer you take Adderall. I was on for a total of 12 yrs. I feel your pain. Quit many times before I finally had to say enough. Push through every single day. Almost at 13 months clean now @four months I couldn't even see this far ahead. I'm finally seeing the light. You are stronger than you think!

I have/ had same issue. I exercised and ate well even through the depression phases. I held onto about 5-7 lbs that I couldn’t lose for anything between months 2-8. That is a lot for me because I’m short. Around 8-10 months clean the weight just fell off. Hang in there because you won’t hold onto the weight forever. It’s still a battle of cravings for me... without those little helpers!

@dolssahang in there. The fact that you flushed the pill speaks volumes. The 3 month mark is hard because that’s when my body felt better, but the anhedonia really kicked in for me. This will pass. You won’t feel the way you do today for the rest of the yr + I also think since you were only 20mg it may not take you as long as to get through this part! You can do this!

Thanks for your reply @eric! Congrats on day 15 it does get better!

Thanks for sharing @Adderall OG! It really does give me some hope as well. @dolssa hang in there you can do this!

Today is officially one yr clean. Felt like I needed to post. I’m not jumping up and down or throwing a party in celebration mode. However, feel like I’m coming out of the darkness a little bit at a time. This really has been the hardest yr of my life. I think about adderall less and I’m powering through. That’s progress. Very grateful for this site. Even though we are anonymously helping each other, it still makes an impact. Maybe we have to go through this for a reason. Maybe we need to get our stories out so less people fall into the trap of adderall addiction. Sending lots of love and healing to anyone struggling today.

If you can feel your body shutting down then now would be a great time to quit. I wish I quit back then, I pretty much kept going until it just stopped working. Month after month same BS, kept thinking it would be different. Not a good place to be. If you quit now the sooner you will be recovered. Maybe you don’t need a good reason. Maybe your future self just wants you off it :-)

How are you today? It’s such a process. I wish I had a magic formula, but the beginning is just hard as hell. I could barely function. It was so bad. Give yourself some credit because you are still alive and clean. Some days that just needs to be enough. Even if you got nothing done.

Congrats on day 2. Right now is the hardest time. Hang in there. In my experience I just can’t have it around. Thankfully, my husband does not have a script. probably the only way I’ve stayed clean in this first yr. Maybe others can give you better advice. For me having it in the house is what kept me on it for so many yrs. In the past when I’ve dated people w/ a script or even had a roommate with a script it was a never ending cycle. If I finished script early they would spot me and vice versa. However, back then I was never trying to quit. Just remember this part is the hardest. Each stage comes with its own challenges, but right now you need to have it away from you at all costs. Does your boyfriend know you are quitting? Maybe he can help by keeping it completely out of sight, I know that’s easier said than done? You are not alone. Keep coming on here to post. Some days it’s the only thing that gets me through it!