dolssa

@tjzen congrats on 7.5 months. that's huge. keep going. when I felt down when I was clean its no where near how im feeling now. keep pushing day by day. thank you for the encouraging response

@Krae19 thank you for leaving a response. congrats on over 100 days!!! I know that when I reach that milestone again I will be stronger than I was the first time. id do anything to do back and not relapse! again congrats, you are doing amazing. <3

@ALA looking back the year off was great comapred to where I am now. the first 6 months were tough but I started feeling my personality come back a bit. I relapsed when the pandemic eased and more work was thrown my way and also Adderall had always helped me socialize which I feel like the pandemic made me more introverted than I was before. I felt lonely and depressed and knew Adderall would get me out of bed. it did. obviously huge mistake. but thank you for responding and the encouraging words.

I can't wrap my head around how many people use this site and we are addicted to legal drugs given to children. I have been using Adderall my entire 20s.. I am 28. I was prescribed 20mg twice a day. and then 1mg Xanax to sleep at night. I quit Adderall for a year in 2020. relapsed and now on 40 mg of vyvanve. I never quit Xanax which I didn't even think I had a problem with because I was always thinking about Adderall not Xanax. but oh my god I had a rude awakening when I ran out and couldn't get my script. the withdrawals were insane. I didn't sleep for 4 days. mild psychosis. derealizion, scary stuff. so now I have two addictions. all because I told my doctor I had trouble concentrating. Im so angry. no better time than do start back at day 1 with the shortage. and I never thought id say this, but im more worried about coming off the Xanax. Im annoyed that my meds make me feel normal. they help me socialize. but they make me a zombie. I don't feel anything. im over it. im going to go cold turkey off stimulants and ween off my Xanax starting tomorrow. will update.

@GettingOffOfIt thank you that is good to know about the vyvance. I only recently switched because of the national Adderall shortage. (OMG) BLESSING also curse lol anyway I do plan on quitting. I'll look into the weaning with vyvance. thank you for the response.

Holy shit... the numbing of emotions is crazy. I didn't even realize that's is partly why I continue using. so thank you for saying this I needed to see it in words. I mean I knew intuitively that is what was going on but I just said nahh I'm fine. but to see someone else experience this also it is a wake up call. can I ask how you coped with this?? I think one of the main reasons I relapsed at a year was energy levels being low and just feeling sad. I guess therapy is the right answer lol

Hi I've been on and off this website for most my twenties. addicted for most of it. I managed to get clean for a little over a year and relapsed in 2021. I am now 27 and have been using ever since the relapse. (I take the prescribed amount 40mg vyvance) but I know its doing more harm than good. Im isolated, can't get out of bed without it, robotic. you guys know. anyway I spend a lot of time on Tiktok and does anyone ever see anyone else trying to get clean from like alcohol or other drugs, and they literally have to go through like A MONTH of withdrawal until they start feeling better?? god, I know all addiction is an illness but Adderall truly has to be the hardest to quit. maybe I'm biased, but because if you've read enough stories on here you know it takes about TWO YEARS to start feeling like yourself again and I am just SO JEALOUS of people who get their little 30 day chip at AA and say they feel better and can't believe how hard the month was.. A MONTH?!!!!! I tried this shit for YEAR and did not feel like I did before I started this devil pill. jealous isn't the right word. I'm not jealous of alcoholics or trying to minimize their struggles or suffering. It just makes it that much more discouraging. cause I quit once I know what it entails. I don't want to spend another year in my room unable to get out of bed. at least when I'm using I can experience a little life, even if its a roller coster. also ill just be scrolling Tiktok and a video glorifying Adderall comes up and It just makes my brain tell itself see its okay you can take it. whatever.

me too. been using every day for 6 months after a year and a half clean. day 1. im so done and starting to feel hopeless. you arent alone :/

Hi- just wanted to let you know i went though the exact same thing. I abused adderall for 8 years. i quit cold turkey for all of 2020 (the only plus of the pandemic was it took away the social pressure for me to finally quit). I experienced all things you mentioned here. I did get my personality back after 9 months. it was a long time coming. I ended up relapsing after a year and a half just to feel more productive and again i sacrificed my personality, opinions, mind. i would do anything to go back and not relapse. I think the key after being on this site is just TIME. this process takes forever and then some but your brain WILLL bounce back it just needs time to get there. you are not alone. i am back at day 1. ready to do this.

i just want to say i relate to this. the second i open my eyes and my mind starts racing its a constant battle of should i just take an adderall or not UGH

has anyone experienced dissociation and or derealization when quitting? I went a year without adderall, 2020 i was clean. then in the beginning of 2021 i relapsed and started using 50 mg Vyvance twice or three times a week. my roommate gives me a few from her script so its controlled. on the days i didnt take it i would stay in bed depressed / disassociating. on days i took it i would clean my apartment / hang out with friends / have energy it would snap me to the present moment and quiet my brain like its supposed to with people with ADHD. it made me forget why i quit. but then the come down hits and i cant stop disassociating. I dont know if its adderall related or a trauma response from other things im not facing. i know im on a slippery slope taking it a few times a week. my life is unbalanced / a rollercoaster of feeling okay, feeling great, feeling like shit. something that led me to relapse after a year was over stimulation. i would go out and be over stimulated by loud restaurants, too many people, crowds to the point of panic attacks, meltdowns. i never had this issue during my 5 years of taking adderall everyday. this and a few other things are leading me to seek an autism diagnosis. this is off topic i just wanted to include it to see if anyone else relates. anyway Ill end this with if you are clean for a year dont go back. i really fucked up by choosing to relapse. i dont see quitting in my future anymore no matter how unhappy i am. temporary artifical happiness is better than mind blowing depression and panic attacks from over stimulation. at least its controlled and i only get a few a week. anyone else disassociate alot ?

this gives me hope! may i ask how long youve been clean?

thank you for your post! it was so insightful and helpful. its wild that our addiction tricks us into thinking we wont be successful without it but really it just gives us a false sense of success because we equate productivity with success. i find it so interesting that all those good things happened to you after you got clean essentially when you got our of your own way. congrats on how far you come and thank you for this post i will be reading it often!

I think you should hold on. I am coming from a place where i had 14 months adderall free and i went back to help with accomplishing tasks and depression and now it is all i think about again. the depression when i dont take it is 10 times worse than when i was feeling a little low while sober. I wish i could go back in time and not relapse. its been 6 months now and i hate myself for quitting at over a year and giving in. I have seen people on here make HUGE progess in second year/third year. dont give up. dont be like me starting at day one. you got this.

I quit nov 19 2019. i relapsed this may and have been using 20 mg every day since. Im going clean again starting tomorrow and can not believe i have to go through this again. im so sick of this shit. I just came on here to say that if you made it to a year clean KEEP GOING i swear your addict brain is going to trick you into thinking you need it again, YOU DON'T.