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addyaddy

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Posts posted by addyaddy

  4. HELP- i am ready to quit Adderall

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Sounds like you’ve got a problem. I would check out an AA or NA meeting. That was the only way I could stay sober. I know well the hellscape that is adderall addiction, and I can guarantee you things will only get worse. Don’t use until you’ve lost everything! And be careful on this site...a lot of people who post are still on adderall. You can tell by the longwinded posts. 
     

    i promise you it gets better. Tapering is not a thing. That’s just an excuse to keep using. Once you’re addicted, you will never take it like a normal person. Quitting stimulants is not going to be dangerous to your health and certainly will not harm you in the way quitting an opiate would (I say this both as an addict and someone in medicine). Just don’t pick up the first one. Call your doctor and cut off your supply. One is too many and a thousand is never enough. 

    • Like 3

  9. Relapse pt. VI

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hi, just want to claim my seat here again. 3 days back today. I am so much happier when sober, but I feel like I can't do ANYTHING. AND I decided to get sober right before finals, so that's cool. The job pressure is mounting (even more so under quarantine), even typing out this message is like, agonizing...I'm so exhausted. I'm on wellbutrin & strattera and that seems to help, but it's nothing like adderall. Gotta get the idea out of my head that I can only be successful while on it...

     

     

  10. 12 Step Programs

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hi adderallics, I know there’s been some discussion about this (I myself have contributed to threads about it), but I’m reaching out again. 
     

    I’m struggling with the 12 step fellowship. I got sober for the first time in AA in 2018. I’ve been to NA, AA, CA, CMA, PA. I so wish there were a place just for me. Meetings are nice and I get stuff out of them, and I do think there is a solution for my addiction in AA. But — it just doesn’t feel like it fits sometimes. I’m jealous of alcoholics who can just go dump their shit at a meeting, unbridled. I am constantly using metaphors and talking around what’s really going on in my life. 

    Would anyone support a letter to AA GSO?

    Can anyone relate? Is there traction around starting a new 12 step fellowship? Is there a need? Please share! 
     

    xo

    • Like 1

  14. Name something you have done recently without adderall :)

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 1/13/2020 at 9:30 PM, m34 said:

    Great post. I think it’s the little things that build up to bigger and bigger things. Every day feels like a chore until I fight through my mind to tackle each task. Today I finished a MOUNTAIN of laundry that needed to be folded.  Then I did spreadsheets. GoD awful spreadsheets for work, only took 2 hours. I did it without adderall and efficiently  :-) 

     

    BEFORE when I’d take an adderall. I would have folded the laundry, then at the peak switch to my spreadsheets. Which would take me a total of IDK ALL DAy -because back then I’d also start cleaning the closet, simultaneously, then decide to wipe the inside of the drawers out and so on. Wtf I don’t miss that girl. 

    lol! @m34, peak switching between laundry and spreadsheets, I know it too well. We have to have a sense of humor about how crazy this was, yeah?

    • Like 1

  15. Day 4

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    You are never alone! I am on day 14 today. 

     

    Like you, mornings are tough. I don't necessarily feel anxious, but exhausted, and those first thoughts creeping in..."oh, I don't have any adderall. I don't take adderall anymore. Shit!" (or something to that effect). I would look forward to waking up in the morning just to take a pill. But then as I dove deeper into my addiction, I wasn't even able to wake up in the morning...or if I did, I was exhausted and sleep-deprived. 

    This morning, I woke up and threw myself a dance party. Something I like to do in sobriety is actively list the things I realize I love, but forgot about or neglected when I was using. I love music and dancing -- but I couldn't feel that when I was using, that is a SOUL thing! 

    Make a list. Listen to music. Dance. EAT something and actually enjoy it. Sleep when you need to. Don't push yourself. And share, share, share. On these message boards and in those rooms of recovery.

    ♥

    • Like 2

  18. WOULD LIKE ADVICE ON GOING TO MEETINGS

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Hey, @LuLamb! I feel your pain. In no way am I giving you medical advice, but I'd avoid taking too much pseudoephedrine! That can't be great for you, I bet. Adderall is a super powerful drug, and it's no wonder the detox is so awful.

    Do you have a psychiatrist? Wellbutrin has been tremendously helpful for me. It doesn't feel like adderall, but it does have similar norepinephrine reuptake properties. It really helped to curb the cravings and keep my energy level above subthreshold. I know others on this site have echoed this, as well. I also got sober without wellbutrin two years ago, it was really hard but it is possible. Your energy level WILL come back, I promise!

  19. Name something you have done recently without adderall :)

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I did a whole semester of school without adderall. It was super fucking hard, but I did it. After that semester, I decided taking adderall would mitigate some of the difficulty I had faced. I started taking it and crashed and burned in all my classes. I'm having a very difficult time believing in my heart that I can get through school sober. I do know that when I take it, nothing good happens. Loved this post, @dolssa!

    • Like 4
    • Popular Post
    • Popular Post

    For Those Who Need a Little Hope

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Came across this in rehab and loved it:

     

    Maybe the best thing you could do right now is just sit with it awhile.

    Maybe the bravest thing you could do right now is just decide this will not defeat you.

    Maybe the most productive thing you could do right now is fold your hands in prayerful silence.

    Maybe the most sensible thing you could do right now is laugh - laugh in the face of it all.

    Maybe the most powerful thing you could do right now is just close your eyes and envision a positive outcome.

    Maybe the most loving thing you could do right now is just give yourself room to breathe.

    Maybe the best thing to do right now looks like nothing at all.

    But it's not.

    Because when you're gathering hope, it's patient.

    When you're gathering strength, it's quiet.

    When you're gathering resilience, it's unnoticeable.

    In the face of challenge and uncertainty,

    sometimes the best thing you can do right now is just hold on.

     

    xoxo

    • Like 6

  22. People in long term recovery- need advice

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

    Hi - I’m really in need of motivation from those who have been in long term sobriety from stimulant addiction. I had a year clean in 2017 after being in long term residential treatment. But since relapsing in 2018, I’ve really struggled getting back on track. I got 2 months clean this past fall, and then started thinking maybe I could take half a pill. Relapsed again, had to leave my sober living, and then here we go again.

    I identify with so many parts of your post, @Lizzyc. Sounds like this^^ is a great opportunity to go back and work step one: we admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable! what that means for me is that I can't pick up the first one. if you don't pick up, you can't get high.

     

    16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

    I’ve been to treatment a few times, also used to be very active in 12 step meetings, therapy, but can’t figure out why I want the drug so bad- even when my career and personal life have been on the line for years. 

    Speaking for myself: i want the drug even when my life is infinitely better when i'm sober because i'm an addict. it's just that simple! and when i'm not fully in the program, those cravings are pretty horrible. my suggestion would be to get out of your head. that's the only way I can escape myself and my cravings. whether this means spending time with friends, family, or going to a meeting -- not isolating is key.

    16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

    Things got better during the year I had in sobriety, but I still had thoughts of being able to take it again successfully “one day.”  

    Sounds like a reservation to me, which in my experience arises when I haven't worked a thorough first step. if I don't concede that I am truly powerless, I get wrapped up in the illusion that I can use successfully. 

    16 hours ago, Lizzyc said:

    I’m in the medical profession and have had thoughts of just leaving my profession, so I don’t “have” to remain abstinent. But I know deep down that’s crazy, and I really want a chance at freedom. I’ve had consequences, etc. I don’t know why it’s such a struggle for me. Anyone in long term sobriety, please...any advice or suggestions would help so much. Thank you!

    I'm in the medical profession too. If you continue to use, it is inevitable that you will lose everything you've worked so hard for. please don't beat yourself up for feeling these feelings or having these thoughts. adderall is powerful and addiction even more so. just reread that sentence again and again. you want to choose drugs over your life. you don't have to make any major decisions about your career, relationships, or life today -- just don't use a day at a time.

     

    I don't have long-term sobriety currently, but I have before. I relapsed and it was a fucking horror show. I'm here if you ever want to talk!

    • Like 3

  23. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 11/27/2019 at 0:13 PM, hyper_critical said:

    And see: this is the lie. It's very likely instead of being a drug-addicted doctor, you'll fail miserably and never reach your goals.

    It wouldn't be fair to sugar coat it to you. You're a junkie in the grips of addiction. All this talk about a difficult break up and demands of school...you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. It's going to get worse, never better. Don't believe me? Read the relapse posts on this forum. 

    If AA worked for you at one point but you feel like you can't be open about your struggles, find a new sponsor. I get along just fine in there. I don't make it a blanket recommendation on here to do 12 step: many people on these forums get and stay clean off Adderall without it. But many people also blame it for their inability to stay clean which is a joke. The vast majority of people on here I've come across who criticize 12 step end up having problems with other substances down the road, or end up relapsing on Adderall. The ones who don't need it and life is going well don't feel the need to criticize it.   

    Getting and staying off Adderall has to be priority #1. Hit me up in PM's if you want to talk more.

    Good luck. 

    @hyper_critical, is that hard for you, being in AA? I’m in AA and sometimes I really just need to let it all go in a share, but feel self-conscious like I’m an unwelcome guest. Would love to hear about your experience, this is a major issue for me rn. 

    • Like 2

  24. Drug-Addicted Future MD

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 11/27/2019 at 0:13 PM, hyper_critical said:

    And see: this is the lie. It's very likely instead of being a drug-addicted doctor, you'll fail miserably and never reach your goals.

    It wouldn't be fair to sugar coat it to you. You're a junkie in the grips of addiction. All this talk about a difficult break up and demands of school...you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. It's going to get worse, never better. Don't believe me? Read the relapse posts on this forum. 

    If AA worked for you at one point but you feel like you can't be open about your struggles, find a new sponsor. I get along just fine in there. I don't make it a blanket recommendation on here to do 12 step: many people on these forums get and stay clean off Adderall without it. But many people also blame it for their inability to stay clean which is a joke. The vast majority of people on here I've come across who criticize 12 step end up having problems with other substances down the road, or end up relapsing on Adderall. The ones who don't need it and life is going well don't feel the need to criticize it.   

    Getting and staying off Adderall has to be priority #1. Hit me up in PM's if you want to talk more.

    Good luck. 

    THIS. I could read it again and again!

  25. Unexpected Triggers and Coping

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    @m34 thank you for this! for me, the most difficult thing I do all day is wake up. Seriously. If i can get through the agony of showering, drinking coffee, dressing myself and getting to work, it’s usually easier for the rest of the day. Sounds like you got a lot done and reached your body’s natural (necessary) limit! Congratulations too on 11.5, that is amazing! I agree that this thing is best defeated with a community. Speaking for myself, I was definitely hooked on adderall, but I know my real problem is being an addict. Going to AA was the only thing that kept me sober, now i’m dragging my feet getting back into the rooms...this site helps a lot. I definitely can’t do it alone. 

    • Like 1
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